Tiny Buddha

Tag: Happiness

  • Are Things Happening For You or Against You?

    Are Things Happening For You or Against You?

    “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.” ~Buddha

    Your life is much like a radio.

    If you’re in control of it, then you can actually tune in and make sense. Then you can set your dial on the talk-back radio show, listen to that, and learn some things, or you can set your dial onto music and have an enjoyable time.

    If you feel that you are not in control, or you do not realize that you are in control, then you may just hear a lot of static and annoying sounds that might even drive you crazy.

    The process of “Flick your Rich Switch Transformation” (FYRST) is about taking control of your life, taking control of all of the things that you merely think you are not actually in control of (but you are, or you can be).

    Some people don’t think that they control their mood, their lives, their blood flow, their breathing, their heart rate, their body language—and that’s why they often get some outcomes that they’re not happy about.

    Someone else can control all of those things by telling you some bad news or some exciting news; for example, “The winning lottery numbers are 4, 23, 16, 19 & 30.”

    It is the subconscious process occurring in your own head that will make your blood flow to your face or to your feet; it is your own thought process that will make your heart pump slower or faster; your own thoughts that will make your body stand straighter with excitement or slump lower with dread.

    Yes, dread. For some people, winning millions may represent an increase in responsibility, stress, and anxiety. (more…)

  • Hope is the Antidote for Fear

    Hope is the Antidote for Fear

    “Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.” ~Neale Donald Walsch

    In a moment of despair—moments I find have been increasing this year—I turned to this site for a little comfort. After reading a couple articles, seeing that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling, I still couldn’t help but remain terrified of the next part of my life.

    Job searches were wearing me out. I was trying to figure out where I wanted to live. I desperately wanted that dream job. All of these things had instilled a fear inside of me that I once thought I’d be able to overcome.

    And then a year passed and poof, magically, there was no more sense of confidence, but instead a sense of fear.

    Then I saw this quote. And I wished that I’d come up with it.

    It says a lot, I think, about the way certain words work in our brains without us even realizing it.

    “False Evidence Appearing Real.”

     We all know that being afraid of the future is just as silly as being afraid of our own shadows, and yet we fear it all the same.

    Why?

    The answer is within the quote; it’s a false sense of reality.

    We imagine what we don’t want to lose and instantly grow afraid of that loss. But we’re being bamboozled; we’re duping ourselves out of a secure sense of “now” and replacing it with an insecure sense of “what if.”

    The only reality that exists is in each passing second, and yet with each passing second comes the agony of not knowing what will come next. It’s a struggle, and nothing more than that.

    So what can we do to heal this repeating, self-inflicted wound? (more…)

  • Build Yourself an Army for Happiness

    Build Yourself an Army for Happiness

    “Count your joys instead of your woes. Count your friends instead of your foes.” ~Irish Proverb

    I’ve always believed that happiness is a choice. I thought that I was the only one who could truly make me happy.

    That was before my life disintegrated before my very own eyes.

    My husband and I built a business together. For four years we poured blood, sweat, and tears into it. We lived and breathed it. Before we knew it, and a lot sooner than you would probably imagine, it had consumed us.

    I felt like it had eaten me alive. I was no longer living my own life. Every ounce of energy was absorbed by work.

    Then, very suddenly, four months ago, it all fell apart. Our business went bankrupt, and we were left with nothing. No jobs, no money, and a colossal amount of debt, fear, and sadness.

    The days, weeks, and months that followed were a dark and difficult journey–a journey that made us look back and learn from our mistakes, take responsibility for our lives, and try to find something positive to look forward to.

    Now I look back at that journey as a blessing. It’s still early days, and there can be low points in the day, but on the whole I have come to realize that every stumbling block is in fact a stepping stone.

    This experience has made me delve deeper than ever before. I’ve found strength and courage that I didn’t know existed in me. But one of the greatest things to have come out of this whole situation has been my attitude to happiness.

    When life throws something difficult at you, even the most optimistic person can struggle to find the positive. I’ve always been the one to find the silver lining, and focus on the good stuff, but somehow, this time, it wasn’t that easy.

    And so, day by day, I began to build myself a happiness army. (more…)

  • Life Is Shaping Us Through Our Dreams

    Life Is Shaping Us Through Our Dreams

    “With ‘I’ eliminated, this is Nirvana, here and now.”  ~ Buddha

    I remember when I started learning Spanish in college. I wanted to visit Spain. I had grand ideas about a romantic voyage. And yes, I had a foreign language credit to fill.

