I am unable to edit my response otherwise I would correct the error I made.

The guy is being indirect but he is saying he isn’t interested. You need to involve him less in your life. He isn’t seeing your worth. It will take time but give yourself a break. Do other things.

Hi Dario,

Are you low on self-esteem? This person rejects you constantly yet you overlook his attitude.

I don’t think you are misreading him. He seems like a great guy but… saying “The person that he loved is no longer there and he can’t be the same person.” shows him to be too cautious and unwilling to take a chance.

The person that he loved has come back more mature, more sensitive, more supportive who would like to resolve the issues there were. How can he not like to be with this new person?

If you are clear about your feelings towards him (meaning you are not being melodramatic or fluffing things up) then he seems to be the confused one. He is not valuing that you are there. It will hurt a lot (a lot) but you are going to have to believe that you don’t need him. You can do things on your own. Perhaps he will realize your value if you leave. But you have to be prepared for a future without him. Who knows, he might come back to at least talk if nothing else, but if he doesn’t, then also you’re doing fine. You need a lot of inner strength.

Hey!
You may think it’s not fair but it looks like it’s not just you but your father also needs love and support. Why is he like this? Is he sad? Is he stressed at work?

My dad had a difficult relationship with my mother, me and a terrible relationship with my brother. He has passed away. Though I have some problems with him, as an adult I understand he had his limitations and sadness.

There is no replacement for the relationship with parents. If you can fix it then it will do both of you good. If not, then keep a distance – what else to do :/

Nothing happened. So there is no need for panic. You wanted to wash the dish later; that’s okay. There was no need for yelling and screaming but even if he did, it’s okay. It’s scary but nothing happened.

Parents are the biggest guides and support for children. Sometimes that doesn’t happen. Then you may become confused and lost. If you can’t find in your father the guide who can keep you grounded then you’ll have to look elsewhere – a teacher, a grandparent, an uncle, an aunt?

Become an adult, stand on your own feet, nothing can happen to you. You are in control of yourself. Do something you like which is constructive and with a welcoming company. You just need to learn to not feel pressure.

Hi!
I think there is something else to look into before you get to liking how you look. You said that people don’t understand how their comments make you feel. I don’t think anyone can take your side and say that people should say nicer things. It happens to all of us, ALL OF US. Lots of people have said unkind things about the me and I have said unkind things about other people. Let it go, don’t take it to your heart. Doesn’t matter. And the comments mentioned in your post don’t seem soooo awful to make you feel sad.

I don’t think your insecurity will get resolved if people say nicer things (and I am getting the feeling that’s what you want though you didn’t say that.) I think it would get resolved if you feel comfortable in your skin. Are you?

What do you like to do? Perhaps you will find company in those places of interest. What’s more, you may feel relaxed in general.

About looks, taking care of yourself is not such a vain thing to do. It’s your body, your face that also needs to be taken care of. You don’t have to go to the parlour or use makeup, that’s your choice. Clear skin, clean hair and clean eyes and you’re set. There is no need to look like a glamorous star but it’s fun to look nice.

Maybe if you put in an effort to look good, you might find out that you are prettier than you thought.

Hi Kylin,
I understand how you feel about feeling anxious all the time. From what you said it looks like this anxiety comes from the hard school life you had. Maybe that’s where the solution is too. Do you feel anxious about making friends too? Do you feel people may not respond to you nicely? So then you don’t try anything.

Maybe you should make a few friends. Not because that makes you cool and popular but because you have someone to talk to and relax with. And you have the freedom to be friends with people who you want. You don’t have to force yourself to be around someone whose company you don’t really enjoy. Maybe people who are not going to judge you and are easy going and happy go lucky are for you. Perhaps in their company you’ll learn to become easy going and carefree too.

You can just start with a ‘hi’ and a smile when someone approaches you. Does it make sense to you?

Ankita

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by Ankita.