bad timing or patterns?

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This topic has 193 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.

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October 6, 2021 at 2:38 pm #387124

Anonymous
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Dear Peace:

I am sorry to read that you are not doing well.

You wrote that you were prescribed “anxiety tablets (escitalopram)” – escitalopram, known in the US as Lexapro is not an anxiety tablet but an antidepressant of the most commonly prescribed SSRI group. It is considered way preferable and safer than anti-anxiety medications.

You should contact the doctor who prescribed it to you and let him/ her know of you feeling sick and more anxious as a result. The doctor may lower the dosage or prescribe you another SSRI anti-depressant, or not prescribe you anything at all. You are the one to decide if and what kind of psychiatric medication you want to take.

Please let me know if you make this call, what happens next and how you feel!

anita

October 7, 2021 at 2:31 am #387134

Tee
Participant

Dear Peace,

I am sorry you aren’t feeling well. Are you still in India? Are you actually experiencing anxiety symptoms? I am asking because you went to a doctor for sore throat, and he prescribed you antidepressants:

i was having sore throat and feeling low and went to a good specialist .. and he asked me if i have Anxiety out of nowwhere ??

Did you complain to him about some other symptoms as well?

As for your sister, she is very selfish. She is worried that your family will be mocked, because earlier they spoke badly about your boyfriend’s caste, and now you are getting married to this caste… She is trying to talk you out of it, just so they wouldn’t be mocked and humiliated:

“ people will laugh at us and talk bad about us that “ see which kind of person she married to “ and also that we ( my family ) always talked about other family about this caste thing and now we are marrying them its disgrace etc . I then asked her “ why did you talk or critized about other people caste “ why did you guys discriminate and who told you to do ???”
she had no answer and then she said bcz we dint know one day we will be marrying this caste ..

It’s pure selfishness on her part. And of course, prejudice and racism. It’s good that you are aware of it, and don’t want to give in to her requests. At least, on the rational level, you don’t. But on the emotional level, it seems you are struggling, and this might be causing you anxiety? The fear of being a disappointment to your family is very strong in you… It’s the little girl in you, who needs your family’s approval.

Try to be aware of that inner battle, and that it’s your inner child that is scared of being discarded by those she loves and seeks validation from. Let me know if seeing things like that helps you at all… or your anxiety is still very strong?

October 9, 2021 at 1:27 pm #387237

Peace
Participant

Dear Anita and Teak,

i m flying tomorrow to Germany ..i just checked the forum and found recents threads ..

i stopped taking that medications( without consulting with doctor) , just because i wasnt able to handle the side effects during this busy schedule here and alot of responsibility along with online classes ) ..and i dint showed any symptoms of Anxiety infront of doctor but maybe he recognised me as i was very reserved ?? I have no idea ..

The fear of being a disappointment to your family is very strong in you… It’s the little girl in you, who needs your family’s approval.

thats true .. i seek validation And when i dont get it sometimes i start to doubt my decision , i m scarEd of disappointing other ,which i m aware that is not good thing at all ..

@ teak :

Let me know if seeing things like that helps you at all… or your anxiety is still very strong?

i dint really get your question here .. seeing which kind of things ??

peace

October 9, 2021 at 3:21 pm #387238

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Peace:

Instead of looking for your elder sister/ family members for validation (family members who value injustice, inequality, etc.), look for validation from your own values of Justice, Equality and Love.

When figuring out what is the right thing for you to do- look for your highest values to guide you.

I wish you a safe travels back to Germany tomorrow and hope to read from you soon!

anita

October 10, 2021 at 12:48 am #387244

Tee
Participant

Dear Peace,

i dint showed any symptoms of Anxiety infront of doctor but maybe he recognised me as i was very reserved ?? I have no idea ..

Probably he noticed your anxiety… anyway, I think it’s good that you stopped taking the medicine if it made you feel sick.

i dint really get your question here .. seeing which kind of things ??

I meant if you see the situation like I was suggesting: that a part of you wants to follow your own heart and desires and wants to marry your boyfriend. But another part (your inner child) is seeking validation from your family and this is what causes you internal conflict and anxiety. I thought if simply seeing that there is an internal conflict, and then trying to soothe your inner child, might help you deal with the situation better.

I wish you a safe trip to Germany!

