Tiny Buddha

Tag: Peace

  • How to Access Your Intuition by Listening to Your Favorite Music

    How to Access Your Intuition by Listening to Your Favorite Music

    “Sometimes music is the only thing that takes your mind off everything else.” ~Unknown

    All major art forms can be a way to experience a deeper part of ourselves, but there is something unique about music. Perhaps it’s because music is a frequency with no physical form, so it can easily become a pathway to the formless realms of intuition and our higher selves or soul. We may never know for sure, but it is clear that music has a powerful effect.

    I have had experiences of feeling whole, connected, and complete when listening to music. However, I was not consciously aware of these experiences for a long time.

    I can remember driving my car, listening to my favorite songs, and being “transported” someplace. It was an experience of complete euphoria and wholeness. At the time, these were mainly subconscious experiences, and all I was aware of while listening was that I felt good.

    As I started to develop and use my intuitive abilities, I began to have many conscious experiences of my higher self. Only with this reference point did I become aware of how many times I connected with my higher self while listening to music. It was the same experience!

    Not all music will feel like a spiritual experience, and the pieces that do will be specific to the person listening, as we’re all unique. You may have said, without thinking much about it, that a particular song “speaks to your soul.” It does, and you will want to listen for its helpful guidance.

    Have you ever heard a song and then put it on repeat for the whole day or even a week? I sure have, many times. It seems like each time I play a favorite tune, it opens my heart a bit more to reveal hidden emotions and desires. These are the types of moments and songs you will want to observe to see what your inner wisdom is showing you.

    Over the past four months, I have been atypically listening to some of my favorite music from the 1980s; “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper, “Hazy Shade of Winter” by The Bangles, “Cherish” by Madonna, to name a few. Even current songs with an ’80’s feel find themselves first on my playlists.

    I began to internally investigate why the sudden ’80s music craze in my life when I received a knowing from my higher self that I was homesick and needed to talk more with family. I then started to recall childhood scenes of me playing with the family and neighborhood friends.

    I was in my formative years during this decade, and my siblings were still living at home. The ’80s was the only decade my entire family lived in the house before my older siblings moved away. It was a fun and joyful time in my life.

    My whole family now lives all over the country, and I live in Hawaii. We usually travel several times a year to see each other, but not this year because of the pandemic. I have been suppressing sadness about not being able to travel easily and safely to see my loved ones for many months without realizing it.

    The ’80s binge I’ve been experiencing these past few months was a way for me to emote this sadness and experience the childhood nostalgia associated with this music genre. Once my higher self revealed the deeper feelings around my recent propensity towards ’80 music, I began to reach out to my family more, which has helped with my feelings of isolation.

    Next time while listening to this music, take some time to reflect internally on what is happening and if any high levels of intuitive information are coming through. What I mean by high levels is direct guidance coming from your higher self or soul.

    There are ways to tell if you are getting intuitive guidance from your higher self while listening to music. You can observe specific characteristics right away that indicate you are receiving soul-level information.

    For example, intuitive information from your higher self is always accepting and loving. This loving feeling is inclusive and leaves none of you feeling left out or unworthy. Soul-level guidance will not come with harsh judgments and guilt trips.

    Another characteristic of soul-level information is that it will often come in very quietly. You may have heard phrases like “whispers of the soul” or “the still inner voice.” This is often the case when your soul is speaking. Music naturally stills your mind, which creates a quieter internal environment for higher guidance to come through.

    Guidance from your higher self is enveloped in peace. I notice that this peace is often present when listening to music I love. Even if a song’s message is heartbreaking, it still rides on a wave of peace if it’s speaking to my soul.

    Being in motion while listening to music, like on a bike ride or dancing, can heighten this experience of connecting to soul-level intuitive information. Movement helps “loosen” your spiritual body so you can become more open and receptive. Intuitive information will often become conscious when the physical body moves, especially if you are relaxed.

    If you’ve ever had an epiphany with your earbuds in, on a jog or an elliptical—with your mind clear, blood pumping, and heart open—you know what I mean.

    A relaxed nervous system is vital for hearing high levels of intuitive information. If the nervous system is on high alert, your internal environment will be very noisy. Information coming from the higher self is gentle and quiet, so having a relaxed nervous system will foster a space within you to hear your soul’s guidance.

    Listening to music while exercising outdoors is a great combo for hearing your intuition. We are intimately connected to the natural environment, and exercising outside in beautiful areas will naturally quiet and relax your body’s nervous system.

    I’m guessing you may have already experienced this as well. You’re at the beach, or in a park, your earbuds creating a perfect soundtrack to the beautiful, peaceful scenery, and suddenly life becomes clearer.

    If you don’t live in a place with a lot of natural outdoor beauty, put on some relaxing or heart-opening music in headphones and go for a walk. Do what you can to create a peaceful inner environment as you move around.

    Additionally, if moving around is something you can’t do, try taking a long bath or sit next to a body of water. Make the environment pleasant by lighting a candle or putting on your favorite soothing music. Water is a strong current for intuitive information. You may be surprised how much intuitive guidance will come through in these therapeutic settings.

    I have had many revelations in the tub or after a dip in the ocean. I often will get into a body of water when I’m feeling scattered, anxious, or confused. After soaking for a while, my nerves and mind will relax, and the next step I am looking for will appear.

    Whether you listen to music while exercising, at a concert, or just lounging around the house, I encourage you to think about the kinds of intuitive messages you get while listening. Is your higher self calling you to hold a different perspective, forgive, or acknowledge your true feelings about something?

    If you love lyrics, pay attention to words you’re drawn to and note what is happening in your life at that moment. Do the two relate? I tend to gravitate toward listening to instrumental songs. I feel they give me a blank canvas to interpret soul-level guidance more clearly. You may find that too.

    You will want to write down the soul-level information you receive while listening to music, apply it to your life, and then see if it has value for you. You can measure value by whether something is uplifting, useful, and helps you grow in character.

    Remember that if you closely observe your internal environment while listening to your favorite songs, you can intuitively reveal what your soul is saying to you. And then you can act on it and change your life.

  • How to Safely Enjoy the Pandemic Holidays

    How to Safely Enjoy the Pandemic Holidays

    “Surreal” is the word that keeps coming to mind. Life has felt like an alternative universe for quite a while now, and it feels even stranger during the holiday season.

    After a year of much sacrifice, reality is requiring us to forgo traditions we hold dear and distance ourselves from people we may feel we’ve already gone too long without seeing.

    And many are navigating the season with a sense of grief—for lost loved ones, lost purpose, maybe even lost hope.

    Maybe that’s not you. Maybe you are full of gratitude for everything you have, and now appreciate even more because of the pandemic.

    That’s also me, on some days.

    Some days I look around and feel undeniably blessed to have my health, my family, and all my needs met.

    On other days, I feel the weight of these long, isolating months and mourn for lost time with people I love and the family celebrations I will miss with my parents and siblings, who all live together, across the country from me.

    You may be in a similar position, oscillating like a pendulum between gratitude and grief. And you may be debating how to approach this season, logistically, mentally, and emotionally.

    Whatever your unique situation, I hope this checklist helps you approach the weeks ahead safely, with peace, hope, and joy, wherever you can create it.

    1. Caution

    This is the big one, and the hardest one to swallow and follow. It’s been a trying year, one marked by loss and heartache for many. We’re tired of it all and want this pandemic behind us—but it isn’t yet. So as much as we’d like to throw caution to the wind and end the year celebrating with all the people we love, we all need to do our part to protect ourselves and the people around us.

    Not the most exciting way to start this list, I know, but just figured I’d get this one out of the way!

    If you haven’t already seen the CDC guidelines for holiday gatherings, you can find them here.

    2. Communication

    As I imagine you’ve experienced as well, different people hold vastly different perspectives on what constitutes “caution,” and some are willing to take greater risks.

    For example, my extended family got together with at least four different households on Thanksgiving—including some who are regularly exposed to masses of people, some without masks—and they will do so again on Christmas. That’s a risk I wouldn’t be willing to take, but I’m also 3,000 miles away, so it’s a choice I don’t have to make.

    If you’re considering gathering with family, it’s essential to clarify where everyone stands, what precautions everyone’s taking in their daily life, and what precautions will be followed on the day itself. Don’t assume you know how anyone thinks unless they’ve clearly communicated it, because it’s quite possible you’d be wrong.

    3. Empathy

    This can be a tough one. When people make choices that may seem reckless to you, or they push beliefs you just can’t agree with, you may feel hurt, frustrated, or even outraged. It’s hard to separate a person from their choices, especially when it involves something as emotionally loaded as pandemic safety, and it’s hard not to take it personally if their choices seem selfish to you.

    I have been here recently, and I took it very personally. I got upset, I criticized, I judged. What I didn’t do is change anyone’s opinion, or in any way better the situation. I realized then I needed to empathize with the people who see things differently than me. Even if I wouldn’t make the same choices, I needed to understand the feelings behind them and focus on that.

    This doesn’t mean we need to condone decisions we don’t agree with, or in any way put ourselves at risk. It just means we accept what we can’t control and choose love over righteousness, however warranted it may feel.

    4. Self-compassion

    Odds are things haven’t been easy for you. Even if you are healthy, have a job and a roof over your head, and haven’t lost any loved ones, this year probably took a toll on your mental health. I know it’s taken a toll on mine.

    You may feel lonely, discouraged, overwhelmed, impatient, or even downright depressed right now. You may also feel frustrated to have to change your usual holiday plans, at a time when you could really use a little extra love, joy, and connection.

    It’s okay to feel frustrated. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling, even if you know you’re fortunate. It’s hard to be far from people we love, especially around the holidays, and to miss the traditions we value most. Be extra gentle with yourself and know it’s okay if your gratitude is mixed with a wide range of complex emotions.

    5. Acceptance

    I know how tempting it is to live each day in resistance, especially when you’ve lost a lot, or when things seem unfair. I know how easy it is to get caught up in how things should be or were supposed to be or would be, if only…

    What I don’t know is what you specifically have been through or what you’re feeling right now. So please know I am in no way suggesting acceptance is easy, or that I’d be able to do it easily if I were in your shoes.

    I can only speak to the general idea of acceptance, and how it frees us mentally when we stop fighting reality. I know that when we accept what we can’t control, we’re free to focus on the things we can control and make the best of them.

    I also know I feel better about the person I’m being, and ultimately better about life, when I come from a place of acceptance—even if it takes time to get there. I’m lighter, more present, more accessible to the people around me, and more likely to see opportunities where before I only saw unfairness.

    6. Perspective

    As with everything in life, this is all temporary. Things won’t always be this way. These challenges, these feelings, they won’t last forever. We will eventually get through this and will be able to live more freely. Though life won’t be exactly the same for many, we will find a new normal and new reasons to smile as we adapt to life as it evolves.

    It may be hard to see that now. It may seem like this earthquake of an experience will send shockwaves for years, and we’ll never find our footing again. But we are amazingly resilient as people. Odds are you’ve been through some deeply trying experiences in your life, and you’ve come out stronger, wiser, and maybe even enriched for having gone through what you’ve been through.

    Trust that, odds are, you will not only get through this, you will have many more reasons to smile, and many more holidays to celebrate with the people you love. This one year will one day be a crazy story in all of our rearview mirrors, so long as we keep driving, cautiously, on this somewhat treacherous road before us.

    7. Ingenuity

    One of the gifts of any challenge is that we need to be a little more creative, which can in itself be a source of pride and joy. If you’ve ever made a full meal on a day when you really needed to go grocery shopping, you know what I mean! My mother has a special phrase for this: “Not bad for a throw together!”

    Think of this as your throw-together—your chance to do more with less, to find beauty in simplicity, to make the best of what you have and maybe even start new traditions.

    I’m guessing you may have mastered the art of online connection this year. So now take it to the next level. How can celebrate in creative ways with people from afar? And how can you honor the people right in front of you, even if they’re only some of the ones you love?

    As for me, I’m planning to focus on the excitement of my son’s second Christmas, since I think he’ll appreciate it more this year. I’m going to ask my brother to Zoom-watch A Very Brady Christmas with me, since we’re dorks and watch it every year. And I’ll Portal with my family on Christmas morning when they open the gifts I sent them, so it will be kind of like I’m there.

    8. Mindfulness

    So here we are. At the end of a strange, painful year, staring down months more of uncertainty and potential stress and struggle. No one would fault us for looking back—it’s like there’s a massive multi-car pileup behind us; it’s hard not to gawk. And no one would be surprised if we anxiously looked ahead, worrying about the potential for more accidents down the road.

    But right now, many of us are sitting safely in our cars, with heat and music and at least one person we love to play car games with and pass the time.

    I realize this isn’t true for everyone. You might not have your needs met right, and you may feel unsafe in your home. If that’s you, please know there are resources out there to support you. You can find some here and here.

    If that’s not you—if, like me, you’re relatively fortunate and have a lot to appreciate and enjoy if you choose to be present—make the choice. As best as you can.

