April 27, 2020 at 11:24 am #351700
Hi All, I have joined recently. I am not sure if I am doing this right but here goes nothing.
I am just a woman trying to survive her early twenties. I am mentally tired and drained. I know I should not compare myself with others. I know others are dealing it worst than me. Its been really hard especially during this Covid-19 situation. I have been working overseas, away from my family. My work life has been giving me panic attack weekly and worst now as we are all working from home. It gives me anxiety attack at night and panic attack early in the morning and because of that I cannot fall asleep, I can’t function properly, I have no appetite to eat. I tend to forget I need food until after working hours. I guess the reason why I am so tense during working hours is because I am really afraid of making silly mistakes. I know the politics in office is quite bad, and typing it now is giving me heart palpitation.
I have gotten hate speech from my colleagues and it sincerely scares me a lot. My anxiety will never let me let go of this even though I could act like I am okay with everything but deep down, it gives me anxiety attack daily. My boss is nice, he has been giving me new task as I think he trust my potential but I am so scared to disappoint him.
I am really lucky to have a boyfriend who is there for me but I feel really bad for him. I do not want to drain his energy. As we are currently dealing with long distance relationship and due to this lockdown situation, we are not able to meet on the day we have set. It kinda did make me die a lil deep down but I do not want him to see me in a light where, his girlfriend is so mentally tiring for him to deal with. I thank him every single night because he is there for me and not tired of me not being able sleep or eat properly.
Recently, I have called the helpline. I needed help as I could not take it any longer but I wish to stay alive but I am too tired to continue. I am staying with my relatives during this period of time, and they often pushed me out to get groceries, they violate my privacy. I have no time or space on my own, i work 8-5.30 on weekdays but I will need to get groceries for them after work. And I will need to get my own food for myself as I am not allowed to cook there but thats okay, i am okay with being independent but i am tired. I am always willing to help but there are days where I cannot even bring myself to do simple things and its hard for me.
I just want to let things out from my chest. Thank You for reading.
I hope everyone of you stay safe and stay healthy.