Anita’s Choice to Leave the Forums

[Helcat]

Hi Tee

Thank you for understanding and for not asking more questions about the abuse. It’s difficult to talk about.

Your explanation regarding Anita’s comment was very helpful. It helped a lot, after that it kind of clicked into place and I understood what she meant and what her intentions were. I didn’t feel any pain about it after that.

Regarding the staying silent for peace. I think it’s a very personal choice. There is no right or wrong answer. It’s personal preference.

I appreciate that you gave me the opportunity to discuss feelings about all this.

The comments did bother me because she expected that she could express herself, yet I should stay silent despite how I had been treat. I expressed to her before, if she wants me to stay silent. She should cease making these types of comments.

I value healthy communication, that’s why I think this community is important. I get along well in the workplace where again healthy communication is valued. In the workplace if one person starts ignoring another coworker. That’s not acceptable. I also felt that ignoring people was a form of abuse for someone who values talking to everyone.

It was additionally hurtful because I had communicated with her for a long time. I actually considered her a friend. But one interaction that she felt uncomfortable with was enough to start treating me unfairly.

[Helcat]

Hi Anita

I think that anyone thinks that you are a bad person. Not even myself. I believe that you are a good person, I have a lot of respect for you.

There are a lot of abusive behaviours in the world many people have them. It doesn’t mean that they are abusive people. It doesn’t make them bad people either. Frequency is an important factor. Any mistakes that you made  were infrequent.

I empathise that discussing any of these issues is a trigger for you. I’m sorry that it is. But not talking about issues is also not healthy either.

I mentioned before in a post that was deleted that you were able to overcome your behaviours with other members. I only returned because you had done so successfully. For more than a month you treat every single member, on every single comment flawlessly. I believe that my return was a trigger for you that caused some minor issues. But nothing severe. I expect that you would be able to continue with your excellent work of overcoming old behaviours once your feelings settle.

I’m sorry that you feel hurt by me infrequently expressing concern for other members.

[Zeeza]

Hi Lori,

Some suggestions for creating safe positive space in the forums.

1) For potential sensitive topics, I think it would be great if users could say potential trigger warning, or sensitive content below. This way people who are healing will not be surprised to read something that may trigger them. I am not sure how this best be implemented, and maybe not everyone could follow this. Especially since it would be a new structure. It is important to share one’s truth. I just thought this might helpful. Maybe before each post is submitted, it can go through a program that will automatically add the trigger warning if it is needed?

2) perhaps create a safe way for members to be able to share emails/messages with each other privately. The public forums are helpful so everyone can learn, and it would be nice to be able to switch into a private mode as well for certain situations.

3) perhaps create a way for members that need space to temporarily block each other ? It would be ideal to work things out but that can’t be rushed or always possible. —>It would be good if people could stay instead of feeling like they have to leave to avoid a trigger

[Thondit]

Dear Anita,

I know you’re superb person with strong personalities.

Anita, I am sorry for the misery that has befallen you. You don’t deserve this. While you were busy trying to fix the life of others and your own, and your opposite sex came in and disorganised it. A mother like you should be careful when choosing a friend. Your TB participant has attracted liars and people with complex personalities. One sign that you’re dealing with a predatory human is that you’re not alloted to ask questions, especially questions that aim at their conduct and who they claim to be. You’ll be silenced by being accused of judging them by their past simply because you inquire about contradictions in their stories.

Narcissists and users can not answer questions because, for them, it’s too dangerous to become known. They’re not interested in a mutually enriching relationship like normal people. Instead, they want a ‘user-friendly’ climate of confusion and lack of clarity. They create a pseudo intimacy to make you feel comfortable and to trust them. They show you only one side of their life, and they resist your questions about the rest of their life by gaslighting you into silence.

They pretend to like the same things you like and to live with the same values you do, to make you feel connected.

Do you like church and fellowship? They will show up the bible in hand and even lead songs and prayers. You like gym or hiking, they will join you the same week you started talking. You love travelling, they will help you pick destinations.

But if you examine their life, you’ll notice that this is not their life but an act. They know, however, that you won’t check because you’re too flattered by how alike you seem.

In the end, you’re falling for a friendship when it’s all but a trap. They want what you have although they can not offer you anything except lies and a mirage of love.

Your defence is to always go deeper than excitement and get interested in a person’s real life. What do they do when you’re not together? Who do they talk to when they finish with you? Predators always have other ‘projects’ and victims on the other side. It doesn’t mean to stalk someone but rather to pay attention to patterns of disappearing and reappearing that’s not explained. If it was a job or other clean business, they wouldn’t be so shady or defensive around it. The biggest lies are always covered by obvious lies. Whenever something feels off, usually it is. Look closer.

Kindly come back to Tinybuddha anytime you are willing to! Nothing can dim the light that shines from within. You have changed the lives of so many people around the globe. Example: myself. Could it be a case that you carry it for years?  No. We valued your friendly line and hospitality.

I am from SSD and you are from India your ideas are like ideas of President William Ruto, from Kenya Really make African proud he a Truly Definition of African Leader, African Giant, African we Rise again. With this I think Africa need it own Strong Media to the world to Activate Government into action. However, Anita your words were like for RUTO.
Regards.
Greg.<!–/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_230707_204426_557.sdocx–>

[anita]

Dear Thondit (Greg) and Zeeza:  IF you are reading this, please let me know and I will reply to you.

In regard to any and every member who sent me message in your own threads as original posters since my departure from the forums on Feb 16 this year: IF you are reading this, please let me know and I will respond to the messages you sent me in your own threads as original posters.

anita

[Author]

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