Dear Arhadna:

Let’s take one example that you gave, your friend at work showing to lunch late, you have only one hour for lunch break and she was okay eating alone. Yet Nishant told you that you were wrong leaving your friend behind to eat alone. Even after you explained to him the situation, “he was adamant that I was wrong and I shouldn’t have done that”.

Let’s say the issue of your 1 hour limit for lunch was not an issue, and let’s say the fact that she was late for lunch was not an issue. But “she was okay with having lunch alone”.

She was okay with having lunch alone but he was not okay with her having lunch alone. See the problem here? Let’s say you were to continue a friendship with him, maybe start a romantic relationship, maybe get married with him, and

-you are wearing a green shirt because it is okay with you to wear a green shirt- but it may not be okay with him, so you have to wear what he is  okay with.

-you spend time with friend X, you are okay with it, X is okay with it, but if Nishant is not okay with it.. why you must not spend time with X. You must spend time only with who Nishant is okay with, for as long as Nishant says it is okay.

-anything you do is okay as long as Nishant says it is okay. Can you  imagine having children with Nishant? They will not have the freedom to breathe, unless he says it is okay.

He is my-way-or-the-freeway kind of a guy (It is his way or he kicks you out of his life, isn’t he?

anita

Hi Arhadna,

I agree with Anita and Inky. This man is one who likes to have complete control, and you are someone that he has found he cannot completely control, so he no longer wants to be around you just like he doesn’t want to be around anyone else he can’t control. He HAS to be in control of the people in his life.

You were right to not let him control you. You did the right things here. This is a blessing for you to have gotten away from someone like this.  You formed an attachment when you two had gotten so close, and it will take some time and distance from him for that to dissolve and for you to feel more detached, but once you do, you will feel better and will likely see this for the blessing that it is. Good riddance!

Dear Aradhna:

You are welcome. It is a blessing to not have certain people in our personal lives. Especially when it comes to choosing a life partner- you want a person who will be a blessing not only to you but- if you plan to have a child or children with the person- better see to it that he will be a blessing (and not a curse) to your children as well!

anita