Tag: dreams

Every Great Dream Begins with a Dreamer

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~Unknown

As a little kid I liked to dream—big, whether it was believing my red-Huffy bicycle would one day turn into a Transformer or convincing myself that as an adult I’d be spending much of my time in Hollywood hosting “The Price is Right.” As I said, I liked to dream big. I still do sometimes.

If we think back to our childhood, we all can remember a time when our dreams didn’t seem that far away from us.

I remember spending countless hours in my basement pretending I was a rock star on my make believe stage. There I’d be holding my microphone (nothing more than the cardboard tube from the paper towel roll) belting out song after song from a collection of 45’s.

Truthfully I never really did sing as much as I bounced around like other rockers I saw on television. Yet I still believed there was always a chance that one day I’d be singing on stage with the best of them.

Well, puberty fixed that for me. And while my wife believes my voice isn’t half bad, I couldn’t really carry a tune if it had handles on it. Though I still like to pretend when I sing along with the car radio—windows closed of course.

Whether you’re a kid or an adult I guess there’s never really a shortage of big dreams in this world. Why should there be?

I mean what’s the harm for a young ball player to dream that one day he’ll hit the most homeruns of any major league baseball player or the high school actress who fantasizes about having her name on a Broadway marquee?

And what about the frustrated adult who dreams of a career that inspires their heart and soul rather than simply pays their bills? (more…)

February 12, 2012
3 Lies to Eliminate to Start Living Up to Your Potential

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” ~Abraham Lincoln

I used to think that I would motivate myself to really live up to my full potential by reminding myself how much I wasn’t.

Well, that didn’t work.

Not that I didn’t get any results from chanting “You are so not living up to your full potential!” while getting out of bed, driving to work, doing the dishes, and combing my hair. Any time was a great time to remind myself. So I didn’t waste a second doing just that.

And I got results. Only not the ones I expected.

I became an expert on mindlessly browsing the web. I became an expert on constantly comparing myself to other people. I became an expert on feeling stuck. I became an expert on driving myself crazy with my non-stop “you are so stuck” chatter in my mind.

I felt drained, stuck, and low on energy; these were my daily companions.

So it shouldn’t be any wonder I grew less and less fond of my so-called motivational mantra that was doing anything but, well, motivating.

I’ve realized that living up to our full potential starts with eliminating three big lies: (more…)

February 8, 2012
A Simple Path to Happiness and Success

“What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful.” ~Dalai Lama

Success is something most of us want. But we want happiness, too.

I think we go about these two important things the wrong way. With some simple changes, I believe anyone can become both happy and successful.

The Conventional Success Story

A man, dissatisfied with his life, wants to become successful, and, therefore, happy.

So he seeks out a millionaire. The millionaire is the head CEO of a Fortune 500 Company. He has fancy cars, many possessions, and most importantly, a huge mansion.

His business is the leader in his industry. It’s safe to say, he’s a conventional success.

Let’s call the first man Cody and the millionaire Richard.

Cody asks Richard “How do I become successful?”

“Walk to the beach with me,” Richard says. “I will teach you the secret to success.”

He agrees and they proceed onto the sand. Richard continues walking into the ocean. Cody is a little confused, but he follows.

Water is now up to their shoulders. Richard turns, and pulls Cody underwater.

Cody is terrified.

He flails maniacally. He scratches. He kicks. He elbows Richard. He uses every bit of his strength trying to get this man off him.

But it’s no use.

His seconds are passing away. He wishes. He prays. He struggles even harder.

But he is becoming lightheaded. He knows he’s finished. He looks out from the water one last time…

But then he is above water. Richard pulled him out.

Cody gasps for air and spits out water. “What th… What the hell was that for?” he yells.

“To be successful,” says Richard, “you need to want success like you wanted to breathe.”

Gasping For Air

This story is for the super-achievers—people who want to do great things. We often admire these people. You might even want to become like Richard.

It was my philosophy, too. In fact, that story inspired me more than anything I had ever heard. I thought constantly about it, trying to apply it to my life. (more…)

December 13, 2011
The Future Is Completely Open

“The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” ~Pema Chodron

This quote reminds me of the song “Into the Great Wide Open” by Tom Petty. I play that song in my yoga class a lot these days. I love the freedom in it, the expansiveness, the hope.

