Hey,

So there is a woman I’ve known for 2 years. We met at work, worked in the same department together, and seemed to get along really well. She’s one of those infectious characters, very pleasant company, always knows what to say and very sweet, funny, tad flirtatious at times. She is married, and just over 10 years older than myself (late 20s to her early 40s).

Our friendship never went outside of work until she added me on Facebook/Messenger. Even so it wasn’t until I left for another department after 6 months that we started talking regularly, virtually every day. First by work email, occasionally on Messenger. She left the company after a year but we continued to chat regularly, not daily but very often. She is very easy to talk to, easy to joke with and we have great banter, as well as the deeper talks, and have similar personalities. I’d say 75% of the conversations are initiated by her, which is incredibly flattering given how often we talk. Not even a topic necessarily, just a “how’s your day been?” We live in the same town, same neighbourhood actually, yet don’t often hang out in person unless with our old work group. During the time we worked together there was flirty banter, mutual but often on her part, which another colleague picked up on. She reigned it in after this and I doubt it was genuine, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find her attractive in a way. The chats have gradually become daily since the Xmas just gone and we’ve got closer as friends as the two years have gone on.

I might say she’s a character I will never figure out, almost a contradiction to herself sometimes. There are times where she can be blunt, almost uninterested. Sometimes she will initiate but it’s me making the effort to talk…which is odd, and the other 25% of talks I start… I often don’t get the same sort of responses from her. It’s as if she only wants to talk when “she” wants to talk, which can be infuriating, and almost makes me hesitant to initiate when I fancy a chat.

I suffer from depression, introverted and slightly shy. I’m a classic overthinker and probably pick up and over-analyse a lot of nuances. Over time a lot of friends have come and gone in my life and a handful of short-lasting relationships, and my nature is very self-deprecating. These are some of the many things I’ve opened up to her about. Through music/bands as a passion, College/Uni get togethers, and workplaces, I have acquaintances/friends I see, but not many close friends. The idea of having someone so keen on talking to me is strange…when she’s got a husband, mutual friends from work, her family and other friends from her hometown and former places of work. I can’t imagine she talks to all of them so regularly. I do wonder if her affection and willingness to talk to me so much is genuine or out of pity, given my quiet life and her knowing how I feel a lot of the time. I would find it hard to believe someone could pretend to like you to such an extent and I have to remember how I am. Maybe to have a younger male friend makes her feel good in a way? I don’t know.

We’d recently caught up twice in person and, continued to chat more or less daily…up until two weeks ago. It was her anniversary no less (wished her a happy one) and since then I haven’t heard from her at all. I’ve tried to speak to her twice in that time. I was virtually ignored the first time, and tried to arrange a get together a few days ago to which she said she would get back to me. There have been previous occasions where she’s gone quiet on me, not many. One of the occasions we started talking again, another she said was illness after I’d asked. I would be lying if on those occasions I didn’t wonder  if something was up or if I’d said/done something to offend her. I tell myself these occasions wouldn’t stand out if we didn’t chat so often, I also appreciate 2-3 weeks wouldn’t seem so long if we didn’t talk so much. If I had to say, based on what I know about her, I doubt there’s another man in her life that she talks to as much, except her husband. Maybe there’s a line she doesn’t want to cross? Or she’s got to a point where she decided she talks to me too much? Either way, to be cut off with no explanation and to be given the cold shoulder when I’ve tried to speak to her is pretty hurtful, especially when I’ve always had time for her many chats. As I’ve mentioned, I’m familiar with loosing contact with friends, but not so suddenly, and not with someone I seem to get along with so well.

What is the best way to go about it? I just want to ask why she’s gone quiet with me, maybe mention how often we usually chat. I’m positive I’ve not said anything to offend. Maybe I should wait a bit longer by which point I will be more certain she’s decided to stop talking to me.

Cheers