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Dealing with my not so famous dream

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #66276
    Alpal
    Participant

    Hello all , I haven’t been on here for a while but I needed to let some stuff out and get some opinions about a certain thing that I have been going through lately . About a month ago I got married and I have never been happier in my life, but as a child and till this day my dream has always been to be a housewife. Not because I think I am any less than my husband, nor because I am lazy and do not want to finish my bachelors , but because it has always , always been my dream. But before I got married my dad made me promise him that I would finish my bachelors even if I got married and at the time all I could think about was being with the one I loved so I promised him , yet now I do not want to go back to school at all and he really wants me to and it seems as if if I do not continue he would be very hurt and feel betrayed, in my country you have to have a BIG name and a BIG job to really be somebody but in my opinion YOU are who decides who you are and how valuable you are , not others, but in my dad’s eyes he cannot be proud of me unless I am a doctor or engineer . I finished a two year college that will get me a job if worse comes to worse and do have the gpa to continue, but I want to be home and take care of my house and of my husband with all of my heart and soul , and I personally cannot carry both school and give my husband and home my all. Now I know that this dream is not popular anymore and I have absolutely NO ONE to talk to this about except my mother and my husband who support this idea, yet everyone else in my life from my family to my friends are nagging me to finish and will not listen at all to what I have to say about it, I get into fights constantly with people who are close to me due to this problem and even my husbands family do not agree with me stopping with the diploma. I believe that you study to get a job to get money to be happy, but right now I am already happy and feel satisfied and to be honest , school has always been something I hated because I had a lot of issues with my father about it and I was bullied almost my entire life so school has always been a negative thing to me. Even though that is a BIG reason why I do not want to go back , the main reason is because of how happy I am right now in my little nest.
    The question I have for you guys is
    a) How do you deal with having an unpopular dream that everyone tries to fight with you about
    b) How can I stay happy and not upset my father (whom I cannot really have a heart to heart talk about my happiness )
    Thank you:)

    #66278
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Alpal,

    I’m a “mere” housewife too, and some people just cannot wrap their heads around it. It helps that I have kids, so then it is more understandable. As you get older, you more become one of the oldest, if not the oldest, person in the room. It’s easier to stand in your power, in your acceptance, and in your decision when you’re 40.. 60.. 80.

    If I were in your shoes (your mileage may vary) I would finish the degree just to shut everyone up and to have that in my back pocket.

    I would also have kids if you want them (they also help “justify” staying at home).

    Third, I would make it a home to be proud of, and invite everyone over for holidays. Use it as a meeting place. Do volunteer work. Be the Matriarch of your family, and the Queen of your neighborhood!

    Keep your head up, sister! I live the dream and “get it”!

    #66280
    Alpal
    Participant

    Hey @inky 🙂
    I’m so glad that there are still people out there that think like I do 🙂 I do have a diploma which to me is at least something and if worse comes to worse I can still go back and study and finish it , but I “might” go back someday , but I really really dread it ! and you are right I will definitely try my hardest to make my home a home to be proud of 🙂 Thanks 🙂

    #66357
    S
    Participant

    I had to respond to this post because I am in a very similar situation.
    I am part towards getting my degree, but I feel so conflicted about it. I don’t like school, I feel miserable when I’m there, I dread it. What I truly want deep down inside is to be a homemaker and full-time mom, it’s what would make me most happy.
    My family and in-laws do not approve, they want me to finish school and get a career; they tell me I’m “wasting myself” for wanting to be a housewife (this upsets me a lot- it’s such a insulting thing to say about all the housewives and homemakers out there!). My spouse supports and respects my choice, but family is very important to me and it tears me up inside to disappoint them and fight with them about this. On the other hand, school makes me miserable and I don’t want to go into some soul-crushing job that will just make me even more unhappy.
    The main problem with me is money; getting my degree would pacify my family a little maybe (they’d still want me to get a career methinks) but tuition is just so expensive! I’m already way in debt, and every year I do the more in debt I become. Which means getting our own house and starting a family drifts further and further out of reach for us (my partner and I agreed that we don’t want to start a family till we have our own place and are financially stable).
    I’m sorry that I don’t really have any advice for you, Alpal. I just wanted to reach out and say you’re not alone and I know how you feel right now.

    #66375
    Alpal
    Participant

    Hey there S
    It feels really good to know that there are still people out there that believe and feel the same way i do, i too dread school and being around so many negative people , my happy place is in my little nest with those I love. My family and friends also say i am wasting myself but I dont agree at all because my husband and home come first and I want to be able to give it my all , if i were to work I know I wouldnt be able to do that . Also my inspiration are the strong women a long time ago who made their homes a heaven . As long as you give your husband and home your all you are not wasting yourself at all you are doing what you love. This is our dream and we should pursue it even though its not cool or popular anymore. Hopefully they will just leave us alone. And let us be happy:)
    Do let me know what happens with you !
    Alpal

    #66414
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks Everyone.

    Hi Alpal

    I am sorry that you find yourself in this predicament. We should always do what makes us happy. Sometimes, we think that by following our short term dream is good enough and we forget about the long term happiness and evolving with times.

    The most important questions that you need to ask yourself are: Who are you trying to convince ? What are the pros and cons of not finishing your degree or education while you are still young and vibrant ?

    Always remember that life can change in a second and does change in seconds whether we like it or not. The only thing, which keeps us from drowning in sorrows is our ability to look after ourselves. If you are able to look after yourself today independent of others and until the day you die (in all aspects – socially, physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually) you are in good hands. Go and do whatever takes your fancy. However, if your answer is NO, then you need to do some serious soul searching. And no one can help you with this soul searching as everyone is on their own journey. Some people will agree with your decision and some will not but no one (including husband or father) can walk your path except for yourself.

    Best wishes,

    J

    #66415
    Alpal
    Participant

    Hey there @jasmine-3
    Thank you for your advice, I have already sat and thought deeply about if something bad does happen and life doesnt work out the way I want it to that I do have the diploma which in my country will get me a well paying job, not as good as those who have finished their bachelors but good enough to support myself and to get things I want but I live in a country where most of the people are very wealthy, and will look down on you if you dont have a phd or a very fancy job.When it comes to the convincing i really just care about my father and him being ok with me and not being disapointed or feel that I hurt him. Also as I mentioned school and being around people who just want to gossip and be negative all the time bothers me, and makes me literally deppressed . Do you know any online colleges or something similar ? Well anyways thanks 🙂
    Alpal

    #66447
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks Alpal

    You have to live your own life so if you keep worrying about what others will think, you will keep ruining your TODAY.

    Lets make something very simple and clear for you. People are not negative. You attract what you are feeling inside. So if you are not wanting to associate with negative people, change your thought pattern. Start being kind to yourself and start radiating love and kindness. What we give out, we get back multi-fold. Give love, receive love. Give negativity, receive negativity. Give gossip and receive gossip. If you don’t believe me, trial it out. Nature and Universal laws are very simple. We make our lives complicated with our ignorance and arrogance. Learn to rise above this.

    Online education is an excellent idea but then you are running away from the truth. You cant hide in your house and have a heaven like life with hubby. Eventually, you will have to face your fears, people and negativity. Until we learn our life lessons, life will keep throwing curve balls one after another. So why run ? Lets face whatever life has to hand to us. We can handle it, cant we ?

    I am not sure which country you live in. If you google online courses, I am sure you will find something useful in your own country or around.

    Think about it. Be kind to yourself woman !!!!!!

    J

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