    If you know the Spanish language at all, you know that the Spanish construction for pleasure is the reverse of our English language. In English, we say, “I like that.” But, in Spanish, we say “Me gusta” which translates as, “It pleases me.”

    In other words, in English we are the actors, the subjects, who actively do the “liking.” But in Spanish, the thing is the actor and we are the recipients, the objects, of the pleasure that it provides. 

    I remember how it sent my whole world into a tailspin. I literally walked around campus saying, “Do you realize that in Spanish the thing is the actor and I am merely the recipient of the action it makes?”

    Here’s a simple example: I like the desk vs. the desk pleases me.

    I couldn’t get my head around it. It was like a Seinfeld episode, “Do you mean to tell me that the desk is the subject and I am the object?” It rocked my world.

    Now, this is not to say, of course, that everyone who speaks Spanish natively exists in Nirvana simply because their verbal construction eliminates the “I” sometimes.

    But, it does open a window for us to ask the question: What if we really did live as recipients of life instead of imagining ourselves to be the ones in charge of life?

    What if we knew that life is the actor and we are the results of life’s actions?

    Think about the times when you get most stressed. For me, it’s when I feel like it’s all up to me.  And if I don’t do it, then it’s not going to happen. That stresses me out.

    It’s the same with the thinking that it’s up to us to make our lives happy and successful and abundant. If you look carefully, it’s the very striving to make our lives happy, successful and abundant that stresses us out! How ironic is that?

    Ok, I know what you might be thinking: Shouldn’t we have goals, and shouldn’t we set steps in place for our growth and development? And, yes you’re right.

    What I’m asking is simply this: Who is the actor? (more…)

  • Sometimes There Is No Right Way

    Sometimes There Is No Right Way


    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche 

    I was raised in a home where a very common phrase was, “There’s a right way and a wrong way.”

    The right way was the way my parents wanted things done. There were a great many rules surrounding the right way for nearly everything, in an attempt to ensure that we got it right, and, when the rules weren’t enough to enforce the rightness of our behavior, there were punishments, harsh words, and sometimes very public humiliation.

    I’ve spent most of my adult life learning to deal with the fallout of this type of ingrained thinking, once important for emotional survival and physical safety, but no longer useful.

    I work, now, to examine the precepts I live by, and whether they are helping me toward my goal of living a peaceful and conscious life. But there can still be some pretty huge blind spots in my view of things—places where I, myself, still expect those around me to conform to my concept of what is right. 

    Three years ago, when I began to practice the base principles of radical unschooling, I fell headlong into one of these traps. It caused a great deal of pain, and nearly cost me my oldest and dearest friend.

    We altered the way in which we interacted with our children from an authoritarian style to a partnership model. And I decided I would be a missionary for every other family who showed a glimmer of dissension (as all families, even mine, do, sometimes).

    I had found a piece that was missing from the puzzle of my own life, and I was awed by the rapid and wonderful changes I saw within my family once I placed it.

    I hadn’t yet learned that zeal and epiphanies in our lives can also be pitfalls; that not everyone will benefit from what benefits us. I was certain my way was perfect and even necessary—for everyone. (more…)

  • It Could Be Far Worse

    It Could Be Far Worse

    “If you count all your assets, you always show a profit.” ~Robert Quillen

    This weekend someone broke into my apartment and stole everything of significant monetary value that I owned.

    They stole my jewelry box, with pieces I got from my boyfriend, his mother, and my sister, after she’d gone through a break-up and wanted to unload a vast collection from her past. They stole several purses in my closet, and confusing it for another, also took my makeup bag.

    They took my laptop bag containing my new MacBook, my wallet, my passport, my glasses, and my boyfriend’s old iPhone, which I’ve been using to play games. They grabbed a stack of DVDs, though I can’t remember which.

    Lastly, they took my hamper, after emptying it on my bedroom floor, to carry all their loot. Oddly but thankfully, they took nothing of my boyfriend’s.

    That night, I’d been at a neighbor’s house with a few friends, peeling lemons to make limoncello. I was supposed to be in New Orleans with my boyfriend and others for Jazz Fest, but I’d backed out after my doctor told me it wasn’t wise, so soon after my surgery.