    If it’s hard, be good to yourself. Then try again. Try to see the beauty right in front of you, even if you have to look a little harder. Try to hear the magic in the music that’s playing even if you wish you could belt out the lyrics with someone who’s far away. Take some deep breaths, take an inventory of everything that’s going well, and then just let yourself be here, in this moment, enjoying whatever’s here to be enjoyed.

    —

    I think one of the gifts of especially trying times is that we’re reminded of things that are always true, but we often forget: That life is short, nothing is guaranteed, every moment with the people we love is precious, and each day is ultimately what we make of it.

    I know it’s easier for some than others to make the best of the life they’re living, because life is different for all of us. But I also know when I remember these things, I feel a lot more present, peaceful, and alive. And that’s the best way to appreciate the life we’re currently living—to choose to fully live it.

    —

    To help us all be a little more mindful, I’m currently running a holiday sale for my newly launched Mindfulness Kit, which includes four aromatherapy-based products for peace and relaxation and three FREE bonus guides for daily calm.  

    For a limited time, it’s available for $29 (usually $45). I know many of you have already gotten a kit for yourself and for holiday gifts for friends and family. If you haven’t yet, this may be the perfect time to give it a try or gift it to someone who could use some relaxation and relief. I hope it brings a little serenity to you or the people you love!

  • 5 Things You Need to Know If You’re Interested in Meditation

    5 Things You Need to Know If You’re Interested in Meditation

    “The fruit of meditation is not the absence of thoughts, but the fact that thoughts cease to harm us.” ~Bokar Rinpoche

    My inspiration to start meditating came from one of the most unlikely sources—a Star Wars movie.

    When I saw the wise Jedi Master Yoda meditating, I thought that there had to be something more to this than merely sitting silently with your eyes closed.

    Eventually, my curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to find out for myself.

    That was over six years ago. Since then, my life has changed for the better in both subtle and profound ways.

    It has considerably improved my mental clarity and focus and made me feel grounded in my life. The number of unhelpful thoughts in my mind has significantly reduced, and it’s helped me to become more present in my daily life and less on autopilot.

    The relationship with my family members has vastly improved, as I had the habit of being particularly reactive around them. Now that I’ve built the habit of recognizing thoughts and letting them pass, I’m better able to stop myself from unconsciously reacting. Which means I’m more likely to respond from a rational place and less likely to do and say things I regret.

    It’s also made it easier for me to deal with cravings and urges, and I’ve developed a kind of will power and self-control that I have never had before.

    However, it hasn’t always been easy. And in some ways, I made it harder on myself.

    Here are some things I’ve learned over the years of practicing meditation that I wish I knew when I first started out.

    1. Be easy on yourself.

    When it came to meditation, this was something I had trouble with.

    On far too many occasions, I would find myself lost in my thoughts or drifting in and out of sleep while meditating, and I’d then become frustrated.

    It took me years of meditating before I finally realized that being frustrated or hard on yourself for not being able to meditate doesn’t make anything better.

    One of the main reasons why we find meditation difficult is because we enter it with a goal-oriented mindset, expecting our minds to calm down within a very limited timeframe.

    It’s the failure to meet our own expectations that can make meditation frustrating.

    Instead, be willing to be extra patient and easy on yourself and let go of all expectations. This will not only make your meditation sessions a lot easier but also make them more effective.

    Always remember to be kind to yourself. If you struggle, accept it and let it go. After all, there is always tomorrow or the next meditation session.

    2. Take deep breaths.

    Many of us meditate to find some peace from our thoughts, but our thoughts can be loud and overwhelming. Taking a few deep breaths can make it easier to calm the chatter in your head before you sit down to meditate.

    Deep breathing activates our parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to promote a state of calm and relaxation in our body.

    A simple breathing exercise you can use is the 4-7-8 technique.

    • Inhale slowly through your nose, to a mental count of four.
    • Hold your breath, for a count of seven.
    • Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound, to a count of eight.
    • This completes one cycle. Repeat it for ten times or more according to your preference.

    3. You have to put in the work.

    If you want to progress in meditation and have a calmer mind, you have to put in the work.

    Having a sense of discipline and routine goes a long way. If you decide to meditate for fifteen minutes each day, stick to it no matter how distracted your mind is when you sit down to meditate.

    Many times I would cut my meditation short or sometimes skip it all together when it seemed difficult to sit down and be still. But skipping one or two days can make it much harder to meditate the next time around and can make you prone to skip many more.

    Ever since I began exercising (physical workout) daily, I’ve understood some days you are not going to feel like doing it, but once you do it you will always feel better, and the same applies for meditation.

    Make it a point to show up every day, no matter what mental state you are in, because you always feel better by the end of it.

    4. Stop chasing experiences.

    As you meditate daily, after a while, you may start to have different kinds of experiences such as seeing different colors and visuals, experiencing your whole body vibrating, and even feeling intense energy in your chakras (energy centres).

    During some meditations I would feel so happy and at peace, and I would start craving these kinds of experiences.

    The problem is that the more you meditate with that kind of mindset, the more distracted you will be during meditation, then the inner chatter gets even noisier.

    While meditating, it’s always best not to chase any experiences, since you will most likely be disappointed if that’s what you are after.

    5. You are not your thoughts.

    The first time I read The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, I didn’t really understand what the book was all about.

    However, after reading it for the second time a couple of years later, the main message hit me and has since had a life-changing impact on me—the fact that you are not your thoughts.

    Here is how Eckhart Tolle puts it:

    “The most decisive event in your life is when you discover you are not your thoughts or emotions. Instead, you can be present as the awareness behind the thoughts and emotions.”

    Understanding that the thoughts that pop into my head during meditation are not mine, I realize that I’m under no obligation to follow them while meditating. I can simply observe them and let them pass. And that’s where I find peace.

    —

    Practicing meditation has allowed me to slow down and savor life without the urge to be always doing something or require constant stimulation.

    If you’ve never meditated, you may find it hard to see yourself as someone who meditates and may feel that it’s not your thing.

    Try it for yourself and find out. Who knows, you just might get hooked.

  • Not Having the Urge to Defend and Explain Yourself

    Not Having the Urge to Defend and Explain Yourself

  • How Marijuana Was Great for My Anxiety and Why I Stopped Using It

    How Marijuana Was Great for My Anxiety and Why I Stopped Using It

    “When solving problems, dig at the root instead of just hacking at the leaves.” ~Anthony J. D’Angelo

    This is an account of my experience using marijuana as a device to help my anxiety, why I’m glad I had it, and why I no longer need it.

    This story isn’t an advocation for or against smoking pot. It’s a story to shed some insight into how and why it helped certain ailments and my journey to lasting change without it.

    How Smoking Pot Helped My Anxiety

    For most of my life I was a closet anxiety sufferer.

    That’s mostly because I didn’t have a label for how I felt until I was thirty.

    My anxiety brought insomnia, tension headaches, stomach problems, and social anxiety in addition to the swirl of bees that lived in my chest.

    One symptom that drove me nuts was incessant queasiness. In my twenties I dated a guy who smoked pot, so I gave it a try to see if it would help my stomach. And it helped. A lot.

    Then I noticed it helped me fall asleep.

    It helped with my ADD by letting me focus on my work when I was coding (nerd alert!) or doing something creative.

    It helped my social anxiety by loosening my worry and fear over other people’s judgments.

    When I felt anxious, upset, sad, or angry, it dulled the negative emotions down and helped take the edge off, which sometimes was enough to give me the space to get some perspective.

    It eased my tension headaches.

    It gave me something to do on boring days.

    It made doing chores less laborious.

    I came to rely on it. If we were running low, I would start to get anxious. If I ran out, I would have anxiety attacks. I felt like I needed it to get through the day.

    I went from occasionally smoking to smoking morning, noon, and night (and in the middle of the night when I couldn’t get back to sleep).

    I told myself that this was perfectly acceptable. It was my medicine. I needed it. It was a way of life. That it wasn’t like I was smoking cigarettes, so it was totally fine.

    Pot helped.

    But only in the moment.

    Why Smoking Pot Didn’t Really Help My Anxiety

    What pot didn’t do for me was fix my anxiety. It didn’t make it go away; it just eased it a bit temporarily. It wasn’t helping me get to the root of my problem, and that’s why I needed to keep going back to it.

    It was helping the symptoms of anxiety, not the cause.

    Anxiety caused stomach problems and tension headaches. Pot helped with that.

    Anxiety made my mind jump all over the place when I tried to sleep or focus. Pot helped slow the erratic surge of thoughts.

    Anxiety made me nervous around other people. Pot took the edge off.

    I didn’t like how any negative emotions felt in my body, so I jumped to numb the feeling in the quickest and easiest way I knew how. Smoking pot.

    It became such a habit that the idea of not having this crutch at my immediate disposal caused me stress.

    Day after day, year after year, the anxiety was still there. So I kept needing my crutch.

    That is, until I decided I wanted to walk on my own. I reached the realization that I wanted to solve this problem, not manage it.

    That meant I needed to get to the bottom of it.

    Why Did I Have Anxiety in the First Place?

    I didn’t know I had anxiety for most of my life. It was just how I felt. I figured some people were either lucky that they were happy and carefree, or they were faking it.

    It just didn’t seem like it was in the cards for me. I felt like this was just how I was born.

    I grew up in a “suck it up” kind of family, so we didn’t talk about our emotions. I never really saw my parents showing me a healthy way to share feelings, so I didn’t have something to model after.

    What I did see were people being made fun of for being emotionally vulnerable. I thought it was weak to show people that you are hurting.

    But through a lot of inner work, I was able to start breaking down what was causing my anxiety.

    My social anxiety and fear of being found out as a fraud at work (aka imposter syndrome) stemmed from a long-held belief of not being good enough.

    Doing some reflection on my past, the “suck it up” environment I grew up in led to being made fun of a lot as the youngest kid. I internalized this and turned it into a belief that I held onto for decades.

    This limiting belief came out as fear. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of not being liked. Fear of making a wrong decision.

    This accounted for a lot of my anxieties.

    The stress response—aka the fight or flight response—has two sides. Flight = fear. Fight = anger. So I held a lot of anger too. I was so quick to anger and judgment. And I held onto it for a long time whether it was being cut off in traffic, or when my mother left when I was fourteen.

    Anger is a defense mechanism. It’s triggered when you feel threatened in some way. And I always felt threatened.

    Years of anxiety will plague the body. Constantly triggering one’s stress response wreaks havoc on the immune system, digestive system, your heart, mind and whole body.

    So that explained all my symptoms.

    Smoking pot helped the symptoms. It didn’t help me overcome my long-held belief that I wasn’t good enough.

    How I Overcame Anxiety Once and for All

    What I really needed was to change my relationship with my thoughts. To do that, I first had to learn the important lesson that you are not your thoughts.

    This is a core concept in meditation, which is one of the biggest tools that helped me relate differently to my thoughts.

    When I first came across this concept, I didn’t get it. “If I’m not my thoughts, then what am I?” I came to learn that thoughts are just ideas, just sentences floating through the brain like clouds in the sky. They come. They go. They change shape.

    I, me, myself—that is who gets to choose which thoughts to hold onto, which ones to believe. There is a me beyond the thoughts.

    Once this idea started to ring true, that’s when change began. When I was fearful of what other people thought of me, I needed to dive into why.

    Instead of allowing these fearful thoughts to run through my head on autopilot, believing the things they said to be true, I was able to stop, step back, and challenge them.

    So instead of catastrophizing every situation, I could take the time to ask and honestly answer questions like “What’s the worst that could happen?” And to that, I could follow up with “How will I cope with that worst-case scenario if it actually happened?”

    I learned I was much more capable of dealing with adversity than I had ever given myself credit for.

    Stopping Wasn’t Easy

    Marijuana may not be chemically addicting like many drugs. But it can be very psychologically and habitually addicting.

    Years of anxiety meant that I’d developed a lot of unconscious triggers to feeling anxious. That meant sometimes the symptoms of anxiety would come up without me knowing exactly why.

    Anytime I felt a little queasy, or even too full. Seeing smoke or even hearing the word. Getting home from work. Feeling any amount of stress or afflictive emotions. Boredom. Going to any social gathering. Celebrations.

    Whenever I was triggered physically—like feeling my heart racing or tightness in my chest—I would freak out and jump to ease the discomfort as quickly as possible.

    Part of my work to overcome anxiety was paradoxically to allow myself to feel it without fighting it.

    Just like the Buddhist story of the two arrows. Getting hit with an arrow hurts, of course. But in life, things happen and sometimes hurt.

    Lamenting it, saying how this should never have happened, wallowing in how much I hate that this happened and how much I want it to end—that’s like getting hit with a second arrow.

    Fighting against reality causes unnecessary suffering. Like trying to pull your fingers out of a Chinese finger trap—you get stuck even more. I found that peacefully recognizing the discomfort, saying hello, allowing it to pass through was all much more effective than taking a hit off my bowl.

