Confused, Stressed, worried and need help, to help my relationship

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 3 months ago by Mark.

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February 12, 2018 at 8:14 am #192025
Omni
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Dearest Brooke
I recently left a very toxic relationship of 2 years and I was very in love with this man however, When I met my boyfriend he came across as very calm and ready with himself kinda guy. That was what I were attracted to in him. As time went by I started to see signs of insecurity with his behavior towards me, like him trying to suppress me with the silent treatment and not responding to my message for hours. When we had arguments he usually shut down all communication and went for a walk for hours. Eventually I were the one who apologized for everything and the only one to try to patch things up. This of course took a toll on my self confidence and my energy levels hit rock bottom. What I would also would like to mention is that Im a strong and confident woman who can manage life by myself, meaning Im not in “need” of a man but would like to meet someone to share my life with of course. However as this relationship progressed it diminished and broke me down. In the end I were not able to see this clearly and I were only occupied and concerned with fixing us and him instead of me. The turning point came when he one weekend totally shut down all communication and texted me saying he needed time to think. This message came10 hours after I tried to call and text him several times but by then I were an emotional wreck. That weekend I started to google, “Toxic relationships,” “Is he good for me?”, ”He is draining me” and so on.… I read for hours and all at once I realized; I NEED TO TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY OF WHATS GOING ON IN MY LIFE. Im letting him treat me bad, Im letting him suppress me. I am responsible for allowing this behaviour to continue.

I broke up the relationship that following day and I don’t think I need to say how I feel now, but I will anyways. I feel great, I feel blessed and very grateful. And Im already out there again dating and meeting new people who are or at least trying to improve themselves everyday and trying stay in contact with their emotions. And of corse so am I.

Break up, Leave the relationship. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respect you.That person will show up when you start to improve you and focus on yourself.

http://www.vixendaily.com/

With Love
- This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Omni.
February 12, 2018 at 9:18 am #192037

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Brooke:

From reading your post I don’t see anything about your boyfriend’s behavior that would be a deal breaker for me, if I was in your place. It reads to me that your anxiety has been spiraling out of control for a while and that there is nothing he can do to calm it, not for long. I believe that it is very important for your well-being, as well as his, that the two of you attend quality psychotherapy, as a couple.

Most important to not get married unless your anxiety is dealt with so that you don’t react to it the same ways, over time destroying the relationship and maybe his love for you, a love that is evident to me in your sharing.

anita

February 12, 2018 at 10:04 am #192051

Inky
Participant

Hi Brooke,

The disrespect towards you in college, you still being with someone from college, living with him and him allowing his family to be entrenched in his relationship with you are each thing by itself not necessarily a deal breaker. But all four of those things together? I’d go nuts. Break up, move out, reset, and start over. With someone new.

Best,

Inky

February 13, 2018 at 9:14 am #192221

Mark
Participant

Brooke,

I agree with anita. From what I took from your post is that your insecurity and anxiety sabotaged your relationship with your boyfriend.

…a lot of female friends

…talking to a female at a bar and did not come right away when you interrupted them

…comparing yourself to his family in terms of making him happy

…trying to get him not to associate with his sister-in-law, basically having him separate from his brother

…don’t trust him because he hides some things that he knows that will upset you

Sure the sister-in-law is mean but from I can discern most of these issues are of your own making. It comes back to your insecurity and anxieties.

Address them with therapy. If your boyfriend wants to continue to work on the relationship then get some couples counseling as well.

Mark
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