Dear Lindsey:

“the only thing I am proud of is that I never reached out to S.  And I thought about it more than once.  I just cleaned, took afternoon naps, bought a really good book.  Peaceful/lonely“- I am proud of you too!!!

“My ex never let my children and I go to the circus on Sunday. I basically begged on Saturday at the football game“- never beg him- or anyone- ever again! (except in the most extreme circumstances, of course).

“I have a referral for a female attorney and I am calling today.  It’s not going to be fun seeing my savings take a hit“- sorry about that, but it is necessary to involve an attorney so that your and your children’s mental health doesn’t take any more hits like the recent one!

“There is something wrong with my ex and his girlfriend A… Everything they criticize me for they do… They are vultures.  I’m going to make sure there is never direct communication-going to use a 3rd party for everything.  Make sure there is lots of space at events“- I put in boldface the part I like the most.

Also, when person X criticizes person Y’s behavior, it is often the case that X engaged and/ or still engages in that same behavior.

“My mom texted me yesterday asking if I still had my wedding ring so she could make a necklace with the diamonds.  I got a little upset“- something is wrong with your mother, is the thought that comes to my mind as I read this. Seems like she has no empathy for you, no empathetic understanding of you.

“It’s one thing after another.  I am not feeling my best.  Because it is too much for me part of my brain has shut down“- not feeling your best but you are functioning your best, I am impressed!

anita

Dear Lindsey:

You are taking the right action and you are feeling good about it, I am indeed still impressed! I too hope that you stay calm while taking real action, legal and practical- against your ex’s aggression and against any and all aggression around your children!

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I agree: loneliness is easier than a wave of anxiety! Good to read about the fun weekend you and your kids had: I can imagine the corn maze, I live in an area that grows lots of corn.

Very good to read that you have an appointment with Rachel this Thursday: make sure to tell her how that man, that ex (whom I do not like!) impacts you when he texts you or talks to you  otherwise.. and yells and what not, and how you have reacted to him in the past: texting him back, yelling back.. however you reacted to him, so that she prepares a legal document (and whatever it takes) so that there is-I hope- no  direct contact between you and the ex: no texting, no calling, not having him in your place or you being in his place, no talking in-person.. nothing! Also, include his girlfriend in it!

anita

Anita:

Happy Friday!  The appointment was interesting.  Her name is Rachel and she is very nice, funny, and approachable. I would be friends with her outside of her being my divorce attorney.

My expectation was that she would handle everything and I would not have to do anything lol.  The good news is she is filing a motion that my ex is required  to attend  mediation again with me and agree to the changes I am requesting.  If he fights the changes (which he should not-none of it is about child support or custody)   we would go to court.

I’m nervous to have a 3 way phone call with him and the mediator Karen.  I don’t think this situation is going to be quickly resolved.  I’m tired about the situation in general.

I am going out with friends tonight.  I don’t remember the last time I did that.

Other than that a little stressed about work.  My manager stated yesterday she was seeing a few mistakes on a certain area of my work.  While I think it’s very minor-and so does a co worker I’m frustrated.  Is she looking at things more closely because I was struggling last year? I think my work is really good considering the long list of things our department is struggling with-mostly low staff.  I could keep going on with complaints. Am I being defensive?

Lindsey

Anita,

Almost finished with my resume. You are right-that is my manager’s job but to be honest it’s annoying-especially because we are overworked and underpaid.  But I believe a lot of people can relate to that.

Over the weekend I basically took naps and walked my dog.  My car is messed up again and I have to take it to the shop today.  I am very worried and hoping nothing is expensive or serious.  I really cannot afford it.

I feel very frustrated in general about what’s going on in my life right now. I don’t know if it is brain chemicals or stress-maybe both.  I’m just tired of everything.  I’m hoping my attorney that I paid $3,000.00 is going to be help.  I found out I  have to go to the mediation and work out a plan with Jon.  I was hoping she would speak on my behalf.  She will if we go to trial but I don’t think it will get that far.

My parents went out of state for my dad’s birthday and sent lots of pictures to my siblings and I.  They saw Eric Clapton in concert and maybe Cher? I wasn’t clear.  I feel guilty that I was looking at the photos and thinking wow.  Your daughter is sitting in her home with a messed up car, in her pj’s going to bed at 8pm, dealing with a psycho ex and girlfriend, hating her job, etc.

