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Search Results for "anxiety" — 1295 posts

The Art of Self-Soothing: How to Make Resilience More Sustainable

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“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” ~Micheal Jordan 

I believe that self-soothing is the key to accessing all happiness and success. All things being equal, when someone is able to self-soothe, they are more resourceful and more powerful than those who haven’t learned that skill yet. Here’s why.  

Great success (whether professional or personal) comes with a great deal of responsibility. That …

What You Need to Do If You Feel Overwhelmed

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“You are worth the quiet moment, you are worth the deeper breath. You are worth the time it takes to slow down, be still, and rest.” ~ Morgan Harper Nichols

I want to talk about overwhelm, which is something I suspect I’m not alone in dealing with, especially given our current global situation.

Even before the pandemic struck, I was on the edge of overwhelm. I live with two autoimmune conditions—rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia—both of which cause me to have health issues when I’m stressed out.

I started the year completely stressed out, thanks to a new health condition …

How Self-Care Can Actually Save the Planet

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“Take care of the earth and she will take care of you.” ~Unknown

The morning the sky turned red and the sun didn’t come out, I decided I wanted to sell my car. In a strange way, it seemed like an ultimate act of self-care.

Mind you, my wife and I are a two-car family and neither of us commute in the traffic-clogged Bay Area. So losing a car wouldn’t be a hardship. Instead, it would be a frank statement of living my values. A way to stage my own protest and live true.

I now understand this is …

How to Best Comfort Someone Who’s Grieving

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“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” ~Vivian Greene

Compassion is one of humanity’s greatest gifts. During times of suffering, such as following the death of a loved one, sufferers rely on the empathy of others to survive their ordeal. Yet, too often when someone is grieving, we do little more than offer an “I am sorry for your loss” because we are fearful of accidentally increasing their pain.

Speaking as someone who lost her husband unexpectedly after just over three years of marriage—and who has counseled many people …

How to Befriend Our Unhealthy Survival Mechanisms

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“Wounded children have a rage, a sense of failed justice that burns in their souls. What do they do with that rage? Since they would never harm another, they turn that rage inward. They become the target of their own rage.” ~Woody Haiken

Survival mechanisms are ways of being that we picked up along the way to help us cope with what was happening in our reality.

Getting mad at ourselves for doing what we do only promotes self-hate. We’re not bad or wrong; in fact, we’re pretty damn intelligent. We found ways to help us soothe our traumas, hurt, …

Why It’s Okay Not to Have Everything Under Control

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“Relax. Nothing is under control.” ~Adi Da Samraj

This has been an incredibly difficult, stressful, and uncertain year for me, as it has been for most people.

If I was told a year ago that in 2020, my work hours as a healthcare professional would be reduced, I would be quarantined for months in a small one-bedroom apartment with my boyfriend of seven months, I’d gain fifteen pounds in a few months, and I wouldn’t be able to travel to other countries, I would have rolled my eyes, laughed in disbelief, and thought to myself whoever is delivering this information …

3 Nature Therapy Exercises to Help You Live in the Now

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“Nature is the best medicine for serenity. Peace. Calmness. Stillness. It’s good for the heart.” ~Karen Madwell

I was looking for a way to stop obsessing over the future. I’d spent my adult life as an underground musician, and it had been wonderful for the large part. The thing is, it wasn’t good for me anymore.

I felt anxious onstage. I felt really uncomfortable with so many people looking at me. I had changed as a person, and yet I continued putting myself through performing even though I hated it.

Have you ever done that? Have you ever continued …

The 11 Most Common Myths About Highly Sensitive People

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“I used to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to empathize, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation of the little things, my vivid inner life, my keen awareness of others pain and my passion for it all.” ~Caitlin Jap

Unsurprisingly, given my sensitivity, I struggled to fit in when I was growing up in the loud and vibrant 1970s, a decade not known for its subtlety.

I was unbearably sensitive and relentlessly …

Your anger? It’s telling you where you feel powerless. Your anxiety? It’s telling you that something in your life is off balance. Your fear? It’s telling you what you care about. Your apathy? It’s telling you where you’re overextended and burnt out. Your feelings aren’t random, they are messengers. And if you want to get anywhere, you need to be able to let them speak to you, and tell you what you really need.

When Life Gets Hard: How to Find Peace Within the Chaos

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“The more in harmony you are with the flow of your own existence, the more magical life becomes.” ~Adyashanti

Have you turned on the news lately only to want to shut it off after a few minutes?

It seems that chaos has enveloped this planet. Every corner of every street has been impacted by the current situation; I have never seen anything quite like it in my time.