My future is completely open and I am writing it moment by moment.

Phew! This feels good!

For a long time, I thought my future was pre-ordained.

My dad died at 38 when I was 8. What was I supposed to think besides this is when we die: at age 38.

Today is my birthday. Today I turn 37.

I was never able to visualize my future.

People would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up and I couldn’t answer. Nothingness on my end. Blank stares. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a morbid kid; I just saw a black cloud or fuzz or nothing when people asked me questions regarding any moment beyond the present. And yet, I was not present. It was a conundrum to say the least.

But you are such a great writer, Jen. You should be a writer when you grow up, Jen.

Nothing. Couldn’t imagine it.

Stop talking to me about my future. I already know what will happen and it doesn’t involve me writing.

I didn’t know what exactly happened when you turned 38 except: you didn’t exist anymore, so how in the heck was I going to be a writer?

I got a little older and a little wiser, and yet still, I couldn’t plan for anything. People would ask me what I was doing for the summer and I would have a panic attack.

I had a very hard time being able to imagine myself beyond the chair I was sitting in.

It was like I had a crippling fear of planning a future, any future at all, because I knew what was in store for me. I didn’t know when my time would come, but I knew it was in my genes.

I realized that I had a deep core belief that happiness was taken away from you.

Or let me rephrase: from me.

So why would I want to plan anything when it would be taken away from me? When my future was already written? My dad died at 38 from a stroke and I sat by on the sofa waiting for him to come. Instead they brought a box of Dunkin’ Donuts. (more…)

December 11, 2011
When You’ve Lost Your Sense of Purpose

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do/ with your one wild and precious life?” ~Mary Oliver

I was always the child with armfuls of books and big dreams. I wanted to be a writer. When the limit at the local library was six books, I borrowed all six, and then talked my sister into letting me borrow some of her weekly ration.

While I had many friends, most lived several minutes away, and public transportation wasn’t available. When I couldn’t arrange a sleepover, my sibling and my books were ever at the ready to play school.

My parents were not academics, but they heartily encouraged my own goals, which always included a clear objective: college. Step-by-step, from AP English courses, SAT preparation, catalogue perusing, and campus visits to placement testing, that long-held goal became a reality.

My life burgeoned with canvas backpacks of Brit lit, philosophy, and cultural anthropology texts; club meetings; and hours hunkered in the campus newspaper office, ordering pizza at 10pm and pulling all-nighters with fellow staff writers to make morning deadlines.

While I knew upon graduation that I would ultimately go back to school for a masters, first I’d chip away at student loans and work first jobs for the resume notches. As one year post-graduation stretched into four, then five, the time had arrived for my return to backpacks, midnight study sessions, and heady discussions unraveling literary criticism.

So I brushed up with a borrowed GRE workbook, made campus visits, and applied to my favorite. I was going back to school!

Grad school proved to be an extension of my childhood dream—hanging out at the university watering-hole discussing line edits and narrative structure, and drafting my thesis manuscript before the hopes of agent shopping.

This time, I had become that writer with not one diploma but now two for my wall! Never mind that I had little practical notion of what followed, beyond another day and a student loan.

The years since walking across that stage to the cheers of fellow literary friends and family have proven a challenge intellectually and spiritually. There have been times I’ve felt unmoored.

How, I’ve frequently wondered, can I make this life worthwhile without the focus of school, where I’ve always fit in best? What will motivate me now—workaday Mondays and my five-figure debt balance? Hardly.

How can I lead a life of fulfillment again when many days feel without a center or a greater purpose?

Maybe you can relate to feeling a loss of purpose, and it doesn’t have to be the end of school. It might be that you’ve just lost a job, or your children might have just left home for college and you’re unsure how to proceed with your newfound empty nest. Or maybe you’ve earned the promotion you’ve worked toward for years, and keep wondering how you’re going to top that success. (more…)

November 28, 2011
Define Success to Create Success, Starting Now

“What matters is the value we’ve created in our lives, the people we’ve made happy, and how much we’ve grown as people.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

Ahhh success! It sounds so good. We all want it, but are you brave enough to define what success means to you and go for it?