Lindsey

Anita

Let’s see….So my car is Ok.  I got it back yesterday to have a car for the weekend to drive.  They ordered parts and I will drop off again Tuesday am.  I can’t remember the part that was damaged but it’s a wear and tear kind of thing.  Worst case scenerio $700 but that’s if some of the other parts are damaged while taking them out to get to the actual broken part.

I put my resume on 2 sites.  I have not really heard anything back but will try to get on the site this weekend to look.

As far the ex and his girlfriend go-they are bad people. That’s the bottom line. On Wednesday there was a group text sent to all parents on Aiden’s traveling baseball team. My ex stated that the 3 team moms are putting together a fund raiser for the team.  Now one of the team moms is his girlfriend Amy.  He never sent me any information prior to the  group text.  I texted him to give me the information-more than once – and I still don’t have any info.  I sent a group text last night asking for the team moms to text me about it with my number and I haven’t heard anything.  These things keep happening and it’s wearing me down.  Not really emotionally but it’s just starting to make me numb.  There is really no way to stop him about things like this.

I told my ex that I have a name and I’m calling to set up counseling for the kids. He got very nervous-that was my impression about going to the child psychologist.  He was giving me rules like we would not talk about things that happened prior to the divorce. He said he would go into the session with me and I wouldn’t talk to her by myself. We would only talk about the kids.

Now i’m just going to schedule an appointment and not tell him.

So the kids are not in school today for a teacher work day.  We are going to do something fun after work-the weather is really nice.

Lindsey

Anita,

Lots to do today.  Going to a place called Altitude-lots of bouncing lol.  Then errands. Getting Ella a new pair of glasses.  Ex carries their insurance and she gets a free pair of glasses once a year.  Ex is now not answering any requests via text message. This seems to be his new behavior.     I’m going to just pay out of pocket for the glasses and discuss in mediation.  I don’t think texting him about it is the best idea-I’m not sure.

I agree that it is not a good idea to be a team mom with his girlfriend Amy involved.  I believe my main focus was that I was not asked and Aiden is my son.  Their behavior was intentional.   With the counseling I am going to move ahead without his involvement.  However, he is a parent and he may have the choice to be involved and that is beyond my control.

Yesterday we were at Aiden’s football game and I stood with Sarah.  She is the wife of Dan (ex husband to Amy-my ex’s girlfriend) Dan’s mother and sister were with Sarah.  They told some very disturbing stories about Amy.  She caused some major issues in their family.    I am wondering how to navigate this situation in the future.  I have to get all of this moved quickly with mediation.  I’m a little worried about my well being.  I feel that I am able to have any barriers or safety from them. I’m a sitting duck. No matter if I respond or not respond they keep coming.

Lindsey

Anita-

Have started minimizing communication.  Set up to where no meeting for clothing drop off. I keep electronics with  me and clothing goes in book bags to school.  There is  still sports equipment issue- I have arranged for it to be placed by the fence line at a Vet’s office beside my condo complex.  When he pulls into the parking lot I leave.

I am on the waiting list for an appointment next month for the child psychologist.  The paperwork with the attorney has been filed and I will be getting emailed the petition.

2 interesting things happened this morning.  I don’t know how this happened-really I don’t-but a guy from high school sent random nice messages and then  flirted and now I’m going to visit with him when I go home on Oct 19th for a week vacation. He messages with me multiple times a day.

Now-I know I am not ready to date.  There was a situation this am where I had to text my ex to keep the kids on some of my days when I go down to Florida to visit.  He said that was fine and then accidentally texted me instead of Amy.  They were discussing my test I sent to him.  Basically dissecting my words.  It’s kind of hard to explain.  This was disturbing and the root of it-hurtful-that is the root. So later on Stephen (i’m just going to say his name who cares) messaged me and I focused on one word and my anxiety went crazy.  I said to myself you are absolutely not going to do this.  So I wrote down the conversation and sat back and realized that I was making something into nothing.  I do believe part of this has to do with the morning situation with my ex.

Here is the thing I don’t like to admit. He makes me feel less than. So in the future if something like this comes up I will use the app. No texting with ex.

Anyway I’m on vacation all next week and I can’t wait. Lots of naps and reading and dog parks and organizing.  I hope you are proud of me I think i did good.

Lindsey