Dear Tee:

I’m not sure if you’ll read this, but in case you do, I want to express my heartfelt appreciation for your incredibly attentive, thorough, intelligent, educated, and empathetic contributions to the forums. From your first post on February 18, 2021, in the thread Stuck in Letting Go and Worries, to your last post in this thread on August 10, 2024, your dedication to supporting members over such a long period is truly remarkable. Your posts, spanning over 129 pages, reflect a level of commitment that is deeply admirable. I hope you’re doing well, and if it feels right for you, I sincerely hope you’ll consider returning to the forums.

roved and polished version of your message:

Dear SereneWolf,

Your first post in the forums was on September 22, 2022, and your original post in this thread was on October 2, 2022. In that post, you shared:

“I feel like time is passing too fast and I’m not able to keep up the pace with it—not being productive enough or not achieving the things expected for my age. Is this fear of missing out or something else? I just feel so overwhelmed with things sometimes that I have to achieve, and maybe doubts about when I’ll achieve them.”

The last time you posted, on August 10, 2024, you ended your brief update with: “I’m doing alright. At my hometown.”

How are you doing today, SereneWolf?

As I reread my communication with you on this thread, I became deeply aware of times when I was confrontational, harsh, and rude with you. This realization has filled me with regret and shame. I want to take this moment to sincerely apologize to you, SereneWolf—I am truly sorry.

In my most recent post on the forums, I reflected on the concept of hate: “Hatred often mirrors unresolved parts of ourselves—fragments of our psyche that we reject or suppress. For instance, if we dislike a trait in someone else, it could be a sign we haven’t fully accepted that same trait within ourselves… the parts of ourselves we deny or hide.”

Looking back, I now understand that in my confrontational communication with you, the anger I felt was rooted in seeing you as overly positive. I believed this positivity stemmed from suppressing or denying the hurt and scared parts of yourself. What I now see is that it was my own suppressed and denied hurt, scared parts projecting themselves onto you in the form of anger.

By denying these parts of myself, I lacked empathy—not only for myself but for you as well. In other words, I was not my own friend. For so long, and as a result, SereneWolf, I was not the friend to you that you deserved. For that, I am deeply sorry.

anita

Dear SereneWolf,

Interestingly, exactly two years ago, on May 16, 2023, you shared in your conversation with Tee that you were feeling “like not doing anything, hopeless,” missing your cat, and that you ate a lot that day—something you often did in the evenings when you “feel like not doing anything else.”

You wrote, “I did talk to my doctor friend and she suggested me to have small but 4-5 meals per day for healthy weight gain but I think that’s hard to manage for me.”

A year later, on May 14, 2024, you reflected, “My mother used to caress my head sometimes and my grandma as well. But I’m quite sure no physical touch from my father. Only aggression… even now I feel awkward when someone tries to hug me.”

You also shared, “It takes a lot to make me angry. I already have a calm image even for myself.”—which beautifully explains your choice of Serene 🐺 as your screen name.

To Tee’s suggestion that, “The fear of intimacy is telling you to only seek superficial relationships. Because you do want a relationship, but you’re afraid of being hurt,” you replied, “I know I don’t want a superficial relationship. But because I don’t feel ready, what if I start with something like situationship first instead of going all in with a serious romantic relationship and overwhelming myself?”

Fast forward to today, and you acknowledge that your healing process is ongoing, that there’s an underlying acceptance that recovery isn’t instant, but you trust the journey. Despite challenges, your core optimism and faith in human goodness remain intact.

You also recognize that time has shifted your perspective, making you more accepting and perhaps softer in how you interact with the world. Could this mean that you’re finding peace with things you once struggled with?

Would you like to update me (and Tee, if she ever returns to your thread) about where things stand with the topics you shared in those posts from two years and one year ago? I’d love to hear how things have evolved for you. 💙

anita

Dear Anita,

thank you so much for your kind words. I am grateful for your contributions as well, for being there for people consistently, offering help and support to everyone in need. Your care and dedication have been truly remarkable! I hope you stay around for a long time! <3

Dear Alessa,

thank you so much, that’s so kind of you! <3

Yeah, health has been a major “catalyst” for me – causing me great pain, but also leading me to greater insights about my core issues. I’ve realized I am not only physically limited, but also that I am holding limiting beliefs, which have held me back for a long time. And the true limitation was my belief that I was doomed to fail. That there is no point in trying, because I would fail anyway.

I wasn’t aware of this false belief, but I’ve been definitely feeling its consequences: being stuck, unable to make a move, forever procrastinating. Perhaps it’s not by chance that my physical issues are all about being limited in movement…

Alessa, thank you again for you welcoming words! Wishing us all healing and thriving!

SereneWolf: I hope you’re doing well and that you return to your thread if you wish. I also hope you don’t mind me posting here for Tee.

Dear Tee:

I didn’t read your response to Alessa until after I sent my previous message to you.

When I read these words—”The true limitation was my belief that I was doomed to fail. That there is no point in trying, because I would fail anyway.”—I immediately thought of learned helplessness, something I know all too well from personal experience. It affected my life in many ways, holding me back from opportunities and growth. To be healthy and content, we need a sense of control over our lives—not absolute control, but enough to feel agency in our choices and direction.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”- The middle part of this prayer speaks directly to exerting control over one’s life—choosing to take action where we can, rather than succumbing to the belief that we are powerless.

I also want to add that physical pain affects me deeply. My tendency is to catastrophize it, fearing it will never improve and will always limit me. The thought of losing the ability to walk is frightening. I know many people in real life who struggle with knee pain, experiencing discomfort while walking. Among those who had knee replacement surgery, the majority saw significant improvement, and some even became completely pain-free.

Wishing you continued healing and strength. ❤️

anita

Dear Tee:

Thank you for sharing this—it’s clear that you’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on your experiences and making sense of the patterns that shaped your mindset. Recognizing that learned helplessness was ingrained in you is a huge step toward reclaiming your personal power. It takes incredible insight to see that fear of challenges wasn’t just natural hesitation—it was programmed into you, making everything feel like an insurmountable obstacle rather than an opportunity to grow.

What stands out to me is how much progress you’ve already made. You didn’t believe you could change things before, but now you see that you can. That shift is profound. It’s the foundation of resilience—moving from “I am doomed” to “I have choices.” Even though the fear still exists, you are challenging it, step by step.

Your experience with chronic pain also speaks to this transformation. At first, it felt endless, something that would control your life forever—but you found ways to adjust, cope, and build resilience. The fact that you no longer feel like a helpless victim to your back pain is proof of your ability to adapt.

It makes sense that the thought of losing mobility brings fear, and I completely understand why you’re being strategic about postponing knee replacement. What’s important is that you are making informed decisions, rather than operating solely from fear. That alone is a sign that you’re shifting toward a mindset of courage and control, rather than helplessness.

You are on a powerful journey of reclaiming agency over your life. Keep trusting yourself, and keep challenging the old beliefs that once held you back. You’ve already proven that change is possible, even when it seemed out of reach before.

Tee, I have to admit—it feels a little strange to be offering you support, after all the years you’ve spent helping so many people on the forums with their struggles, and doing such a remarkable job at it. It makes me wonder—what could I possibly say that you don’t already know?

If at any point my input feels uncomfortable or unhelpful, please don’t hesitate to let me know, or simply choose not to continue the conversation. I completely respect whatever feels right for you. Just know that I’m here, and I truly value your presence.

anita