Society conditions us to define success as being the best, attaining prosperity, making a lot money, or having a fancy CEO title.

I thought I had “success” ten years ago where I spent five years working on Wall Street at Credit Suisse, an investment banking firm in New York City. I started as an associate on the Corporate Bond Sales desk and was promoted to a Vice President.

I worked at the firm as a summer intern between my first and second years of business school and received a full-time offer. I remember being very hesitant about taking the job because I knew it wasn’t my passion, but I didn’t know what else I wanted to do.

It was exciting when I first stepped on the trading desk—tons of energy, noise, and people sitting less than three feet away from me on both sides. In an unexpected way, the noise faded into the background and I became used to it.

I enjoyed the job at first and how fast paced it was, but after a few years, I realized that I was not engaged on this path. I believed that there was something more for me.

It was confusing because I had a good salary, good title, and a good life, but it wasn’t fulfilling. Many thought I was “successful” by the traditional definition, but I did not feel like I was on my true path and making a difference.

I stayed in finance for a while hoping my feelings about the role would change—they didn’t! Although I’m interested in the markets, I’m not passionate about them. I wanted to read personal development books in my free time, rather than Barron’s and Business Week.

The truth was finance, although a great path for some, wasn’t my path. This took me a while to admit. It’s powerful to face the truth! The job was draining my energy, and after a few years, I wasn’t excited to start my day.

Often the hardest thing to do is to walk away from something that is good for others but not great for you.

When I was 40 years old, I made a tough decision to change my life and leave the finance world for real. I opted for a much more fulfilling life as a Business/Life Coach, Speaker, and Author. I had to take a step into the unknown and create another career and life that felt authentic.

I love what I do now because I get to read and write about things that inspire me and help others make a difference in their life. I feel like I am making a positive contribution to the world and that makes me happy! (more…)

October 10, 2011
How to Achieve Unexpected Success

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Success.

A word defined by you and me.

Do not be manipulated by the definitions applied to that word by others. Choose your own definition.

Though I believe we all have the potential to succeed in reaching our dreams, I have found that success reaches to a far greater depth in our lives.

Whenever I hug my wife of 28 years and tell her that I love her, and she responds in the same manner—there is my success.

Whenever I receive a random text or email from one of my children saying that they love me—there is my success.

When I write something I feel passionate and excited about— even before anyone else has read it—there is my success.

When I present a product or a service to a potential customer in the most professional manner I can possibly muster—there is success.

But as my dear old friend Henry David Thoreau writes, there are four elements that assist us in pursuing the lives we dream about.

1. Have a dream.

To discover your dream, ask yourself these questions: (more…)

September 29, 2011
Realizing You Have Everything You Need

“He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope has everything.” ~Thomas Carlyle

I grew up in a small town, Maysville, Kentucky, where I led the perfect, sheltered life. After graduating from high school, I pursued higher education at a local community college, and from there transferred to The University of Kentucky in Lexington.

I had an interest in art, music, and media, pursuing a double major in journalism and communications. I dreamed about either working behind the scenes of a television studio, or becoming a certified systems engineer and working for my father’s employer.

Then a week and one day after graduating from college, fate stepped in.

Back home in Maysville, my loving parents thought it would be wise for me to live with my father, who lived in Cincinnati during the week, and work with his company in Information Technology. With my education I could quickly rise up the ranks to management.

Driving back to Lexington, I felt a certain peace come over me, feeling happy with my decision. After my journey, I decided to nap on my couch to relax and prepare for my interviews and this next big adventure.

I started to get a headache that was like none other I’d had before. The pain became excruciating, like an intense sinus headache, but in the back of my head. I got up and ran to the bathroom, got sick, and passed out. My brother who shared the apartment with me came home, found me, and called 911.

An ambulance rushed to my apartment, picked me up, and drove me to the hospital. I was in a coma for three days.

What happened was something called an Arterio-Venous Malformation. In laymen terms, a blood vessel ruptured in my brain, destroying the life I once knew.

Doctors predicted that I would never be able to drive or be independent, and that I would probably never be able to walk again. I was in for the biggest challenge of my life.

