Menu

How to embrace isolation

HomeForumsEmotional MasteryHow to embrace isolation

New Reply

This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 6 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #224211

    Sky
    Participant

    hello,

    I left a toxic and emotional/mentally abusive relationship some years ago. I am still recovering from this. I am not able to date or open up to trust anyone at that matter. Over these years, I have lost and removed friends/ family. Some displayed similar toxicity or wouldnt help support me in a time of recovery. I am a single parent who embarked in trying to achive my first degree. I attend a university, in a department where I am surrounded with people I cannot identify or connect with. I feel incredibly isolated in my educational and personal life. The program itself is incredibly difficult and balancing the stress and struggle of parenting and schoolwork load is also taking a toll on me. I constanly get anxiety attacks and it prevents me from sleeping. I maintain happy in front of my child and do all the parenting duties, I refuse to allow this to impact my child. I feel guilty I get so consumed with the academic work load I cannot enjoy time spending with my child. I feel so much anger, pain, and unhappiness inside. I know I am supposed to embrace this transition and transformational moment, but it’s really difficult to achieve that.

    #224257

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sky:

    From your previous thread in March this year, you wrote that you are involved in a master degree and working, having little financial support from the father of your child. Reading more about your anxiety and isolation, I wonder if you should put your studies on hold so that you can put more time parenting your child and working? These two tasks read a whole lot to me and I can't imagine doing all three.

    What do you think?

    anita

     

    #224353

    Sky
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    first I want to thank you for your time and thoughts. I appreciate that you help uplift those in need. Your truely inspiring.

    I have one year left in this program. I need to just push through. Being able to establish my career to the next level is crucial especially the fact I do not recieve financial support from my child father. In my field, having a master’s makes a large financial difference. The process of achieving it is incredibly exhausting and draining. Too many people told me I wouldnt be able to do it, let alone be accepted into this program.

    I am just trying to understand how to embrace the isolation in a positive manner. I do feel very loney at times. Over the few years I have removed toxic friendships and friends who became passive aggressive, making comments negatively towards my education or who I became after the break up. I have had some of these friends over 10 years. I understand that I have a very busy schedule and cannot make new friends or date in the time being. I just never realized how many unhealthy friendships/relationship I had around me. I read it is almost impossible to make friends after 30.

    #224371

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Sky,

    One aspect of your current situation is that it is temporary and you are going to finish your current educational process in a year’s time.

    You described anxiety attacks, guilt, anger, pain and unhappiness inside.

    One suggestion is to try and deal with just one situation at a time, to keep focussed on just the thing that you are doing in the best way that you can. Our external circumstances are as it is difficult to deal with. It is not fair to ourselves that we compound that by pressurizing ourselves with expectations that are unreasonable.

    About embracing isolation, we need to understand and accept that we are good and worthy as we are. Anytime we find ourself criticizing ourselves, we need to challenge that and replace it with thoughts that are nourishing.

    There is no hard and fast rule that making friends after 30 has to be difficult. When we love ourselves, when we understand and do what is best for ourselves, then people who are good for us and well suited to us are more likely to come to our lives.

    Take care

    #224373

    Prash
    Participant

    *Re-posted

    Dear Sky,

    One aspect of your current situation is that it is temporary and you are going to finish your current educational process in a year’s time.

    You described anxiety attacks, guilt, anger, pain and unhappiness inside.

    One suggestion is to try and deal with just one situation at a time, to keep focussed on just the thing that you are doing in the best way that you can. Our external circumstances are as it is difficult to deal with. It is not fair to ourselves that we compound that by pressurizing ourselves with expectations that are unreasonable.

    About embracing isolation, we need to understand and accept that we are good and worthy as we are. Anytime we find ourself criticizing ourselves, we need to challenge that and replace it with thoughts that are nourishing.

    There is no hard and fast rule that making friends after 30 has to be difficult. When we love ourselves, when we understand and do what is best for ourselves, then people who are good for us and well suited to us are more likely to come to our lives.

    Take care

    #224379

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sky:

    You are welcome.

    Congratulations for the following:

    * Ending “a toxic and emotional/mentally abusive relationship some years ago”.

    * “removing toxic friendships and friends who became passive aggressive” from your life more recently.

    * Aiming at not having your anxiety and distress harm your child (“I maintain happy in front of my child… I refuse to allow this to impact my child”

    *Proceeding with this “incredibly exhausting and draining” master program, one year left, so to advance your career and be able to provide for yourself and your child.

    Really, you are a hero, nothing less.

    As the social animals that we are (and a hero still is a social animal, like all humans), we need other people, we need to connect, to talk to someone who will listen attentively and respectfully, who cares, who wants the best for us, who is on our side. When we have this type of connection, our fears relax.

    I understand that you have a very busy schedule and that friendships are indeed more difficult to form than in adolescence and young adulthood. Therefore I suggest the following:

    – post here anytime, on your thread. Whenever I am at the computer, which has been daily for a few years so far, I will reply to you attentively and respectfully.

    – see if there are support groups, for single mothers perhaps, in your university/ community where you can attend in-person meetings, over coffee perhaps, and share and listen.

    anita

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.