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Stephen

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)
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  • #110479
    Stephen
    Participant

    Hi!

    That is an uncomfortable feeling to have, and far be it from me to give you advice on how you should feel or what you should do. Just know that you’re not alone.

    I’m thirty and single, but sometimes i think about how many people are in unhappy marriages and are waking up as a 67 year old woman (or man) and thinking about how they wish they were still single! It’s depressing to think about, but the fact is that marriage isn’t the magic pill to our feelings of loneliness or unfullfillment.

    Some people are definitely called to marriage, it’s a goal for them for whatever reason, and that’s awesome and totally something you should strive for, but maybe you can change your thought process. Just because you are single does not mean that there is something wrong with you. And if marriage is a goal that you want to work towards, don’t give yourself a deadline, just keep working towards it!

    You’re only 28! You have years left of meeting new people, new friends, laughing, travel, and sky diving to look forward to πŸ™‚

    Peace,

    Stephen

    #108096
    Stephen
    Participant

    YAY! It’s awesome that you’re changing your lifestyle for the better. Putting on a pair of running shoes 6 years ago was one of the best decisions of my life! I have gained so much joy and friendship from running, I hope it works out for you too!

    The biggest piece of advice I would have is: Don’t get discouraged! Keep moving. Running is simple, but it can be really really hard, and that’s why it is so great. Everyone who is a fast runner was a slow runner once, and it is the slow runners who work their butts off that really inspire me, I don’t care about the fast runners so much (or at least I try not to!)

    Also, I don’t know where your favorite running place is, but I really enjoy running on trails through woods. If you’re currently running on the streets, I highly recommend you try trail running a little bit.

    Have fun!

    Pax

    #81714
    Stephen
    Participant

    Hi!

    Quickly about myself: I played high school soccer, I wasn’t very good. I was slow, and yes maybe a little un-athletic.

    In college I was a couch potato, really had no passion, played video games and drank a bit and smoked weed.

    I graduated, and then I didn’t have any goal to complete so I thought hmmm…maybe I can run a marathon.

    THAT WAS THE SINGLE GREATEST THOUGHT I EVER HAD. My entire life has changed. I don’t smoke any more, and the drink, well, at least I don’t have a beer gut! There is a peace felt when running that is hard to describe. I am now 30, in the best shape of my life, and fitness has really become my passion, I’ve made some great friends because of it, and my activities include running, crossfit, and rock climbing.

    So cut to the chase, my recommendation is RUN!

    Peace

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by Stephen.
    • This reply was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by Stephen.
    #73976
    Stephen
    Participant

    I’m 6’2″, devilishly handsome, and achingly single. Why? Because despite my physical “advantages”, I’m not at peace with myself.

    100% of women like men that are attractive spiritually and mentally. That’s where all your confidence comes from. The physical part is just a bonus.

    Work on your inner strength and attractiveness, maybe watch some Danny DeVito movies, and smile πŸ™‚ because you’re probably a lot more awesome than you think.

    Peace

    • This reply was modified 9 years ago by Stephen.
    • This reply was modified 9 years ago by Stephen.
    #73874
    Stephen
    Participant

    54321…and this is why I read tinybuddah :/ BLAST!

    #73807
    Stephen
    Participant

    Hi!
    There have been times in my past where it took me a long time to get over a break up, too, so I can sympathize with you.
    Looking back on it though, the amount of time it took were not proportional to the length or the depth of the relationship.
    You kind of hit on what it took me a long time to figure out:
    “but I don’t know how to do that when my head is full of thoughts”
    Boom, right there. You need to fill your head with other thoughts.
    Certain kinds of people, myself included, fill our free time with rumination. This is very detrimental to the healing process.
    How do you fix this? Fix it with whatever it is you love to think about that makes you happy! For me, I need to run, or lift weights, or rock-climb, or play the piano, or play trivia in a bar with my friends.
    The healing effect increases when you mix in friends because you are no longer in your head, you are using your brain to do something and interact with people who didn’t break your heart.
    Do you read? Join a book club.
    Do you sing? maybe join a choir in a church.
    You dance? Take a zumba class or something.
    You will better yourself, meet new people, and get out of your head all at once.
    It’s a lot easier to give advice than to follow it, but this is what I would have told my younger self: “Stop moping, go lace up your sneakers, breath deep, and smile. There are seven billion (minus one) reasons that you shouldn’t worry about the past anymore.”
    Okay, you can think about it every now and then if you really want to, but you can’t worry about it.