    And over time, these feelings of anxiety from unknown sources became less and less, and getting through them became easier and easier.

    I’m glad I had pot as a device to help with my anxiety for the time that I had it. It gave me relief. It let me experience moments of peace. For me it was a stepping-stone on a journey I didn’t realize I was on.

    But once I recognized that my anxiety wasn’t improving, that I needed to put in some work to take my life to the next level, that’s when I knew it was time to take the leap into the unknown without my crutch.

    I stumbled for a hot minute, then got up on my own two feet. I now look back at my life in phases—the “old” me and the “new” me.

    The “old” me would have been a nervous wreck to admit any of this story to the world. She would have written it while high. She would have freaked out when she ran out of her stash.

    The “new” me writes this with the confidence that I know my message will land with some people, while others may not like it or even care to read this far, but I don’t worry about what people think anymore. I’ve tackled my “not good enough” inner bully. She still makes a peep here or there, but I now know how to listen without judgement and then go about my day.

    For full transparency and honesty, I still dabble occasionally from time to time. But not because I need it and not because I’m anxious and running away from my feelings, rather, it’s like enjoying a nice glass of wine.

  • Healing PTSD One Breath and One Day at a Time

    Healing PTSD One Breath and One Day at a Time

    “Recovering from PTSD is being fragile and strong at the same time. It’s a beautiful medley of constantly being broken down and pieced together. I am a painting almost done to completion, beautiful but not quite complete.” ~Kate J. Tate

    I never considered myself as a trauma survivor.

    I didn’t think I had something as severe as PTSD. I reserved that diagnosis to those who suffered from things far worse than me.

    It felt dramatic and attention-seeking to label myself as a “trauma survivor.”

    First of all, what is trauma? The term tends to be loosely thrown around, and the meaning can be hard to identify. Essentially, trauma is an event that overwhelms the central nervous system and exceeds our ability to cope or integrate the emotions involved with that experience. The more frightened and helpless we feel, the more likely we are to be traumatised.

    PTSD is a mental health condition that can develop after a person has been through a traumatic event or has experienced repeated exposure to trauma. But not every traumatic event will result in PTSD.

    It’s natural to feel afraid during and after a traumatic situation. Our inner “fight-or-flight” response is our body’s way of protecting us from harm. While virtually everyone will experience a range of reactions after a traumatic event, it’s those who are unable to integrate the experience properly, and when it starts to interfere with daily life that it develops into PTSD.

    Symptoms like flashbacks, bad dreams, or frightening thoughts that last for more than a month and are severe enough to interfere with relationships or work are considered to be PTSD.

    I know this area very well because I’ve experienced it, but also because I’ve studied it. I’ve recently graduated as an art therapist and have asked myself whether it’s ‘professional’ to write so openly about something as intense and vulnerable as my own journey through PTSD.

    As a student, it was perfectly fine to write about the pain of my past. I was still learning, developing, healing. But as a graduate, it feels like something I’m meant to have already resolved by now. Unfortunately, though, I’ve come to realize that healing from psychological trauma can be a lifelong journey.

    Those who know me well are aware that my sister died of suicide. While I rarely ever speak of the subject, I have written about my grief and pain extensively. It’s been seven years since she died, and I still feel the trauma from those years leading up to and following her death.

    Anyone who has lost someone they love to suicide can understand the guilt, shame, and isolation that pile on top of the unbearable grief of their loss. We are often plagued with guilt. “Wasn’t there more I could have done?” Suicide is still so misunderstood and stigmatized.

    For years I was oblivious to the accumulation of trauma on my body until I moved to the other side of the world, met the man I am with today, and created a life where I finally felt safe and secure in my home environment.

    Without any actual threats anymore, my mind was bewildered by the stability of my life. For over ten years, I was coping with actual life or death situations, and now there was none. It was just calm and quiet.

    It didn’t last before I was pulled up in another type of storm, a toxic workplace. What made matters worse is that I could not quit or go on stress leave unless I was prepared to leave the country. Essentially, my visa to remain in Australia was tied to that job.

    I saw a lawyer and was told that if I wanted to stay in the country then I would have to stick it out for the next two and half years. Only then could I quit. It felt like I’d been sentenced to prison.

    The feeling of being trapped and helpless triggered memories of my past, when I was fighting to save my sister’s life. After having a panic attack at work and being prescribed three different types of medication, I became seriously concerned about my health.

    It scared me because I was doing everything I was ‘supposed’ to do. I was eating well, exercising, seeing a psychotherapist, and meditating almost daily. I was functioning relatively well on the outside. Yet I had terrible stomach aches, regular nightmares, and severe chest pain.

    Eventually those painful two and half years passed, and the day came where I could finally quit. When I walked out of that office for the very last time, I almost kissed the ground in euphoria. I felt so free and alive. Magically, all of my physical symptoms subsided. I could finally breathe and cherished every single unstrained breath.

    Sadly, it didn’t last. Slowly but surely, all the familiar physical symptoms of anxiety slowly came back. This made it clear to me that all this unprocessed pain is still in my body. I finally understood what Eckhart Tolle was referring to when he talked about “the pain body.” I knew I needed heal myself by gaining more of an understanding of my unconscious triggers.

    Of course, I had no idea how to go about that because, well, they are not conscious. This led me to where I am now; undergoing something called Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR).

    The goal of EMDR is to process and integrate traumatic memories into standard, less emotionally charged memories. I expected the first session would ‘cure’ me and I’d leave a new person, just in time for graduating as an art therapist! But of course, life rarely follows the expectations we have for it.

    My psychologist also explained that EMDR tends to work best for a one-time traumatic event like a car accident. For those like me who have complex PTSD, a few more sessions are usually required. In addition to monthly EMDR sessions, my psychologist recommended that I read The Body Keeps the Score and try out trauma-sensitive yoga. I’m also taking a meditation practitioner course where I meditate daily, and am learning from wise teachers like Tara Brach, Eckhart Tolle and Deepak Chopra.

    While the process has been excruciatingly slow, I can feel a bit more space in my heart. The pace of it still infuriates me at times, if I’m being honest. But I know that hurrying and rushing does not help the healing process. In fact, it seems to have the opposite effect. So now I’m doing what I’ve never done: slowing down. Creating time for deliberate quietness through meditation and connecting to my body to learn its language through yoga.

    I have moments now when I feel overwhelmed by my to-do list and feel my whole-body tense. I can usually pinpoint when I have dropped outside of my window of tolerance because I suddenly have the urge to act immediately on every single thing. Not a moment to waste! Get out of my way!

    In those moments, I stop. I relax my shoulders and take a deep breath. If I’m swarmed with fear-inducing thoughts about all the worst-case scenarios, I then reflect on the opposite of those thoughts. This pause might last for less than a second and then the rush of thinking swarms me again. When it does, I try my best to be compassionate and forgiving to myself for falling back into my old ways.

    We are who we are because of years of repetition, which resulted in habits. I can create a new one. Every single day I’m changing. These moments of stillness and peace throughout the day add up. They are the building blocks for a new way of being. They are the daisies and sunflowers on the road to healing.

    There are no shortcuts or accelerator programs to get ‘healed.’ At least none that I’m aware of. It takes time to break through the fog of the past and settle into the stillness of being. To unravel ourselves from the pain we once endured and return to the life that’s in front of us now. It takes continuous daily effort and requires inordinate amounts of self-forgiveness and compassion.

    I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely healed, and maybe that’s not the point. Maybe the point is to expand my tolerance of all that it is to be human. Maybe the path of being a healer of any kind is not show people the way, but to just be with them. We all experience things so differently, anyway. There is no one size fits all.

    In the meantime, I’ll continue doing what I’m doing. Or, continuing what I’m ‘being.’ Taking each day as it comes. One breath at a time.

  • 5 Easy Exercises That Will Make You Lose Your Mind

    5 Easy Exercises That Will Make You Lose Your Mind

    “Lose your mind so that you can gain a new way of knowing.” ~Holly Lynn Payne

    You know those moments when your thoughts seem to be going off in all directions? No logic, no control. All fighting for your attention like a class full of overexcited school children, one shouting even louder than the other at a teacher who’s lost control and ends up running out of the classroom crying.

    “What if I don’t get this job?”

    “What if they don’t like me?”

    “Why hasn’t Rico returned my calls?”

    “What if he doesn’t really love me?”

    “Did I turn down the heater?”

    “I feel like a failure thinking about my money situation.’”

    “He should have called me back if he really loves me.”

    “I should start budgeting tomorrow.”

    “I am going to do yoga every day next month.”

    “I should really lose some weight.”

    “If this is how it is, I don’t want to see him anymore.”

    “Is reality really even real?”

    “I feel feverish; do I have Corona?”

    “What if the sun doesn’t come up?”

    “I am going to text him now.”

    “No, let’s not text him now, I am too upset.”

    “I feel a weird tingling in my hand, am I dying?”

    In such a situation you feel like you are going crazy, right? You want to stop it and get out of there and just want some peace and quiet. Precisely because it is so uncomfortable to have thoughts like these, it is a great motivation to let go of your mind and find your silence inside. These moments make you want to lose your mind, and that’s actually awesome!

    Meditation is a great ally in my life on all levels; sitting in silence helps me get in touch with a deeper level of experiencing—more happiness, more flow, and more magic. But I speak to a lot of people who find it very hard to start meditation. Even if they try, they get stuck or they struggle.

    It is my mission to make meditation easy for anyone who’s interested, because it really is easy once you get it.

    Through my years of spiritual practice, retreats, and meditation training I ran into a few exercises that almost feel like a cheat code to get around the mind. They are so easy, so accessible, you don’t need any practice and they don’t take long at all. But they deliver on a silver platter what so many people are looking for after years of trying to quiet the mind with meditation.

    Whether you are a newbie or a veteran, it doesn’t matter; these exercises offer something for everyone.

    What’s important for all these exercises: Let go of expectations, just observe what is happening; there is no right or wrong. Experience how it feels for you and stay in the feeling; don’t try to understand it in words.

    1. Ping pong

    The next time you find yourself caught up in some type of love story or money trouble or worry in your head, pay attention and you will see you have thoughts that say completely the opposite.

    Think about this classic example of contradictory thoughts:

    “I never want to see him again.”

    “Why doesn’t he call me?”

    When you have opposing thoughts like this, take a step back in your mind and look at both thoughts. It’s just like looking at a ping pong match, right? Then just stay there for a while and feel what happens.

    2. Look

    Go for a walk outside; it doesn’t matter where or when. Focus purely on your surroundings. Just look with your eyes, really look, without commenting in your head on what you see. It doesn’t matter if it’s a beautiful forest of a busy shopping street, just keep your attention on what you experience in the moment.

    If at any moment a thought pops into your head, don’t grab hold of it; just observe it and let it float by, like a cloud in the sky. In the meantime, keep your attention on your surroundings and keep walking.

    3. Five breaths

    This might sound very simple, but when it comes down to it, it’s harder for a lot of people then they might think, and that’s what makes it so fun and so eye-opening. It’s a great way to see how many thoughts, big and small, are popping up in your head every breath.

    So just sit down, close your eyes, and breathe five slow breaths in and out, in and out, counting as you go—inhale, exhale, one; inhale, exhale, two. Counting will give you something to hold your mind, which will help you keep it clear of other thoughts.

    If you can make it to five with a quiet mind, see if you can add another five, and then more after that. If thoughts pop up, simply bring your focus back to your counting and your breath.

    While you practice this the invitation is to see what happens for you. How does your mind feel? How does your body feel? Are you experiencing anything different?

    4. Wait for it

    Sit down, close your eyes, and say to yourself, “Hmm, I wonder what the next thought is going to be.” Focus on the space inside your head where thoughts seem to come from and sit and wait for the next thought while keeping your focus.

    5. Hum!

    The amazing Indian tradition of Brahmari is a great emergency tool for calming a chaotic mind.

    Just close your eyes and go “Huuuummmmmmmmmmm” and keep the “mmmm” going for as long as you can until you hear the “mmmm” in the center of your brain. You can also use “Ohm” or “Aum” if you like, since they end with “mmmm” as well. Do it as long as you can, for as long as you like, and see how it calms and relaxes you.

    —

    These five exercises will give you an experience of silence in no time at all, and they’re all great first steps toward a regular meditation practice. When one doesn’t work just move to the next one, not forcing anything. Be playful with it.

    If you do these exercises regularly the silence will become longer and clearer. But beware: They might just make you fall in love with losing your mind!

  • Giveaway: Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal – A Tool to Calm Your Mind

    Giveaway: Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal – A Tool to Calm Your Mind

    THE WINNERS HAVE BEEN CHOSEN! 

    Thank you, everyone, for opening your hearts and sharing a piece of yourself and your journey. I am amazed and inspired by all of you, and so grateful that you shared your strength and your stories here.

