Hello James123,

“However, the identification with the body as person, inevatibly creates suffering. İf one choose to suffer then why not, just be attached with the body or mind, as considering the mind chattering as “me”.

Total disseappears will come at the so called physical death.”

Okay, let us say that attachment to the body causes suffering. Then what is the alternative? One lives in the body. One has memories which create the self. The body retains the scars of trauma past. Those things were real. Thoughts or no thoughts, the self still lives inside this body. A person can recall their memories of things that happened that shaped their minds and their feeling. Some things leaving scars. All happened while we live in this body. So, what are you saying? That if We do not identify with the body then all our suffering will disappear?

It seems to me that what you are saying might be true in the sense of a being living on a different level. But most people do not live that way. Spouting truths that belongs to someone who has attained enlightenment helps no one because no one can relate. Talking about a person has no real self doesn’t help the person who suffered trauma at the hands of their abusers. It isn’t the same level. Anita and Alessha and Peter and Silvery Blue and others reach real people. And they help them out of their suffering by lending a compassionate ear. While there is truth in your words, the audience doesn’t understand the meaning. The toughest part about enlightenment is whether to share the truth and how to share it. Wisdom and compassion must come first. Not just Preaching.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying you are wrong. Or what you say is not true.

Note: I do not know why I always stick my foot in my mouth.

An excellent beginning to meditation can be the question of “What is the authentic self?”. To concentrate on finding the answer. Or to begin like many do by following breath. Some start by counting breath. In breath and the mind says one. Out breath and the mind says two. Count up to ten and then after ten, begin again at one. At first, the mind will wander and think about other things. Meditation starts by letting go of the other thoughts. Not by stopping thoughts. Just not to follow the thoughts. Bring the mind back to counting the breath.

As the person progresses, the mind may quiet down a little and focus on the breath. The person can then go on to watch the breath go in and go out. The mind say in on the in breath and says out on the out breath. Focus is maintained. As the mind is able to focus steadily, the quiet lasts longer. One remains present and aware. When the quiet is steady and the mind remains focused, the move is to let go of the mind counting or following breath. It is to remain focused and present. When the thinking mind is dropped, this is the setting of the enlightened mind. Emptiness, stillness … the experience brings one to see the truth. 3 things that can not stay hidden. The Sun, The moon and the truth.

Our thoughts make up everything in our lives. It tells us what is real and what is not. It lets us feel and dream and want but keeps us ignorant of the truth. With the truth, compassion and wisdom arises. This is not for everyone although the wish is that all sentient being will be liberated.

If Debbie wishes to learn more then I believe she must find a teacher. There are plenty of places that teach meditation. One can even find it on the YouTube. And there are so many methods. Not every method is for everyone. So, hopefully she can find one that suits her. And, that she will find her authentic self is happy.

When one holds a lit match for too long then one can feel the pain of being burned. If one was able then one would have blown out the natch or dropped the match before being burned. So, can you drop the match? Can you separate yourself from those who are causing these troubles and trauma?

Getting better usually takes time with oneself (not alone). Or with a good therapist. Help to understand what one has gone thru. And the steps to come out trauma with a life worth living. There are people here who have experienced trauma and are helping others. Seek their companionship.

Your post shows great compassion. All you can do is to talk and be there to help if she ask for help. Showing you care, is the best anyone can do at this moment. It will be up to her to get help. Good luck.

Buddhism teaches us a person is all of what one has thought. One is not those thoughts but it is what one believes one to be. And so, the thoughts create a persona that one believes one to be. In essence, one is more than that. Each person is like the splash of water. A drop arising from the ocean. Flying off in its direction. Rise rise high above the waves. Eventually falling back down and returning into the ocean.

Yes, turning off the constant thinking is the way to accept oneself. Meditation starts with watching the breath come in and go out. With letting go of thoughts. Not to chase the thoughts. Not to follow the thoughts. Not to suppress the thoughts. Let them come and let them go. Soon, quiet will arise between the thoughts. That quiet is the essence of self and will last longer and longer. Mindfulness. Dropping off of the thinking mind.

Would you not like your authentic self? I believe that you would need to experience your authentic self and then you would know. As we are now, we create this world with those thoughts. Our senses feed into this idea of who we are. Of course this all seems real.

Sorry, I have not read her complete story. It appears I have made a mistake being here. Can’t jump in the middle and know everything. Well, what is the answer to help her? Just listen to her go over and over her story? Show compassion? Never understood therapy. 1talk about problems and trauma. Cover it and go up and down everything. When does the healing begin? Yeah, this is beyond me.

Sorry, my advice is not very good. But attachment to love takes time and letting go of that love takes time.
As it was easy to spend time together. It will be even harder to practice to let go.

The first arrow in life is the one which causes us pain. The second arrow is the one which causes suffering. The first is unavoidable. Life will have its pain. The second is the wrapping of our minds on the first arrow. Thinking about the first arrow. Consumed about it. That is the suffering. Like a tooth ache will happen. There is pain. But, when the mind gets wrapped up in it and becomes consumed in the tooth pain then there is suffering.

The path to end suffering is to spend time not thinking about the other person. The more time you do not spend thinking about the other person then the more you will heal. If you continue to wrap yourself in those thoughts about the other person then the more you will suffer. It takes practice to do other things and to keep the mind on the present. Little by little. More and more time will go by and you will spend less and less time on thoughts about the other person. You will heal.

I understand that 10th grade and 11th grade was a bad time for you. But, I have to ask if you understood the consequences of your actions? Staying out all night. Coming home at 1 in the morning. How would you feel if one of your children did that? Yes, you had your reasons but no one else knows that. Not being able to talk to someone to help you?

I do not want to blame you for your actions. But, you have to take some responsibilities for your actions. Skipping school. Why? What made it so terrible that it was better to miss school than to be in school? Did you have bullies?

Sounded like you had a foster mom who loved you even with all the things you did that probably hurt her. Yeah, I don’t know you or your life. But, It does not sound like you take any responsibility for your life and actions. How can life get better if you don’t change your life for the better??

Sorry if I sound mean. That is not my intent. I have been the kid who skipped school for months. And the kid who took drugs. And the kid who stole. And I was punished for it. I knew it was time to change or things would just get worse. So, I changed me.