    When I walked into my bedroom after arriving home and saw the clothes on my floor, I wondered why I would have done that. I hadn’t yet noticed the other missing items, and I just assumed if something was awry, I’d done it and forgotten.

    Then I started looking around and realized someone had been in my home. My heart started racing, my face went flush, and the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I wondered if someone was still there, hiding, waiting, or watching.

    So I ran downstairs and called my neighbor, who came right over with the others. Thankfully, they did everything for me. They called the police. They called my apartment community’s security. And they even wrote a checklist of things I needed to do, including canceling cards and setting up credit monitoring alerts. (more…)

  • Why We Need to Embrace the Middle Place

    Why We Need to Embrace the Middle Place

    “The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is.” ~Unknown

    A dream: I am in a woman’s prison. The cells and halls are dark and dirty. The prison looks like a damp dungeon. Inside the cells are women dressed in rags along with their children.

    I am not in a cell, but walking around, observing the faces of desperate, imprisoned women. I need to get out, and find myself in an empty corridor, long and wide.

    At the end, I see a glimpse of light: freedom through the corridor. After a long walk, I arrive at the place of light, an oasis, an ocean retreat filled with sunshine, laughter, and happy people wearing white.

    But before I enter the long tunnel, I see a girl crying, and I ask her why. She tells me she has a feeling something bad is going to happen to me.

    This dream has become the metaphor of my life. The quote above resonates with my dream and the journey I have walked, but what has inspired me to write this post, is this: the tunnel is the illusion.

    It would seem that since the “new age” movement, we have heard a lot about illusion—about what is real and what is not. What we should focus our minds on and what we should not.

    How we have a choice that we need to make every day, perhaps every moment, between fear and love. Between prison and freedom. It makes us think we might have some power in a world that often does not make sense or brings us to places we would never want to be.

    Here is another quote by Carl Jung.

    “There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” 

    It is not that I don’t agree that the tunnel is an illusion, but it concerns me that this word, illusion, gives us permission to not care about the tunnel—to not care about the process, which brings us from where we are to where we are going. (more…)

  • Sometimes We Need to Go Backward Before We Can Move Forward

    Sometimes We Need to Go Backward Before We Can Move Forward

    “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” ~Albert Einstein

    There I was in January, on the floor, physically and emotionally. From the outside, I probably looked like every one else attending yoga class off Robertson Blvd. that Sunday morning, but to me, on the inside, especially within my heart, I was in shambles.

    And then, there was a moment I had not expected.

    The waterworks came as I heard the teacher say, “Sometimes, you feel as though you are riding the bicycle backwards. You feel like you are backtracking and heading in the wrong direction, but really what’s happening is contraction and release. The universe is preparing you for something much greater and like a sling shot, it’s going to shoot you forward—you just have to move backwards for a little bit.”

    I looked over at my roommate, eyes welled up with tears of disbelief and quickly thought to myself, “I’m an independent, successful woman and I get to control what direction my bike ride is going. So listen up universe, get me off this backwards bicycle, pronto!”

    I felt a temporary sense of relief for 90 minutes or so. Then, upon my walk home, my heart was breaking again.

    Why the sorrow? I spent the majority of 2011 really clarifying what I was looking to get out of life: success, giving back, a loving relationship, traveling the world. For the most part, I was successful in these pursuits.

    I completed my 30th Birthday Build for Habitat For Humanity in honor of 9/11. I had been able to cross bi-coastal living off my bucket list and returned back to the home base of LA. I had even started to pick up a few new clients and began exploring additional revenue streams. Sounds good, right?

    What also happened is that I got used to getting everything I wanted and set out to achieve.

    I got used to things working on this magic time frame—put it out there and it will happen exactly as you planned and wanted it to happen. I can hear you thinking, “Um, ok—so what’s the problem with that?” (more…)

  • The Difference Between Forgiving and Forgetting

    The Difference Between Forgiving and Forgetting

    “Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong. Sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

    I will never forget the moment my marriage ended.

    My husband and I had fought the night before, about many of the same things we’d been fighting about for the entirety of our four-month marriage.

    He was dissatisfied with our sex life and my lack of respect for him. I was struggling with bipolar disorder, changing medications, going back to school, and trying to please a man who seemed to find fault with everything I did.