    I wish you all peace, joy, and so much love!

    The winners are:

    Please send your address to email@tinybuddha.com so I can send you a copy of the Worry Journal!

    —

    Though life has become a lot less busy for many these days, I suspect a lot of us have incredibly busy minds given all the uncertainty we’re facing.

    It’s easy to get caught up in worst-case and what-if scenarios, trying to create some sense of control in a world where we have very little.

    I know, because I’ve done this many times. I’ve locked myself in a corner in my mind, filled my internal whiteboard with every possible combination of outcomes, and obsessed over how I could avoid potential pain—ironically, causing myself immense pain in the process.

    To some extent advance planning can be helpful. It gives us a chance to prepare for the worst and ascertain how we can do our best to get through it. But beyond a certain point it becomes maddening.

    It’s natural to have worrisome thoughts—they arise without our conscious choice. But we can consciously choose how we engage with them instead of spinning them into a tornado of anxiety that will surely destroy our peace, and possibly our health.

    This is why I created Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal a couple years back: to help us all work through the fearful thoughts that would otherwise consume and control us.

    With writing prompts, quotes, questions for contemplation, and coloring and doodle pages, the Worry Journal can help you feel calmer, less anxious, and more present in your life.

    It’s a tool to help you reflect and then release, while broadening your perspective and helping you develop trust in your own ability to handle whatever’s coming.

    I think we all need that right now—a reminder that we’re stronger than we think and more resourceful than we realize. And that is why I’m giving away three free copies of Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal.

    The Giveaway

    There are two things you need to do enter the giveaway:

    1. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha if you’re not already a subscriber. (You’ll receive instant access to Tiny Buddha’s 30-Day Health Challenge and three cool desktop wallpapers!) You can join the list here.

    2. Leave a comment below completing one (or more!) of these prompts from Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal:

    • Today, I choose to let go of things I can’t control, including…
    • I recognize that I don’t need to have all the answers right now. Today, I give myself permission not to know…
    • Dear inner critic: You always focus on everything I’m doing wrong, but I know I’m doing a lot right, including…
    • I know I’m strong enough to handle whatever comes at me, because I’ve survived a lot, including…

    Your comment can be as short or long as you’d like, and you can enter until midnight PST on Sunday, May 31st.  I will list the winners at the top of this post some time on Monday, June 1st.

    Please note you’ll need to check back then to see if you’ve won so you can email me your address.

  • 8 Quick and Easy Meditation Techniques to Calm Your Anxious Mind

    8 Quick and Easy Meditation Techniques to Calm Your Anxious Mind

    Have you ever found it hard to motivate yourself to do something that was good for you, only to eventually do it, feel amazing, and wonder why you waited so long?

    That’s what meditating was like for me. Even though I knew I could do it for only five minutes each day to feel calmer, less stressed, and more present, I found excuses not to do it regularly for years.

    I’d tell myself five minutes wasn’t enough; I really needed thirty or more, and I didn’t have that time, so why bother?

    I’d lament that I was too anxious to sit still (ironic, considering that I knew meditating could calm my anxiety).

    I’d complain that my environment was too distracting (irony yet again, since meditation ultimately helps us focus and better deal with distractions).

    And then there was my most commonly used excuse: “It just doesn’t work for me.”

    Of course it didn’t “work.” I wasn’t meditating with any consistency. And when I did, I got impatient with my own busy brain, like watching the proverbial pot that wouldn’t boil, instead of simply easing into the experience.

    I was approaching it with a perfectionist mindset, as if I needed to eventually have a completely clear mind to be “good at it.”

    Everything changed for me when I realized I could meditate in many different ways, to suit my schedule, moods, and needs; and that the only goal was to show up, mindfully observe my inner life, and practice detaching from my thoughts.

    It was okay if I never achieved complete mental clarity. The practice itself, with its mental messiness and mind wandering, was the path to more clarity in my daily life.

    And it’s not just about mental clarity. Adopting a regular meditation practice—even just five minutes a day—can improve your sleep, regulate your mood, boost your resilience, and help ease and prevent a number of physical ailments.

    No other habit positively impacts so many areas of your life simultaneously. Because meditation helps reduce anxiety, depression, stress, and anger, while improving your focus, presence, and physical health, it bleeds into all areas of your life—your work, your relationships, your hobbies.

    Literally everything can transform, over time, with just five minutes each day.

    Whether you’re new to meditation or just looking for some alternative ways to fit mindfulness into your daily life, you may enjoy trying one or more of my favorite practices, including…

    1. Alternate Nostril Breathing

    Hold your left nostril down with your left thumb and inhale through your right nostril. Then close your right nostril with your left index finger, so both are closed, and hold the breath. Release your left nostril only and exhale.

    With your right nostril still closed, inhale through your left. Now close your left nostril with your thumb, so both nostrils are closed, and hold the breath. Release your index finger from your right nostril and exhale.

    This is one set. Complete a minimum of five sets to harmonize the left and right hemispheres of your brain, calm your nervous system, and create a sense of relaxation and ease.

    2. The 100-Breaths Technique

    Close your eyes. Feel your back against your chair and your feet pressed firmly on the ground, then gently bring yourself into the present moment. Now start breathing through your nostrils and counting as you go, thinking “and” for every inhale, and the number for each exhale—inhale “and,” exhale “one”; inhale “and,” exhale “two.”

    Feel your belly rise with each inhalation and let the breaths slow as you count yourself into a greater sense of relaxation. After you reach 100, open your eyes, move your fingers and toes, and bow your head in gratitude for the mental space you created.

    3. Full Body Breath Scan

    Start by inhaling through your nose, expanding your stomach, and counting to five. As you breathe in, visualize soothing warm light filling your feet, and then exhale through your lips for a count of five, while visualizing yourself releasing any tension you may have been carrying there.

    Repeat this process for your ankles, your shins, your knees, and so on, all the way up to your head. After you finish scanning your entire body, you’ll likely feel lighter, calmer, and more at ease.

    4. Lip-Touching Breathing

    When aroused, your sympathetic nervous system puts you in a state of high alert—that sense of “fight-or-flight” panic that tells you there’s some sort of threat. Your parasympathetic nervous system, when aroused, produces the opposite feeling—a sense of relaxation and ease.

    In his book Buddha’s Brain, Rick Hanson suggests a few simple ways to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system—the simplest of which is to touch your lip with two fingers.

    The lips contain parasympathetic nerve fibers, making this is a simple approach to create a sense of calm that you can use anywhere, anytime. To reap the benefits, all you need to do is touch your lips, breathe slowly, and tell yourself, “I am safe.”

    5. Walking Meditation

    Though you can practice this any time you’re walking, you may want to find a peaceful place to stroll, in nature. If it’s safe to walk barefoot, this will give you a sense of being more connected to the earth.

    Stand with your spine straight, with your shoulders and arms relaxed, and take a few inhalations and exhalations to breathe in calming energy and breathe out tension.

    Now begin slowly moving forward and sync your breathing with your steps—right foot, inhale; left foot, exhale. Use all of your senses to fully experience where you are—the warm feeling of sun on your face, the soft sound of wind rustling leaves on trees. The goal is not to arrive at a destination; it’s simply to be present in the experience of walking.

    6. Meditative Shower

    It’s easy to let go of all other thoughts when you’re standing under a stream of water, set to the perfect temperature for you.

    Take this time to tune into your senses. Choose a soap you love so that the scent is intoxicating. Enjoy the sensation of the water on your skin, and feel it drip down your back, your calves, and your heels.

    Notice when you begin thinking about the day ahead (or behind you). Don’t judge the thoughts or yourself for having them. Instead, visualize them going down the drain and then bring your focus back to the experience of cleansing your body and mind.

    (I’ve included a detailed guide on this very topic, titled How to Make Your Shower Mindful, Blissful, and Rejuvenating, in my new Mindfulness Kit, which you can find here!)

    7. Chore Meditation

    Whether you’re vacuuming, dusting, or washing dishes, it can be your meditation if you immerse yourself completely in the activity.

    Washing dishes, for example, can be both satisfying and grounding. Feel the warm water on your hands; let yourself enjoy the experience of making something dirty clean again. Don’t think about finishing or what you’ll do when you’re done. Focus solely on the doing and see if you can find a sense of acceptance and presence in doing it slowly and well.

    8. Mindful Eating

    Instead of eating quickly with one eye on your food and the other on your iPhone, turn mealtime into meditation. It doesn’t take long to eat, so why not put everything aside and take this time for you? Your texts, emails, and social media pages will still be there when you’re done.

    Breathe deeply and try to identify the different nuances of scent in each item on your plate. When you’re eating, take deep breaths between each bite, and think about your meal like a foodie, appreciating the different flavors and textures.

    If you find your thoughts wandering to things you’ve done or have to do, bring your attention to the feeling of the fork in your hand. Then breathe deeply, take a bite, and focus on savoring the food in front of you.

    —

    You can incorporate any of these techniques into your day to begin to reap the benefits. And it really only takes five minutes, though you may be tempted to do more once you get started. Mindfulness just feels that good. In a world where it’s all too easy to get distracted and caught up in your thoughts and fears, there’s nothing quite as calming as a few moments of pure presence.

  • Why I Want to Stop Judging and How This Opens My Heart

    Why I Want to Stop Judging and How This Opens My Heart

    “The quicker you are in attaching verbal or mental labels to things, people, or situations, the more shallow and lifeless your reality becomes, and the more deadened you become to reality.” ~Eckhart Tolle

    Things are hard right now, aren’t they? When I first started writing this article about my goal to drop labels so I could live without judgment, I was thinking I didn’t want to judge people at the gym based on what their T-shirts said.

    Now I’m trying not to judge people in my local community and around the country for taking actions that make me feel afraid for my safety and the safety of my family. It’s quite a different kettle of fish, let me tell you.

    In some ways, though, this experience has clarified something for me: We are all human and we are all doing our best. And judging someone else’s best, someone else’s beliefs, does nothing but harm us.

    I’ve spent a long time trying to become aware, trying to become more conscious, trying to practice gratitude and compassion.

    But this pandemic, it’s testing me.

    When I read a news article about people in my town caravanning down Main Street, protesting the stay-at-home orders, I admit my mind immediately jumped in with negative labels and assumptions.

    And I bet those same people caravanning would judge me in an unflattering way, as well.

    That’s the thing with judgment—it cuts both ways and there is no final answer. There’s no way to know who is “right.” Likely because we all have glimmers of truth in our belief systems.

    I also find myself listening to the news and calling people names, both out loud to my husband and inside my own head, which is just another way of labeling and judging them. It makes my insides feel awful, but I’ve noticed my fear makes it hard for me to stop.

    Since I don’t want to spend my entire existence during this crazy time wrapped up in a ball of nerves, worries, and anger, though, I’m realizing it’s more important now than ever to try to let go of labels.

    But how?? How can I let go when I think that guy over there is doing something stupid, something that might literally kill me?

    There’s one thing I’m certain of, and it’s that I feel better, calmer, and more present when I stop listening to and believing the chatter of my mind. When I go outside and take a walk, when my mind is busy admiring the flowers rather than tearing down the politicians, I’m at peace.

    I want more of that. Fewer labels. More compassion. So here’s how I’m currently encouraging myself to let go of judgments.

    I’m reminding myself that labeling helps nothing. Nothing at all. Whether you’re labeling people who want everything to stay closed for a long time as ridiculous snowflakes or judging the leader of a city who wants everything re-opened right now as a right-wing nut, you’re not helping.

    Judging other people won’t make you feel better, not really. It may temporarily make your ego feel self-important, or smart, or special, but if you’re in touch with yourself and your real feelings, it will just leave you feeling empty.

    When I judge, I get angry. When I get angry, I’m not compassionate or kind. I’m not calm and available with my kid. And all of this negative energy would be significantly lessened if I simply accepted people for what and who they are.

    Accepting our differences and other people’s opinions doesn’t mean taking no action, though. It just means taking action from a place of peace rather reacting from anger or fear. It means putting yourself in their shoes for a moment.

    Instead of commenting on someone’s Facebook post during a fit of rage (which will help nothing), take some deep breaths, then assess what the actual problem is.

    Can you do anything about it? Can you organize a petition or take other actions to protect yourself and your own family? If you can, go ahead and do it from a level-headed place.

    Judging someone from your home computer and getting riled up doesn’t help anything or anyone. Remember, these are people, too.

    I’m realizing that labeling is judging, plain and simple.

    You label someone as with you or against you, as old or young, as sick or healthy, as pretty or ugly. You label yourself as too wrinkly or too saggy, too nervous or too loud.

    They are all just words. Look at yourself and let your mind be still. Look at that person with the offensive (to you!) opinion and let it wash over you rather than tearing that person down in your mind.

    See that your mind is busy, busy, busy giving out comments and justifying why they’re necessary, when in reality it’s not helping anyone.

    I’m observing without the labels.

    I’m also noticing my judgments without labeling them.

