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December 18, 2018 at 10:13 am #269845LisaParticipant
I had a longer post Anita but I do not feel like posting it now.
It could be my hormones but I am overcome with fear right now. My biggest fear is being shown that I am not as important as others. Some think simply acknowledging the feelings of others who are not in thier bubble is a grand effort that they can’t imagine doing.
I keep “not posting” everything I want to say.
There is a lot of emotion tied into what I feel are my philosophical observations that it often comes out distorted and rambling.
Will try to post again soon.
December 18, 2018 at 10:42 am #269857AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
I know you are afraid a lot, often. And I know how badly it feels. Only an hour ago or so, I was afraid myself. I destroyed a crock pot, you know, one of those pots that will crack and break if used as a regular pot, placed on a hot stove? Well I forgot it was a crock pot and that it happened before that I destroyed a crock pot in the same way and I did it again this morning.
I was distraught. A bit too caffeinated right before, a bit distressed and the crock pot… before I knew it I was distraught, more intensely than I have been for a long time.
I took a hot bath, I washed dishes so to have the kitchen organized, make me feel better. I tested the crock pot, it is broken. A loss of I don’t know… 30 dollars or so.
Well, here I am sharing with you my fear today. Feeling somewhat better at the moment, but tired, exhausted. You know how exhausting fear is.
I do hope you feel better soon.
anita
December 24, 2018 at 9:16 am #270753AnonymousGuestM E R R Y C H R I S T M A S, L I S A ! ! !
anita
December 27, 2018 at 11:10 am #271161LisaParticipantThank you! Merry Christmas!
I am sorry I have not seen your message until now.
Lisa
December 27, 2018 at 1:00 pm #271165AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
Not a problem. Soon it will be a new year, I do wish you a better 2019 than any year before it. Don’t worry if you miss this post before Jan 1-
Happy New Year, Lisa!
anita
January 1, 2019 at 6:48 am #271819LisaParticipantHappy New Year!! I would like to take your advice Anita and start a new thread. I think I have said all I can say in this thread about my insecurities, frustration, jealousy, hurt….I am just going around in circles. I would like to make a more positive tone thread. I do not think I have concurred my negative feelings but I am having the opposite effect happen to me than what happens to other women. As I am getting older I am actually finding my moods easier to manage while other women are having mood swings I had 40 years of what they will experience for a couple now. PMDD helped ruin my happiness when I was younger. I became a different person and then my rational self was left to deal with the results. I hope I at least helped people suffering from this to recognize how one sounds when they are experiencing PMDD.
I want to start with what is going on right now and talk about and being more proactive in reaching my goals. I am very optimistic right now but I have not come up with a name for my thread. I will think about it today. It will be optimistic. I am very commited when I name something I am writing to try and stay with it. Will be back later.
Thank you Anita and everyone who helped me with your advice and kind words.
Lisa
- This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Lisa.
January 1, 2019 at 6:54 am #271823AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
Seems like this thread is coming to an end: May 1, 2017- January 1, 2019, eight months. Thank you for starting this thread and I am looking forward to your second thread. A new year, a new beginning, is the aim, isn’t it. A new year really is a new beginning.
And you are welcome, a pleasure to read from you, to have you here!
anita
June 5, 2024 at 6:47 pm #433525LisaParticipantI want to bring this topic back up because it is more appropriate for me and I was right the first time.
I have never felt more rejected as a person, put down or alone in my life than I do right now.
June 5, 2024 at 6:56 pm #433526LisaParticipantLove is an illusion.
The wish for money is disguised as love. The need for friendship is disguised as love. Marriage is for money and status and security, not love.
Love is an illusion and so are get togethers in the name of “peace and love.”
Real Love is rare and does not harm another.