It may be incredibly difficult to find some breathing room between all of this. On one hand, you want to be up to date with the world, and on the other hand, …

What I Now Know About Rejection and How It’s Set Me Free

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“If someone does not want me, it is not the end of the world. But if I do not want me, the world is nothing but endings.” ~Nayyirah Waheed

Rejection means a lot of things to a lot of different people. To healthcare professionals, it may mean immunological incompatibility, a body not accepting a transplanted tissue or organ. To a couple that wants to adopt, a rejection letter can be discouraging and devastating news. To a writer, rejection can come in the form of submitting your precious work that you slaved over to a publisher and being told it didn’t …

What You Need to Do If You Feel Insecure in Relationships

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“The key is in learning how to live a healthy, satisfying, and serene life without being dependent on another person for happiness.” ~Robin Norwood

When it comes to relationships, people can call you “crazy” and “needy” all they want. I can only guess some people don’t know how crazy it feels when every cell in your body feels like the only way to breathe is to stop this person you desire from abandoning you right now.

You may not realize it as the emotions hijack your mind and body, but unconsciously, you only have one job in that moment—to …

Why We Feel Like a Fraud (and How to Stop)

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“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.’” ~ Maya Angelou

Any minute now they would find out.

I scanned the large conference room. The twenty-six project team members around the table discussed data analysis. Their voices were muffled by the thick fog of my anxiety.

My own throat tried to choke me, and my chest refused to expand. Sweat trickled down my side.

Breathe, just breathe. It’s going to be okay.

My eyes met my …

When Self-Help Hurts: How My Obsession Kept Me Stuck

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“Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and trust that in this moment, who you are, where you are at, and what you are doing is enough. You will get to where you need to be in your own time. Until then, breathe. Breathe and be patient with yourself and your process. You are doing the best you can to cope and survive amid your struggles, and that’s all you can ask of yourself. It’s enough. You are enough.” ~Daniell Koepke

I feel a bit like Frodo Baggins. I’m on this tireless, seemingly never-ending journey just …

How to Get Through Hard Times Without Hurting People We Love

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“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” ~Buddha

Just the other day, I had one of those moments with my husband, and not the kind of moment they write about in romance novels.

The world has been so different these last several months, and so many are feeling the effects of months of struggle, uncertainty, frustration, and limitations.

I consider myself to be someone who works to see the positive, finds the silver living in situations, and believes in the best of people, and that things can and will always get better. But lately, that has …

Perfectly Imperfect: How to Embrace Your Insecurities

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“Cut yourself some slack. You’re doing better than you think.” ~Unknown

Your stomach is tied up in knots.

Another crisis has arrived, and everyone is looking to you to have the answers, to be the leader. You can’t blame them either because you think you should have all the answers. But you just don’t.

Though you look calm on the outside, inside you’re a tangle of nerves and anxiety, terrified someone will expose you as the fraud you feel you are.

In the past, you’ve been able to pull a rabbit out of a hat to save the day, …

What We Need to Grow and How It Can Happen in Just One Day

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“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.” ~Mike McHargue

I learned some of my biggest life lessons in grade 5.

I was an average student leaning to below average in my early elementary years. I came home with a steady flow of B’s, C’s and the occasional E’s in second language subjects. I was told that I wasn’t applying myself and, as every report card I ever brought home clearly stated, I talked too much.

At least that was the narrative as I came to understand it.

I …

How to Tell If Your Relationship is Codependent (and What to Do About It)

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“Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.” ~ Esther Perel

Healthy relationships require a delicate balance of intimacy and autonomy, giving and receiving, self and other.

As we struggle to walk this delicate tightrope, we might feel less like graceful acrobats and more like pendulums swaying recklessly from side to side. As I reflect on my own romantic journey, I notice a trend: I got very close to past partners, losing myself in them entirely, and then emerged from the codependent haze terrified and self-abandoned.

“Never again!” I …

How to Foster Gratitude If You Have a History of Childhood Abuse

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“The pressure to be grateful kept me away from the more painful and real feelings of grief, anger, and abandonment. Growing up, gratitude was one more brick on the pile that kept all of the secrets of abuse in place. It was just one more thing that made me feel like being who I am, as I am, isn’t enough.” ~Vicki Peterson

The pathway to gratitude for a person with developmental trauma is not always straightforward.

You try your best and even purchased a journal specifically to try the ritual for yourself, but all you can think of to be …

Stay in the moment. The practice of staying present will heal you. Obsessing about how the future will turn out creates anxiety. Replaying broken scenarios from the past causes anger and sadness. Stay here, in this moment.