    I would be embellishing the truth considerably if I told you I’m already really good at looking at things, especially other people with differing opinions about the way this pandemic should be handled, without labeling them.

    However, as part of this process I’m giving myself compassion. When I notice that I’m labeling someone or something, (She’s trying to do what!? Why he is saying that, it’s so dangerous! How did we get in this horrible position??), I simply stop.

    I take the time to notice that I’m making judgments without labeling myself as “not good at this” or “never going to change.” A huge shift like this takes time, and getting down on myself certainly will not make the process more enjoyable.

    I’m consciously inviting myself to notice the present moment.

    When I start judging others, it takes me out of enjoying what’s happening around me.

    Instead of relishing the smell of baked ziti in the oven, I’m grousing about what I just read online. Instead of appreciating the brightness of my daughter’s laugh, I’m mentally worrying about her smearing jelly all over her shirt. Instead of feeling the warmth of my husband’s hug, I’m inwardly grimacing at the smell of the paint on his t-shirt.

    I’m simply not there when I’m in my mind, labeling every little thing. And current life events have made that even more noticeable.

    Instead of getting sad about living so much of my life in judgment, though (which is just another label!), I’m going to feel appreciative that I’ve arrived at this point.

    I’m going to take a deep breath and come back to right now. I’m going to spend as much time as I can simply being in the present moment.

    Being in the present moment also makes these circumstances easier to deal with. Instead of worrying when it will be over, or what tomorrow will be like, I can simply live in the now, my mind clear, my heart open.

  • 14-Day Meditation Challenge: Put Down Your Phone and Be

    14-Day Meditation Challenge: Put Down Your Phone and Be

    EDITOR’S NOTE: You can find a number of helpful coronavirus resources and all related Tiny Buddha articles here.

    “Meditation is the ultimate mobile device; you can use it anywhere, anytime, unobtrusively.” ~Sharon Salzberg

    I came home from my doctor’s appointment last week and rambled off three to four different things that were happening in the world as a result of the coronavirus. By the fourth item my wife asked me to stop. She said please tell me something good.

    I told her that my doctor said my pathology report came back negative. That the procedure on my neck had removed all cancerous cells. (A very good thing!) We shared a hug and a smile, and then I was back on my phone looking to see if anything else had changed in the world.

    If you’re anything like me, you’ve been glued to your phone the past couple of weeks, mesmerized by what’s going on. I’ve been swiping right (to get to the news) thirty to forty times per day, probably more, and it’s been making me crazy.

    Many of us are now in isolation from a virus that is changing the world as we know it at incredible speed. That’s why I think it’s important to spend less time on our phones. 

    Yep, you heard me correct. Less time. Even if it’s just ten minutes less per day.

    Now more than ever it’s important to spend time doing something that’s grounded in reality rather than fear and panic. I’m not saying that what’s happening isn’t real, it’s very real, but a lot of us are getting over amplified by the ridiculous amount of information at our fingertips, and it’s taking us to a place of stress and anxiety.

    That’s why I want to challenge everyone to fourteen days of meditation. Because meditation is grounded in reality.

    It’s just breathing. Breathing in and out like the waves of the ocean.

    It’s you experiencing your thoughts for what they are—just thoughts—and then coming back to your breath. It’s you taking a break from the craziness of what’s going on and getting centered.

    I present this challenge to you gently because I know a lot of us have been affected in one way or another. Heck, I just found out that a job I was supposed to start today has been pushed back for a month and a half. That’s money that my family was counting on.

    I can get angry and I can scream and shout, but what good is that going to do me.? It is what it is. Instead, I can meditate. However scary it may be out there, we all have this beautiful opportunity to check in with ourselves and rise.

    I’m not saying don’t inform yourself, but at the same time you don’t need to be glued to your phone. We have to remember to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first. Then others. Hence this challenge.

    Take this time for you. Ten minutes a day.

    Put down your phone. Don’t swipe right and get sucked up into the news like I’ve been doing. Don’t turn on the TV and check out for an hour or two. Use this time, which we all have, to check in with yourself.

    And who knows? Fourteen days might lead to a long-term habit—one that will make you a better person and make those around you better.

    Imagine a world where all of us do this. Where we ground ourselves in reality, checking in with our bodies, and we breathe and let our bodies send safety messages to our minds rather than our minds hijacking our bodies with fear. This is the vision that kept me up most of last night.

    Meditate and let your body remind you that everything is okay. Breathe in and breathe out knowing that right here, right now, just for this moment, everything is okay.

    Remember, we are full organisms. Everything that we are thinking and think we are feeling has an associated physiological response. Sit with the knowing that despite whatever your mind is trying to tell you or whatever life stresses are coming your way you are completely safe in this moment right here in your body.

    I’ve never asked this before but I’m asking it now. Please send this on to someone you know or share it on social media. I believe this is important to all of us right now.

    Take this challenge. Give yourself this gift.

  • Simple Ways to Deepen Your Connection with the Natural World

    Simple Ways to Deepen Your Connection with the Natural World

    “I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.” ~John Muir

    Somewhere, stashed away in my collection of childhood memories, I recall having this small deck of cards with random, uplifting activities on them. I don’t remember how they journeyed my way, and I don’t remember them staying around for long, but I do remember that just reading through them was uplifting.

    It’s interesting, the things that our minds choose to file away—and while I’m a little intrigued that these cards earned a spot, I’m not surprised, at all, that memories of entire days spent out in the woods near our home, as a child, are firmly rooted.

    It felt as though there were magical secrets hanging from every tree branch and tucked away, at every step, along the forest floor.

    Throughout the years, I don’t know that I’ve ever felt as content as I do when I’m muddying up a pair of hiking boots.

    Tuning in to the natural world around us and feeling at ease go hand-in-hand. This is a simple truth that most of us are intrinsically aware of and are intuitively pulled toward, yet as more and more of our natural landscape is forced to concede to pavement and buildings, our stretches of mingling with untouched fields and forests become fewer.

    The natural world offers a quick and reliable way to effectively manage anxiety, depression and stress-related conditions. In a world that seems increasingly focused on technological routine and gadgetry, basking in the gentle and balancing support that radiates from and within our natural world might seem too simple—and, as a result, may not always be taken seriously as an effective stress-managing solution.

    Even if we don’t step outside our back door to acres of countryside, we can integrate the benefits that time with nature offers through seeking out pockets of less-cultivated ground during our daily routines. A stroll through a park on the way to work or eating lunch outside can quickly instill a worthwhile sense of peace and tranquility.

    Aside from our own intuitive awareness, there is much research pointing to the restorative effects of nature—for both our minds and our bodies. It has a quick way of moving through busy, ongoing internal chatter and shape-shifting our thoughts and perspectives.

    Watching animals collect food along the ground or listening to the rain or birds can immediately shift us into a meditative space. These experiences offer us a chance to connect, in a whole-body way, to the ebb and flow of our entire natural world—to simultaneously become aware of our presence and lose ourselves within this same energetic rhythm.

    The natural world is in a constant state of change. It brings light to our own dynamic life happenings and gifts the opportunity, regardless of our individual struggles or situations, to just be. Calm and connected.

    Thinking back to that deck of cards from my childhood…

    If I were to make a new deck of cards, to help inspire connection with our natural world, the below are a few of the activities that would be included in it.

    Step away from electronics.

    Spend some quality time, each day, away from the television, computer, and phone. Spend time doing things that you love outdoors—read a book, take a walk, or sit on the porch and quietly connect with your surroundings. See if you notice a difference in the way you feel.

    Grow a plant.

    While plants are typically easier to care for (requiring less time spent with them), and less communicative than animals, we can still cultivate meaningful connections with these living, aware beings. Aside from the feel-good energy that plants bring to a space, they also have the ability to measurably remove unwanted material from indoor air and increase oxygen levels.

    Get to know a tree.

    Similar to indoor plants, trees have a wise and knowing presence about them. There is so much going on in the plant community that plays out beneath our radar. While I appreciate all living things, during outdoor strolls, there are certain trees that I, for various reasons, notice more, and feel as though I’ve grown to know better.

    Choose a tree along your daily path to observe a bit more deeply. If you’re able, maybe sit with it for a few minutes, feeling gratitude for its majestic life force and rooted way of living.

    Eat wild food.

    Incorporate something from your yard or a nearby area—dandelion, chickweed, maybe a few mulberries—into a meal, and feel an appreciation for having a rich supply of nutrients from deep within the soil.

    Observe micro-worlds.

    While teaching, we did this fun activity that involved groups of students taking several minutes to look really closely at a section of the ground, and then taking the rest of the class on a tour of that area. They pointed out ants busy at work, worms nourishing the soil, and other small creatures and plants. There is a vast and busy world beneath our feet that is exciting to occasionally tune in to.

    Moving in the other direction, observe more expansive worlds.

    Stretch out on a blanket, beneath the sky, and watch the movement—of trees, of clouds, of birds. Notice the endless stretch of stars at night. Allow yourself to daydream about what is out there, beyond our simultaneously small and large existence.

    Walk.

    Try to include an outdoor stroll in your daily routine. Even a short walk can be hugely relaxing. Feel the warmth of the sustaining sun. Let the wind dance its way around your body and being. For a natural reflexology session, try slipping off your shoes and walking barefoot on the uneven ground.

    Sleep outside.

    Breathing in the fresh, outdoor air, for an entire night, is a rejuvenating treat that many of us only experience during the occasional camping trip. Yet, weather and area permitting, we have the ability to do this without packing up or leaving home. If your home has a backyard, plan some outdoor nights. Set up your tent, or just lay out a sleeping bag, and drift off beneath a sky full of stars…and endless dreamtime possibilities.

    One of my favorite things about the balancing ways of the natural world is that they’re available to us all! Even if you’re not drawn to packing up your camping gear for a few open-sky nights, you can still step outside your door and enjoy a few remedial moments of connection.

  • Don’t Let It Destroy Your Inner Peace

    Don’t Let It Destroy Your Inner Peace

  • Become a Certified Meditation Teacher – Train with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach

    Become a Certified Meditation Teacher – Train with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach

    Hi friends!

    Since I know many of you are passionate about mindfulness and meditation and creating a more peaceful world, I’m excited to share that Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach are accepting applications for their next two-year Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certificate Program.

    Though it’s primarily an online learning experience—which means you can participate from anywhere in the world—you’ll have the option to attend two in-person, three-day workshops in the Washington, DC area. And for those who can’t attend, they’ll be livestreaming the sessions and will also make a replay available.

    Space is limited due to mentorship availability and the live events, and the last certification program sold out quickly, so if you’re interested, you may want to get your application in soon.

    In addition to sessions with special guest teachers including Eckart Tolle, Kristin Neff, Dan Siegel, and many others, the upcoming program brings you a complete curriculum that covers the transformational principles underlying meditation and an exploration of the interface of meditation with Western psychology and cutting-edge science.

    Through this in-depth, groundbreaking program, you will:

    • Learn how to teach meditation with tools for body, heart, mind, and community
    • Receive guidelines on how to establish classes and workshops
    • Gain skills that apply mindfulness and self-compassion to relationships, conflict, trauma, organizational wisdom, and societal change
    • Join a vibrant international community of mindfulness teachers around the world

    With successful completion of this teacher training program, you will receive a certificate from the Awareness Training Institute, and their partner, the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley. This credential will support you in establishing meditation classes, workshops, and trainings in communities, organizations, and institutions throughout the world.

    If you’re excited by the idea of making a living supporting others in their healing and personal growth, click here to learn more. Early admissions applications (for discounted tuition) are due March 23rd, and the program starts on February 18th, 2021.

  • Connecting to the Sacred in the Chaos of Everyday Life

    Connecting to the Sacred in the Chaos of Everyday Life

    “Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone—we find it with another.” ~Thomas Merton

    Seth: When Aria and I decided to devote a year to encouraging one another in our mindfulness practice, we couldn’t have known what those twelve months had in store.

    I had always enjoyed good health—“taken for granted good health” is more accurate—and suddenly I was faced with major health challenges of unknown origin. Countless trips to doctors and other professionals provided no explanation for my chronically low energy, nightly insomnia, digestive issues, vocal problems, and eventually a deep depression.

    In happier times two years earlier, I had attended Aria’s wedding in Northumberland, England. It was an incredible weekend—misty morning walks in a labyrinth, pounding rain on the roof of the old stone church during the exchange of vows, shared meals at a long wooden table in the long afternoon light. We both felt that our hearts were so open, and it was easy to focus our attention on what we truly cared about.

    The day after the ceremony we marveled together at the deep sense of connection we experienced throughout the weekend. It wasn’t entirely surprising, of course, given the circumstances and the explicit focus on love. But if it was possible then, why couldn’t we nurture that quality of presence and open-heartedness in our day-to-day lives?

    That shared question led us to our year-long collaboration in finding the sacred in everyday life. For a full calendar year we wrote to each other every day, urging one another to connect with what we held most dear. We took turns—Aria would send me a mindfulness practice one day, and I would send him one the next.

