Dear Sky:

From your previous thread in March this year, you wrote that you are involved in a master degree and working, having little financial support from the father of your child. Reading more about your anxiety and isolation, I wonder if you should put your studies on hold so that you can put more time parenting your child and working? These two tasks read a whole lot to me and I can’t imagine doing all three.

What do you think?

anita

Dear Sky,

One aspect of your current situation is that it is temporary and you are going to finish your current educational process in a year’s time.

You described anxiety attacks, guilt, anger, pain and unhappiness inside.

One suggestion is to try and deal with just one situation at a time, to keep focussed on just the thing that you are doing in the best way that you can. Our external circumstances are as it is difficult to deal with. It is not fair to ourselves that we compound that by pressurizing ourselves with expectations that are unreasonable.

About embracing isolation, we need to understand and accept that we are good and worthy as we are. Anytime we find ourself criticizing ourselves, we need to challenge that and replace it with thoughts that are nourishing.

There is no hard and fast rule that making friends after 30 has to be difficult. When we love ourselves, when we understand and do what is best for ourselves, then people who are good for us and well suited to us are more likely to come to our lives.

Take care

Dear Sky:

You are welcome.

Congratulations for the following:

* Ending “a toxic and emotional/mentally abusive relationship some years ago”.

* “removing toxic friendships and friends who became passive aggressive” from your life more recently.

* Aiming at not having your anxiety and distress harm your child (“I maintain happy in front of my child… I refuse to allow this to impact my child”

*Proceeding with this “incredibly exhausting and draining” master program, one year left, so to advance your career and be able to provide for yourself and your child.

Really, you are a hero, nothing less.

As the social animals that we are (and a hero still is a social animal, like all humans), we need other people, we need to connect, to talk to someone who will listen attentively and respectfully, who cares, who wants the best for us, who is on our side. When we have this type of connection, our fears relax.

I understand that you have a very busy schedule and that friendships are indeed more difficult to form than in adolescence and young adulthood. Therefore I suggest the following:

– post here anytime, on your thread. Whenever I am at the computer, which has been daily for a few years so far, I will reply to you attentively and respectfully.

– see if there are support groups, for single mothers perhaps, in your university/ community where you can attend in-person meetings, over coffee perhaps, and share and listen.

anita