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How to let go when it never ended

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  • May 25, 2018 at 11:11 am #209381
    Mark
    Participant

    K,

    You are doing your boyfriend a disservice by not being fully present with him especially while thinking of someone else.  You are holding onto a fantasy of T.  You had sexual chemistry but little else except for projections of an ideal.

    How to get over him?  First make a conscious commitment to get over him and never be in contact with him.  Acknowledge that this is an idealization of who he is and did not really get to know him enough to see beyond this.

    How long have you had this current boyfriend?  If you truly respect him then let T go (in your head) or break up with him.

    If I was your boyfriend, I would not like it at all that I’m considered a placeholder for T and second best.

    Mark

    May 26, 2018 at 11:32 am #209555
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi K,

    Does the current boyfriend know you dated a professional athlete? That would be pretty intimidating (I would imagine). At any rate, don’t say that you’re thinking about him! Don’t zone out, either, when you are with your boyfriend. I know, it’s hard, the mind likes to wander where it will wander.

    Well, the athlete got traded. That’s it, then. If the love was real, he could theoretically reconnect with you when he turns thirty and is moving onto his second career. Or you could dump the boyfriend and follow the team around or be a sports fiancée in waiting.

    Just relish the memories. (Not on your dates, of course!)

    Best,

    Inky

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