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How to cope with Abusive Adult children

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  • January 7, 2019 at 7:28 pm #272945
    Mark
    Participant

    Anyone,

    Your parents raised your brother.  It is tragic that their son’s abusive behavior is directed toward them.  There is a saying, there are no victims, only volunteers.  Your parents are adults and have chosen to accept his behavior.  Unless your brother starts physically abusing them, then I don’t have any suggestions in changing their situation.  Of course, if you are going to try to convince anyone to change, it is not with your brother but with your parents.

    Mark

    January 8, 2019 at 5:55 am #272969
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Anyone,

    If he is abusive, it’s a good idea to call a social worker. Even a parish nurse from their current or old church. There are professionals who protect older people too from this kind of thing. I would also have neighbors visit them. A lot. Abuse thrives when no one’s looking. If your parents are visited (A LOT) your brother will know that other people care for and are looking out for them. Who knows? He may feel embarrassed that they don’t REALLY need him for rides to their appointments because there are truly many volunteers who would LOVE to schlep them around and take care of them. He may even move out one fine day, who knows?

    The other problem is your parents are “only” seventy, and they may not even realize they are old. They may truly think: “We can handle our son. We’re HELPING our son”.

    Also take just your mom away to be with you for a couple weeks. Call it a women’s retreat. Go wherever. She will get much needed relief from your brother, and your father can deal with him man to man maybe.

    Best,

    Inky

     

    January 8, 2019 at 12:56 pm #273209
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Anyone:

    Welcome back.

    You wrote that your brother verbally abuses his/ your parents with whom he lives, and that your father ignores his behavior, while your mother gets hurt deeply.

    4.5 years ago you wrote that your father shouts at your mother (“when he shouts at  mom  and dominates her, I can’t take it and freaks me out”).

    I wonder if currently your father still shouts at your mother while your brother verbally  abuses both?

    anita

    January 8, 2019 at 2:39 pm #273227
    Anyone
    Participant

    Thank you, Mark, Inky and Anita for your response. Much appreciated.


    @Anita     – Yes, my father used to do that and now his son is doing that, with both. Currently, my mother shouts back at my Dad and they both quarrel like cats and dogs. And another situation is where everyone of them is frustrated with each other.

    My brother often says that he wants to leave the city; I have tried to ask him to take the plunge (he wants to too, but he doesn’t take a decision) because when he is not around at home, the environment is peaceful and calm.

    Kind Regards

    January 8, 2019 at 2:47 pm #273231
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Anyone:

    You are welcome.

    I wish your uncle does leave the home of his parents and make a better  life for himself, not abusing anyone. And  I wish your father and  mother wouldn’t shout at each other and would  be kind instead.

    anita

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