Dear Lindsey:

It’s my “job” to put things in perspective (lol).

“Maybe this irrational anxiety is because of the situation with my parents. I just wish it would go away” – significant life-time anxiety doesn’t just go away no matter how much we wish it would. And there will always be situations that will trigger the anxiety… No, I misspoke- much of the time, it is not the situations themselves that trigger your significant anxiety, but your thoughts regarding the situations.

A basic exercise in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) would be you doing the following: (1) List all the thoughts that occurred to you regarding the current situation with your parents, (2) For each thought, note how you feel about the content of the thought, (3) Challenging each thought- is its content true to reality, or is the thought untrue/ distorted? (4) For each distorted thought- correct its content, make it a true thought, (5) For every corrected thought, note how you feel about the now true thought.

Over time, if you do this exercise successfully every time you feel significantly anxious, your anxiety will lessen and lessen. You are welcome to do this exercise here on your thread, with me, if and when you want to.

“Is it bad to ask (Jason) for reassurance because of the last few days?” – no, it’s not bad. But after he reassures you, take it in best you can, don’t go on and on (like some people do) with endless requests for more and more reassurance.

anita

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by .

Anita,

Happy Friday! Our weekend trip is this weekend. We are leaving tomorrow and coming back Monday.  Regarding the reassurance I did speak with him and stated that this would not be a repeated request over and over again.  He stated that he doesn’t mind me asking.

Last night (we were messaging on and off all day and he seemed fine) he stated that he had a bad day-not this bad in a long time-too  much to convey.  I asked if he was ok and he responded yes.  I told him if he wanted to talk about things I’m here and he said thanks we can talk next time.  So guess who has anxiety  that it has something to do with our relationship- ME.

I texted him this morning about what time he wanted to leave tomorrow and he hasn’t read the message-he is usually up by 9:00am.  I swear someone is testing me.

Als0-last night the kids and I went to a Redbirds college baseball game. All of the teams went.  While I was there one of the fathers came up to me (with 2 beers in his hand and seemed intoxicated) that he was glad we all got on the same page-he was sorry about everything that happened and glad things worked out.  Long story short he was my ex’s attorney and now I am filing a complaint with the board of attorneys.  I have sat with his wife at baseball games and I have gone to their home for a birthday party and they have come over for my son’s birthday party.

I also want to call Jason which is irrational and slightly weird. But he’s also my boyfriend- isn’t that allowed? I just don’t know what’s going on with him.

Lindsey

Anita,

He has not texted back and it looks like he has not read the message.

Lindsey

Anita,

He is online and has not responded yet. I feel like I do not need this crap today.

Lindsey

Anita,

I do not know what was wrong yesterday.  He just got off line without responding to my message.  I am thinking about calling.  I know in the past my anxiety has caused things that are not needed but to a certain extent isn’t it fair to me that he responds?

Lindsey

Anita,

He already did his taxes lol.  I’m just going to call.

Lindsey

Anita,

I did.  Everything seems fine he said he woke up today and he feels better.  He said he was up doing things this morning.  He also ate an edible (subject for another time I guess) I said I don’t want to seem like a weirdo by calling but you said you had a rough day yesterday so I was just checking on you.

He said thanks and I just asked what time he wanted to leave so I could tell the pet sitter.  He stated time tomorrow was wide open we just need to get there before dinner. Planned to talk later about everything.

Obviously my anxiety overreacted.  I’m seriously tired.  I have no idea if he thought the call was weird but to a certain point I don’t care.  If we talk about it later I’ll just say it was my anxiety.  I mean what else can I say LOL

Lindsey

Anita-

Lots going on this might be a long message.  First off the vacation was amazing-so much fun.  Since I returned on Monday I have noticed a few things. First off I am exhausted and my gas tank is not filling up.  This happens during trips. Maybe it is because I’m not at home in my bed and not on my schedule?  I feel a bit guilty because of how nice it was for Jason to plan this trip that was centered around what he felt I would enjoy.  On a positive note I think that my anxiety attachment is improving.  He can tell right away when I’m off. He senses so much so quickly.

I feel crowded. I am watching his dog until Monday because he went to Colorado to ski until Monday.  I am noticing my texts are short to friends and when I’m off of work (work has been very steady) I’m mentally done for the day.

I am 75% sure that he goes on more than 1 trip a year by himself (less than family trips) which could cause issues. (this is in the future so why stress now)

I feel like I am being negative when I have positive things going on.  I am continuing to reduce how I respond to my ex because I am limiting conversations- my brain is relearning to not keep the same patterns.

Since we have started texting I have wanted to be in a happy and healthy relationship and here it is.

Lindsey