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Thomas168Participantprotect … ***Him, not her**
Thomas168ParticipantAlessa said, “Haha I’m not brave enough to try that one Tommy! 😂”
Do you mean exaggerating a symptom in order to get doctors to take a look?? When my brother in law went to the hospital, I knew it was stomach or spleen related. But, if I had said it was stomach issues then we would have been sitting in the waiting room for hours before even being seen by the intake nurse. Complaining about chest pains, they took him in and got him seen. After the initial intake, they finally gave him some pain killer. Can you imagine sitting in the waiting room in pain for hours? Got to remember, this is your baby. You are going to have to do what is needed to protect her. Not out right lying. It is the same line as not leaving when told the baby is fine. You got to push a little. In the end, the baby got more attention and you learned a little more. Okay, may stress that the baby didn’t take any fluids and throwing up a bit more?? Okay, reconsidering, maybe my advice isn’t such a great one. I take it back.
Just happy to hear the baby is close to being back to his regular self.
Thomas168ParticipantPeter said, “Either way, if he was a man of his word, and didn’t pretend he didn’t receive the key, he left without the diamonds. And I wonder if that might make anyone reading the story pause.“.
I think that was why the story ended there. So one can guess what happens next according to their own understanding. If one believes the rich man found the key to happiness then would leave the diamonds. If the rich man did not find the key to happiness then he would have kept the diamonds for the person believes the diamonds were the key. In many cases, people bring up the idea that the man did not keep the diamonds but rather that the diamonds kept the man. The man put his artificial value on the diamonds and that determines whether the man is happy or not.
There is the story of the monk who came home one night to find there was a thief in his house. When he opened the door, he spotted the thief going thru the drawers. So the monk stepped up and pulled all the clothes out and gave it to the thief. he then took off all his clothes and gave it to the thief. The thief, not knowing what was going on, took all that the monk had and ran off into the night. The monk stood by the window and said, “The moon can not be stolen“. When I first read that story years ago, I did not understand. But, turns out that whatever one puts value on becomes an attachment. Attachments are what pulls us and keeps us tied to it. so, got to be careful what one considers valuable.
Thomas168ParticipantPeter said, “— a real master would just sit, or laugh, or whack you with a stick and be done with it.“.
That sounds more like the reputation a Zen master might have rather than what a teacher might do. Which I believe would be to talk with the inquirer. Find out if the person has a practice. Whether it is meditation or Zazen or something else. See what state the person is in. See what obstructions there are and then see how to remove them. Of course, people in present times do not just follow instruction without question. So, there are lessons to be taught along the way.
Personally, I thought the key to happiness is finding how to be content with what one already has. When the diamonds were gone, the man made himself anxious and full of regret. He tore himself apart over the lost of the diamonds. Later when he got the diamonds back, he became happy again. So, it wasn’t the diamonds. It was himself that made him feel sadness or joy. That is the key to happiness. In doing ordinary chores, one should find it in oneself, the joy of life.
Another person once told me that his practice has come to the point where he sits in quiet. And he finds no joy or pleasure in life. That it has all become dull and he has no interests. He thinks Buddha was so right about life being full of suffering. To me, there is something wrong in his practice. Removing obstacles in one’s path to full awareness should bring a light heart and not a viewpoint of suffering. We decide if life is good or not. Also we decide what to do about it. Feeling lackluster about life?? That is just another prison the mind makes to keep us from freedom.
Sorry, rambling. My head tends to do that. Got to watch out for that. Falling into traps.
Thomas168ParticipantAlessa,
Thanks for the update. Waiting in ER? For hours? Makes me rub my hands together to think of what I can say to speed things up. Something like the baby is having a hard time breathing. Doesn’t matter if it is true or not. The baby can’t help themselves. I once took my brother in law to the emergency room. He was having stomach issues. My wife said to tell them he has chest pains. So instead of sitting in the waiting room for hours. They took him in right away. They spent a little time with him and made him sit inside the treatment er room. later they got a bed for him. Don’t down play his condition. And it was good that you refuse to leave. Better to be there a little longer than to have to come back later.
Good news that he is keeping some food down. Hope he breaks the fever soon. hoping thing only get better.
Thomas168ParticipantPeter,
Please continue with your comments about the stories. Because we mostly identify with the thoughts, you giving thoughts to the stories gives them flesh so we come to an understanding. It also shows your deep understanding of the Dharma. It lets others think about it too. Of course, this might not be something the Buddha would be trying to spread. So Buddha wasn’t about learning stuff and making a collection of information or stories. It is about sharing and letting the nature happiness in ourselves come out. So please continue.
Thomas168ParticipantConfused,
Good to hear you are in this love affair with all your heart. I hope it is all that you want it to be. Best wishes.
Thomas168ParticipantAlessa, I wish I had some good advice to give. All I know is to take the baby to the doctor whenever there was an issue. So, baby with fever? And not keeping food down? That would have me sitting in the emergency room for hours. But, I had my mother and wife to help. Wife use to work in a hospital and had some medical training in her country.
Thomas168ParticipantConfused said, “What do you mean a seperate peace or piece?
I am into therapy currently trying to work on it. I thought i found one and this happened..”Some people might call it building walls to protect oneself. You fall in love then you don’t feel love in order to protect yourself from being hurt. I called it a separate self because it isolates or insulates you from feelings or hurt from outside. Or some people might call it fear of commitment. It is a reaction to stop from being hurt by another person. Well, that is only my opinion. I have felt this before when I fell deeply in love. Afraid so I pulled back which hurt the girl. She ended up breaking up with me. I just felt I couldn’t give her what she deserved. And I didn’t want to feel hurt when I lost her. But, it hurt anyway. And i was young and dumb. I didn’t find a therapist but should have. Anyway, I just made a plan that if I find love again to not fight the feelings. Go in strong and do what is right. So, nearly 30 years of marriage. Not without fights. Struggled thru it and still together. I wish you the best.
