Anita

I enjoyed reading her post.  It was spot on.  I am almost prepared for mediation tomorrow.  I’m calm about it because the things we will be going over in my opinion are not argumentative.

My friends and Jason have said they do not understand my texting most of the time.  In fact this has caused some issues with Jason.  I feel like this is just another issue of mine.  I’m not even sure what I am doing wrong because it makes sense in my head. I do think I just text fast, don’t proof read before I send it.  However-this is the way I text.

I’m tired and I don’t think I want to see Jason anymore.  I do not think he has the patience to deal with my issues.  I have made it very clear from the beginning that I have anxiety and I can be reactive.  Right now he is thinking about if he wants to continue and we are going to talk tomorrow.  I’m ready to just say forget it.

Lindsey

Anita-

Mediation went well. I was very calm and was able to communicate what changes I needed and how my ex should respond and act.  He was panicky and nervous because he would call me out on things but then not have the proof. I was able to back up my statements and refer from emails and texts. We will be finishing up next Friday.
I have no idea what happened with Jason. Well I do know I should have stopped things before last night at dinner.  I had decided not to go to dinner. I didn’t think based on his personality he wanted to even deal with my anxiety.
so I didn’t text like I was supposed to and he sent 2 texts asking me to go so we could talk and I said ok.
Dinner was a disaster. We didn’t have the same views about anything. I was also frustrated because I was there and he wasn’t talking. But he brushed me off and I knew at that moment he had decided not to move forward. The end was very awkward. I texted him when I got home saying what just happened- you never talked and that’s why you invited me. So he said he didn’t think we were compatible and I agreed.

I don’t understand why he texted me after sending a long text questioning if we were right for each other and then being persistent to meet for dinner.

I feel lost and confused and wonder why he was insistent.

lindsey

Anita

he had asked me to dinner to discuss us. He was on the fence about continuing to date. I had ignored his texts where he was saying that but he persisted and I answered his text. I agreed to met him for dinner that Friday.  I changed my mind and didn’t text him like agreed. But he texted later and I agreed.

Apparently he decided he didn’t want things to continue during dinner. And I sat there feeling embarrassed. It almost felt like he set the situation up on purpose. To be the one saying no while I sat there. That sounds odd I know.

I should of never went to dinner. Or responding to him.

lindsey

Dear Lindsey:

I am sorry, Lindsey, I figure it was not a good idea to meet a man who is “on the fence” about dating you. If a man is on the fence, better leave him sitting on the fence, as uncomfortable as it may be sitting on a fence, particularly if it’s a metal wire fence. You are not a charity case to plead a case for someone to date you! Try to let this disappointing experience go and learn from it, so next time a man  is on a fence.. leave him there and .. walk away!

anita

Dear  Lindsey:

He is not that important in your life, really: in the overall scheme of your life.. he is not anyone of significance. Maybe he will be a significant part of some future woman, but he is of no significance to you. The exciting part is the future point when you will be of significance to someone and he will be of significance to you! I will be back to the computer in a few hours. Please do your best to let go of .. whomever makes no difference in your life!

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I hope you get back on track even sooner than 2 more days. You did such a good job in mediation, give yourself the credit you deserve.. don’t let a guy of no significance in your life upset you any more than he already had!

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I am well-enough, considering the climate change floods around here,  thank you.

“not doing well..  It’s the dinner with Jason…  I felt embarrassed, hurt, confused, and wanted to get up and leave. I didn’t take control of the situation to help myself.  I didn’t say the things that were on my mind“- it’s not taking care of yourself when you needed yourself to be there for your own self, not taking assertive action: saying what’s on your mind, getting up and leaving.

When we are Frozen in place, feeling voiceless and powerless- we feel all these things you listed. I remember the confused part most of all, when I used to Freeze instead of taking assertive action: it was very distressing for me. The only way to not feel these things is.. well, you know: to practice being there for yourself, to stand up for yourself, to take assertive action. (But not after the fact, by let’s say texting him later, but right there and then, in the restaurant.

anita

Dear Lindsey:

This is a surprising development…

“I told him I did not understand his texting.. .   I still don’t understand… I’m still confused as to why anyone would do that… I have no idea what I’m going to do or really what to think“- anita to the rescue then, lol ! If you have a record of the texting you are confused about, any record of what he said that is confusing, a simple description of a confusing interaction, you can post it for me and maybe I can point toward some clarity.

anita