Husband who wont let go

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This topic has 8 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 9 months ago by Anonymous.

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February 19, 2019 at 7:35 am #280759

alibro991
Participant

Hello, I have written on this forum before but its been awhile so I cant find the stream. Anyway, I will try to summarize because I just don’t know how to handle this. I left my husband last year, but I moved back home because the kids school work and general everyday life was suffering. We did have shared custody, but he had the big house and I had a tiny apartment so the kids didn’t stay with me much. I started to rack up some debt. My sons teachers were emailing me my son was not turning in his homework. My husband and I were legally separated but with no talk of divorce. My parents and sisters were so upset I moved out. I felt pressure with all that and the kids that I moved back in the house to take care of everything. Plus I was broke. I still wanted a divorce and I continued to cheat with other men. I currently take care of the house, the kids, and my husband. I asked for an open marriage because I dont want to be with him, but we need to raise the kids together and we are both living in this house. I feel stuck but we are co-parenting fine, I just want to date other men and be free. I dont know what to do. My husband says I should leave because he has no where to go. I said I am not leaving again. Thanks for listening, I’m sure I left some stuff out. Its been going on for two years now.

alibro991

February 19, 2019 at 8:15 am #280771

mamaof2kids
Participant

How are your kids handling this situation? I guess my only concerned with your current situation is how the kids see your relationship and you dating other men. I am also divorced so I understand the hardship or having to move out and be sole provider in my household.

Is there any way you can move in with a family member till you can save up money and get on your feet?

February 19, 2019 at 8:23 am #280777

alibro991
Participant

My girl is 15 and my boy is 12. They are not aware that I am dating other men. Its not often, but I have been on dates with other men on the weekends. I know it seems logical for me to move in with my parents, but my mother is a literal nightmare. We dont get along and the last time I moved out my kids suffered too much with out me.

February 19, 2019 at 10:20 am #280841

Mark
Participant

alibro991,

Why can’t you two get a divorce?

This way you split your assets, sell the house and each of you can live in your own place that can accommodate your children.

Mark

February 19, 2019 at 11:10 am #280871

alibro991
Participant

Mark thanks for asking. My husband still loves me and as much cheating as I have done, he doesn’t want a divorce. He wont sell the house, which I need the money from the equity of the sale. He is hoping we will reconcile someday but right now I want to be single. Again, I moved out once and if I move again I want to be able to share full custody and you need money for a new life.

February 19, 2019 at 11:49 am #280893

Valora
Participant

alibro991,

It’s my impression that when you go through divorce proceedings, your husband would have no choice but to split assets. If he doesn’t want to sell the house, would he not have to pay you for half of it if it were acquired during your marriage? The only other problem is divorces are very expensive, and with having no money as it is, I can see how that would definitely make things difficult. Do you have any way to get enough money to be able to go through the proceedings?

February 19, 2019 at 12:43 pm #280915

alibro991
Participant

Valora,

We have been married 20 years and dated for 5 before that. It is very hard to pull that trigger on divorce. I am ready but my husband is not and all of the complex emotions that go with it. If I could just leave and buy a place I would, but I have alot of debt and as much as I want a divorce, I am afraid of the unknown.

alibro991

February 19, 2019 at 7:10 pm #280965

Valora
Participant

I can understand how it’d be hard to pull the trigger on divorce after 25 years. If you don’t divorce, though, what are your other options? You seem very ready to end the relationship. Is there a chance you and your husband could work on reestablishing your connection?

February 20, 2019 at 11:15 am #281033

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Allison:

Welcome back. If you want to read your previous threads click on your username and then click on Topics.

You are about 46 and you want to have fun. To have fun doesn’t mean that you have to have irresponsible fun, that you act like an irresponsible teenager.

You are a woman now, into your fifth decade. Yes, you can have fun but responsibly: shop for a good divorce attorney, get good legal help, initiate and proceed with a divorce. Gather your children and explain to them that you started divorce proceedings and that you are sorry, so very sorry for the emotional pain they already went through. Tell them that you will do all you can to let them know what is going on, keep them updated.

Then do what a responsible woman and mother needs to do: live separately from your husband (who lives where- determine through good legal help) and proceed.

anita
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