Dear Lindsey:

“The vacation was amazing-so much fun” – I am glad it was fun because you deserve to have fun!

“On a positive note, I think that my anxiety attachment is improving” – this is a very positive note!

“I am continuing to reduce how I respond to my ex because I am limiting conversations- my brain is relearning to not keep the same patterns” – yet another very, very positive note!

“I am exhausted, and my gas tank is not filling up.  This happens during trips. Maybe it is because I’m not at home in my bed and not on my schedule?” – as an anxious person, I know that I need my daily routine to keep me grounded, so maybe it’s the same for you: routine calms you and things outside your routine disrupt your calmness, maybe?

“He can tell right away when I’m off. He senses so much so quickly” – this is one of the big reasons why this relationship is as healthy as it is.

“I feel crowded. I am watching his dog until Monday because he went to Colorado to ski until Monday… I am 75% sure that he goes on more than 1 trip a year by himself (less than family trips) which could cause issues… I feel like I am being negative when I have positive things going on” – if you love to ski or you’d love to have a vacation in Colorado, but can’t afford it, then I can see how you’d feel resentful for dog sitting for him (free of charge I imagine) while he is doing what you can’t afford doing. Is this how you feel?

“Since we have started texting, I have wanted to be in a happy and healthy relationship and here it is” – since you and I started communicating, this really is the first healthy relationship I’ve been reading about. Doesn’t mean there aren’t challenges in it, of course.

anita

Dear Lindsey:

Please, please tell me that at the least he left you a big box of kibble and treats for his dog, so you don’t have to feed his dog at your expense?

anita

Dear Lindsey:

Then “Next time I will tell him I can watch Eva for 2 days max when my kids are not at home“, is a good idea (unless 2 days is too much). Wait, if you travel someplace, will he dog sit for you?

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I figure, if he is all about equality in a relationship (Lindsey’s duties = bf’s duties), better you see to it that the equality is maintained.

anita

Dear Lindsey:

You shared that you were on Vibryd, an antidepressant, for at least 10 years following having been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. About 5 years ago, you were diagnosed with a mood disorder, and for the last 2 years, you’ve been taking Lamotrigine, a medication prescribed to “prevent the extreme mood swings of bipolar disorder in adults” (online). The latter greatly improved your life.

Because Vibryd had negative sexual side effects, you stopped taking it about a month ago, following getting your doctor’s approval. But in the last month, the sexual side effects have not improved at all, and in the last 2 weeks, you’ve been experiencing “a change with classic depression symptoms… I feel like I do not have the energy to do anything (including maintain a relationship) along with work, children, and my ex“, and therefore, you decided to restart Vibryd tonight, in accordance with your doctor’s instructions.

My input: I think that it’s a good choice to restart the antidepressant medication tonight because (1) your children, your work and your need to manage your ex successfully, are all of higher priority than sexual pleasure, says I, (2) if you don’t have energy for the relationship, the sexual side effects issue is mute, I think, isn’t it?

“I did send a message to Jason that I am starting back the medication. I just do not feel happy at all, and I am hoping I do not screw up anything.  This is the worst timing really. I’m dog sitting and he is gone until Monday” – it is not your fault that you suffer from a mood disorder and need medications for it, neither is it your fault that psychiatric medications have sexual side effects, so please, be empathetic toward yourself, not judgmental and harsh! Also, you did not screw up anything, on the contrary: you are on top of things. I’ve been witnessing you making many good choices, for a long time. It’s admirable to see how well you take care of things and make good choices, again and again. I am impressed!

Monday will be here sooner than you feel, you’ll see. It will be okay!

anita

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by .

Dear Lindsey:

You are welcome! You’ll probably feel better once your body gets used to the re-introduction of Vibryd.

“I just wish I felt more grounded with it. In my brain the relationship is like a kite flying in the wind. Who knows when the wind will turn” – instead of focusing on a kite that moves widely with the wind, try to focus on the fluffy white clouds hanging in the big blue sky; they are more stable than a kite, less reactive to wind. It will be more grounding to focus on something more stable.

We are both talking figuratively here, but maybe you can interpret this into something literal/ practical.

anita

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by .

Dear Lindsey:

Before talking further about the sky, clouds and wind, I have questions:

1) “Jason:  I’m so tired from all the drugs we did on vacation, Lindsey: Ummm What kind of drugs did you do on vacation??, Jason: Nothing just marjuana and xanax” (I think he is lying there)” –

– did the two of you do drugs or just him? What did you observe him do as far as drugs during the vacation?

“Jason: My lawyer threatened me. She said if this is not resolved she is going to quit” – what needs to be resolved between him and his ex?

anita

Anita,

He went on vacation to Colorado with his male friend last week. (Wednesday to Sunday) I was messaging with him on and off during that time.  He mentioned they ate marijuana gummies and he took Xanax with him on vacation.  This was prior to the statement “all the drugs we did.”  He is perscribed Xanax for general anxiety.

I have no idea what needs to be resolved with him and his ex and I personally feel like this is something I should know more in detail.  He once said that his ex wife’s anger had been building for a few years but did not elaborate.  He did say that she has disagreed with everything and they keep going back and forth regarding how they are splitting up household items.

I feel like I am missing important information and I want to ask him why he thinks his wife’s anger had been building for a few years before they split up.  I think that is appropriate.

Lindsey