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Posts tagged with “Happiness”

Why Insecurity & Approval-Seeking Lead to Unhealthy Relationships

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“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” ~Robert Holden

As a child I was carefree and enthusiastic. Aren’t most kids? At some point, though, life began to impact me and to affect how I felt about myself.

For as long as I can remember, I was a chubby kid. I began using food as a means of coping, and my family didn’t seem to see it as an issue. Coming from an Italian family, food was correlated with love.

As I moved into my adolescent years, being chubby was no longer “cute,” and other …

7 Clues You’re in an Unhealthy Relationship

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“You don’t let go of an unhealthy relationship because you stop caring about them. You let go because you finally start caring about you.” ~Charles Orlando

Most of us have experienced the pain of being in an unhealthy relationship.

It took me a long time to admit that I was in one. When I finally took off the rose-tinted glasses, I saw my relationship for what it was: an exhausting, lonely experience, with no real long-term benefits, that sucked the life out of me.

I recognized that the relationship was causing me to feel worse about myself, not better, resulting …

Two Lists You Need to Make If You Want to Be True to Yourself

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“If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.” ~Alexander Hamilton

For over a decade I worked as a paralegal in the corporate world. I worked hard, and I was a dedicated employee, but I was treated poorly by my superiors.

After a decade of working in this industry I felt lost, without purpose, and I constantly dreaded the next day when I would return to my job.

One day, an attorney that I had worked for came into my office and screamed at me, leaving me in tears.

At that moment I politely shut my office …

How to Speak to Someone About an Unspeakable Loss

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“It’s not about saying the right things. It’s about doing the right things.” ~Unknown

Years ago, my family and I moved to a bucolic little town in New Zealand, where we were immediately swept up into a group of ex-pats and locals. We felt deeply connected to this community by the time I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in the local hospital.

When our son was three months old, a doctor heard a heart murmur. Twenty-four hours later, he died.

In the days and weeks that followed, I wandered in my own fog of grief as I went …

10 Powerful Tips for Building a Deep, Lasting Love

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“We are a work in progress with a lifetime contract.” ~Phyllis Koss

The priest at our wedding advised us, “It’s not enough to say, ‘I want to marry you’ just today. You’ve got to be able to say that every day.”

Problems and challenges in life can be like the wind, which blows unpredictably. You can’t control the wind, but you can learn to set your sails and to make repairs.

We’ve now been married for thirty years. Life, with all its ups and downs, has taught us a few lessons about building a lasting romance.

Here are ten tips …

3 Things We Can All Do to Create Stronger, Happier Relationships

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“Love is the absence of judgment.” ~Dalai Lama

I used to be one of those moms.

Let me explain.

I was a single mom for literally my daughter’s entire childhood. That’s okay—I was a control freak, so it really suited me. I got to make all the decisions. Perfect!

And it was
 for me. Not so much for my daughter, but then in those days I was only focused on getting through the day and paying the bills.

We coped. I made the rules, set the boundaries, and expected her to tow the line.

Which she mostly did, …

Why We Need to Stop Judging Our Feelings

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“Your emotions are meant to fluctuate, just like your blood pressure is meant to fluctuate. It’s a system that’s supposed to move back and forth, between happy and unhappy. That’s how the system guides you through the world.” ~Daniel Gilbert

As a highly sensitive person I experience emotions very deeply, though it’s not usually obvious to others that I’m having such strong internal reactions.

For those not familiar with this trait, high sensitivity is not a defect or a personality flaw; it simply means that you experience sensory and emotional input more strongly than non-sensitive people.

Of course, this …

You Are Not Responsible for Anyone Else’s Emotions

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“Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” ~Eckhart Tolle

“I don’t believe you,” I jutted out my chin like a petulant toddler. Collapsing back into the tufted leather loveseat, I conceded, “I want to believe you, but I can’t.”

My therapist had just explained to me that I am not responsible for regulating other people’s emotions. My mind couldn’t process this truth.

There were too many decades of owning the moods of those around me.

In my younger years, if a parent was stressed, I felt it was up to me to calm them down. …

Stop Chasing Happiness: 17 Alternative Ways to Live Your Best Possible Life

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“If only we’d stop trying to be happy we’d have a pretty good time.” ~Edith Wharton

I have a question for you.

What would you be willing to sacrifice to be happy?

Would you be happy to let go of Netflix? Alcohol? Pizza?

Would you be willing to take up a monastic life?

Every single day of the year we’re being sold happiness. It doesn’t matter whether it’s in the form of a pill or a book or a holiday, the underlying idea is the same: What we have to sell you will make you happy.