    Peace!

    #73514
    Stephen
    Participant

    Hi! You know that this is abusive behavior, and I think you know what you have to do, but are afraid to take the next step.
    People can change, but it takes time. Are you willing to take that time, and risk a worst-case scenario?
    Is he worth you putting your safety on the line to help him? From what you’ve said, I’m not convinced that he is.
    Sometimes people fall into a habit where they think that what they say or do is said or done jokingly, or that it’s not that big of a deal, but they don’t realize how it affects other people.
    It’s the way their minds work.
    For some reason, your boyfriend thinks all of these things that he’s doing is acceptable, and they’re not. Imagine how long it will take for him to completely re-learn how to interact with someone.
    Benefit of the doubt is a good policy, but you have to draw the line somewhere. I don’t think you can help him, and I think (I know you have no reason to listen to me, but think about it) you should consider leaving before it’s too late.
    http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/08/living/inside-batterers-mind/
    Peace πŸ™‚

    #73394
    Stephen
    Participant

    Hi!

    Have you tried looking for a class to take? I don’t know if there is like a community college, or Art-promoting organization in your community that gives classes, but you might look into that. Maybe a local book store has an open-mic night, and you can ask some of the poets how they got started/if they have some group going on you don’t know about.

    Also, these crazy “Wine & Paint” parties that are becoming pretty popular.

    Just some thoughts. Good Luck!

    #73349
    Stephen
    Participant

    Peace, Dude

    It sounds like it’s really difficult to be where you are. I haven’t been to the depth where you are coming from, but I’ve gotten my toes wet with depression before, and I know it is terrible, soul sucking, vampire of a disease, but I want to encourage you, because you are not alone.

    I’ve been to the point where I’ve lost my passion. As a matter of fact I’m there now, but I’m slowly getting out of it. For me it’s running. I get home from work and I just think “what’s the point?” but, every now and then, I take a big breath, close my eyes, and run out the door. “I’m only going for ten minutes”, I say. “Okay, it’s been ten minutes, I can go for twenty.” Then I start to smile (thank you endorphins!). That’s where I find hope. I’ve never felt bad that I went for a run, but I have felt bad that I sometimes chose not to.

    I know that depression is an obstacle, and sometimes we think it’s unconquerable and it tricks us into abandoning the things we love, but if you know that there’s something that never fails to cheer you up, I think that’s proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you can be happy doing one specific thing, then you can maybe be happy doing two things, and three things.

    Goals don’t hurt, either. I haven’t visited your youtube site, but do you make music videos? Would you play in front of a crowd? Could that be something you would want to work on?

    I hope this helps in some little way.

    Peace, Dude.

    Stephen

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Stephen.
    #73316
    Stephen
    Participant

    Hi!

    I’ve been in similar situations where my feelings are unreciprocated, not to mention the fact that I’m dealing with a breakup right now, soooo I’ll give you my advice. You’re going to need to cope by leaving her. She no longer exists to you. Not yet, anyway; it’s too soon.

    I know you may not be able to hang out in groups with your friends, but my suggestion would be to get to know more of them on an individual basis, but if they invite you to a party, find something else to do, even if it means simply cleaning your pet turtle’s tank (sorry, that’s what I do when I need a distraction!). And you can maybe ask a colleague if they want to do some activity with you sometime. What do they do in Zurich in February? I imagine a lot of drinking…anyway. You made a great group of friends once, believe in your ability to do it again.

    You are right to feel that you need to give her space, but you need the space, too. Contact with her will make it worse. Get rid of things that remind you of her. Block her calls, delete her pictures and such. I know it sounds harsh, but I really sympathize with you. I wish I could tell my younger self the same kinds of things I’m telling you. You will meet someone else who thinks you’re so fantastic they won’t be able to keep their hands off of you, but it’s not her, unfortunately. With less contact, you might find yourself thinking about her less and less, and then maybe you can try being friends in the not-too-distant future.

    Good Luck, Mate! (Don’t they say that in Australia? Can you tell I’m an obnoxious American?)

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Stephen.
    #73250
    Stephen
    Participant

    You sound insane to me, but that’s not a bad thing ;). If you really feel a passion for it, keep at it! There will be times when you will feel like quitting, so you need to make sure you really want it. You will have to imagine during the hard times that things will not get better, and if you can live with that and push through it, that’s the sign that it was meant to be.