    During that fight, he choked me twice to prevent me from screaming and running away. I learned quickly that if I didn’t want to die, I would have to go limp, submit to his power, and hope he would release me from my position, pinned face down in our bed.

    When I woke up the next morning, my spirit was broken. I felt as if I had a terminal disease. I knew with great certainty that I would die at the hands of my husband, I just didn’t know how long it would take.

    When my husband woke later, he wasn’t satisfied with my newly submissive attitude. Another fight ensued, but this time, he used a different tactic. He insulted me, cutting me to the core with a comparison to a person who had caused me a great deal of pain and anguish.

    As it turns out, my spirit had not been fully broken. The tiny scraps that remained rallied together to propel me out the door of our apartment. I ran screaming down the street like a mad woman, banging on a stranger’s door and calling a friend to activate an escape plan.

    I collected my dog, moved back in with my mother, and got a lawyer. Our divorce took seven months, almost twice as long as our marriage lasted.  (more…)

  • 3 Steps to Help You Achieve Your Truest Dreams

    3 Steps to Help You Achieve Your Truest Dreams

    “What I am is good enough if only I would only be it openly.” ~Carl Rogers

    From the time my grandmother gave me a copy of Little Women when I was five years old, I knew I wanted to be a writer and create books like that one.

    As I grew up, I devoured books left and right, working my way up from The Babysitters’ Club Little Sister to 1984. While other kids were asking their parents to take them to a toy store, I was begging for a trip to the local bookstore.

    What can I say? The nerdy heart wants what it wants.

    I wrote stories and articles in a private journal, amassing hundreds and hundreds of pages of text over the years, but I still had not developed the courage to let anyone read my work. I locked them up tight but longed for an outlet.

    When I started blogging a few years ago, it was out of the desire to finally let my writing free—a passion I had mistreated for way too long.

    Soon after reigniting this passion, though, my subconscious fears found a way to suppress it all over again.

    I wrote articles long and short, but, for some reason, I kept them focused on the topics I thought people associated me with, what seemed both safe and to the point: technology.

    I waded hesitantly in the waters, writing about industry topics and news without infusing my own voice or experiences in the text.

    I feared a reader would disagree with anything I wrote, so I didn’t take a stance on any of the topics I felt strongly about. (more…)

  • Small Steps to Help You Act in Spite of Your Fear

    Small Steps to Help You Act in Spite of Your Fear

    “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” ~Nelson Mandela

    My dog, Elvis, is a sweetheart and a scaredy cat. When our vet found him, he was roaming free with a wire collar embedded in his neck and a raging case of mange. It took her thirty minutes to chase him down and three months to nurse him back to health.

    When we first adopted him, he was afraid of everything: bikes, strollers, loud noises, sprinklers, and people. The only things he was never wary of were other dogs. Through a lot of patience and love, Elvis has come a long way. He is no longer afraid of people or bikes, but he still hates sprinklers and he’s always on guard.

    This past spring I took Elvis on a walk at a local state park. It was a beautiful day, sunny, high 70’s with a light breeze. We had a great time traipsing through the woods. When we came around the corner at the bottom of a hill, the river sat gleaming in the sun before us. Elvis stopped, sat, and refused to get any closer.

    I knew he needed to get his bearings, so I paused and let him absorb what lay before him. I spoke gently to him and tried to persuade him to keep going.

    He dug his paws in and started to maneuver his shoulders into this Houdini twist that allows him to slip out of his harness. I stopped and we turned around. Because of his fear, Elvis never got to see or smell all the wonderful sights and aromas awaiting him at the river’s edge.

    People are like that too. We traipse happily along in our routines, always doing and experiencing the familiar.

    As soon as we have an opportunity to expand our horizons, to see a new place, meet a new person, or accept a new job, our fear kicks in and we stop. We hold back; it’s too scary. 

    We don’t know what lies before us. All we know is it looks big and scary, and we fear all the unknowns. If we could just take that leap, act on faith, and move forward despite our fear we would learn (just as Elvis would have) that while it is new terrain, it is still dirt and grass. (more…)

  • Conscious Healing: The Power of Mindfulness and Meditation

    Conscious Healing: The Power of Mindfulness and Meditation

     

    “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    One morning I woke up and noticed a few strange red bumps on my arms—bug bites, I thought.