Thomas168ParticipantAnita, I like watching the dog whisperer. The guy doesn’t just train the dogs but also the owners. This way both the dog and the owner have what they need from the other. One is the leader and the other is a follower. Remember that dogs take their cues from their owners. If you are depressed then they will be too. If you are happy then they are running around happy too. Dogs can be happy just hanging around you all day. Oh, I like the one video where the dog has a bunch of buttons that can be pressed to say words. The dog knows what is being said. They can ask for food or to go to the park.
Alessa, sorry to hear about the illness. That is going to happen more when kids start going to school. One thing my wife makes us do is to wash our hands as soon as we get home. This way, whatever we touch outside isn’t all over what is inside our home. Everyone knows about taking off their shoes so as to not drag dirt from outside into the home. But, washing hands is helpful too. Hope you feel better soon. That is tough to do if one doesn’t get enough rest. Constantly having to prepare meals can be tiring. Then the dishes afterwards. So, sometimes, I make lots of food then have leftovers for two or three days. Always be careful in storage and handling. Making sure to reheat to 165 F for at least 5 to 10 minutes.
Thomas168ParticipantEverything that one experiences is seen thru the lens of this mind. Feeling happy or sad. Being in love or not. It is all created in this mind. If you can fall deeply in love one moment and then not feel love at all the next then the mind has developed a separate peace or piece of you.
You could be a good person but falling in love with another person then randomly falling out of love is not the right thing to do. You may have no intention to do such things but, it can and will hurt others who fall in love with you. One day full of love and caring then the next day cold and distant. That isn’t a good relationship.
I don’t know enough to give any advice. But, the advice is to seek help. Find someone who can bring back meaning to falling in love that will stay in a meaningful way. I am sorry for my intrusion.
Thomas168ParticipantThanks Peter for the stories. I appreciate the contributions.
There once was a rich man who wanted to find the key to happiness. He would go around to the masters and ask for the key to happiness. He carried with him a big bag of diamonds. He would say that he would be willing to give all the diamonds away for the key to happiness. One day, he met a master sitting under a tree. The man sat in front of the master and asked for the key to happiness. Telling the master that he would give him all the diamonds for the key to happiness. The master grabbed the diamonds and ran away. He ran so fast that the rich man could not catch up to him. The man searched everywhere for the master. Now desperate and sad, his heart ached. When walking around he found the master back at the tree. The bag of diamonds in front of him. The man ran up to the master and grabbed the bag of diamonds. he became so happy.
This one isn’t about money. It is about learning to be content with what one has. Sometimes what one is trying to give away is what one is seeking.
Thomas168ParticipantIn another story, it was said that this really happened. I don’t know. But, it seems to show how a wise person could have kept quiet and still been able to tell the others of their mistake.
There were four monks, who had decided to meditate in silence. And they were not to speak for the next two weeks. As s symbol of their of their practice to begin, they lit a candle and began to meditate. By it had gotten dark outside, the candle went out.
The first monk said, “Oh, no! The candle went out.”
The second monk said, “Shh, we are not supposed to talk!”
The third monk said, “Then, why must you break the silence?”
The fourth monk laughed and said: “Ha! I am the only one who did not speak.”
I do not know how everyone else feels about these short stories. But, to me, I just like to read them. They are amusing but going too deep about them, … I just wanted to have fun sharing. Peter gets way too deep into the Dharma. I mean, I understand him and see his understanding is deep. But, I just wanted to have fun. Sorry. Just the way I feel. And now, it may be time for me to be silent.
Thomas168ParticipantWhile reading your opening post, I found myself thinking about my life as well. Presently no close friends. Only my wife and daughter tolerate living with me. I have had best friends that later in life turned out to be nothing more than acquaintances. One such friend, who I contacted after years of not hearing from, put out word to his friends that those who wish to stay in contact with him to let him know. Well, I did, and he shut me out. Changed his phone number. Dropped/Closed his Facebook. Basically hid himself from me. Well, it shows what kind of person he is. I have another friend who moved away. Went to a different school. We use to play basketball in the park as kids. I was never any good and we almost always lost because of me. He wasn’t happy about that. Well, after years, he found me on Facebook. Reached out to me. And said that I changed his life for the better. As kids, we went to the boys club of america. There they had tests for scholarships. I took the tests and insisted he also take the tests. He did well and got into a good school (moved away) where he met his high school sweetheart and married her. Guess he is happy. He said he wouldn’t have taken those tests if I had not insisted. He found me and thanked me. I told him that was all his own choice. Never thought he would come to find me. Goes to show that sometimes there are bad people and sometimes there are good people. Some only think about themselves and others care about their friends. Sorry, didn’t mean to make this about me. But, I did. Sorry. My only words of advice is to keep trying. Never know what you will find. Best wishes.
Thomas168ParticipantIt is really good to hear from you. Was worried you wouldn’t come back and let us know how you were doing.
It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation. Being really dependent upon your mom, you feel you have no choices but to follow the whims of your mom. Also, that your wishes are not being heard and you are feeling dismissed. I do not know what to say to help you protect yourself from such situations. But, my hopes and best wishes are with you.
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