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- This topic has 150 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 8 months ago by anita.
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May 6, 2020 at 5:11 pm #353650LisaParticipant
My roommate’s dog died this afternoon. He was my friend. I would take him out and play ball with him and it was the one bright spot of my time right now. He died this afternoon after lying down. He looked like he was sleeping but no. He was just lying down and we didn’t know until we realized he had been lying there longer than usual. I am so sad right now. I just played with him this moring. He acted completely normal. Did everything he usually did. I cried when I realized he was gone but now I am just sad and lying here and feel so sad for my roommate. I immediately need to know why? He was an older dog but he could have surely lived a couple years longer. I will miss him so much.
May 6, 2020 at 5:38 pm #353656AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
I am so sorry for your loss, and your roommate’s. Only today.. acted completely normal and gone. It’s hard to put into words, the nature of life and death. I am sad, knowing you are sad as I am typing this.
anita
- This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by .
May 6, 2020 at 7:16 pm #353670LisaParticipantThank you Anita
May 7, 2020 at 5:58 am #353802AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, Lisa and thank you for being here for three years from Alone to Choosing Love!
anita
May 9, 2020 at 10:10 pm #354242LisaParticipantI am not equal. There is a conservative habit of dismissing the difficulties of a group or person as to blame them completely for their what holds them back. No matter how much we do to you it is your responsibility to be successful. “Look at ____ .” They were able to do this or that.”
Progressive minded people do the same thing when it comes to small scale communities. They value one person over another but they walk around as if they do not so you can not call them out on it.
- This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by Lisa.
May 10, 2020 at 7:19 am #354278AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
“‘Look at ___ .’ They were able to do this or that”- I used to get very frustrated when people said that, or if I read it in a book. Those comparisons are not fair because people’s childhoods are not the same. An example, two children, A and B, were born to two separate poor families. A grows up to be a financially successful adult and B is poor. Then someone, person C, says to B: look at A, he was able to get rich. Why can’t you?.
Problem is, in my example, A had a safe home experience and B had a scary home experience, big difference!
“They value one person over another but they walk around as if they do not so you can not call them out on it”- most people value some people over others. Back to my example above: C values A over B. But there are people (D, E, and F) who value someone else over C.
In other words, almost everyone values some people over others. What matters most, is does Lisa values Lisa.
anita
May 14, 2020 at 2:19 pm #355024LisaParticipantWhat do you do when your suffering makes you hated even more?
May 14, 2020 at 2:33 pm #355036AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
My childhood suffering expressed itself as a lot of suspicion and anger at other people. The people I met as an adult, some were terrible people, not all were. The people who were not terrible people- at the time, I couldn’t tell they were not bad people (I thought everyone was bad people), so I treated them as if they were bad people.
Looking back, I figure I hurt some good people I thought were bad, but in their experience- I was the bad person. I hope I am not confusing you as I type away what I think without editing.
Expressed again: there were people in my adult life who were bad people, but some were good people, but I wasn’t able to distinguish between bad people and good people. In my mind- everyone was bad people. And in reality: to the good people, I was the bad person.
“What do you do when your suffering makes you hated even more?”- Now, I will answer this question this way: I figure out if my past suffering is expressing itself now as mistreating good people.
anita
May 14, 2020 at 2:35 pm #355042AnonymousGuest* didn’t reflect under Topics
May 14, 2020 at 4:37 pm #355072LisaParticipantDidn’t reflect under topics is so appropiate for me. The forces that be.
I have mistreated others which is what hurts me the most. I can’t see myself as anything but a victum. I was a good child and so many things worked against me becoming a good adult. The same people who abandoned me and tore away at my self esteem, rolled their eyes at me, betrayed me….all stand up and do not believe they should be held accountable for anything.
I can not get over the person I became when it could have been different and I cry and cry and can not control or change my past.
I can’t show suffering. I needed help a long time ago and they let me sink.
I wasn’t strong enough to be good to the very few who loved me. They often annoyed the majority that hated me.
You tolerate me Anita because you do not kniw me. You do not have to work with me or be in the same room with me.
Everything moves too fast for me. When I’m upset, no one comes to me. When I’m calm no one comes to me, when appear happy no one comes to me. No one told me that I was not going to be loved by most.
May 14, 2020 at 6:19 pm #355084AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
I will read and reply to your recent post when I am back to the computer tomorrow morning, in about 12 hours from now. I hope you rest well tonight.
anita
May 15, 2020 at 7:39 am #355150AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
“I was a good child and so many things worked against me”- it is true.
“The same people who abandoned me and tore away at my self esteem, rolled their eyes at me, betrayed me.. all stand up and do not believe they should be held accountable”- it is true to your teenage mother and father (whom you never met) and your uncles (whom you thought were your much older siblings). They were not held accountable for abandoning you, neglecting you and mistreating you.
“I needed help a long time ago and they let me sink”- true.
“I cry and cry and can not control or change my past”- I understand. The past cannot be changed.
“You tolerated me Anita because you do not know me. You do not have to work with me or be in the same room with me”- well, there were people on these forums whom I did not tolerate and ended my communication with them. You are not one of them. If I had been in the same room with you, I think I would have liked you.
“When I’m upset, no one comes to me. When I’m calm no one comes to me, when appear happy no one comes to me. No one told me that I was not going to be loved by most”- I am sorry, Lisa. I am so sorry.
anita
December 30, 2020 at 4:06 pm #371922LisaParticipantDespite quite a bit of work and hope and caring, nothing happy to report for me.
December 30, 2020 at 4:09 pm #371924LisaParticipantPeople bait me in so they can reject me over and over.
December 30, 2020 at 4:14 pm #371926AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
Welcome back to your thread. It’s been seven months since you posted last. If you would like to elaborate on your recent two sentences posts, please do, and I will read and reply to you when I am back to the computer in about 14 hours from now.
anita
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