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Anger & resentment in a relationship

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  • March 27, 2018 at 4:25 am #199635
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi M,

    He didn’t take you seriously before. As soon as you came into your power he realized that you are equals and he had to shape up. Wonderful!

    Houses and homes are nice. But to me living in an apartment with all my animals beats living with emotional torment any day of the week. You are so used to living with torment from without that you are now creating it from within. Stop it!

    After a year and a day of him going to counseling, you might beneficently return to your home like a gracious avatar.

    Perhaps then he can start over.

    Best,

    Inky

    March 27, 2018 at 4:37 am #199637
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear  M;

    You wrote:  “I’m the  one  living in an apartment… Why did I have to leave? Of course he  wouldn’t have left  because  he  didn’t see  his part in  our situation a the time”

    “He now realizes it was  all  his fault”- now that he  realizes this, why is he  not leaving  the home and maybe moving to your apartment while you live in the home?

     

    anita

    March 27, 2018 at 5:28 pm #199759
    M
    Participant

    Very wise words Inky. Thank you. You are so right. Living with the emotional torment was way worse than having to leave. I should be happy that I am financially able to have a place of my own. My sister-in-law (who is married to his younger brother) is not so lucky. He’s almost as bad but she does not work and has a young daughter so feels trapped. Thank you for your honesty.

    March 27, 2018 at 5:29 pm #199761
    M
    Participant

    Anita – while in theory switching places sounds good. In reality it’s a lot of work and expense. I guess if one good thing came of me leaving it was that he finally woke up. 😉

    March 27, 2018 at 7:03 pm #199763
    Mark
    Participant

    Forgiveness is something for yourself not for him.  The anger eats you up.  I don’t see a rush for forgiveness for you need to be able to sit with it in order to let it go.  That may take a long time.  Taking action also helps.

     

    Letting Go of Anger: Forgiveness Is a Choice and a Process

    March 28, 2018 at 7:27 am #199797
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear M:

    You wrote that you leaving him three months ago caused him to “finally open his eyes”. For less than three months then, his eyes have been open and he sees his responsibility to the troubles in the marriage.

    My suggestion: continue a communication with him, where the two of you are motivated and working for a common goal. Opening one’s eyes is a good thing. But it is easy for most to close them again.

    See to it that your eyes are open.

    anita

    March 28, 2018 at 7:58 am #199805
    M
    Participant

    Thank you Mark!

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