What happens after a storm? It’s time to rebuild. I had to rebuild my life.

Three months after my accident, I was released to try to live a normal life. I couldn’t really talk. I didn’t have a job. Doctors recommended that I not pursue work in the field that I chose in college, Broadcast Journalism, to keep my stress levels down.

There was a lot I couldn’t do, but I could focus on my fitness. (more…)

September 19, 2011
Get Started on Your Dream: Clear the 5 Most Daunting Hurdles

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.” ~Buddha

A decade or so ago, when I was twenty, I was supposed to settle into an “arranged marriage,” a common concept in India. I would never have known what it means to be financially independent, to go after my passions, and to be true to myself.

Until then, I had only wished to have a career—to go to a big city, live independently, and explore my identity. But those were merely daydreams. I had accepted that in my community, girls are married off after graduation, and whatever they want to make of their lives, they do it after marriage.

Though I had accepted that reality, I wasn’t at peace with it. I still dreamed of pursuing higher studies in a field that was my passion and forte: Mass Communication. The institute I aspired to attend would take no more than forty students per subject and no less than the crème de la crème of the country.

It was only prudent that I brush the dream under the carpet, because, even if I tried, it seemed unlikely. Also, I didn’t have any time to prepare for an exam like this, which was a month away, and I couldn’t take the exam the following year. My family wouldn’t wait “that long” to see me married.

I realized this might have been my only chance to shape my life as I visualized it. I had a month to prepare for this high-profile exam. Those thirty days could determine the next thirty years of my life.

I wondered, “What would happen if I put every single grain of my brain, my heart, my soul, my blood, and my bones into this one dream?” And then I found out!

My fears gave way to determination, a sense of purpose replaced my complacency, and my day dreams faded as I adopted a “now or never” sense of urgency.

Today, I am so proud of myself that I dared to make that attempt, against all odds. I did not resign to my fate, and as a result, I made it into the top forty league of students at my dream school, where I pursued my passion. Those thirty days changed my life forever. (more…)

September 12, 2011
How to Ask for Help from People You Respect
I’m in the middle of self-publishing my first book. Ever since college, I dreamed of publishing my work and now I’m enjoying the reality of going for it.

For weeks, I’ve gathered testimonials. As you may know, they are powerful tools, especially when the people providing them are recognizable to the target reader.

My challenge: how do I get testimonials from all these people I respect? Well, I’ll tell you what I did and how I failed before I understood what worked best.

Asking

The first answer to how one gets help is “by asking.” Yes, some people miss that part by never trying.

Why is that? Why do we hold back from asking?

For me, there’s a lot of fear that comes up when I’m about to ask for help.
- What if they say “no” to my request?
- What if they ignore my request?
- What if they see my request as a waste of time?
And those are just my conscious thoughts. There’s a good chance my subconscious replaced the words “my request” in the statements above with “me.”
- What if they say “no” to me?
- What if they ignore me?
- What if they see me as a waste of time?
Sort of slaps the ego a bit harder—makes sense why we wouldn’t want to see it that way. Feels more painful, huh? (more…)
August 24, 2011
Overwhelmed by Your To-Do List? How to Decide What to Do Now

“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” ~Proverb

I’ve been mentoring writers for years, and one problem many of them run into is that they have so many ideas and projects that they don’t know where to start. They may want to write for big-name magazines, draft a novel, sell a nonfiction book, start a blog, and write an e-book.

Each of these projects has dozens of to-do items associated with it. Where to start? They’re so confused that they do nothing at all.

I sometimes have the same problem myself: I’ve been a freelance health writer since 1997, but recently I’ve been studying to add certified personal trainer and wellness coach to my repertoire. So my task list is long and varied, from stocking my personal training studio to pitching article ideas to creating motivational handouts for my new clients.

When I think about all I have to do—and everything seems to have equal priority—I can’t decide which task to get started on, so I do nothing.

When you’re confronted with an arm-length to-do list, ask yourself these questions:

How Much Time Do I Have?

Figure out how much time you have to spend right now, and slot in the item you think you can get done in that time—even if you’re working on the project “out of order.”

