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Confused on How to Deal With This Side of My Boyfriend: Am I overreating?

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  • May 28, 2026 at 7:31 pm #458221
    anita
    Participant

    Wow, I’m not done studying this thread but I studied it enough to clearly see that my replies here were a few of my worst.

    Not because I intended to harm, but because I was seeing- not Anonymous and her boyfriend at the time- but the child-me and my mother.

    I was completely blind to Anonymous’s boyfriend’s abusive behavior simply because I unknowingly projected my child self into him, and I protected him from.. my mother projected into Anonymous.

    And why did I do that? Because Anonymous was angry at him (although rightfully so) and her anger at him trigerred my Anger-Trauma: being the helpless victim of my mother’s repeating rage and unfounded accusations that I was not allowed to defend myself from.

    Even though Anonymous was kind and gracious in her replies to me, the projection took hold and I couldn’t see beyond it.

    Anonymous looked for help in regard to the situation with her boyfriend and I hijacked her thread and unknowingly made it about my unresolved trauma.

    Wow. I am humbled 😔

    No other thread makes it clearer to me how badly I sufferred from my mother’s RAGE and the devastating accusations she made against me, such that I wasn’t allowed to defend myself against, although I tried.

    So, simply because Anonymous made (rightful) accusations against her then boyfriend, it trigerred me having been (unrightfully) accused as a child.

    I will need to grieve and further heal from what I now call Anger Trauma. I will do so in one of my existing threads or in a new one.

    I will now leave this thread alone and will not return unless by some miracle, Anonymous returns, or Lella, or anyone else.

    👋🌿✨️ Anita

    May 28, 2026 at 9:56 pm #458235
    Lella
    Participant

    Anita, hi! I just so happened to received and read the email that tinybuddha.com sent me as an update to this thread that I commented on 3 years ago.

    I read some of your comment and Anita I just want to say to forgive yourself. It is not the end of the world and you are not a horrible person, you simply grew up and now can see even more than before and understand even more than before.

    Deserves celebration not flagellation!

    I understand the feeling you’re having, I’ve also had it when I had a few recognitions and realizations of myself or my behavior at various times and it is indeed humbling.

    Let your heart be mended by this humbleness. Forgive yourself!

    There’s been times when others did that same thing with you, life is like this. We just live and learn and when we know better we simply do. And till we don’t, we don’t.

    Love you girl, my fellow human sister!

    Sending much much love your way radiating joy and gentleness!

    May you be gentle and kind to yourself today, tomorrow and always!

    May 28, 2026 at 10:09 pm #458236
    anita
    Participant

    My goodness, Lella!!!! Miracles do happen!!!!!! I’m besides myself from excitement.

    Calling me “my fellow human sister!” and “Love you girl”- Love you back girl, fellow human sister, thank you so much.

    I’ll write more in the morning (late Thursday night here).

    May 28, 2026 at 11:57 pm #458237
    Lella
    Participant

    The Universe just wanted to tell you through me to be even more kind and gentle and compassionate with yourself, clearly!

    I don’t ever receive emails from tinybuddha.com so this is indeed a tiny miracle. As soon as I saw your message I felt a pang that directed me to say “tell her to forgive herself, remind her of her own divinity and humanity and that it’s okay to be on the path and no one ever gets it done completely, we always keep learning.”

    I’ve been the Universe’s post girl a few other times. For whatever reason this thread has been lit up again, it is certainly for something beneficial at this point in time.

    Maybe it’s for even more people than me and you!

    Maybe someone needs a gentle reminder that tiny miracles exist! ❤️

    Maybe someone needs a gentle reminder that it’s okay to grow and learn and still love yourself through it all. We’re all in the mud figuring it out! 💃

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