    I’m sure you have done research and know all about med school and residency. I unfortunately just 2 days ago went through a breakup with a woman in residency. The emotional strain that residency has on her is indescribable, and I felt it vicariously, and I couldn’t handle it…but I digress. Maybe her situation is unique, and maybe you’ll be in a better position, but just be prepared. I’m not trying to dissuade you, I have a new found respect for doctors. They’re literally super heroes; up all night, saving peoples lives, responding to distress calls (also called pagers, you will come to despise them), and after you take into account med school debt, they get paid less than teachers. It’s awesome, but it’s rough, and not for the faint-of-heart.

    I’m rooting for you!

    Pax

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Stephen.
    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Stephen.
    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Stephen.
    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Stephen.
    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Stephen.
    #73008
    Stephen
    Participant

    Everyone is meant for happiness and awesomeness :), but…

    It’s like compounded interest, have you ever taken an economics course in college? Anyway, if you put a little in the bank now, it grows and grows and grows. If you wait five years or ten years, and then put a little in the bank, you’ll never have as much as you would if you started now.

    So it will get harder, if you wait. If you start now, it will get easier.

    Also, if I may be so bold: take all that love that you have and give it to people who really need it. Is there some perfect guy out there with rugged good looks who needs your love? Maybe; but there are millions of people and animals who are poor and lonely and sick who need that love too. Find an outlet for your love that doesn’t require a specific person. Volunteer with an organization, or visit with an elderly neighbor.

    If you start sharing yourself with other people now, when a man falls in love with you because of what an awesome human you are, you will have practiced enough that it will just be effortless.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Stephen.
    #73003
    Stephen
    Participant

    HI!

    I can really sympathize with your situation. As a guy, I want you to know that we deal with the same fear of rejection, too. It stinks. The thing is, it’s hard at first, but your life can only get better after a rejection, because you’re not stuck wondering about it. If he accepts, then you just go out like you’re friends, but there will be more touching.

    Warning: Rant will ensue
    As someone who is a little older than you, I want you to know that comfort may seem nice now, but in seven years you may agree with me that COMFORT SUCKS! Comfort is fear. Fear sucks. When you see fear as excitement, that is awesome! What is the most exciting thing you’ve ever done? Sky dive? Climb a mountain? Fly to the moon? Go on a roller coaster? Guess what, none of those things are comfortable! Do you want comfort, or do you want awesome? Get uncomfortable!
    End of rant. πŸ™‚

    If you just recently met and exchanged numbers, he gave it to you for a reason! Tell him about something you saw or heard that reminded you of him, ask him about something you know he’s interested in, or about something you would be interested in knowing about him, see if he likes the same things you do, and then ask him for a drink!

    If you used to be close and then drifted apart, you might be able to go slower or faster, depending on how close you were. Coffee is less intimate then a dinner date, so if it’s been a while, that might be a good place to start. Or if you know him well enough to suggest an activity, you can start there.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Stephen.
    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Stephen.
    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Stephen.
    #69946
    Stephen
    Participant

    Hi!

    First off, I think your situation is more normal than you think it is. I’m 29 and I’m in a job that I’m not sure about long-term. I don’t think there is anything wrong with trying out different Jobs until you find one that you really like, but I also think that your career doesn’t necessarily have to by your passion in life. You can find your passion in a hobby, and just find a job that you like good enough to pay the bills, and there’s nothing wrong with that either.

    If you really want to find your passion though, it might help to look at your hobbies and find a job that fits close to that. What is one thing that you’ve been interested in for long time? You don’t have to answer, just think about it.

    I hope that helps a little

    Peace

    #69644
    Stephen
    Participant

    HI!

    I understand how you feel. I think that you are still determining your self worth based on someone else’s perception of you: you need her to forgive you so that you feel like you’re a good person again. I think this stems from your insecurities, and as you work on that, your self-worth will go up and you will realize that you can’t control what other people think of you, and then you won’t care so much! It may take a while, but your guilt should go away naturally with self-improvement.

    Taking responsibility for what you did means that you realize what you did was wrong, and you vow to try and not do it again. It doesn’t mean that you need to keep beating yourself up about it. It’s easier said than done, I know: I understand all about having insecurities, but try and leave it in the past, and make a better future for yourself. You deserve to be happy, but you’re happiness shouldn’t be based on the actions of another person.

    Peace πŸ™‚

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)