The problem with …

5 Breathing Techniques to Melt Your Stress Away

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“Feelings come and go like clouds in the sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Breathing techniques are now such an important part of my daily routine. I couldn’t think of starting a day without doing my breathing exercises.

I usually combine these with my morning meditation, which, through sheer perseverance, I have made into a habit and have been doing for the last few years.

Almost everywhere you look, you can find stress—at work, at home, on the road. It’s hard to avoid it and even harder to not get sucked in.

I used to let …

What to Do When Words Hurt You (Just Like Sticks and Stones)

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“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.” ~Gandhi

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

Do you remember this saying from childhood? It was one I heard often and wanted to believe. The saying states that physical acts can hurt us, but no one’s words can.

There’s nothing that seems further from the truth. Words hurt, and they stick with us far beyond the time of their telling.

It was in elementary school where my hair color was a joke. I was a carrot top, and my peers …

You Can Have The Love You Deserve If You Just Let Go

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“Even if it seems like it’s taking too long for what we want to arrive, it’s better to stay with the ache than abandon the desire.” ~Danielle Laporte

Last week when I was in the front row of a yoga class, I moved my hips up and back into downward dog, and through my legs saw the top of my ex-boyfriend’s head. I hadn’t seen him in months, and I wasn’t really interested in having small talk with the man who’d crushed my heart.

He approached me, eyes shining, happy to see me. I, on the other hand, drove home, …

What to Do When the World Doesn’t Get You

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“Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” ~Pema Chödrön

For as long as I can remember, I have always been a little different, defiantly so.

I was that child who never liked cartoons. I was nicknamed “the little old lady” for the things I said at the age of five.

I was that girl from northern Vietnam who refused to change her accent and use of language while schooling in the south, despite being made a subject of ridicule for that.

I was the only pupil that felt indignant about having analyses of literature imposed on us at …

How to Confront Someone When You’re Afraid of Conflict

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“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict.” ~Dorothy Thompson

I used to think that in order to live a completely peaceful existence, there could never be any conflict in my life, so I would do anything possible to avoid it.

That included selling myself short, never sticking up for myself, and effectively compromising my value. That didn’t seem like the road to peace.

The odd time I did say something, it still felt like a losing situation because I never felt I actually gained anything.

Conflict scared me. It made …

6 Ways Gratitude Can Improve Your Life and Make You Happier

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“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness—it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.” ~BrenĂ© Brown

For the longest time I sought after happiness in the wrong place, and I wasn’t always leading with my heart to obtain joy.

I used to picture myself living in a big house, with nice things to furnish and fill the fantasy home I dreamed of.

I didn’t obtain this large dream home, and I’ve learned that it’s not important, nor is it what I want. I’ve been fortunate to live in a moderate home …

What You Need to Know When You’re Considering a Big, Scary Change

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“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” ~Nelson Mandela

Ten months ago I found myself floating on my back in an outdoor pool somewhere in California. Overhead was a clear blue sky, leaves dancing in the breeze, and birds singing their morning song.

I felt more alive in that moment than I had in years. And so I made a promise to myself, right there and then, not to forget this feeling. I made a promise that I’d follow it. I made a promise that this feeling wouldn’t just be a three-month trip to a new country, but …

How To Take Your Life Back From People Who Ask for Too Much

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“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority.” ~Mandy Hale

It sucks, doesn’t it?

People who ask too much of you?

People who steal your time and drain your energy.

Who just keep on attacking your natural defenses, abusing your loyalty and exploiting your love.

You want to stop giving, to say no! But frustratingly, when you try to pull away, they say or imply that you’re the selfish one.

And in some cases it’s unwanted or impractical to distance yourself from that person, especially if they’re a family …

How Meditation Can Make You Healthier and Ease Your Pain

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“If a person’s basic state of mind is serene and calm, then it is possible for this inner peace to overwhelm a painful physical experience.” ~The Dalai Lama

When I finished graduate school I was a bright-eyed engineer with a fresh diploma in hand, ready to take on the world. I landed a great job at a multinational engineering firm and began my career working with people from all over the world.

So it was a major downer when, not long into my new job, I began to suffer from chronic migraines. Every day I would wake up feeling fine, …

If Self-Love Seems Difficult, Start with Self-Like

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“It’s not your job to like me. It’s mine.” ~Byron Katie

Self-love is a word that gets used a lot. Overused, in fact.

The pressures and associations around the phrase “self-love” are immense. At school, we actually tore apart girls who loved themselves, as if it was such a bad thing. As teenagers, we saw self-love as big headed and arrogant.

If only we knew the harm that we were doing, not just to others but most of all to ourselves.

So how about we begin with self-like?

I definitely felt that I had to try to get people …

It’s Not Selfish to Take Care of Yourself

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