    Then, the next day, more bumps. Within one full week, my skin went from being clear and tan to being covered with red, scaly teardrop spots all over my body, including my face.

    My self-esteem and confidence were thrown out the window; my comfort zone reduced to about the size of a prisoner’s cell.

    I went to the dermatologist, avoiding any possible eye contact or bright office lights, and made my way into the office. The doctor came in and I watched her eyes go straight to my arms and hands. By the look of it, she immediately knew what it was.

    I’ve had Psoriasis before but nothing this excruciating. She explained to me that I had Guttate Psoriasis. In short: no magic pill to cure it. Creams alleviate it (although they never worked for me, ever). Light therapy helps, but the ultimate cure: meditation and believing that I would get better.

    Just put yourself in my shoes for a second and imagine your skin completely shifted gears on you over the course of one week, and the only answer that you get from a professional with a foreign-sounding name, holding an iPad, is meditation and belief. Sounds like a load of crap, right?

    But when you’re in the mercy of the unknown, and you literally feel like jumping out of your own skin, you will do anything to get better.

    I’m not here to complain or give you a medical testimony on Psoriasis. I’m here to tell you how my skin alleviated tremendously in about two months by being mindful of my actions and thoughts, harnessing the effectiveness of words, and exercising the practice of meditation. (more…)

  • How to Avoid Burnout and Take a Digital Break

    How to Avoid Burnout and Take a Digital Break

    “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

    By the end of 2011, I was trying my hardest not to see it: burnout.

    I’d been going full steam ahead since I turned my part-time business into a full-time vocational mission, back in 2009. When people remarked that I was doing a lot, I would wave away their comments and say facetiously, “Well, you know—I’m a Sagittarius with three planets in Virgo.”

    Part of the reason I didn’t want to really look at what was going on was that 2011 had been a banner year. After years of hard work, I was (finally!) starting to see the benefits that come with it: increased traffic, more clients, and more requests to collaborate on projects with people I admired.

    But the burnout was obvious: not looking forward to Mondays, not wanting to check email, feeling perpetually tired and overwhelmed, and sometimes, resentful.

    I really wanted to be away from the computer, away from email, and definitely not getting distracted with social media. This thought was always followed by an immediate fear: “I can’t do that! I’ll lose everything I’ve worked for!”

    But as Chodron says, fear is what happens when we move closer to the truth.

    My truth was that I wanted a complete digital break. So finally, from December 15th 2011 through January 15th 2012, I took one.

    Since so many people have asked me “how” I could possibly run a business and take thirty days away from being online, I’ll share what I learned. (more…)

  • 3 Questions Worth Asking to Find the Right Answer for You

    3 Questions Worth Asking to Find the Right Answer for You

    “Sometimes questions are more important than answers.”  ~Nancy Willard

    My twenties and thirties were an endless quest for “The Answer.” As if there were only one.

    The one answer that would change everything. Make everything right. Make me happy.

    What Didn’t Work

    I searched high and low for answers. I’d read the latest book, hoping it held the key. I’d watch to see what others said and did, assuming they had the answers.

    My M.O. was simple:  read, observe, imitate, emulate.

    I was always searching outside myself.

    Always thinking finding the “right” answer would hold the key to happiness and contentment.

    I’d think, “This is it!” 

    “This” being a new career, new city, new relationship, new wardrobe, or new hobby.

    Inevitably, though, the proverbial bloom on the rose faded and whatever “this” had been became the latest thing that wasn’t.

    The problem was, I never did land on the right “answer.”  All my searching and seeking deceived and misled me.  Or more honestly:  I deceived and mislead myself with all my searching and seeking.

    I couldn’t understand why I kept getting the answer wrong. I was smart and resourceful. I was making an effort.

    Why didn’t I seem to want what I thought I wanted? Why did my “answers” for happiness keep turning out to be wrong?

    Shifting Focus

    It was only years later I shifted my attention to a different part of the equation, and started to focus less on the answers and more on the questions.

    And that has made all the difference.

    It finally dawned on me: My answers were someone’s right answers, just not mine.

    How did I come to this breakthrough? (more…)

  • How Curiosity Can Help Us Heal from Pain and Grow

    How Curiosity Can Help Us Heal from Pain and Grow

    “Curiosity is one of the great secrets of happiness.” ~Bryant H. McGil

    I don’t think I’d be alive if it weren’t for my curiosity.

