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Breaking away from a manipulative person

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  • June 18, 2018 at 11:09 am #212937
    Antonina
    Participant

    Me and my ex broke up six months ago after a 4 year long relationship, we’ve been engaged twice due to a previous break up. We started planning a wedding i already bought a dress and the invites were send.

    He’s been suffering with anxiety since he was 15 he would quite often tell me that he’s not sure whetver he loves me or his feelings are “flat” and blame it on anxiety after time I just learned to live with it. He’s a very narcissistic and selfish person but love is blind I guess.

    There is so much I could say about our relationship but I want to move on to the most confusing six months after the break up.

    When he said it’s over he seemed absolutely relievedand Saud that he never really loved which absolutely broke me in every way possible. We tried not to contact each other but we would every few weeks and I’ll be great going for food, days out and sex. And then suddenly he would go quiet just to message me a few days or weeks later like it’s normal that he just stopped contacting me. Often he behaves jealous couple of times he told me he loves me but I decided to ignore it as it doesn’t mean anything to him.

    I’ve just spend the weekend with him because he was feeling very low and needed companionship when I left this morning everything seemed fine and he’s gone quiet again. I absolutely love him and want him in my life in anyway. But j know that he’s using me how do I stop this? I know that if he messages me I’ll drop everything and go meet him.

    June 18, 2018 at 5:38 pm #212987
    Mark
    Participant

    Antonina,

    You did not really state why you two broke up or why you rather not see him.  You have said “I absolutely love him and want him in my life in anyway.”  So I don’t understand why you are trying to stay away from him.  Plus you did not explain how he is “using you.”

    What is the payoff for staying away from him?  What is the draw for you to keep seeing him?

    Mark

    June 19, 2018 at 4:29 am #213023
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Antonina:

    You wrote: He’s a very narcissistic and selfish person but love is blind I guess”. What this means to me is that you are very angry at him.

    You wrote that he told you that he loves you (during the last six months, I understand) but you ignore it because “it doesn’t mean anything to him” and you believe that he is using you. But you “absolutely love him and want him in (your) life anyway”

    Question: do you want him in your life or are you compelled to have him in your life ( that is, dropping everything and going to meet him when he messages you is a behavior on your part that you feel you cannot control)?

    anita

    June 19, 2018 at 8:01 am #213145
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Antonina,

    I would be going crazy if I were you. You were engaged to this person (twice!) and now he’s made his (non)feelings known… and you still rush over to see him when he calls.

    How about this: How about you block his number, move (and not tell him) and date other people? He will go crazy with being so suddenly dropped, with having you seemingly vanish off the planet. Maybe then he’ll think twice about taking people for granted.

    Sent wedding invitations are nothing to sneeze at,

    Inky

    June 22, 2018 at 4:32 pm #213687
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello Antonina!

     

    i feel for you. When I read your message, I was reminded of my ex. He too would act so unsure about our relationship. Some days, he’d tell me these stories that made me feel like I was drunk on champagne. That he loved me and wanted to leave his life behind and start a new adventure with me…that he wanted to get married and have adorable children and be a doting father . Other days, he’d say that he doesn’t see himself in a relationship or as a parent and that he is scared of added responsibility. He wanted to be famous and alone and only focus on his career.

     

    this tug and pull that you’re feeling is really familiar to me. On one hand, you probably love this man and want him to settle with you….on the other hand, it’s causing you pain. I think you have to figure out where this journey with this man will lead you. Mine led to our breakup because I realized that I could never fix him or make him want a serious relationship. See where your journey takes you

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