    Aria: During the year I had a surreal realization with profound clarity. Everything that mattered—everything that was truly important—was relational: my wife, our families, our dog, and our friends. These were the foundation stones of my happiness. Everything else—work, money, reputation— seemed like a game. They were fun, but they weren’t issues of life or death.

    Seth’s messages reminded me that sometimes we lose ourselves in the game. We become so immersed in the narrative we’re spinning that we forget it’s just a story. It’s like living in the Matrix. The game seems like it’s more important than everything else, as though it’s the center of our universe.

    Then, now and again we gain that beautiful, tender, precious thing called perspective and let out a sigh of relief. We breathe softly and deeply, connecting on a deeper level to ourselves and simultaneously to something even greater.

    At times, this perspective comes at a cost. The loss of a loved one or the pain of a reality that we don’t want to accept may force it upon us.

    The year that we wrote to one another was challenging in a myriad of ways, from working with children with terminal cancer, to nearby London terrorist attacks, to unexpected deaths. However, there were also highlights, one of which for me was running my first ultra-marathon in South Africa. Wherever we were in the world, and whatever was happening in our lives, waking up to a mindful message from Seth was deeply grounding and uplifting.

    Seth: Aria’s messages were a constant lifeline during the difficulties of that year, providing an opportunity at least daily to check my automatic reactions to difficulties and come back to center.

    I remember in particular walking home one evening after work, wiped out from the day and feeling like I had nothing to give my wife and kids once I got home. I dreaded subjecting my family to my low mood and to the person I’d become.

    As I struggled to walk up a gentle hill in the falling darkness, I remembered Aria’s encouragement that day—to focus on the qualities we want to embody in our interactions with others. I settled on love, joy, and strength, and realized the evening didn’t have to be a complete loss. It ended up being a positive time with the people I love, instead of the sad mess I’d feared.

    Aria: There was something particularly comforting about receiving a thoughtful note from someone who cares deeply about you. Knowing that another person is holding you in mind is profoundly powerful, especially when you’re struggling.

    Sometimes it’s difficult to feel the sunlight. We can see the sun shining, but the rays don’t seem to touch us. We know intellectually that we have much to be grateful for in life, but we can’t feel it.

    During these times, Seth helped me to appreciate that life is to be experienced rather than solved. There is no one way we should be feeling. Our moods ebb and flow, sometimes quickly, other times more slowly. All things change. Acknowledging this gave me the freedom to still act, just without expecting my behavior to change how I felt.

    We can all still take steps, but without tying our happiness to a “successful outcome.” We can return to the basic pillars of wellbeing: wholesome food, quality sleep, meditation, checking in with the present moment, and connecting to the people we love. We can nourish ourselves and let go of any expectations. We can remind ourselves that what will be will be, and at the same time, all will be well.

    Over the course of the twelve months writing to one another, our relationship grew and deepened. Knowing that a friend was depending on me was a big responsibility, but it also provided meaning in my own life.

    It wasn’t always easy: in the beginning I spent hours crafting the next email to Seth. At the end of a long or tough day, sitting down to write may have been one of the last things that my mind wanted to do. However, a little like doing exercise, I always felt better afterward. Ironically, serving someone else nourished my own mind and body. We gain something by giving. Writing to Seth connected me to what I value most: compassion, authenticity, and love.

    Seth: If you’ve craved greater connection to your core self and the people and things you care about, there are many possible avenues. Common approaches include prayer, reading sacred texts or a daily devotional book, and mindfulness practices like yoga or sitting meditation.

    Whatever approach you choose, consider partnering with someone you love for some period of time: a month, six months, a year, even longer. It could be a best friend, a spouse or partner, a sibling—someone you trust implicitly.

    Talk with your loved one about what each of you wants to focus on during the process. We had decided in advance on themes like presence, simplicity, and service. How would you like the other person to encourage you? What kinds of reminders will be most helpful to them?

    Decide together on a format for encouraging one another in your mindfulness practice. For example, you might send each other quotes that you find meaningful, reflections for the day, an invitation to apply mindful awareness in a specific area, or whatever you like. You could also consider doing sitting meditation together—a so-called “medidate.”

    Whatever you choose, allow it to nourish not only your individual and spiritual practice, but the quality of your connection to your loved one. Whatever joys and struggles you experience together, your relationship will never be the same.

  • How to Reap the Benefits of Meditation Without Meditating

    How to Reap the Benefits of Meditation Without Meditating

    “Absorb what is useful, discard what is useless and add what is specifically your own.” ~Bruce Lee

    The benefits of meditation are far reaching and have been well known for centuries. However, the idea of formal meditation doesn’t sit well with some of us.

    The idea of sitting cross-legged for extended periods and delving inward puts many of us off before we’ve even got started. Even the word “meditation” can be a very real barrier to entry for some. What a shame, as the many benefits of meditation can be good for us all.

    Those benefits can include:

    • A reduction in the stress we feel
    • A deeper sense of calm and relaxation in our lives
    • Reduced feelings of anxiety
    • A better understanding of what we truly think/feel/want
    • Less feelings of anger, hurt, or disquiet
    • Being more present
    • Being more content
    • A better understanding of who we really are

    This little list is just starting to scratch the surface. Meditating can be that powerful.

    If meditating in a more traditional way for extended periods feels right for you, all power to you— please continue with your journey. If that isn’t you, don’t worry, I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be.

    If you recoil a little when meditation is mentioned but still want to reap some of the rewards, I hope to offer several ideas that might work for you. But first, a bit of personal reflection.

    I Confess I Do Not Have a Formal Meditation Practice

    As someone that writes books and a blog all under the broad umbrella of simplicity and that can often be found leafing through books and words by Thich Nhat Hanh, Bruce Lee, Sun Tzu, and Lao Tzu, it may surprise you to know I do not consider myself to have a formal meditation practice.

    Perhaps somewhat out of step with the trend of our time, my morning routine (if I even have one) does not have time carved out for sitting cross-legged in a quiet room, reflecting on the universe at large.

    Don’t get me wrong, I admire that others do this, but it never really felt like a fit for me. I’ve tried to make it a habit, at a few points in my life, but it just hasn’t stuck.

    If I’m honest, I think the word “meditation” itself intimidates many of us. We perceive it to mean we need some special point of entry, or skillset, to reap the rewards.

    All this said, perhaps paradoxically, I am also totally sold on the benefits of meditation and I want them to be a part of my life. I just happen to believe you can get those benefits in other ways. Your formal practice doesn’t have to be formal, and you don’t even have to call it a “practice.”

    This is where the art of meditating without meditation comes in.

    Meditation without Meditating in Action: My Top 6

    Here are some of my favorite ways to achieve some of meditation’s powerful benefits without actually feeling like I am meditating.

    1. Walking

    Walking is my ultimate reset. It blows away the mental cobwebs that can accumulate. It provides new stimulus and re-energises a tired mind. Complex problems I’ve been struggling with can suddenly feel like they fall into place on a good, long walk. A fresh perspective can somewhat magically drift into view.

    I like to walk early, before the rush and before the noise of human traffic drowns out the birds singing. Depending on where I am, I like to walk as close to nature as possible (a nice park, a beach, a hike over rolling hills). This is as close as I consider I get to a formal meditative practice.

    2. Being at one with the outdoors and nature

    The natural world is a passion for me. Something that breathes life and color into any day, if I just make time to stop and notice what is going on around me. I find it grounding and uplifting all at once.

    Nature presents us with a constant wonderland. It’s easy to take this for granted. We can fix this by spending some time just being at one with nature and reconnecting with the great outdoors, and we’ll feel so much better for it.

    Be amazed by that spider’s web glistening with the morning’s dew.

    Take in the sun rising and setting.

    Make time to watch the clouds moving overhead, soak up the inspiration that comes from the view.

    Be endlessly in awe at nature’s ability to evolve, adapt, and deal with challenges.

    Enjoy the offerings of new life and renewal each and every spring, by making deliberate time to stop and notice.

    3. Losing myself in music (art)

    Some would say this is cheating, as you are using outside stimulus to get a response; I say call it what you will. The benefits that people claim to get from meditation, I have and feel from losing myself in music.

    Music is transformative. It can lift our mood on our darkest days, it can ease anxiety when we feel on edge about something, it can shift our mindset.

    We can leverage different music at different times to support our state of well-being. Music is one of life’s true pleasures for me, one of the very last things I would want to give up.

    However, if music isn’t quite as powerful a force in your own life, perhaps there is something else that is. Literature can, and does, serve the same end. Or a beautiful painting or sculpture that really moves us, or even a really great movie. All of the above can be transformative, life-affirming, and even life-changing ways we can apply ourselves.

    4. Seeking stillness

    Seeking stillness may sound like a total contrast to the earlier suggestion to listen to music; maybe it is or isn’t, but this time is necessary for me. This is time to let my mind just drift without expecting too much of anything from it. Letting it wander where it wanders. In a results-orientated culture, we can spend too little time here.

    Cut to the core, this is actually what meditation is all about. For me, all it really means is taking the time to get in touch with our own thoughts and finding a point of reflection. It’s cutting out the external world for a while and tuning into frequency us. It’s about reconnecting with the signal, amongst the noise.

    This is time to turn off the phone, unplug from the internet, and make space for some calm in our day.

    Disconnecting a little from the busy world around us, to reconnect with ourselves.

    No special cushion necessary, unless you want one, no special seating position necessary unless it helps trigger the state. Just make a commitment to be mindful and find some stillness in your own way.

    5. Creating

    For me this means writing and playing guitar.

    Writing, in particular, is something I spend much time on. I feel better on days and weeks that I have made time to write creatively. Ideas flow freely and come out on the page. I make sense of thoughts and words and try to communicate as effectively as I can, then I refine (edit). When I am truly in a writing flow, this creative process can definitely feel meditative.

    6. Exercise (calisthenics, yoga, and breathwork)

    I am a fan and practitioner of calisthenics (working with one’s bodyweight as the weight). I find this form of training both physically demanding and endlessly interesting. I enjoy the raw simplicity.

    Learning new moves or practicing well-worn moves, trying to perfect them, also has a meditative effect. I’m totally in the practice, and often have to be if the move in question is getting hard or has a balancing element. Trying to create whole body tension for some moves also means I need to be aware of where my breath is (am I holding it somewhere or letting it flow?).

    Yoga is relatively new to me and I have been slow to embrace it, perhaps somewhat surprisingly as my wife is a yoga practitioner and teacher and has encouraged me to give it a proper go for years.  Knucklehead that I am, I finally took note and I’ve come to really enjoy this time. I now make time for working on the mat through my week, amongst other exercise I do.

    As I am new to the yoga poses themselves, and how different teachers teach, I find I have to be totally present for yoga. No time to think about what comes after or what has just happened; to keep up with the class I have to listen. This has a calming effect on body and soul on the best days.

    The breathwork, and constant queues to focus on breath, have also made me aware of where I tend to keep tension (physically and mentally).

    Reframing Meditation

    What’s great about this list is that you can use these practices interchangeably, and they can happily co-exist at the same time.

    I think the “meditation” label puts as many off as it attracts. In busy and distracted times, this is a missed opportunity for us all to feel the benefits.

    When we forget the labels, all we’re doing with the practices above is resetting a little. The art of meditating without meditating if you like.

    Give it a go. String these resets together on a regular basis and feel the benefits for yourself. Who knows, maybe you’ll even be open to further experiments in formal meditative practice after doing so. If not, just find your own way. Keep what works for you, discard what doesn’t, and call it what you want, or call it nothing at all.

  • The Skills You Need to Survive Stress When It Hits

    The Skills You Need to Survive Stress When It Hits

    “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” ~William James

    Have you ever been in a situation where you felt your world was ending? When the stress was overwhelming and you were so miserable, all you wanted to do was wallow in it and growl at the world from underneath the bed covers?

    Or maybe you worry about things that might happen in the future. Do you see a minor accident on the road and have those flashes of imagining that your partner or your child died in a car crash?

    Does your imagination crawl in horror over how you might survive such a terrible event?

    Or maybe your cousin has had a stroke, and you wonder if it runs in the family and you’re next.

    Do you wonder how you would cope if that were the real situation? Do you think that you have the resources and strategies you need to get yourself through the crisis?

    My coping mechanisms were severely tested recently. Here’s my story and what I learned about gratitude and coping with stress.

    Waking Up with Only Half My Face Working

    Three weeks ago, I woke up to find I was suffering from semi-facial paralysis. My right eye did not blink or close. My mouth could barely open on the affected side. And when I tried to smile, I could only manage a very crooked grin—the right side just didn’t move.

    The pain was bad, shooting up into my head like an electric shock landing in the center of my brain.

    I woke up my husband. The ambulance came, and I was rushed off to A&E, or ER, or, in my case in Portugal, the Sala da Emergência.