June 5, 2024 at 7:34 pm #433528anitaParticipantDear Lisa:
Welcome back to your May 1, 2017 thread! Please post here again anytime. I will reply to the two posts you submitted Thursday morning.
anita
June 6, 2024 at 10:40 am #433562anitaParticipantDear Lisa:
Your first post here was on May 1, 2017, and I replied to you on the same day. (We were both a whole 7 years younger!) I will start this post with quotes from my replies to you over the 26 pages of your thread, from May, 2017 – Jan 2019 (with minor grammatical editing; the boldfaced and are your words):
“‘Alone‘- the title of your thread, not connected- the theme of your childhood and life… We are born to be social, to connect. We only survive without. To live, to truly live is to connect… As a young child and throughout your life in your childhood home (until your mid twenties)… Bad things happened to you and you didn’t understand why they were happening. It felt like people hated you, and you didn’t know what you did to bring it about…
“You did not experience love, being valued… You experienced being tolerated, at best, for what you do for others. Being unloved, being shown no empathy, you were taught to survive, not to thrive (‘I have learned nothing more than to just survive.’). There was no empathy for you in your childhood home, no one cared to notice your distress; no one cared to find out your thoughts and feelings and help you. You were Alone… As a result, your anxiety fired up and expressed itself in the symptoms of ADHD, OCD, bed wetting, over-eating, depression and dysfunction…
“You feel that men treat you as worthless or as less worthy than other women. You are angry at men for that and jealous at women who are ‘held in higher regard’… that Men are selfish, they only love themselves. They place women into two categories: The Worthy (‘the worthies‘) and the Unworthy (‘the unworthies‘)… They show concern and take care of women in the Worthy category, but show no concern and no caring to women in the Unworthy category. Men expect women in the Unworthy category to never challenge them… Unlike other women in the Unworthy category, you speak your mind, you challenge men, and you challenge women in the Worthy category. For that you are punished by the men, eternally dismissed, and attacked by the women in the Worthy category…
“If you want a loving relationship with a man, that attitude needs to change… The changing of attitude regarding men that I am suggesting to you is to view men as individuals and evaluate a man as an individual. If you are not able or willing to evaluate a man as an individual, then you are not ready to consider a loving relationship with a man, dating, that is…
“Your plan includes the one step at a time concept, basic needs first, the need to be and feel physically healthy first, before meeting a man for the relationship you need. Losing pounds is already giving you tangible results which encourage you to proceed with the plan. Sleeping better is most important. Looking for better employment and medical insurance, very important, practical… Excellent work on your part, I say. Focus on progress, not perfection. Progress is not a linear process where there is nothing but progress. Within true progress there are times of distress and deterioration of functioning, but these are temporary. Overall, true progress is a line going up with many tiny zigzag lines going down… You endure, resume and return to the upward movement of progress.
“I like your ending of your last post, ‘Patience‘- key word. Patience. And remember the other word that starts with P: Perfection- no such thing as perfection. Be patient with your human imperfection… Be gentle and Patient with yourself, and don’t forget the reality of imperfection inherent to human function and performance…
“You started this valuable thread with: ‘I was an outgoing kid with an open heart… I was bullied on school grounds… I was often called a baby or sissy for not standing up to kids that bullied me but my thoughts often went to wondering why they wanted to bully me?‘ Your thread is a testimony to how damaging bullying is, how important it is that people in the position of parents, teachers, school employees will do everything in their power to interrupt bullying and prevent it… You wondered, as a child, why they wanted to bully you… you came up with a part answer:… an entity of sort intended and still intends to inflict pain on you… to punish you. In its intent to hurt you, it repeatedly, through the decades of your life, brings about events, coordinates those events, making them happen in such a way so that they result in you getting hurt. This entity’s aim is to hurt you…
