Hello all,

Right now I am in quite the mental dilemma. This situation is complex so I will try to be as detailed as possible.

So, in high school my ex and I began dating. Before that, we had been best friends since 7th grade. We stayed together all the way through the middle of our sophomore year in college. We lived together in that time as well and were engaged. About 1 year into our relationship, he came out to me as bisexual, which didn’t bother me because I am as well. However, when our relationship ended (after 2.5) years it was because he came out to me as gay. You might be able to find my previous discussion post when I was going through this for extra detail.

When we broke up, I moved out and lived on my own for a semester. In that time, we remained extremely close. He was able to experiment with his sexuality and so was I. Once I had finished grieving our relationship, hearing details about him with other men never bothered me because I knew there was nothing I could do & that I could not provide him an experience with another man. I was completely content with this and with how our friendship had grown.

At the end of the spring semester, I moved back in because we decided to be roommates (as friends) this time. When I moved in, we would stay up super late, smoke weed, and just chill. This became a fun thing we’d do every now and then. It was completely normal until one night we hooked up and had sex. During this first time, he told me that he missed me and that he wished he could have married me, but that he’s gay. At this point he was realizing that he was bisexual rather than gay. But we left it at that, just another random hookup. Still didn’t think much of it.

After that, we hooked up a few more times. Between each encounter, he started voicing his desire to date women more and more, basically describing his ideal woman (he was basically describing me). We had both talked about how we would be okay with open relationships, in general, not in reference to dating one another. He had explicitly told me that he liked the idea of marrying me. Still, I didn’t think much of it because he never executed his words into action. Keep in mind, these hookups occurred after I moved back in, during this current summer.

Now, during this past week, he’s been stating how he would actually marry a woman if she was okay with him having a boyfriend and that this would be his preferred relationship type. He’s been indirectly commenting on how sexy women are, and talking about specific women in general (a coworker and a friend of mine). Although I have grieved our relationship, I did it on the basis that there was nothing that I could further do to save the relationship because I presumed that he was gay, like he said he was.

However, now that he’s been specifically commenting about other women, I have noticed that it makes me upset. Like I could have done something different. Part of me feels cheated. Part of me feels confused, because I thought I was over our relationship. I expressed to him that these comments upset me and each time he plays dumb and says “why does it bother you? you’re like a little sister to me.” Keep in mind, it hasn’t even been a month since we last hooked up and had sex. So, not only do the comments arouse a form a jealousy in me, but the fact that he has basically friendzoned me now has left me dumbfounded.

I sent him an email delineating why I feel bothered (emails help me gather my thoughts) in which we will discuss later. However, I just feel so confused. There’s so many emotions being created and unearthed, and I am not sure how to navigate them. If he were to date another woman (I’m the only woman he’s ever been with, however, he’s dated many men) it would greatly upset me. However, with a man I would not care.

I have not explicitly asked “why have I been friend zoned now” yet because I’m afraid that will change the dynamic of our relationship. I am open to starting another romantic relationship with him, I just don’t know. I don’t see how he could say that he wanted to marry me and then weeks later say that he sees me as a little sister. I know this is a lot of information all at once, but could I get other perspectives? Either way, I want him in my life. But it’s really going to fucking hurt if he ends up with a woman other than myself. Should I just move on? Why am I feeling this way? Normally I can evaluate introspectively, however, this is causing me much headache.

Thanks.