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Am I asking too much or being too immature?

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  • #423765
    Saje
    Participant

    hi! I am not sure if this is the right place to post this. if not, admin, please let me know.

    I don’t receive much happy birthday wishes from friends. I am the type of person who don’t announce it but secretly hope that friends will remember. I don’t share it on social media nor do I share that it’s my bday month. Throughout the years, I have received happy birthday messages from friends but alot of the times, it’s never on the exact date.

    Today, I did something different, after receiving my friend’s bday wishes, I corrected her that my birthday was yesterday (in the past, I would just let that slide with the mindset that I should be grateful at least they remembered)

    Why did I speak up? Because I am important.

    I made the decision to put myself first. To remind myself that I am important as much as anyone else. I deserve to be seen, to be heard and to be celebrated.

    To be honest, I didn’t feel comfortable doing it because it’s something that I have never done before.

    I spoke to my sister about it. She said I was asking too much. I should have just let it slide and not overthink the situation (I’d also be much happier too) She added that people have lives and I should just be grateful that they remember. I shouldn’t be asking too much especially at my age (mid-30s).

    So my question as stated in the title, am I asking too much? Am I being immature for something that is so small and irrelevant?

    Thank you in advance.

    My background: I am a middle child and without a doubt I have the middle child syndrome. Growing up I never received the attention, care and love that I wanted. Everything felt so conditional. If I wanted something, I had to work hard for it. I lived many years wondering what did I do wrong or what can I do better so I can be loved more. This eventually led to people pleasing and the need to make everyone happy other than myself. For years, I felt guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, unworthy, and sorry for myself. There was a constant need to prove to the world that I am worthy and enough. I also lived with alot of anger. Through out the years, I have done many work to heal myself and my past. But there are days I feel like I shouldn’t ask so much since I am not a child anymore. I should accept, let it go, and live life as it is.

    #423770
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Saje:

    Why did I speak up? Because I am important“- Yes, you are! You are important, and I am glad you spoke up!

    I made the decision to put myself first. To remind myself that I am important as much as anyone else. I deserve to be seen, to be heard and to be celebrated“- beautifully articulated!

    I spoke to my sister about it. She said I was asking too much“- I disagree with your sister.

    I am a middle child and without a doubt I have the middle child syndrome. Growing up I never received the attention, care and love that I wanted. Everything felt so conditional“- it may be that your sister and perhaps your other sibling.. and maybe parents, all got used to not giving you the attention that you need, sort of in that habit…?

    (We communicated for a short while back in July 2021 in your first thread, by the way).

    anita

    #424420
    pink24
    Participant

    Hey! Reading your post made me feel like I’m reading my former self. I’m a middle child too!

    So, here’s some advice from a person ten years older. No, you’re not asking too much.

    You’re asking what I suspect you yourself give. You probably felt the need to talk about it because this new approach to life – asking for what you want – is uncomfortable and unfamiliar. And of course your sister dismissed you. You’re the middle child. Who cares what you want, right?

    Keep going, girl. Do YOU.Β  Β It’s going to feel uncomfortable, but who cares. And PS, “happy belated birthday” is a thing. Sucks your “friend” didn’t get it right. Isn’t that what social media is for? To keep those dates in check? Ugh anyway. Good luck girl! Sending you good vibes!

    πŸ™‚ Pink

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