Please don’t disappear again, Tee. If there is any way I can help you, in a way I wasn’t able or willing to help you before- please let me know. Don’t go back to Isolation and Depression. I care about you, Tee (previously TeaK.. remember?)

anita

Dear Tee:

I understand that you cannot become a regular contributor here, like you used to be. I understand and I appreciate why you returned. I am glad that you are alive and that you care. Your return is greatly appreciated. I wish you the best, Tee.

anita

Dear Anita,

I wish I could be more than I was, so to be there for you the way you needed someone to be there for you.

you are absolutely enough! <3 You don’t need to be more or give more than you’re already giving. Luckily, I wasn’t all alone in my pain. My husband was there with me, supporting me, both physically and emotionally. I couldn’t have done it alone. So don’t worry, I didn’t suffer all by myself, even though I wasn’t present on the forums.

You’re doing a great service to so many people, so please don’t feel bad about “not being enough”!

Dear Anita,

you’re very welcome!

Ibuprofen and other NSAIDs can be a temporary solution, but as far as I know, they’re not recommended to use on a daily basis, because they can have side effects, such as kidney damage and heart problems. Better solution would be to do physical therapy to strengthen the muscles and relieve the joint. But of course, if you only have occasional pain, be it in the knee or anywhere else in the body, using pain killers is fine.

Dear Anita,

Well, every solution is a temporary solution, isn’t it Tee?

I was referring to a regular, daily use of a drug, which can be detrimental. That’s why it is recommended to use only temporary. Not sure why the need for relativization?

I’m sorry, but I don’t feel that the discussion about my chronic pain or ways to treat it is relevant or helpful, specially not here, on SereneWolf’s thread. I would like to return the thread to him, if that’s okay with you, in hope that he will see it and reply in due time.

Dear SereneWolf,

wow, wow, wow, what a nice surprise! 🙂 I’m really happy to hear from you!

Sorry to hear you lost your job though 🙁 I know you were really happy about it and proud of yourself. And you did deserve it! But it seems the IT sector is nowadays hit hard by the developments in AI. And you say Trump policies as well – has he imposed tariffs on Indian IT goods as well? Or you’re feeling it more indirectly?

I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself and exercising regularly. But it must be hard to financially support your family, even when you don’t have a job. I understand you didn’t want to tell them, and that’s why you need keep paying up. Do you think they’d judge you a lot if they knew you lost your job? Or they’d expect you to find another job ASAP and be “less picky”?

And yeah, I can imagine that the fact they take your support for granted hurts the most. That’s a cultural thing and I guess it’s pretty hard to be born in such a culture 🙁

I’m glad you’re managing to rent your own flat and not live with your parents. Because yeah, I know the type of mental exhaustion that goes with that… BTW is your father’s health better now? Last time we spoke you said your grandfather was ill too. How is he now?

I’m also happy you have supporting people in your life as well. That’s super important!

And so you’re starting another round of travels this Thursday, right? How was the last round of travels? Have you met anyone interesting? 😉

I myself am kind of better, not necessarily physically better, but rather, having more mental resilience, I guess. I’m learning to hope, to think more positively, to not fall into depression when things get physically tough. And they do, but then they get better, and it’s a roller-coaster. But mentally/emotionally I can regulate myself better. So I guess that’s an achievement. I feel more stable now.

Today is the first day of my holidays, and I’m looking forward to do some swimming (which should do me good health-wise too). As far as bigger, career-wise projects, they’re still “in the making”. But I don’t feel they’re impossible any more. Still, more focused action is needed if I want to make things happen. So yeah, that’s the next big step for me…

I wish you all the best on your next round of travels! And yes, to keep putting one foot in front of the other, never losing hope, never giving up on your dreams…

Hi SereneWolf,

my condolences about your grandfather 🙁

How is your father doing? What are the doctors saying (if you don’t mind me asking)?

Yes, both. The job market is quite tough right now. But you know I’m pretty resilient, so I’m trying to network and apply for the roles I like, mostly remote ones.

Yes, it’s hard, but I’m trying not to overthink it so I can focus better on applications with a more relaxed mindset.

Cool! I’m glad you have a positive outlook and aren’t panicking but are sending applications for the type of positions you like the best. I wish you luck!

And yes, they would definitely judge me, on top of the stress of being the only breadwinner not earning now.

Isn’t your father still working? Or if not, isn’t he receiving retirement? I’m a little confused as to you being the only breadwinner?

Yes, it’s been a week since I moved into a new place. It’s really peaceful here, and since it’s a small city it’s not expensive. I’m also cooking my own meals, which is soothing for me.. It helps me put more time into being productive.

Oh that’s awesome! I know you enjoy cooking (and listening to music/dancing while at it 🙂 ) So it’s a triple win: helps you stay on a budget, eat healthily, and helps you relax too 🙂

As for meeting people haha, I didn’t really approach much. Maybe because unemployment knocked my confidence a bit. Like, if someone asked me what I do, I’d have to say I’m not working…

You can say you’ve lost your job because of Trump’s tariffs and AI 😀 But that you’re actively looking for a job at the moment. I don’t think there’s anything embarrassing about that. If the girl has some flexibility, she’ll understand…

I did meet a Greek woman online though she had such an impressive personality. She built a successful business without her parents. We had some great conversations for a few days, but then she stopped responding, so I assumed she wasn’t interested anymore. I do miss her sometimes, but oh well…

Sorry she ghosted you like that 🙁 But I know you’re not too attached to finding someone, and that’s a good thing, specially in cases like this, when the person just stops responding. Who knows what was in her head… but anyway, good that it doesn’t affect you too much…

Yes, even being in a better mental space helps a lot, so that’s definitely an achievement. What kind of habits are you trying to build physical or mental that you think could help even more?

