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August 7, 2017 at 11:19 am #162698LisaParticipant
I am proud to say that I have been holding on to my nutritional goals even with incredibule temptations in front of me. Right now it’s about not wanting to put something harmful to my health in my body. I think that is a good thing and hope my emotions do not disrupt that. So far I have been able to keep my emotions in check. I have been feeling optimistic.
I guess I compensate now by being enthralled by real life love stories. I will go online and read about couples…how they met etc. It seems to have occupied my time. My time though should be spent on my other goals. I am getting lazy with them and I can’t let that continue.
I am missing the comfort I got from food. This is just too important though and I do feel better physically. Patience.
August 7, 2017 at 11:39 am #162700AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
I like your ending of your last post, “Patience”- key word. Patience.
And remember the other word that starts with P: Perfection-
no such thing as perfection. Be patient with your human imperfection.
anita
August 10, 2017 at 4:41 am #163264AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
I wonder how you are doing, the status of your patience with your imperfection, how you are handling work these days, your multiple item plan. If your plan has too many items, I hope you are flexible and adjust your plan, make it shorter or one with fewer items.
anita
August 10, 2017 at 12:57 pm #163336LisaParticipantCan I just say how much this website has helped me and continues to help me. I really beeded to read the current article on the main page today. Believe me there have been so many that have helped me since I first started posting here and before. Thank you for all your inspirational words.
Anita I am doing ok. Please do not be too concerned with my description of the last few days because I am aware that I need to take care of myself, it’s just sometimes I get into these situations. I have not really had a good meal since Sunday because I ran out of money and have to wait until tomorrow to get paid. I had a gift card that was able to get me through the weekend and a little on Monday but I had to be careful what I ate because of what I have been avoiding. I was completely tapped by Monday and since Monday I have been living on an occasional vegetable with salad dressing and a couple of pretzels a day a customer brought in at my work. The last two nights I have been scrounging in my fridge for little stuff to eat here and there but nothing that could really be called breakfast lunch or dinner. I finally broke down and asked someone if I could have a little of their granola for breakfast tomorrow and they said of course. I didn’t tell them I have not really eaten in days. I akso like the fact that I am going to the grocery store tomorrow as I get paid tomorrow. Thank goodness because I am hungry. I had to eat a few small things that were not part of my diet but my calorie intake in the last few days have been extremely low so I still lost weight. I have also been walking to work and walking home. It’s takes an hour and a half both both ways which is to say I am walking 3 hours a day.
I know this is not healthy and I have to make sure I am fedproperly…I have just never been very good budgeting my money. I will get back on track with my healthy eating tomorrow.
I am really trying to embrace imperfection. I thought about how I was not taking proper care of myself and know that I have to focus on my goals and making them my daily gabits rather than thinking about the outcome.
Work is physically demanding. I often go home exhausted and my lack of eating this week is starting to take a toll on my energy. I love what I contribute to my work but I don’t love everything and obviously I do not make a lot of money.
I am on edge a little bit today because A. Ihaven’t had a good meal in 4 days and B. My PMDD is going on. I am an expert on how I think and feel when it happens so I have been taking a supplement that is suppose to help me balance my hormones.
Next Friday I start a very rare 10 day vacation! I so need it.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Lisa.
August 10, 2017 at 1:10 pm #163340LisaParticipantI have to go over my items tonight in my goals list. Yes I have a lot of items but it’s because I have a lot of issues and they are all interlinked. I might have to make another adjustment. I am open to imperfection and can consolidate again if my current plan is too demanding. I have to make it work. Part of my goals is to start getting out so I will not feel so lonely and tempted to look for my substitutes for fighting loneliness. I will go over everything tonight and let you know what I come up with. My eating will be back on track tomorrow so that will help me feel better and give me the energy I need to continue.
I hope Lucy and others I have heard from post because I would like to hear how they are doing.
Anita I will go over my notes and goals and see if I can make them even easier for me to follow.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Lisa.
August 10, 2017 at 1:16 pm #163344LisaParticipantI apologize for the typos in my previous post. I waited to long to edit and I can not now.
August 11, 2017 at 5:24 am #163402AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
I didn’t notice any typos. No requirement or expectation on my part that you apologize for typos even if I did notice any.
Today is your payday, it being Friday, that is a lot of people’s payday. I sure hope you make enough money to eat well every day of the week, and indeed it has been a matter of budgeting, and so, with sensible budgeting you will be able to eat well the following week, every day. It takes healthful food, not expensive food, as you do know, I think.
I am looking forward to read about any adjustments or simplification that you do with your plan, your notes and goals, so to make it easier on you. And I am glad that you keep imperfection in mind.
You do walk a lot each work day, three hours total, plus the job is physically demanding. Indeed you do need a healthful diet and rest.
I am glad you like this website, glad to be part of it.
anita
August 14, 2017 at 2:48 pm #163942LisaParticipantNot doing so good right now. I had a very busy weekend and I am very tired right now. I went through my goals and tried to consolidate them but I am not sure if I am happy with the outcome. I will work on it again. 3 more days until my vacation. I am feeling very vunerable right now because it seems someone always wants to manipulate me. I will get back.
August 15, 2017 at 9:35 am #164048AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
I am not surprised you were not doing so well yesterday. After days of not eating well and physical exertion, no wonder. You have multiple goals in your original plan. You wrote before that it has to be so because you have multiple issues. Consider, if you will, priorities of goals so that you spend your limited amount of energy and resources on the most important goals at this time. Maybe even just one goal.
Be gentle and Patient with yourself, and don’t forget the reality of imperfection inherent to human function and performance.
Looking forward to read you next post.
anita
August 23, 2017 at 6:08 pm #165388LisaParticipantI am feeling a bit disconnected right now as I am on vacation. Relaxing doesn’t come easy to me. I got a new notebook today to consolidate my goals. I have been working on them. It’s amazing how fatigued I am.