“Regarding your strong emotions: ‘I am feeling a tremendous amount of guilt… I have to be calm… I feel the only way I can deal with all of this is to be numb… all I can do is work and feel anxious all the time…I am crying now of course. Why do I have to be upset all the time?‘- This is my answer to your question: because you are Alone (title of your thread). In the very beginning of your life and through the years of your childhood, you were very much alone. When a child is alone, in her room, door shut from the inside, while there were fights in the home, a child is scared. When there is no one to hug you, to silent that fear, to calm you, the fear goes haywire… If I could go back in time, into your world, I would give little Lisa a hug so big and warm, that it would melt that fear away…
“I think I understand now, after all of our communication.. and miscommunication of the last nine months on this thread something I didn’t understand before. I think that the Key Sentence of all that you shared is that you cannot tolerate an ounce of criticism from anyone. What I understand today is that criticism to you includes when any person expresses any difference from what you stated to be true to you. You believe, for one, that all men hate you and hurt you, and that the women who tried to help you, then turned against you and supported the men who hate you. If I suggest differently, I think you take it as criticism and you automatically view me as one of those women who are either hurting you or trying to help you, but then support a man who hates you…
“According to what you believe is true, you are a good, intelligent, creative, hard working woman barely surviving a hostile world where all people hate and hurt you or about to do so every time you try to improve your life, and every time you assert yourself. A world where people expect you to submit to their alleged superiority and abuse… In this world, as you view it, you are truly Alone. I believe that there is no way to live in such a world other than to suffer a whole lot. And that has been your experience so far, as you shared: barely surviving and suffering a lot… hurt and angry, in physical pain from overworking, exhausted, very, very sad, that is why you cry a lot. Every time you get motivated, you soon get frustrated. You feel very much alone, throughout life, most of the time. You’ve been telling here how you feel for many months. I hear you. I hear you loud and clear…
“You are a fascinating woman, never met or communicated with anyone like you. It takes a lot of time and effort for me to understand you, a process that is still ongoing… Seems like this thread is coming to an end: May 1, 2017- January 1, 2019, eight months. Thank you for starting this thread and I am looking forward to your second thread. A new year, a new beginning”.
Following that post, you started your 2nd thread Choosing Love on Jan 15, 2019. It lasted 11 pages until April 25, 2024.
Lisa, June 5, 2024 (in Alone): “I want to bring this topic back up because it is more appropriate for me and I was right the first time. I have never felt more rejected as a person, put down or alone in my life than I do right now. Love is an illusion. The wish for money is disguised as love. The need for friendship is disguised as love. Marriage is for money and status and security, not love. Love is an illusion and so are get togethers in the name of ‘peace and love.’ Real Love is rare and does not harm another.”
Today, June 6, 2024, I ask you, Lisa: please tell me more about Real Love..?
anita
June 17, 2024 at 5:53 pm #433928anitaParticipantLisa feels Alone, but she is not alone feeling-Alone: there are others out there feeling utterly alone. I felt Alone for the longest time. I am not Alone Anymore.
anita
June 20, 2024 at 1:18 am #434042LisaParticipantLove is patient; Love is kind; Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant.
1 Corinthians 13: 4
I hope it’s ok to post this here. It really sums up how I feel about real love and I would just be repeating what it says anyway.
I am trying to give my interpretation of how I agree with the quote and I want to but struggling with the wording right now…
Thank you for your response also on the 17th Anita. I am glad to hear that you are not “alone.”
June 20, 2024 at 7:40 am #434058anitaParticipantDear Lisa:
It is absolutely fine to quote from the bible. I quoted the same scripture you did in my past replies to other members. Love is patient and kind. It is not envious, not boastful, not arrogant. As I just typed these words I let them sink in. It’s good to start the day with these words, this scripture, so thank you, Lisa, for bringing it to my attention this Thurs morning.
I learned, when I went over my past replies to you (the June 6 reply on this page) that being patient and kind with you means, here on your thread, for me to say nothing to you that may sound like criticism, including any disagreeing with, or challenging what you say. Therefore, I promise you, that if and when you post again, there will be absolutely no disagreeing and no challenging of your thoughts, feelings, perceptions, etc., on my part!
“Thank you for your response also on the 17th Anita. I am glad to hear that you are not ‘alone.’“- you are welcome, and thank you!
anita
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