Dear Gautam:

Welcome back with the follow up  on your previous thread.

This is what she told you: “I do have a special place for u in me…I am not going to put you under any illusions here.. This isn’t an emotion that I would want to develop into anything else”-

– what she wrote there is that she has a special feeling for you but she doesn’t want this feeling to develop into the love feeling required in a romantic relationship (gf/bf or wife/husband). She doesn’t want you to have the illusion that she will be romantically interested in you because she doesn’t want that, a romantic relationship with you is not what she wants.

“It’s just special to me and I would like to keep it that way… I want it to be. Just this much. Not more, not less”- she does not want to feel romantic toward you, she wants to keep what she feels now as is, no changes.

“Go, love freely. There must be a certain someone waiting for it still”- she is suggesting that you love another woman, a certain someone, not her.

“Any amount of thank you(s) will never be enough”- she is expressing gratitude for many nice things you did for her.

“I wouldn’t want you to stand here thinking that I can reciprocate how you feel”- she doesn’t feel romantic feelings toward you, she can’t feel romantically toward you.

“I normally don’t go around telling people how I feel. But I felt you deserve to know”- she is grateful to you, thinks you are a good person, that you’ve been a good person to  her, so she wants to reciprocate your goodness and tell you honestly that she does not feel romantically toward you and cannot.

“I want you to  stay. Always. Not as a lover, not as anything else, but as a ‘special someone'”- she does not want to be your lover or husband, but as a “special someone”.

What does she mean by special-someone?- “when I see a starlit sky.. I’ll always think of you… memories filled with colors, vibrant, yet serene”-

– the special feeling she has for you is something she will think of when stands alone under the starlit sky, a poetic kind of feeling, like a nice, sad song with a good feeling to it.

“I know we’ll create more memories, maybe subtly”- I don’t know what she means by it. I suspect she took a bit of a break from being honest in this sentence, as well as in writing to you that she cannot reciprocate your feelings “in the foreseeable future” which suggests that maybe following the foreseeable future she will reciprocate your feelings. You can ask her about these two items if you want.

In summary, it reads clearly to me that she is not interested in a gf/bf or wife/husband relationship with you, that she does not feel romantically toward you, and, reads to me that she doesn’t want to give you up being in her life. She benefits in some ways by you being in her life as you have been and she doesn’t want to give that up. So she is honest on one hand but she also strings you along a bit.

What  do you think about my understanding?

anita

Gautam,

Only thing I know is if I let go of her, she’ll break.

I think that you have too little regard for her strength and resiliency.  We all go through trials and tribulations.  If we don’t face adversity then we cannot grow, become stronger, more independent, more self sufficient.

You put yourself in a position as the only one who controls her emotional well being.  I think that there is some co-dependency if you truly think that.

… I’ve promised her to not leave her when I saw her crying.!

Promises made under adversity (even if it is self imposed adversity) should not be held valid for they are not true and honest and authentic because of the circumstances.  Also promises are not forever for with time, circumstances change.

Mark