    I thought I’d had a stroke. I lay on the trolley, feeling sorry for myself and wondering what kind of life I might have by the end of the day.

    How Learning to Cope with Stress is Like Learning to Fish When Hungry

    Some people seem to cope effortlessly with whatever life throws at them—maybe it’s genetics, maybe it’s upbringing. But most of us struggle. We have to work hard to find peace amidst a storm of chaos.

    Sometimes it feels too overwhelming, and we sink into despair, anxiety, and depression. We turn to crutches such as comfort food, sleeping pills, or alcohol.

    But a crutch is a temporary fix to tide you over. Long-term crutches can mean you forget how to walk. We need to embody skills that work for the rest of our lives.

    It’s like teaching a man to fish. Show him how to use a fishing rod, and he has a means of getting food for the rest of his life. It’s the same for coping with stress. We need skills, strategies, and tools we can use on a daily basis so that when the blows strike, we’re ready and resilient.

    So where can we look for the skills and fishing rods that help us cope with overwhelming stress?

    Learning to Use 5 Fishing Rods That Hook You Away from Stress

    Here are basic skills that I drew on when I was waiting to hear the medical verdict in the hospital.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an expert on any of these skills. But these are the ones that worked for me. There are others. But maybe you wouldn’t have thought of these basic things as skills or tools that actually work to cope with life-threatening events.

    1. Breathing is the simplest tool.

    Yeah, well, we all do that all the time, don’t we?

    Yes, we do. But stress tends to make us breathe more shallowly, so getting into the habit of regular deep breathing when you’re not stressed can help dissipate the crippling effects of stress when it strikes you hard.

    Deep breathing triggers your parasympathetic nervous system and quietens the fight or flight response. (I did deep breathing in the MRI machine.)

    2. Meditation is another.

    Down the millennia, learning to meditate has started with concentrating on breathing, but you can take it further. With practice comes peace and transforming happiness. It takes time and regular practice. Then meditation gives you a place to go to find the calm to cope with harrowing life events. (I used this as a means of getting through the pain to sleep.)

    3. Exercise.

    When you’re feeling that miserable, the last thing you may feel like doing is going out walking or running or going down to the gym. But exercise triggers endorphins in your brain, so it’s a great tool to help you cope with stressful events. It can be as effective as drugs in controlling pain and stress.

    See it as a tool you can use to lift a mood, even just a little bit, and soon you’ll see exercise as a great stress buster. (Actually, I didn’t use this tool, as I could barely walk because my balance was affected. But I’m starting to use it as I improve.)

    4. Talk to friends and family.

    Just telling people about a problem can help you. You’ll feel supported if you feel someone’s listening. Feeling acknowledged gives you strength to cope. Developing your social network is a vital life skill. (Can’t thank my friends, neighbors, and family enough for the support they’ve given me. They were wonderful!)

    5. Choose your reaction.

    You may have no choice about being flung into a stressful crisis, but you do have the choice of how you’re going to react. Our immediate reaction might be fight or flight followed by a large dose of panic. Much better to pause and engage the brain to give yourself mental space to concentrate on choosing how to react.

    Mastering the Skill of Choosing Your Reaction: The Power of Gratitude Journaling

    What I have found hardest is the skill of choosing your reaction.

    For the last year, I’ve grappled with the concepts and practice of gratitude journaling. It seemed such an alien practice to me, kind of false and insincere, merely going through the motions. In a half-hearted way, I’ve kept a gratitude journal.

    On the other hand, there is a lot of science as well as celebrities endorsing its effectiveness.

    It’s dead simple: All you do is write down three to five things for which you’re grateful or thankful or that brought you joy. You can do it every day or every few days—just do it regularly.

    According to the science, it opens your mind to looking for the positive in everything. It trains your mind not only to look for happiness but actually to be happy with what you already have. It stops you from taking what you have for granted. You learn to appreciate people, possessions, and events in new ways.

    Eventually, it alters the structure of your brain and even changes your personality to one more positive in outlook.

    It takes time, but the benefits abound—better sleep, better health, better social relationships, less pain, lower blood pressure, and more energy.

    So, does it really work? Let me take you back to the hospital where I was lying on the trolley feeling miserable.

    Not Dead Yet: The Tide of Gratitude Turns

    After I’d seen the triage nurse and been sent for blood tests, I started to realize I couldn’t just wallow in self-pity. Okay, I was sick, very sick, but not dead yet.

    I started to look around and see how the hospital system worked. I saw how the truly kind staff worked so hard to make everyone comfortable. I watched and marveled at their skill at changing beds with patients still in them. I saw the care they put into dealing with a fractious old lady. (No, it wasn’t me!).

    They sent me for a CAT scan. I marveled at the machines that helped find a diagnosis, at the pain relief from drugs. I could see the system working, for others and for me.

    Suddenly, I was able to rise above the misery of my own illness. It was a shift in perception. All these people and all these facilities surrounding me were devoted to helping me and the other patients. And help me they did!

    Boy was I grateful!

    I felt better, even though I couldn’t close my eye or blink, my sight in that eye had faded, I couldn’t hear in one ear, my speech was slurred, and sitting or standing up saw me in a tizzy of vertigo.

    I was so grateful for a health system that could deal with my emergency.

    The Flood of Well-Being from Gratitude

    As I was flooded with this powerful feeling of thanks, I learned that you have to dig deep into the emotions to reap the benefits of gratitude, to feel the benefits of optimism. But when I needed it, it came bubbling through.

    And that flood of well-being hasn’t left me. I’m slowly and cheerfully recovering.

    Yes, it will take time, but already my smile is returning as the paralysis recedes. Each day I’m grateful for my happy life in this lovely country I’ve recently moved to.

    I realized that all the effort I’d made trying to reap the elusive benefits of gratitude journaling did actually work. I chose to look at my own situation, to reject the self-pity, and see the positive. I chose my reaction to my crisis, and it pulled me into recovery.

    Stress Busting: Practice Makes Perfect

    So how about practicing the skills for when you need them?

    Take a few deep breaths every day so that when you start to feel stressed, it’s natural to start breathing that way.

    Put the effort into supporting your friends and family. Maybe try a bit of meditating.

    Take the time to keep your gratitude journal. Just write down a few things you’re really grateful for: the splash of cheerful color from that flower blooming in the garden, the chatty email you got from your friend, the delicious piece of cake your neighbor brought you.

    Then, the next time that disaster scenario leaps into your imagination, imagine how you’ll choose your reaction. You won’t go into panic mode. See yourself using the skills that you’ve been honing, dealing with the crisis in a positive way, or even preventing the crisis in the first place.

    Then imagine that it happens for real: You scarcely need to think of the skills you need, as your daily practice makes it natural for them to kick in straight away. That’s just the way you operate these days.

    Starting with a few words that recognize a benefit and pleasure that you’ve enjoyed, you’ll learn a skill that can, in the end, make a difference to your whole life.

    Get writing today.

  • When You’re Unhappy and Want Things to Change

    When You’re Unhappy and Want Things to Change

    “Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.” ~Seneca

    This is the first time I am admitting it: I was bullied in school.

    I was thirteen years old at the time, and it went on for the one year that I lived in Dorm 11. I never acknowledged it because I felt bullying was too small a misfortune to complain about.

    But now when I think back to it, I can remember exactly how the dormitory looked. I remember the view from the windows, the corridor in front of my dorm. I remember the faces of the other kids, and I remember my face—vulnerable, confused, and lost.

    It was the same year that I started showing symptoms of OCD. Things just went downhill from there…

    I guess I got lucky because at one point, things started to slowly get better. At twenty-nine, my life isn’t perfect, but I’m happier than I ever thought I would be.

    All the advice that I’ve received throughout the years and my life experiences comes down to three simple steps. If you feel unhappy about your situation, like I once did, perhaps these steps will be helpful for you too.

    Step 1: The Starting Point

    The Starting Point almost never gets covered in the self-help community. I guess it’s a secret, and so I’ll whisper it:

    Life is hard. 

    Fresh out of school, I finally started my journey toward a better life. (My goals were very modest: I wanted to have my OCD under control, better social skills, and a romantic partner.)

    At the time I was deeply influenced by books that promoted extreme positivity. I’m thankful for those books because back then I wasn’t ready for the lesson of Life is hard. They gave me hope where I had none.

    But those books also distorted my view of reality. They led me to bizarre conclusions: I thought that if I achieved my goals, then I would be guaranteed uninterrupted happiness.

    When things didn’t go my way, I felt there was something wrong with me. When my goals took longer than expected, I envied other people.

    I also failed to grasp that, ultimately, our desires are not finite. Reaching my goals would not lead me to a place of perfect happiness. Instead it would simply bring me new desires and obstacles.

    Today, I still read self-help books, but I am biased toward the Stoic thinkers. Although the Stoics did work toward their desires, their actions came from a crystal-clear view of reality. They understood that even if you became as rich or beautiful as you dream of becoming, life would continue to be challenging.

    The Starting Point brings you to exactly that—the starting point. It brings you to the firm platform of reality. Life is hard, and no amount of positive thinking or goal-setting can change that. This isn’t a good or bad thing. It just is.

    Step 2: The Problem

    The problem is the gap between who you want to be and who you are today.

    Growing up I had always envied my sister. She was socially savvy and had a lot of friends. And here I was—awkward, clumsy, and out of step.

    My social isolation was painful for sure. Yet, just the realization that I was different from who I wanted to be greatly added to my misery.

    Step 2 is realizing that although a gap exists between who you want to be and who you are, it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you are worthless (you’re not). It also doesn’t mean that you’ve failed yourself as a person (you haven’t).

    I’m super aware of each and every shortcoming in me. I fuss over every small mistake I make. I forget to remind myself that everybody has shortcomings. And it’s human to make mistakes.

    What about Nobel laureates? Yes, they too make mistakes. And presidents? Yep! Celebrities and sports stars? ABSOLUTELY EVERYBODY!

    I’m not saying that we stop working toward our dreams or that we stop trying to become better human beings. I’m only suggesting that we start our journey with a sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

    And this brings us to Step 3.

    Step 3: The Solution

    The solution gives us two tools to build a happy life: hustling and acceptance.

    Hustling is the brute force approach to happiness: You take massive amounts of action and leave no stone unturned as you chase your dreams.

    And it works.

    If you are consistently putting in the time and effort, you’ll probably get what you are after.

    That’s how I achieved my original goals: I worked with a psychiatrist to get my OCD under control. I forced myself to meet new people so that I would acquire social skills. And one day, I met a wonderful lady who thought I was interesting.

    And then, well, I started to want more. Contrary to my expectations, I didn’t slow down to enjoy what I had. I just kept wanting more and more.

    I figured that living in the city was no fun unless you had a well-paying job… And it was quite impossible to look acceptable while wearing glasses… My relationship grew stale, and I started to look for someone new…

    To my horror, I realized that my life was nothing but a treadmill! My desires turned out to be completely meaningless. And happiness remained as far away as ever.

    Enter, acceptance.

    Acceptance is the exact opposite of hustling. Acceptance doesn’t need reality to change in any way. What is, is.

    Acceptance is also the gateway to gratitude. You start to slow down and cherish what you already have.

    I have accepted that my relationship may not last forever. This lets me appreciate what it means to be together today. (I make it a point to enjoy every evening we spend together.) Similarly, I’ve accepted OCD as a part of me. And now I am free to enjoy the benefits of being super detail-oriented.

    Finally, acceptance lets you see that not all goals are worth pursuing.

    To sum up:

    Hustling all the time makes my life seem like a meaningless treadmill.

    But relying only on acceptance is a very spiritual path. (I’m not ready for that yet.)

    The solution, then, is a mix of hustling and acceptance. I still chase my desires. At the same time, I know that achievement and happiness are two separate things.

    For my happiness, I depend on acceptance and gratitude.

    —

    Thank you for reading. I hope you found at least one idea that will help you.

    I understand that everyone’s experiences are different. Maybe what I wrote doesn’t resonate with you. In that case, I pray the information you need finds you very soon.

    I wish you all the happiness in the world!

  • How To Make Peace With Your Noisy Mind—7 Tips From An Ex-Monk

    How To Make Peace With Your Noisy Mind—7 Tips From An Ex-Monk

    “Leave your front door and your back door open. Let thoughts come and go. Just don’t serve them tea.” ~Shunryu Suzuki

    There are few things more exasperating in life than having a noisy chatterbox in residence between your ears—a busy mind that never stops and won’t leave you in peace for a moment.

    You are sitting by the pool on your long-awaited vacation.

    The weather is perfect. Your diary is clear. You settle down on your deckchair with an ice-cold drink and your favorite book.

    Everything is perfect—well, almost everything.

    The message “on vacation” clearly hasn’t got through to the mind department.

    “Man, that drink was expensive. Better suck your belly in, there’s someone coming. You are as white as a sheet. What on earth will people think? Okay, that’s it. I’m starting a diet on Monday. Oops, I forgot I’m on holiday. Okay, I’ll start when I get home.”

