Dear Anita,

I can try the sauna approach but I don’t think he will thaw LOL.

Here is an example of how completely confused I am.  So yesterday I came across and really good song about liking how someone makes you feel etc.  Then I got anxiety about sending it. First I thought a song was a bit cheesy but most importantly he would take it as an indicator love is being said (well, singing actually) versus really what the lyrics say.  I spoke with him later about it when I went to his house. I felt things were a little off but possibly b/c of the anxiety of the situation. We spoke briefly about it but I woke up this morning thinking I never told this guy that the song meant I really like him and do like how he makes me feel (per the lyrics of the song).

So I sent him a message this morning about it saying the song meant like and not more. Was more than like his impression?  He responded with “I do” and a joking emoji.  His unclear responses are annoying. I’m not bringing it up again since I feel like i have already and I do have anxiety. I’m sitting here still confused as to the entire situation.

Lindsey

Dear Anita,

Last night I told him I get nervous about putting myself out there because I do not like to feel vulnerable.  Because we both had difficult marriages – trauma involved- things are difficult in new relationships- which he agreed. I also spoke about how I like to take things slow- used your example of dipping toes in the water. He agreed about prior trauma in his marriage and that was it.  I said I didn’t think the sending the song was a good idea.  He was quiet and did not add much while I was talking.

I woke up this morning with the thought I never cleared up the meaning of the song- I sent a message this morning saying  I wanted to make sure it was clear that the song was in reference to liking him- not more- when we spoke last night.   He responded with “I do.” and sent a joking emoji.  I didn’t say anything else beside have a good Monday. I do not want to keep bringing up the subject however I want him to be clear about the meaning of sending the song.

Dear Anita,

I still think you need to get a beagle puppy!

Yes I agree with you.  My job is very stressful and busy right now- definitely bigger fish to fry so to speak. Best to let that go- my anxiety is fueling the fire b/c of my own traumatic past and being uncomfortable with my feelings… and myself.

My unhappiness with work is another struggle.  Will send a more detail when I can later…work is crazy.

Lindsey

Dear Anita,

work wise we are just understaffed and over worked. I’m looking on the internet for a new job. Big step not sure what I will do.

Currently dealing with a serious issue. Monday night Jason took a very personal photo of me while my head was turned and I could not see what he was doing. He’s asked to take personal ohotos of me before and I’ve always said no.

It didn’t really register with me about him having his cell phone and taking a picture until the next morning. I sent a text asking him if he took a picture and he said yes but deleted it. We had a phone conversation and he apologized. I keep going back and forth from being upset and then when he says something nice temporarily being ok.

I am thinking about ending the relationship. The photo was as personal as you can get. I feel humiliated. I am very sensitive about my body and I do not like taking pictures in general.

I feel drained about even having a conversation because I’m also angry. He knew I would say no about a picture.

I’ve spoken with 1 or 2 close friends about what happened. They think I need to talk with him but the situation may not call for a breakup.

I feel this will linger especially in the bedroom. I think about just not wanting to deal with him and start house back riding. I don’t know if the relationship will be healthy for me. It affects me more due to coercion with sex during my marriage. Help.

lindsey

Dear Lindsey

Please can I ask do you not like your photo taken at all? Many people are camera shy & that includes me. Many years ago a good friend was starting to teach himself to draw & paint and asked if I would pose for some photos, I explained that I did not take a good photo and was very self concious, but I wanted to it not to become a phobia and so we spent a couple of hours photographing me – out of over 100 shots there was about 6 that I was happy with. My friend then did a pencil portrait of me and then gave it to me as a present which I still treasure ten years later.

Then there is also the big issues of trust, respect & privacy all of which have probably been severely dented/broken by his actions, which may mean the end of the relationship from your point of view.

He may of just wanted a photo of his beloved and did not think thru the inappropiateness of what he was doing.You may wish to choose an ordinary photo of your self that you wish him to have of you if you choose to continue being in a relationship, this puts the control of your image firmly back in your court where it belongs.

best wishes

Roberta

Dear Anita,

I have an initial phone interview Monday at Liberty Mutual Insurance!

Regarding Jason and the photo. My mood for the last 2 days has fluctuated from anger, hurt, confusion.  Since today my emotions have calmed down a bit. When I see him tomorrow night I am going to give him some firm boundaries in personal matters.
we will go from there I guess.

puppy status?

Lindsey

Oh, and congratulations for setting the interview Monday!

anita