I will get back on track.
August 24, 2017 at 9:23 am #165452AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
Glad you posted yesterday, that you are getting back on track. I understand how fatigued you are, I believe I understand, can almost feel it. I know how fatigued I have been so very often, in my life, during my youth, much more than in the present. I was so tired from thinking and over thinking and being afraid so much of the time. I think that being afraid tired me more than anything.
Patience and gentleness, Lisa. Be patient and gentle with yourself
anita
September 7, 2017 at 9:48 am #167700LisaParticipantAs I am leaving the house this morning I am feeling very vunerable, very scared. I will explain fully in about an hour or so. I fear that negative energy is targeting me again, not coming from me but from someplace else where it always seems to originate.
September 7, 2017 at 10:43 am #167710AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
The negative energy targeting you, coming “from someplace else where it always seems to originate”- you are referring to your belief that you are being punished, correct?
You were already punished, Lisa. When you were a neglected child, Alone, you were already punished. It is the feelings of the past that keep haunting you. They are coming from the memory in your very brain, not from an entity outside.
Be kind to yourself. The punishment already happened; it is not yet to happen.
anita
September 7, 2017 at 11:10 am #167716LisaParticipantI might be a lttle vague today in the middle of a lot of realness so I apologize if some do not understand my posts. The vagueness comes from how I am feeling but I have to express it because I generally have no where to turn when I feel this way. My feelings are valid regardless how people view the reasons for them.
I feel attacked right now, by a negative energy, by people who don’t want to see a woman like me succeed. I actually feel more attacked by women rather than men right now. Women who don’t like other women thinking for themselves and daring to be proud of who they are. I am talking about women who speak only to gain points from men and men eat it up. I feel attacked by those women and since I believe most men and more than half the population of women in the U.S. live by this code, I feel outnumbered. We are in such a climate right now that even the women I have loved and admired for rising above the attacks feel outnumbered….and I can’t even live vicariously through them anymore.
I feel these people are laughing at me and rejoice in my discomfort. We really are living in the age of the bully regardless of how many anti bullying programs there are because no one is allowed to tell a bully off anymore. Since I was growing up bullying was something that people thought needed to be addressed so it made it more difficult for people who wanted to to bully in a direct way so they slowly became more passive aggressive. Turning the tables where they could bully and somehow make themselves out to be the victums.
Let me try to make this short. Oh I wish I could talk…but anyway. I used to have a roommate in a comfortable apartment. I loved my room and kept to myself. I was friendly but I wasn’t looking to be friends. From my personal issues I probaly cried here and there in my room but I was never loud and I never involved my roommate. She came from a beautiful area just outside if the city and laughed at me when I pronounced a word that sounded funny to her. She asked me if I liked a certain pop star whom I regarded as a bully and I answered that she simply reminded me in style of the person whom I felt she was bullying. I just said well she reminds me of _______ and my roommate was silent. I wasn’t surprised my seemingly stuck up roommate didn’t like the pop star who I thought was being passive aggressively bullied. One day she saw I had candy and insisted that I use one of her bowls to keep them in so I said thank you. A little while later she was wondering where her bowl was and I reminded her that she leant it to me for my candy and said “Would you like me to bring it out for you and she said “no no.” A little while later she took it out of my room and left a note saying that she did not mean that I could keep this bowl. I didn’t want the bowl in the first place and when she inquired about it I wanted to go right in my room and give it back to her but she insisted “no no.” So now I guess she feels in the position to claim I was purposely keeping the bowl from her. If you look at entertainment and sadly politics right now these are the people that rule the world now.
If I expressed any distress over people manipulating me she came to the conclusion that I had to go and insulting me in various words and actions creating a runaway train of judgement that I couldn’t stop. That I can never stop…why?…because I cry in public. When I look back on my life and what I have observed I have been treated worse than a criminal and with so much anger for voicing my opinion and crying in public. I have been hurt by this as well as fascinated by it. I had no lease so she could dump me out and treat me with contempt because she found it odd that I hardly came out of my room. That is what she informed my sister who knowing me didn’t think very highly of my roommate. My sister would ofyen tell me not to cry in front of people because my family knows me but others do not. I personally don’t look down on people who cry in public but as I have learned the hard way in life, I am from a different planet.
So I am forced to move back in with my sister from a place where I paid my rent on time, kept my room and common areas immaculate. I found another roommate who moved after two years and then I moved into my current situation which I love. Well a person whom I live with that I get along great with who has so much admiration for ne…her boyfriend asked me to doing some eork for him that involves me going to his apartment. After I say sure he informs ne of where his apartment is and it is in the same complex and one building up from where my fprner passive aggressive roommate lives. I thinl this former roommate already badmouthed me to an employer and that employer coincidently couldnt use me anymore shortly after she came in the shop. I do not want anything to do with this woman because I feel she wants to spread negativity around me. Of all the places this guy could live it had to be there. I already said I would do but backing out would mean me having to explain why and I do not want to lose the afmiration of my landlady. I also dont want to go there and this woman seeing me and somehow bad mouth me to this guy. Like I said I understand coincidences buf I have toomany “coincidences.” I am minding my businesd, trying to improve my life and then some negativity from my past tries to trip me up. I didn’t want this, I didnt look for it but it found me as usual. I dont know what to do.
I even feel the guy on some level wants to trip me up…and when it comes to guys it doesn’t matter how much another woman admires you. I didn’t ask for any of this and now I am stressed out on my day off. I should be doing something fun right now.
Any advice?
- This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Lisa.
September 7, 2017 at 11:25 am #167724LisaParticipantI apologize for the typos but I type too fast and make lots of mistakes and have little time to correct them.
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