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Confused and hurting

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  • March 27, 2019 at 12:24 pm #286631
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Hurting:

    I agree with what Julie’s best friend sent you in  a message:  “The best thing is to leave her and give her time… I know putting any pressure on her is going to back her into a corner”.

    Julie doesn’t need pressure, or any more distress to add to her very distressing life.

    A key sentence regarding your state of mind: “my anxiety.. is playing nasty tricks on my mind. I find myself not being able to eat properly, sleep properly and I can’t concentrate at work  without crying; which as a paramedic isn’t good”-

    – I think you should see a capable psychotherapist as soon as possible so to figure out ways to lower your anxiety, resolve the relationship with Julie (and with your estranged or ex wife, if it wasn’t resolved yet). Maybe you should take a break from work so to get better before you return to work as a paramedic.

    anita

    March 27, 2019 at 12:26 pm #286633
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Hurting,

    It sounds like she ghosted you last year, but still expects you to be there.

    You have a couple choices:

    1. You can drop the rope, hold onto her valuables, date other people and not tell her, and let her come to you for her things or to rebuild the relationship. You can even go back to your estranged wife! Why tell her? She’ll find out, what, five years later from friends in town and feel betrayed and hurt?

    2. You can give her one last text that simply says, “I just want to let you know that I’m dating other people. If you want to date exclusively, please let me know.” This way you are direct and it frees you out of limbo land. Her expecting you to be loyal to her yet keep your distance for months and months on end is unrealistic no matter what she has going on. You can also drop off a key to a safety deposit box with her things and text her the box number. Then you are free from stuff!

    She needs help that you can’t give her. Right now she views you as an irritant even though you could be a lifesaver. It also sounds like no matter what you do you will be chalked up to yet another man who let her down. Again, she needs a professional. Nothing you can do.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    March 27, 2019 at 1:06 pm #286637
    Mark
    Participant

    Hurting,

    I agree with anita.  She knows you are there for her.  I suspect that part of the reason why she does not want you in her life is that you are someone that *needs* her.  She has enough on her plate to take care of.  Having yet another person to take care of will be too much for her and she knows that.

    Continue to live your life, pray for her, and work on yourself.

    Mark

    March 28, 2019 at 2:48 pm #286803
    Hurting
    Participant

    Thank you all for your comments. I have decided to follow her friends advice. She does after all know her better than most and has done for years. I will keep you all posted. Glad I found this site.

    March 28, 2019 at 5:44 pm #286831
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Hurting:

    You are welcome. I think it is a good choice, to follow her friends’s advice.

    I hope you feel better and please do post again anytime.

    anita

    March 29, 2019 at 1:43 am #286861
    Hurting
    Participant

    Anita,

    I am booked in with a counsellor on the 9th April.

     

    March 29, 2019 at 5:02 am #286883
    Hurting
    Participant

    I dont know what “Inky” means by “it sounds like she ghosted you last year”. Can he or someone explain what he means, please?

     

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