If you have 10 minutes, use that time to read a chapter in a personal development book, meditate, or read a few blog posts in your industry to keep up with the news. If you have an hour, you can get your exercise in, do prep work for tonight’s dinner, write a blog post, or call that friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with. (more…)

August 22, 2011
How to Carve Time for Yourself and Pursue Your Dreams

“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.” ~Etty Hillesum

There was a time that I wished I had more than 24 hours a day to finish everything in my long to-do list. I have a full-time job editing news stories for a media agency while tending to my side business as a content marketing strategist for entrepreneurs.

That’s just the work thing. Like most single women in Asia, I live with my parents, so I do my share of household chores. I’m also writing my thesis for my masters in anthropology.

I had such a crazy schedule that I had this feeling of being literally crushed under a heavy pile of work. I wondered if I was just spinning my wheels, or if it was even worth it.

I decided then to make some changes so I’d feel less overwhelmed. After reading books and blogs on time management, goal setting, and productivity, I accepted that, while I can’t have more than 24 hours a day, I can give myself one day each week to forget my workload and just focus on myself.

My free day is my time to read, watch DVDs, and go to the gym. This me-time is as important as my work days, as it recharges my energy. It also clears my mind so I can focus on my goal of transforming my current side gig into a full-blown business.

(more…)

August 14, 2011
6 Commitments to Maintain Momentum with New Projects

“When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless.” ~Pema Chodron

I always wanted to travel to exotic places. When I received an all-expenses-paid invitation to Bangkok after a conference accepted a paper I wrote, I jumped at the chance to go.

I brought my camera and lugged it around in an oversize fanny back worn backwards. Looking like a dork is a small price for the opportunity to catch the wonder of a moment.

The conference became a yearly event, and the overseas flights provided time to reread the Canon manual for umpteenth time. My mind is a sieve for numbers and buttons that require complex mathematical equations performed in an instant. I’m lucky to catch a great shot one-tenth of the time.

Most times I stick to photographing sumptuous statues of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. I am willing to wait hours for a shaft of light to strike them just so. Then I take a ridiculous numbers of shots just in case.

I’m not a techie, but this pursuit keeps butting me up against long lists of directions on computer screens with hieroglyphics that could make decoding an Egyptian tomb look easy.

While compiling my first photographic book I vowed to keep my cool at the computer. No ranting or raving at the keyboard; none of the usual expletives or threats to decimate the motherboard. I got more done than I ever could have imagined.

Now the ante has been upped with my second book on Guanyin, a female deity capable of the greatest love under the direst circumstances. But has she ever faced the endless void of interminable options on the Internet without the hope of a human touch?

In a moment’s notice, she can shift shapes to lift us out of a tough situation and firmly plant our feet on the road to enlightenment—or Kansas if necessary.

Guanyin inspired me to make a second promise to myself: to be kind to every person I encounter—even after days of questing for a techie to solve problems that I’m incapable of describing without using phrases like “what-cha-ma-call-it” or “thing-a-ma-jig.”

I knew that I could occasionally come across as brash when I asserted myself. That made this second commitment essential for my effectiveness. (more…)

August 8, 2011
3 Questions to Help You Access Your Intuition

“Begin, be bold, and venture to be wise.” ~Horace

During my second year at an arts conservatory, I took a detailed diagnostic test to determine the hemispheric dominance of my left and right brain.

People who tend to lean toward the left are logical, reality-based, practical, and intellectual, when people who tend to lean toward the right are artistic, intuitive, feeling, and imaginative.

On a horizontal linear scale from 1 to 10—1 being the farthest left and 10 being the farthest right—I tested 4.8. That means that I am basically balanced between both sides of my brain but lean .2 toward the left.

Recently, I found a website that had a computer image of a ballerina spinning on her toe. If you saw the dancer spin clockwise, your brain dominance leaned toward the right; if anti-clockwise, left.

A friend of mine (who was also in that class with me at arts school) had her four-year old son do the exercise. He was able to see the dancer go both ways, capable of switching at will.

When she asked him how, he said, “I don’t know, Mommy. I am not my mind.” Jeez! I just want to hug this enlightened boy!

When we identify with our mind it can be our worst enemy. It likes to cycle, obsess, tighten, and cut us off from experiencing our heart. It can prevent us from having real intimacy with others and ourselves.