    Is that a dramatized statement? Maybe.

    For me, curiosity has brought a curious kind of “fun” and “enchantment” to an otherwise bleak, painful, and seemingly hopeless period in my life.

    Diagnosed with “burn-out” (a.k.a. adrenal fatigue) in 2009, my life quickly unraveled in front of me. I lost my job, my health, and my social life.

    From what seemed like one moment to the next (but in fact was a shift happening over numerous weeks) I lost the ability to read or concentrate on pretty much anything for longer than a short instant.

    Did I have it coming? Apparently.

    Did I see it coming? Not really, no.

    So, there I was. I could only manage one task a day. Making a simple phone call was a task.

    It was difficult to accept, and it was frightening.

    I’d always assumed that, whatever happened, I could rebuild my life. I could go and get a job somewhere else and start over, I could make things work.

    Now, it seemed I couldn’t make anything work. (more…)

  • 3 Tools to Help You Crush Your Fears

    3 Tools to Help You Crush Your Fears

     

    “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

    Though there are many events outside of our control, we do have the power to change our own lives. So what’s stopping us?

    In a word: fear.

    Fear is a great survival instinct. It helped our ancestors survive the rigors of daily life. But nowadays, fear holds us back from achieving what we want to achieve.

    My Story

    I grew up living in fear. In school, I tried to win the approval of other people by letting them bully me. I was terrified of being disliked, and this constantly worked against me.

    When I was 15, I suddenly came down with Crohn’s Disease, a painful autoimmune disorder. It was the beginning of a new journey; a journey that would permanently enroll me in the school of hard knocks.

    I believe the biggest fear I am in the process of overcoming is the fear of going against society’s expectations. One example: Society expects you to be gloom and doom when you’re going through a tough illness. Not me.

    Before I even started learning about personal development, I tried to lighten up the days of the doctors and nurses in the hospital with a smile and positive demeanor. This completely cut through expectations, because “sick” people aren’t supposed to smile.

    When I started feeling better, I decided to work on my fears even more. I went to online school, where I worked on the fear of being a self-disciplined learner.

    I started a daily stretching routine, and posted a video of myself doing a full split online. I sent it to my old ballet teacher, and she invited me to come to dance in her studio.

    That idea had never even crossed my mind. A swirl of irrational thoughts went racing through my mind:

    • What if I’m not good enough at dancing to be in the studio?
    • What if I get sick?
    • What are all of the people going to think of me? I have an NG tube in my nose that makes me look weird! (more…)
  • Dealing with a Break Up and Learning from the Experience

    Dealing with a Break Up and Learning from the Experience

    “Why worry about things you can’t control when you can keep yourself busy controlling the things that depend on you?” ~Unknown

    Relationships end, everyone knows that. The tough part is actually dealing with suffering, accepting, letting go, moving on, and processing a whole lot of other feelings at the same time.

    Six months ago my ex-boyfriend decided to end our relationship because he couldn’t forgive me for a mistake I’d made.

    During the first weeks of our breakup I decided that it would be best if I just gave him some time to think things out. I accepted the consequences of my error and decided not to pressure him.

    I knew it was my fault we were in this mess, and he was suffering from my wrongdoing (which didn’t involve infidelity).

    After a month we saw each other again, and he told me that he could not forgive me for what I did—that my mistake meant that I didn’t love him and had never loved him throughout our three years together.

    I asked for forgiveness. I asked for a second chance. He told me he couldn’t trust me anymore and couldn’t risk getting hurt again. I accepted his decision and started moving on with my life.

    Two months passed, and one night he called me. He told me that he missed me terribly and wanted to see me. The next day we went to Starbucks.

    He told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me, that he compared every woman with me, and that he wanted to give us a second chance. But then he told me he was too scared to fully commit to me and that he wasn’t sure what he wanted. (more…)

  • Forming A Healthy Habit Starts from Within

    Forming A Healthy Habit Starts from Within

    “The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~James Allen

    I recently participated in a 21-day online fitness support group. I needed some external motivation to help re-establish a daily habit of fitness activity. My lazy butt was so reluctant to start this! Nevertheless, by the last day of the challenge, I was enthusiastically back into the habit.