Yes, being in a better mental space is a huge help. I’m practicing that with regard to my health, where I keep reminding myself that the glass is half full, i.e. choosing not to focus on losses and limitations. With regard to career, I need to think less and do more. As a famous add said “Just do it!”. That’s what I need more of – just do it, don’t overthink it. 🙂

You just gave evidence of how much more resilient you’ve become. I’m really happy to see that you don’t feel things are impossible anymore and that you’re hopeful.

Thank you! Yes, adopting a more positive and hopeful mindset was a life-saver, because when faced with chronic health issues, it’s hard not to get depressed. But that’s a road to nowhere. The only way is to remain hopeful and try to make the best out of the situation.

Also, I decided to focus on improving the parts of my life that I am able to improve (such as my career), and not obsess about the things I cannot change, such as my health. So that’s a version on the Serenity prayer: focus on improving what I can change, stop focusing and complaining about the things I cannot change.

and I was taking swimming classes too.. it was so much fun!

Cool! I’m happy for you!

Hi SereneWolf,

How have you been?

ehh, I’ve been better… it’s my health again, same things coming up again. I really need to force myself to follow my own advice: not to focus on the things I cannot change, but on that which I can.

It’s so easy to focus on the negative when the pain is physical. It’s hard not to think about it… but I guess I have to, I have to shift my attention from that pain (and the entire narrative that it evokes) to something constructive, where I can actually change things, where I don’t need to feel stuck. So that’s been my battle, and I still haven’t won it 🙁

My father is doing okay, though we’ve been changing hospitals now and then because sometimes his coughing gets worse. He has TB, but it’s now just a six-month prevention course of doses.

Oh wow, I’m sorry your dad has TB. I’ve just looked it up – it says it’s important to exterminate the bacteria fully, so that it doesn’t become resistant to antibiotics. I guess that’s why he needs to take the antibiotics over the period of 6 months?

Recently, I’ve been feeling that old sense of losing self-worth without a job. It’s been so many months and there’s still no progress, so many applications, no replies. The stress and self-doubt I was fearing before is starting to build again. On top of that, the financial pressure from hospital bills, family stress, and the loneliness… even though I had good savings, it’s wearing me down.

I’m so sorry, SereneWolf. It sounds tough… I’m honestly impressed that you, even though unemployed, are still able to cover all the medical bills for your father and to support yourself as well. It shows you were very smart, having some savings set aside, because God knows, you need it now.

I do hope you’ll find a suitable job ASAP. Please try not to lose self-confidence, because you’re a very capable young man. The current situation, with you supporting your family even without being employed – speaks to that. I like what you said here:

I also know deep down that no matter what, I’ll figure things out if I just get the opportunity.

Yes, definitely! You’re very capable and you’ll figure things out. Just don’t start doubting yourself!

No, my father isn’t working, and there’s no retirement either since he was in the family business.

Oh that’s bad. So he was working for himself and wasn’t paying anything towards his retirement? And hasn’t set anything aside, as a savings fund?

I’ve been feeling that old sense of losing self-worth without a job.

I hear you, because I know it very well when the old narrative starts creeping in. Mine is the narrative of hopelessness, yours is of no self-worth. Worthlessness. But it’s such a huge, monumental lie, SereneWolf. It’s the old program creeping in, but you know how to switch it off. You can repeat to yourself something like: “I am worthy always, even when I don’t have a job”.

You’ve been raised with the narrative that your worth is measured by how much money you make, right? By how financially successful you are… and that’s such a cruel stance.

Something’s just occurred to me: it could be that parents were saying this to their children, because they expected to be taken care of in their old age. If the children aren’t successful, the parents won’t be able to be taken care of properly. So perhaps this entire culture of measuring the child’s worth through the lens of material success is based on this, rather, selfish premise? Of worrying about their own old age and trying to ensure they’d be properly taken care of?

I don’t want to speak badly of your parents, but perhaps the culture in India is a bit cruel towards children in general, and so you were raised in such a culture, and it’s very hard to extricate yourself from its conditioning?

Still, I do hope you find a job soon, and something you like as well. Are you still looking for remote positions exclusively?

Cooking is honestly the only thing keeping me sane right now. I’m trying to entertain myself, but I rarely find anything that really clicks.

Good that you have something to keep your spirits high. What about bike riding and other activities that you said you love?

I hope your situation changes soon… but you know, perhaps what should change first is the inner “situation”, i.e. your self-image, where you’re telling yourself that you’re worthless without a job. If that’s what you’re telling yourself, or are tempted to tell yourself, please change it. Please rewrite this false narrative. And then perhaps, even your outer situation will change all of a sudden…

Wishing you luck and rooting for you, SereneWolf!