Dear Yarina:

He checked where you work, where you live, what gym you attend, and you figured that he wants to control you: what do you mean by him wanting to control you?

anita

Dear Yarina:

I don’t understand the situation. I don’t understand what you mean by him checking on Tinder where you work, where you live, and what gym you attend (I am not familiar with Tinder). Is all that information in Tinder? And would it have been more appropriate if he asked you those things?

Nor do I understand what you mean by him wanting “to take a lead” in your relationship.

I will soon be away from the computer for about sixteen hours. If you’d like to explain to me what I don’t understand, please do. I will read and reply to you when I am back to the computer, in about sixteen hours from now. I hope other members will reply to you before I return.

anita

He was acting very much into me from the beginning and I felt some of my bondaries were crossed. Also I don’t like that he wants to take a lead in our relationship as I feel pressure from his side. I am afraid that these are signs that he will be possessive and controlling further in the relationship. I don’t know if I should discuss my point of view with him or it’s he way he is and I should let him go. I know his father is controlling.

As far as I can tell, you have two options here:

1. If you really like him and it’s worth it to you, you could discuss your feelings with him. If he does not react well or does not understand how and why you feel this way, let him go. It’s possible he doesn’t realize that this is controlling behavior and isn’t okay but would be willing to make a change. I do find it odd that he feels the need to know where you are all the time, especially so early in the relationship, so I’d say that’s a red flag. It could be controlling or it could be him satisfying his own curiosity.

2. If your feelings are iffy on him and you’re not sure whether you like him or not, I would just let this one go. I agree with what Inky said in this case.

Dear Yarina:

You are afraid of him then. He was checking on your location instead of asking you where you are at. I suppose he didn’t know you can tell that he was checking on you..?

In any case, clearly being afraid of a man is not healthy grounds for a relationship. Tell him clearly and directly, in no uncertain terms, that you are not interested in any kind of a relationship with him, do not express to him that you are afraid of him, guard your private information, keep your eyes and ears open and if he harasses you and/ or invades your privacy illegally, involve the police/ courts.

anita