    We all know it takes three weeks of daily repetition to form a habit, so my success may not surprise you. What surprised me was why I ultimately met my goal.

    It turned out that nothing about my success was about the physical aspects of daily exercise!

    When I retired a few years ago, somehow that translated into retiring from regular fitness activity. Retirement meant I could rejoice in not having to do anything. No expectations. No shoulds. Just do what I want to do, every minute of every day.

    We’re constantly told we “should” exercise—30 minutes daily, or 3x/week, or 10,000 steps a day, or blahblahblah.

    Yes, but I also have a lifetime resolution to eliminate “shoulds.” My attitude toward exercise had become resistance-based because of all the “should” advice. I’d given myself permission to avoid it. Hey, I’m in charge of my own body, right?

    But now, a few years later, my body has begun to show the deterioration symptoms of being ruled by my retired, lazy butt. I needed to put a stop to that. I decided I “should” exercise.

    Gradually, this 21-day fitness commitment reminded me that my lazy butt is a mental state, not a state of butt!

    First, I realized how easily I’ve been letting anything—whatever—thwart my exercise plans. Any excuse was a good one. Grocery shopping to do? Well then, I certainly can’t fit in that aqua-fit class! Rain? Yay, I don’t have to go for that walk! (more…)

  • Live Every Day Like You Travel: 4 Lessons from the Road

    Live Every Day Like You Travel: 4 Lessons from the Road

    “Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” ~ Gandhi

    What if we lived the way we travel?

    It’s been my experience that we let go of many things when we travel. I’d like to propose that those things—the things we loosen our grip on while travelling—are things that don’t need to be held quite so firmly.

    1. Notice. Slow down. Reflect.

    San Miguel de Allende is one of my favorite places on earth. I’ve visited nine or ten times. If asked to describe heaven, I’d say that it was a long weekend in San Miguel.

    After a gorgeous night’s sleep in Room number eight, I’d start to see things differently. I’d become absorbed by the way the golden light fell across our bed. I’d notice the specks of dust in the light shaft, like tiny astronauts travelling between the earth and the sun.

    In the town, I’d observe the dogs walking on the shaded side of the street and follow their example. Everything in my path seemed beautiful and noteworthy: the way that rain drops hit the cobblestone streets, the crayola-colors of folk art in store windows, and the markets that smelled like cheese and chicken feet.

    We sit at a cafe, content to drink limonada, and people-watch for hours.

    We rarely do this at home because we believe there are very important things that must be accomplished, and that we can’t waste time at cafes. Vacations help us understand that we’re not quite as essential to our workplace as we thought. They’re getting by just fine without us.

    Noticing leads to slowing down which allows us to reflect. We spend time observing the shape of things. Life exhales and rolls out ahead of us. We dream. (more…)

  • The World Needs You to Follow Your Inspiration

    The World Needs You to Follow Your Inspiration

    “Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” ~Unknown

    As I left the San Francisco head office of the clothing company I worked for, I felt anxious and scared. I knew, in the depth of my heart and soul, that I did not belong there and that I needed to do something about it.

    Up until a year before then, I had thought I did. But then I met this new friend who was a very spiritual person. He talked to me about things like universal mind, energy, a new era, and the importance of finding your dharma—your true vocation, which starts to be revealed once you start listening to, and following, your deepest inspiration.

    It all touched a deep chord in me. Since that day I started following my thread of inspiration and searched and read everything I could find about the psyche, how we are affected by colors and shapes, and about symbols and esoteric teachings. I felt like I already knew all of it, and that I had finally found my way home.

    My friends and colleagues didn’t understand the depth of the transformation I was going through. I felt misunderstood and very lonely.

    But at the same time I was happier than I had been in a very long time. I felt connected to my true Self. I was truly inspired and felt like I had a special job to do in the world of clothes: I was to find new ways of designing and using clothes, built on feminine principles and a different set of values than those of our modern culture.

    As the head designer for the Scandinavian branch of a multinational clothing company I earned quite a lot of money. I also led what many would consider a very glamorous lifestyle, with lots of traveling and meetings with interesting people.

    But did it make me happy? Was there room for me to grow and develop in new ways?

    No. Absolutely not. As a professional designer it was my job to focus on contemporary clothes, on what our costumers would want the next season. Looking further into the future was not an option. (more…)