Feeling of abandonment when boyfriend is traveling for work

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This topic has 18 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 8 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.

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April 21, 2021 at 4:42 am #378214

Namaste
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It’s correct that I stayed too long in a marriage that hurt my emotional well-being. At the time I believed I was being true to my wedding vows and I kept telling myself things would get better. It’s also correct that I do not want to repeat this same mistake. I’m now trying to have healthy boundaries and acknowledge that it’s OK for me to have things I want and need. I don’t see how this translates to demanding and needy with my boyfriend.

How do I heal childhood wounds of abandonment? Thanks for your time.

April 21, 2021 at 7:11 am #378224

Tee
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Dear Namaste,

I’m now trying to have healthy boundaries and acknowledge that it’s OK for me to have things I want and need. I don’t see how this translates to demanding and needy with my boyfriend.

Your boyfriend seems to be in a difficult spot, because he has to care about his sick son (could you say a bit more about his son’s illness?). You said he intends (or intended) to move back to you, but “he already missed his first deadline and now in addition to sadness/grief, I feel anger/resentment and loss of trust”.

So he’s delayed his return and you feel abandoned and betrayed. He on the other hand says “he just needs a little more time to help his son and then he can move back”. But you feel it’s lasted for too long (1,5 years) and it will likely never end since his son has serious issues.

Could you tell me a bit more about how much time per day he spends on his son? And when he’s not caring for his son, does he talk only about him, i.e. is he completely preoccupied with his son’s condition to the point that he cannot give proper attention to you? Is his son the only topic of discussion and interest for him, and that’s why you feel neglected?

August 9, 2024 at 1:10 pm #436010

bby1212
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I resonate with this thread/original post SO much. Similar childhood issues, partner has been traveling for the last 2-3 years I’ve known him. Curious how it all turned out for you.

I’m in a similar situation now, we were together living together total 4 years, I broke it off in the spring due to a SLEW of issues mostly caused by him traveling so much, so sporadically, and for so long. (last year the worst was we just moved into a new apartment, he was gone for 2 weeks, home a week, gone another 4 weeks, then gone from August to December.. missing my birthday etc.)

The connection, our foundation suffered. We’ve reconnected in the last few months but its going slowly and he will be gone again for a month at a time. I feel myself resisting and bringing up old patterns. at the end of the day it feels unfair that someone would choose to be gone from their partner for so long without any type of reconsidering their job.

Not sure if anyone has insight on how to tackle this. Maybe we’re just too different in this way. I’m already feeling anxious feelings come up at the idea of him leaving again and this time we aren’t even “officially” together again. We’re living separate now. Maybe its just done.

August 10, 2024 at 9:08 am #436041

anita
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Dear bby1212:

His heavy- duty travelling lifestyle does not fit with what you need: a partner who is there with you, regularly, reliably.

“at the end of the day it feels unfair that someone would choose to be gone from their partner for so long without any type of reconsidering their job“- his priority is to continue his job and travelling, not how you feel about it. And by itself, it’s his right to prioritize his job over a relationship. It’s your right to accept or reject being in a relationship with him.

“I broke it off in the spring due to a SLEW of issues mostly caused by him traveling so much, so sporadically, and for so long“- would you like to elaborate on the slew of issues?

anita
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