Absolutely Anita, I don’t trust him. I don’t trust that he’s telling me the truth about the past. There is something that wants me to…. since he finally opened up about things I had no idea about. (I always thought he only told me about the first girl because I FOUND OUT) and it always was uneasy to me to sit and think that there could be others I really don’t have the perfect “situation/time/proof” for. So when he told me it also made me think wow ok so he would tell me things I didn’t even have a clue about. Something in me says…. why would he tell me about those 2 if I had no clue about those and there was more anyways….. like what would that accomplish? Setting us 50 steps back to just go back again later down the road. So something in me tells me he IS telling the truth, but then my anxiety kicks in.

Skmething you wrote yesterday stuck with me and it was “what did he do that is so bad that he wants to deal with this constant punishment” and it made me automatically think he has cheated. Especially with how his confession went to me. Short story: the girl he had sex with he claimed was the day before a certain event we broke up after the event that night but the day before we were together… so he told me it was when we were together he guesses (because I explained to him the dates) and then 12 hours later he’s like wait… it wasn’t then it was 2 months prior to that day when XYZ happened and then the story made more sense… but I always come back to him and say… how could you tell me you cheated and then realize you dxint… wouldn’t you have been realizing that everyday…. his response I knew I didn’t. I really knew I didn’t. When I was with you I was never put with anyone I was happy yeah I had thoughts maybe I want to be single but I never ever wanted to cheat I would never even go out without you. Still I’m not understanding how you can TYPE and say I guess I am technically a cheater since we broke up the next day to then… wait what it wasn’t even that day. Side note: I messaged the girl on his phone to find out what day it was and she said syllabus week aka the first week of school aka yes it was August not November.

Then Anita, for you I asked him what you wanted to know. I asked him… why do you put up with me? Why are you an innocent man constantly putting up with being labeled as a cheater if that’s not what you are? You don’t deserve to be questioned constantly if you’re being honest? Why don’t you leave me. And his response: I deserve it. I lied for a long time. I involved 3 girls in our breakup. I lied to your face. I know we havw trust issues right now because of it and I know that eventually when time passes these questions will stop but until then I’m ok with them. They don’t bother me because I know I didn’t cheat. I love you and that’s why I stay. And I know I caused all of this but I promise I am not a xheater. Ultimately contradicting to what you said… he feels that what he did is REALLY BAD. Which I mean to plenty of people involving girls just 1-2 days after a break up 3 times is hurtful… and lying about it for so long makes it 10 times worse & he sees what it’s done to me. He also keeps bringing up that he wouldn’t lie in front of my mom that is so messed up and he told me because he wanted to start fresh and what would be the reason if he was going to still be lying. For that he would’ve just kept those other things. But something else tells me…. why not distract me with the girls when we weren’t together and leave out the one when we WERE together (if there is one)…. but then again, at first he did actually say I technically did cheat if you’re saying we were together that night so if he admitted that (before realizing it wasn’t in October) he would’ve just come forward if he cheated with someone else. I think? I really don’t Know.

Anita,

I agree it is not healthy to be in a relationship with someone you don’t trust. But I have seen many times couple rebuild that trust and be stronger than before. I also am only having a hard time with this because I don’t think my boyfriend is doing anything now, I don’t think he’s trying to be sneaky, I don’t look at this phone, I don’t read anything of his, if he tells me he’s going somewhere I believe it. My trust issues are simply from the past. I don’t believe he WAS where he said he WAS in situations 1-2 years ago… I don’t believe he didn’t hook up with that girl he ONCE texted hey to, all my trust issues are stemming from what you can I guess call it “our previous relationship”.

I know you probably think I had trust issues prior to all of this and him but I’m really trying to think of examples that showed I did but I really can’t. I remember when we first got together we were in different cities…. I would go to sleep fine every night I wouldnt stress what he was doing whatsoever if he was being honest if he was with another girl. I would never look at his phone when he came to visit me. And even until all this happened… before I found out about the 1st girl… he would go out without me I would drop him off at places I didn’t care one bit I knew that guy was in love with me. And I think I took advantage and thought he would never do anything so I was rude and I broke up with him for no reason that first time and look what he did, he showed me he wasn’t as “good as a boy” I thought he was. And then the lies began and everything for an entire YEAR was lies lies and more lies. Now and for the past 11 months, is where I feel confident that he’s not going to beeak up with me randomly, and he’s not going to involve any girls. I know he’s not. But that entire year is such a LIE To me that I’m obsessed with finding out more and more.

I actually found an email he sent me while we were broken up and I’m going to copy and paste it so you can read some direct words from him:

I know this is hard and disgusting but I want you to know the reason I did these things is cause I didn’t care.. I thought I was untouchable and I was so cool and could get away with whatever I wanted. I’ve told you EVERYTHING and I’ve been working on this whole lying shit, there’s nothing more for you to find out, Like you know everything now. I haven’t done anything like that again since agustina and I never will again and I promise to be a better person cause you’re the girl I want to marry and spend my life with forever. You didn’t do any of this and the worst part was the constant lying and me saying youre crazy when in reality I’m the psycho here who should be on the meds. I’m sorry seriously but every since spring I just have been feeling very different as a person and the only thing i just couldn’t figure out how to tell you and hurt you again after melodie since I saw what it did to you. I was scared and a coward or pussy whatever you want to call it. This will never happen again and I just want to start over completely with you. I have no more lies and I feel relieved finally to tell you this even though I know it hurts a lot. I need you and I know you don’t need me at all, but I want to work it out. I haven’t loved you like I have since probably my birthday around that time. I feel different about you now and I would never CHEAT. Once again, If I’m with you and were happy, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror knowing I did what my dad did to my mom. This probably sounds like bs to you but whatever. I love you hope you can forgive me.