The mind says it wants something, yet sometimes we categorize, intellectualize, and analyze all because we are afraid to actually feel, open, and come to intimately know that thing beating in the center of our chest.

I remember a night when I was sitting with my husband at our turquoise Moroccan table in our backyard, talking about how I desired to be physically closer to him.

Life stresses, including four miscarriages and three-failed In-Vitro fertilizations had caused us so much grief, strife, and tension that we were burnt out, disheartened, and shut down.

Yet, with all that talking, whining, and wishing we could be closer, it was easier for me to take the time to sit and talk about my needs than go up upstairs, cuddle with my husband, and create closeness. (more…)

August 7, 2011
Beat Procrastination: How to Want to Tackle Your To-Do List

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you won’t do anything with it.” ~ M. Scott Peck

Ten years ago, I stopped procrastinating. Lots of procrastination, then zero—overnight. Cold turkey worked for me. Now I hardly ever procrastinate.

Why the sudden change? How did I do it?

Lists and Procrastination

Like many people, I make lists, including to-do lists, reminders, shopping lists, wish lists, and my what-to-do-when-bored list. I completely rely on my lists to keep my life moving along.

My Dad purposefully decided not to make lists. He believed he could maintain his memory better if he didn’t rely on them. Could be true, because he always had a good memory.

Not me, however. I do seem to need lists to remind me about important to-do things. When I write something on a to-do list, I can get it off my mind for now, knowing I’ll have that reminder. So why not just do that important thing now instead of writing it down? Well, sometimes that’s not practical or possible.

But sometimes it is. Sometimes writing a to-do item on a list can actually be an act of procrastination.

Apparently lists and procrastination go hand in hand for some of us. My reason for making lists is to ensure that things get done, yet writing something on a list can also make it easier for me to procrastinate doing it. Once the to-do item is on a list, it’s off my mind—so it might never get done.

There’s something wrong with that picture. Making lists to remember to do things, and then avoiding those lists because of a procrastination problem? A deadly combo in terms of productivity! (more…)

June 27, 2011
3 Things That Limit Your Potential and How to Overcome Them

“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.” ~George Sheehan

Here’s the routine: wake up, do my work, watch TV, and go to bed.

This was a regular day in my life not long ago. It was not too eventful and not overly challenging, and to be the honest, the less challenging it was, the less stress there was for me—at least that’s what I thought.

I had been working online for a few years, and my income was not up to where I wanted it to be. In fact, it was pretty far away from the numbers I had floating around in my head! But still, I went through the same motions everyday, hoping that one day I’d reach those numbers through hard work and perseverance.

I am a big believer in taking action to create the life you want, and at that point I thought I was taking action.

I would work hard during my day writing articles, perfecting my website’s SEO, and posting in forums. I did this daily because my schedule on the wall told me to do this to be successful. It even told me what time to stop doing one thing and start doing another.

Occasionally, I would read articles from other online marketers and bloggers about link building and networking. Even my husband, who is involved in real estate, would talk about that relationships he was building and how it helped him with his business.

But I kept brushing those ideas off because they were outside of my comfort zone. (more…)

June 15, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: On Dropping Excuses

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” -Charles R. Swindoll

Joshua Denney, who designed this site and does a ton behind the scenes, found this video and posted it on Facebook yesterday with the heading, “No excuses.”

What could you accomplish if you stopped making excuses and started focusing on making a difference?

May 29, 2011
50 Creative Questions To Create The Life You Really Want
“If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.” ~Jack Dixon

The first time I picked up a brush to paint I was 28 years old. I had never painted before, not even as a child. I couldn’t draw (except lousy little doodles) and never even thought I would enjoy painting.

A friend of mine encouraged me to take a workshop about painting for process. Since she pushed so hard, I went.

My world exploded open.

On the first day, we stood next to a long table where cups of colorful bright thick Tempra paint laid in rows with one brush and a cup of water next to each of them.

The instructors told us to simply choose the color that called to us in the moment without thinking, pick up the brush, dip it into the paint, and bring it to our white paper pinned against a wall. Then we were supposed to do only one thing: PLAY!