    Just writing about it is exhausting enough, let alone living it.

    Being subjected to a relentless torrent of mindless chatter and having no idea how to stop it can be exasperating to say the least.

    I know. It was the intense suffering inside my own head that led me to sign up for a six-month meditation retreat and later become ordained as a monk.

    Happily, I quickly discovered that quieting a noisy mind isn’t nearly as difficult as I’d imagined.

    Hint: You don’t even have to change or fix your thoughts.

    These days, although I still have my crazy moments when the mind shoots off on a mad rant, my general experience is so much quieter and more peaceful than it used to be.

    I’d love to share some (possibly surprising) truths that will hopefully help you achieve the same.

    Here are seven tips you can start applying right away.

    1. Accept that your mind is busy.

    Did you know that the average mind churns out around 70,000 thoughts per day? That’s a lot of thoughts.

    No wonder it feels so busy in there!

    Even people who are relatively laid back have a lot of traffic going on between their ears.

    So don’t be surprised that your mind is busy. Don’t create an additional layer of suffering by thinking there’s something wrong with you for having a ton of thoughts. There isn’t.

    Expecting your mind not to be busy is like expecting the grass not to be green.

    Let it be busy.

    2. Engaging with the mind is optional.

    If I were to choose one thing I learned about the mind in my time as a monk—the one thing that had the greatest impact on my peace, it would be this:

    Engaging with the mind is optional.

    It is not so much the thoughts themselves that cause us to suffer but our fascination and preoccupation with them.

    We spend our days chewing on them, wallowing in them, stewing in them, and generally giving them an inordinate amount of our time and attention.

    And we don’t need to.

    Want to know the secret to ongoing peace?

    The less you get involved in what the mind gets up to, the more peace you will experience.

    Sit back and let the mind do its dance. Your involvement is not mandatory.

    Which brings us to the next point.

    3. Watch your thoughts from a distance.

    In order to disentangle ourselves from our thoughts, we need to create some distance, some breathing space, between ourselves and the mind.

    Most of the thinking patterns that rob us of our peace run unconsciously on autopilot. The same old patterns play over and over, day in, day out—like broken records. And it is so habitual, we don’t even notice we are doing it.

    The key is to bring more awareness to these unconscious patterns.

    The first step when you learn to meditate is to take a step back and watch the mind objectively—with an attitude of curiosity and non-judgmental acceptance.

    You may also find that the simple act of watching thoughts, rather than being wrapped up in them, will stop thinking it in its tracks—or at least slow it down.

    4. Give your thoughts the freedom to come and go.

    If you want to tame an angry bull, the worst thing you can do is to tie him up or try to confine him in any way. This will only make him angrier and more difficult to control.

    The best way to calm him down is to give him a huge open field to run around in. Meeting with no resistance, he will quickly run out of steam.

    And it’s the same with the mind.

    Thoughts themselves don’t cause trouble. Left alone, they appear in your awareness, remain for a moment, and move on again.

    No problem.

    It is when we try to control or manage them—through labelling them as bad, wrong, or unacceptable—that we get into trouble and create suffering for ourselves.

    Let them wander freely through the vast, open field of your awareness and they will quickly run out of steam. Don’t energize them with your resistance.

    If thoughts are there anyway, it is much better to befriend them rather than struggle against them.

    What happens to a sad thought or an angry thought if you welcome it rather than reject it?

    What happens if you don’t mind it being there?

    5. Don’t take your thoughts personally.

    Seeing that ‘my’ thoughts are not personal was another game-changing insight for me.

    For most people, what typically happens is this:

    You feel jealous. You feel afraid. You feel angry. And you then beat yourself up, believing you are personally responsible for the thoughts (feelings and emotions too) that show up in your head—believing there’s something wrong with you for having these thoughts.

    There isn’t. You are not the author of your thoughts.

    If you watch the mind closely, you’ll notice that thoughts appear by themselves, apparently out of nowhere.

    In mindfulness training, we use the analogy of “the undercurrent and the observer” to illustrate our relationship with the mind.

    The key understanding is that the undercurrent—the continuous stream of thoughts, feelings and emotions that pass through your awareness—is self-arising.

    It is not within your control and therefore impersonal.

    What most people do is thrash about midstream, like a crazed thought traffic policeman, frantically trying to control the flow—welcoming this thought, rejecting that one.

    Trying to control the river is futile and exhausting.

    Better to be the observer, sitting calmly on the riverbank watching the river flow by—knowing it’s not personal.

    The less involved you are in trying to control the flow, the more peace you’ll experience.

    6. Know the difference between thoughts arising and thinking.

    Although there’s nothing you can do about the thoughts that show up in your head, thinking is another matter.

    Let’s say the thought appears, “My boss doesn’t like me.”

    It then triggers a dialogue in your head, “He’s definitely going to overlook me for the upcoming promotion. It is so unfair. I’ve been working here much longer than Jane. But he seems to like her a lot. Things never go my way. I’m just unlucky in life.”

    This type of unproductive thinking is the primary cause of suffering for most people—and it is entirely within our control whether we choose to indulge in it or not.

    Replaying the past over and over, catastrophising about the future, wallowing in unfounded beliefs and assumptions—these are some of the patterns that can create so much unnecessary misery.

    And it’s entirely avoidable.

    When you notice you’re caught up in an unproductive mind-movie, STOP.

    There is nothing that can compel you to continue if you choose not to.

    You’re the one in charge.

    Focus instead on being present in the moment. Put your attention on your breath, on the sensations in the soles of your feet, on the sound of the wind rustling through the trees.

    Unproductive thinking is mostly a habit. And like most habits, with a little awareness, it can be broken.

    7. Live more in the present moment.

    One of the main insights in meditation practice is that your awareness can only be in one place at a time.

    If you are lost in your thinking mind, you can’t simultaneously be aware of your surroundings. Likewise, when you shift your attention to the present moment, thinking stops.

    When you are present here and now, the mind automatically becomes quiet.

    Whenever you are aware enough to catch yourself falling into habitual thinking patterns, stop and engage your senses.

    Tune into the sensation of the air caressing your skin, feel the weight of your body coming into contact with the chair, listen to the sounds around you.

    Be intensely aware that now is happening and notice what happens to your thinking mind

    Take Back Control From Your Busy Mind

    The mind isn’t a bad thing of course. It would be pretty hard to get through life without one.

    It can come in very useful for problem solving, writing articles, booking flights, or remembering which house is yours when you get home from work.

    Used productively to carry out specific tasks, the human mind is an incredible tool.

    But it can also be deeply destructive—like an out of control Frankenstein monster with a life of its own.

    The mind can be a beautiful servant or a dangerous master.

    It all depends on who’s in charge.

    The next time you’re sitting on your deck chair trying to relax and the mind kicks off with its crazy dance (as it will do) remind it who’s boss.

    Don’t give it the power to ruin your holiday.

  • My “Stress” Was Actually High-Functioning Anxiety

    My “Stress” Was Actually High-Functioning Anxiety

    “Anxiety is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.” ~Jodi Picoult

    Many years ago, I worked in the technology sector in Austin, Texas, which is a big “tech town.” I was incredibly focused on building my career and earning a higher and higher salary.

    I also have two daughters, who were in elementary school at the time. I’m divorced and am the primary care giver for them. Like so many divorced moms, I was doing a lot.

    I would run through a mental list of daily to-dos from the time I woke up and continue to do so throughout the day. I didn’t want to forget anything. I was juggling home life, work life, and trying to have a personal life too.

    Overwhelmed? You bet I was.

    I frequently felt like I was rushing from one thing to the next, all day long. Rush to get the kids and myself out the door in the morning. Rush to work.

    At work, I would be focused on getting everything done so I could be out the door in time to get home to make dinner and help with homework. I usually also had some sort of housework to do in the evening.

    I rushed to get my daughters to bed on time and hoped I would have enough time for some “me time” so I could actually relax and have some quiet time before bed.

    But, I’d already be thinking about the list of things I had to do the next day, and the cycle would start all over again.

    What I thought I felt was stress. We all hear the phrase “I’m so stressed out,” particularly when we have a lot going on. That described me perfectly. I was constantly busy, so I was constantly stressed.

    Or so I thought.

    What I actually was suffering from was high-functioning anxiety.

    High-functioning anxiety isn’t a specific type of anxiety, but rather a term that refers to anxiety where the individual is still highly functioning, with the anxiety “just below the surface.” 

    Think of high-functioning anxiety as hidden anxiety, where others may not realize someone has anxiety at all.

    Individuals with high-functioning anxiety are often very successful and tend to be high achievers. Their anxiety doesn’t prohibit them from accomplishments. In fact, their anxiety may be part of the reason they are successful.

    Their anxiety drives them to do more in both their personal and professional life. To outsiders, they will appear put-together, competent, and often appear calm.

    But on the inside, those with high-functioning anxiety spend a lot of time overthinking and ruminating. They are afraid of failure and worry about what others think of them.

    This described me perfectly.

    I had never heard of high-functioning anxiety and had a perception of those with anxiety as people who are fearful, wide-eyed, and maybe even shaky or jittery. I thought that people with anxiety couldn’t function “normally” and that their anxiety would perhaps even be debilitating.

    I didn’t think that anxiety applied to me at all.

    But I am high-achieving and successful, and anxiety is a big part of what got me to where I was at that point in my life. I didn’t realize that I had anxiety, and no one else would have either.

    That constant mental to-do list I mentioned? That was me overthinking. And it wasn’t just my daily to-do list that I was overthinking, it was everything.

    I overthought regarding my daughters and their school work. I overthought about what needed to be done in terms of housework. I overthought about other people and their motivations, why they said specific things or why they didn’tsay things.

    My mind was constantly going, chattering away.

    I had my sights set so high, particularly as it pertained to my career, that I was afraid of failure and thought the mental obsessions at work were me just “pushing myself” or me doing a good job.

    Truly, I thought that the way I felt was part of what gave me my edge, and that people I thought of as less successful were people who were lazy, or didn’t spend time thinking enough about how they wanted to be and how they wanted to get somewhere in life.

    The problem is that those with high-functioning anxiety are just as at risk as others with an official mental health diagnosis of an anxiety disorder. They are prone to mental and physical fatigue, and could be likely to use alcohol or drugs as a coping method.

    And I did get mental and physical fatigue. In fact, I wound up developing a severe autoimmune reaction that was triggered in part by the anxiety. I had been operating at a heightened state for so long that my body and nervous system could no longer cope.

    My body just “gave out.”

    That illness was a huge wake up call for me and led me down a path to healing myself that I never could have anticipated. I took a holistic approach to healing that included a radical diet change, journaling, and energy healing.

    I also started to do a lot less. I let things go because I had to.

    It took me about a year and a half to heal my body and along the way, it was my mind that healed too.

    I started to really assess who I had been and the path I had been on, and frankly, how unhealthy I had been in my mental churning and preoccupations. I still didn’t realize that I had been in the throes of high-functioning anxiety (I stumbled upon the concept later), but I did realize that I didn’t want to be the person that I was before.

    I wanted to be at peace.

    If you suspect that you have high-functioning anxiety, know that you can heal also.

    One healing technique I often use, still to this day, is the “feet on the floor” method, which is a very simplified but highly effective alternative to meditation. It can be done either sitting or standing.

    With your feet on the floor, focus on feeling your feet touching down. Feel your entire foot as much as you can: heel, sole, ball of foot, and toes. Still focusing on your feet, take a few deep breaths.

    When you feel your feet on the floor, you become very present to the moment and get out of your head. This technique brings you into the moment and can help calm you down, particularly when you feel yourself spiraling with racing thoughts.

    Plus, this technique is super sneaky. You can do it anywhere and no one knows you’re doing it. You can be sitting at your desk at work, standing in line at the grocery store, etc. and no one around you will have any idea you are using this technique.

    The more you practice feeling your feet on the floor, the more often you’ll automatically do it without having to remind yourself to do it. Once you feel yourself start to get anxious, you’ll use the technique almost like second nature, because you’ve trained yourself to do it and it is so effective.

    Another way to manage your high-functioning anxiety is to make abstract art that represents how you want to feel instead of anxious.

    You don’t have to consider yourself an artist to use this technique. A simple blank white sheet of paper and some markers are all that are needed. Just let your hand flow with colors, shapes, and patterns that represent how you want to feel. If you do happen to be artistically inclined, you could draw a self-portrait or you in some scene or setting where you feel calm and joyous.

    When you’re creating art, you’re accessing a totally different part of your brain than you use when you’re in the midst of anxiety. Being artistic is a way for you to tap into another part of you that is outside of the anxiety. Plus, it can be very cathartic to create.

    Use these two techniques often, plus focus on making small changes and know that it will take time to heal. You’ll have good days and bad days. In working through your anxiety, focus on the good feelings when you have them and tell yourself that you want more of them.

    They will be your anchor.