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Forcing in relationships

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  • #282161
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Frances:

    Like everyone, or almost everyone I am aware of how harmful it is to smoke and to inhale smoke, second hand smoke. My father’s wife (not my mother) died from second hand smoke: my father smoked a lot, died of cancer, smoking while very sick. His wife died shortly after from lung cancer. She never smoked! She has been exposed to his second hand smoke for two decades before she became sick and died shortly after.

    I don’t think you can “force (your boyfriend) to quit”, anymore than disease and threatening death in his last days forced my father to quit smoking.

    In addition to knowing the physical damage smoke causes, I can’t stand cigarette smoke, it bothers me a lot.

    No doubt that you should not be in a room with anyone who smokes. If you are to date or live with a man who smokes, he has to smoke outside, never in the home, not in the room you are in and not anywhere else in the house. Always outside, outdoors or in an outside structure where only he visits.

    Basically, either he never smokes in a closed space with you or you break up. What about the option of him always smoking outside?

    anita

     

    #282233
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Frances,

    I used to smoke, and if I started vaping for someone instead, that would have been a HUGE compromise! I honestly don’t know a lot about vaping. Can you suffer from second hand smoke from vaping, or is it more that it’s a super bad habit that bothers you?

    How I quit smoking was from JUICING! I didn’t juice to break an addiction, I did it because I wanted to eat healthier. But what happened, as you can imagine, is that the more cleansed I got, the more I couldn’t even look at a cigarette! Maybe give him a juice every time he comes over? Go for a walk. Leave happy hippy dippy health books lying around. Worked for me by accident!

    Best,

    Inky

    #282291
    Mark
    Participant

    Frances,

    There are certain absolutes I have in my criteria for relationships (including friendships).  One of that is that they cannot smoke.  See the CDC’s website for the health dangers of second hand smoke.

    https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact_sheets/secondhand_smoke/health_effects/index.htm

    And even third hand smoke is unhealthy:

    https://health.clevelandclinic.org/5-things-you-should-know-about-the-risks-of-thirdhand-smoke/

    For me, vaping is smoking.  Check out the health issues from that:

    Is Vaping Dangerous? What the Science Shows

    I agree with anita.  You cannot “force” your boyfriend to quit.  Accept that your boyfriend will not quit and make your decision to leave (or stay) based on that.

    Mark

     

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