October 13, 2021 at 7:45 pm #387324

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Peace:

I hoped y0u arrived to Germany safely, that you are rested.. how are you???

anita

October 26, 2021 at 12:29 pm #387832

Peace
Participant

Dear Anita and Teak ,

how are you guys?

i am fine and i reached Germany safely.before a week Ago i read your post and wrote a big post and somehow it disappeared without being posted 🙁

i thought to write all again later but was busy with job , studies and few new things 🙂

i have alot to say .i dont know where to begin .
well first of all i am doing good , i m concentrating on my studies and more motived to do better in career and get a good job soon ..

me and (he) decided to do marriage here( with or without family) its not bothering me much now ..

After coming from my country, i felt different this time , i met my eldest sister after a long time ,i always wanted to be close to her and i always wishes that she should be proud of me because i craved that attention (because i never got that , my emotions were neglected in childhood,which i come to know now by our conversation in This thread..

this time even though i m now adult ,independent ,i was somehow ignored by her . ,she was critically judging me and putting me down bcz i did make up and she was telling me till 2 days i was looking so awful in that way .which was hurting btw and some other times and much more but this time something has changed in me ..this inner child of me doesn’t want any emotional validation from her but somehow i become disconnected from her ,as if ( may be ) i shouldnt be allowing her or anyone to emotionally destroy me anymore ..i don’t need validation from anyone and not from people ,who hurts me without realizing the impact of those abuse and criticism on my mental health,physical or well being .. i just cant get away with this hurtful thought .. but it brought something good in me .

I ll write more later may be tomorrow:)

October 26, 2021 at 1:17 pm #387834

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Peace:

So good to read from you, good to read that you arrived in Germany safely and .. that you decided to get married in Germany regardless of your family’s approval or disapproval!

So very good to read this: “this inner child of me doesn’t want any emotional validation from (elder sister) but somehow i become disconnected from her.. I shouldn’t be allowing her or anyone to emotionally destroy me anymore ..i don’t need validation from anyone and not from people who hurt me“- I am so very pleased with you, and if I had any part in making this happen, even if it is the smallest part- I am pleased with myself as well!

anita

October 28, 2021 at 7:51 am #387876

Tee
Participant

Dear Peace,

I am really glad for you! You are following your heart’s desire and not succumbing to the selfish wishes of some of your family members. Also, you aren’t looking for validation from your family, specially if they treat you poorly. You are defending yourself and your inner child from emotional abuse, and aren’t allowing to be hurt by people who have no empathy for you, even if they are family. That’s a big break-through, I am so happy for you!

Please keep us posted – looking forward to hear more from you!

October 31, 2021 at 2:02 pm #388024

Peace
Participant

Dear Anita and Teak ,

how are you doing ? How is weather and covid there!?

thank you for your response .i wanted to write more next day but the schedule was very busy .i was in Netherlands for past 3 days with a friend of mine ,and was helping her with her baby there, as she is going through hard time .

now i m on my way toward airport to pick my sister as she is coming to visit me in Germany ..

things are going good with my bf .. he is an introvert who doesn’t Talk too much or does sweet talks but i feel comfortable and loved 🥰..feel supported … we are preparing the paper work for registration of marriage..

d

October 31, 2021 at 2:23 pm #388028

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Peace:

Good to read from you. You are saying that your sister is coming to visit you in Germany.. but you just came from visiting her in the home country, just in the last week or so: how is that she is visiting you so soon after you visiting her?

anita

October 31, 2021 at 2:33 pm #388029

Peace
Participant

Dear Anita ,

This sisters lives in Europe,she came before 4 months for her masters .. so now she is coming to visit me as she has a week vacation..

October 31, 2021 at 2:47 pm #388030
Anonymous
Guest
Dear Peace:

I hope that this sister has nothing negative to say about you or about your soon-to-be husband, and that she shows him the respect he deserves. I hope that your friend in the Netherlands and her baby recover, and I am so glad to read that you “feel comfortable and loved ..feel supported“, and that you and your boyfriend “are preparing the paper work for registration of marriage“!

anita
- This reply was modified 3 years ago by .
October 31, 2021 at 2:50 pm #388032

Peace
Participant

Dear anita and teak,

as you write;

and if I had any part in making this happen, even if it is the smallest part- I am pleased with myself as well!

I would say (you )@anita and @Teak has a big part in this ..you both made me learn More about me ..

i dint understand alot of things and i used to feel guilty mostly ., i still do feel guilty but now i m able differentiate about healthy guilt feeling ( which makes me a human ,if i m unfair about a thing i guess) and unhealthy one .. and much more ..

i want to thank you alot <3

peace

October 31, 2021 at 2:54 pm #388033

Anonymous
Guest

You are most welcome, Peace!

anita
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