Painting for process is not about having a cathartic experience, throwing paint onto the paper a la Jackson Pollack. It’s about being respectful of the process, holding the brush carefully like a pencil, and being present when connecting the brush to paper.

The key to the creative process is to let go of the concept of “product.”

The instructors encouraged us to avoid standing back to look at what we were doing. This would trigger analysis, judgment, and self-consciousness. We were supposed to paint freely, like children, and forget about the demon of outcome.

If judgments came forward like “My painting is bad,” or “It doesn’t look like I want it to,” or like in my case, “It looks like a cartoon,” we were to ask ourselves three simple questions:
- What if it could be bad?
- What if you let go of preference?
- What if it didn’t matter if it looked like a cartoon or not?
Keep painting!” my teachers encouraged. “Keep going to a color and bring the brush to the white page.”

And when I got stuck (and sometimes wanted to curl up in a ball and cry) my kind teachers came over and gently nudged me to keep meeting myself head on. (more…)
May 1, 2011
Why Some Dreams Don’t Lead to Happiness

When I was 24 years old, I learned that some dreams are actually avoidance tactics, and some discouragement is a very good thing.

I was relatively new in New York City, and I felt overwhelmed by the prospect of failing if I tried to pursue my passions. I’d learned a lot about failure in the six years prior, and the only thing I knew for certain anymore was that I had to become someone important.

When I arrived at my interview for marketing job—as it was so descriptively advertised on Craigslist—I was surprised to find a room full of people and a whiteboard that read, “Who wants to work smarter, not harder and earn six figures?”

I did!

If I had the money, I reasoned, I’d have the freedom to do whatever I want with my life. The money was a smart dream. It was the path to everything and anything.

A 22-year old girl named *Aida led us through a 45-minute presentation. She told us how she recently bought her own home while helping other people find financial freedom, too.

That’s where we came in. We would sell phone and internet packages to our friends and family members, and recruit other people who wanted to do the same thing.

Every time we made a sale, we got paid. Every time those other people made a sale, we got paid. Every time the people they recruited made a sale, we got paid. And it only cost $499 to get involved.

That’s where she started to lose me. What kind of company asks you to pay them $500 to make sales for them? She told me that it cost because it was our own business—our investment, our tax deductions at the end of the year, and our profits.

I was skeptical, but I wanted to believe in the possibility of achieving massive success so that I could eventually do something big—and I loved the idea of helping other people along the way. (more…)

March 21, 2011
6 Tips: Work/Life Balance for People with Big Dreams

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton

The vast majority of people I know have two different types of work: the kind that pays the bills and the kind they wrap their heart around.

For some people, those are one and the same, but often that takes time, dedication, and a willingness to blur the traditional boundaries that separate work and social life.

Because let’s face it: It’s not always easy to make a living doing something you love.

The first challenge is to figure out what that is, and it’s often complicated by what we think we should do based on what other people think and what we’ve done up until now.

The next step is to figure out how to do it smart. It’s all good and well to decide to you want to run an online fitness, beauty, or personal development empire, but unless you have a unique value proposition and a solid idea of who needs your services and why, you could end up just spinning your wheels.

And then there’s the easiest part, which is simultaneously the hardest: the choice to work on your dream every day, knowing there are no guarantees and that it may take a long time to make the kind of progress that allows you to devote your full-time energy to your passion.

This has been my experience with Tiny Buddha, and it’s the same with people who have contacted me for help with their blogs. Everyone wants the freedom to do more of what they enjoy and less of what they don’t.

What makes this kind of complicated is that turning a passion into work can sometimes strip the joy out of it, particularly when you give up freedom now in the pursuit of freedom tomorrow.

Really, that’s what we’re doing when cram our hours full of tasks that leave little time for play and decompression: We’re deciding tomorrow’s possibilities are more important than today’s.

So, what’s the balance, then?

How do you allow yourself sufficient time to create that thing you visualize—whatever it may be—while also allowing space for relaxation, spontaneity, connection, and the simple act of being?

I recently asked on the Tiny Buddha Facebook page, “How do you create work/life balance?” I’ve chosen the responses that resonated the most strongly with me and used them in shaping this post: (more…)

February 23, 2011