Home→Forums→Tough Times→Anxiety and Depression in college
- This topic has 22 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 7 months ago by
rideeta.
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September 8, 2019 at 7:29 am #310823
AnonymousGuestDear Rideeta:
I think that your “Anxiety and Depression in college” (topic of your current thread) originated in the months and years when you witnessed your mother and father fighting a lot.
When they fought a lot, I imagine they screamed at each other, maybe for a long time every time they screamed, their voices loud. I imagine they said words that were scary for you to hear. You were there, at home, but home was not a safe and warm, comfortable place.
Fast forward, you meet this young man of a different religion. He wanted you to practice his religion and you courageously refused to do so: “I could not get married and pretend to be someone else for the rest of my life” (Aug 2017).
Problem is that after you decided how to not “pretend to be someone else”, you didn’t figure out yet who you truly are, that is, there are some things about your life, particularly your earlier life, that you don’t want to see.
Will you tell me more about sixth grade, maybe earlier, when your parents fought: how was that experience for you?
anita
September 8, 2019 at 8:36 am #310833
PeggyParticipantHi Rideeta,
Thank you for your response. Your ex-boyfriend is the one that has hurt you and himself for that matter. He strung you along in the hopes that you would change. What was wrong with him changing? He had the same opportunity to change as you did. True love accepts people for who they are. Perhaps you’ve come to realize that moving on to new people after you’ve broken up was none of his business. You were free to enter into new relationships. You didn’t have to heal first. Please do not regret your actions. You cannot change them. As you said, you were young and probably still are and you are learning about love and relationships. If you don’t engage in another relationship you will miss the opportunity to learn.
There are things I want to say to you but I don’t really know how – I want to lift you up and out of this place you are finding yourself in. I want to shine a light into you so that you can see your own beauty. I want you to let your own brilliance shine.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”
“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Peggy
September 10, 2019 at 1:01 pm #311391
rideetaParticipantDear Anita,
When my parents fought it hurt. I questioned love and romantic relationships. Now that I am little older. I understand. Every romantic relationship faces the test of time and difficulty. My parents did not hide their hardships and fights.
I coped and was strong all those times. A part of me hoped that one day I will have a family of my own. I’ll marry the person I love and very attracted to, get financially stable enough and raise kids. Life had other plans for me when it came to romance. The person I love is not waiting for me to show up. I lose my focus in academics as well. I am in one of the top universities in my country and I cannot focus. Because studying seems useless. If I am not going to build a family, what am I going to do with all the money I earn anyway?!
I know I can donate. Enjoy. Going to places by myself. But it seems not enough. Most of the time.
Rideeta
September 10, 2019 at 1:41 pm #311399AnonymousGuestDear Rideeta:
This man, your ex boyfriend, he is not the only option for you so to have your own family. There are other men out there. Your ex boyfriend is sitting there every day, in your classes, so it is hard to forget that.. he is not the only man in the world to whom you can feel attracted to and feel romantic toward.
There are a few others out there and you need only one to build a family with.
Don’t lose hope, relax best you can, do your best every day, focus and study well. There is a better future for you, keep the hope and you will see for yourself.
And do post anytime, expressing your thoughts and feelings. (I will soon be away from the computer).
anita
September 11, 2019 at 6:19 am #311549PeggyParticipantDear Rideeta,
Your ex-boyfriend, the only person in the world with whom you will have a family because he is the only person in the world that you will every truly love, will force his religion on his children just as he has tried to force it on you. If you think that the only reason you are studying is so that you can earn enough money to raise a family then you are very much deluded.
You have this great opportunity to study so that you can liberate yourself, so that you can give yourself choices, so that the people you attract will be more prosperous, so that you can escape poverty and limitations that an awful lot of people have to endure.
Why don’t you just throw it all away on a dictatorial, religious maniac who strung you along for his own sick purposes.? Thank God life had other plans for you. Embrace the future and all that it holds for you – there is a far better man out there for you than the one who let you go. Go out and find him instead of moping around feeling sorry for yourself.
Seize the Day.
Peggy
September 13, 2019 at 7:26 am #312065rideetaParticipantDear peggy,
Tough love doesn’t work for me. The more I try it. The more difficult it gets. I have faced poverty when I was younger. I just need bare minimum to survive. I have a big project submission today. I have GAD. My chest hurts. It’s difficult.
September 13, 2019 at 8:41 am #312075PeggyParticipantDear Rideeta,
There is something you are not facing. Anxiety begins somewhere. There was a point in your life when you were not anxious. Breathing fully into your lungs quells anxiety. Learn to breathe fully. Your chest hurts why? GAD is a mental condition not a physical one. The impact of your mental condition means it becomes physical. There might be an underlying cause for your chest to hurt aside from your anxiety but the long term effect of anxiety is bodily weakness.
The only way you will ever stop being anxious is to embrace your life instead of being scared of it. Sorry to disappoint you but there isn’t another way. You have to do all the work. Exercise routines such as Tai Chi or Yoga, Meditation, Mindfulness, Strauss, Musical Instruments, Painting, Nature, Long Country Walks, Swimming, Pottery, Pets – you have endless choices.
Peggy
September 24, 2019 at 4:20 pm #314117rideetaParticipantHello Peggy!
It has been a rough week. All the grand projects. Exams. I am trying. Really hard. To get better. I have my classes and I tutor two teens to keep myself busy. I go for hour long walks, read novels, color books and meditate. I am not religious but to find peace, I sometimes try to pray as well. Everyone says faith brings peace. I try. After all this, I end up pathetically crying over my ex at nights and without any sleep unless I take some kind of medicine for it. It’s 5 am here. I was planning to go to library to catch up on my long study sessions. I’ll just end up being too sleepy and restless. My chest ache is less now.
The boy who likes me asked me out. But the thought of going on a date, getting close and hurt all over again….makes me not want to go.
I come back here again and again to hear kind words I think. I know the answers maybe.
I am sorry I sound so lost. But I am. Take care.
Rideeta
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