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Hi!
Quickly about myself: I played high school soccer, I wasn’t very good. I was slow, and yes maybe a little un-athletic.
In college I was a couch potato, really had no passion, played video games and drank a bit and smoked weed.
I graduated, and then I didn’t have any goal to complete so I thought hmmm…maybe I can run a marathon.
THAT WAS THE SINGLE GREATEST THOUGHT I EVER HAD. My entire life has changed. I don’t smoke any more, and the drink, well, at least I don’t have a beer gut! There is a peace felt when running that is hard to describe. I am now 30, in the best shape of my life, and fitness has really become my passion, I’ve made some great friends because of it, and my activities include running, crossfit, and rock climbing.
So cut to the chase, my recommendation is RUN!
Peace
I’m 6’2″, devilishly handsome, and achingly single. Why? Because despite my physical “advantages”, I’m not at peace with myself.
100% of women like men that are attractive spiritually and mentally. That’s where all your confidence comes from. The physical part is just a bonus.
Work on your inner strength and attractiveness, maybe watch some Danny DeVito movies, and smile 🙂 because you’re probably a lot more awesome than you think.
Peace
Peace, Dude
It sounds like it’s really difficult to be where you are. I haven’t been to the depth where you are coming from, but I’ve gotten my toes wet with depression before, and I know it is terrible, soul sucking, vampire of a disease, but I want to encourage you, because you are not alone.
I’ve been to the point where I’ve lost my passion. As a matter of fact I’m there now, but I’m slowly getting out of it. For me it’s running. I get home from work and I just think “what’s the point?” but, every now and then, I take a big breath, close my eyes, and run out the door. “I’m only going for ten minutes”, I say. “Okay, it’s been ten minutes, I can go for twenty.” Then I start to smile (thank you endorphins!). That’s where I find hope. I’ve never felt bad that I went for a run, but I have felt bad that I sometimes chose not to.
I know that depression is an obstacle, and sometimes we think it’s unconquerable and it tricks us into abandoning the things we love, but if you know that there’s something that never fails to cheer you up, I think that’s proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you can be happy doing one specific thing, then you can maybe be happy doing two things, and three things.
Goals don’t hurt, either. I haven’t visited your youtube site, but do you make music videos? Would you play in front of a crowd? Could that be something you would want to work on?
I hope this helps in some little way.
Peace, Dude.
Stephen
Hi!
I’ve been in similar situations where my feelings are unreciprocated, not to mention the fact that I’m dealing with a breakup right now, soooo I’ll give you my advice. You’re going to need to cope by leaving her. She no longer exists to you. Not yet, anyway; it’s too soon.
I know you may not be able to hang out in groups with your friends, but my suggestion would be to get to know more of them on an individual basis, but if they invite you to a party, find something else to do, even if it means simply cleaning your pet turtle’s tank (sorry, that’s what I do when I need a distraction!). And you can maybe ask a colleague if they want to do some activity with you sometime. What do they do in Zurich in February? I imagine a lot of drinking…anyway. You made a great group of friends once, believe in your ability to do it again.
You are right to feel that you need to give her space, but you need the space, too. Contact with her will make it worse. Get rid of things that remind you of her. Block her calls, delete her pictures and such. I know it sounds harsh, but I really sympathize with you. I wish I could tell my younger self the same kinds of things I’m telling you. You will meet someone else who thinks you’re so fantastic they won’t be able to keep their hands off of you, but it’s not her, unfortunately. With less contact, you might find yourself thinking about her less and less, and then maybe you can try being friends in the not-too-distant future.
Good Luck, Mate! (Don’t they say that in Australia? Can you tell I’m an obnoxious American?)
You sound insane to me, but that’s not a bad thing ;). If you really feel a passion for it, keep at it! There will be times when you will feel like quitting, so you need to make sure you really want it. You will have to imagine during the hard times that things will not get better, and if you can live with that and push through it, that’s the sign that it was meant to be.
I’m sure you have done research and know all about med school and residency. I unfortunately just 2 days ago went through a breakup with a woman in residency. The emotional strain that residency has on her is indescribable, and I felt it vicariously, and I couldn’t handle it…but I digress. Maybe her situation is unique, and maybe you’ll be in a better position, but just be prepared. I’m not trying to dissuade you, I have a new found respect for doctors. They’re literally super heroes; up all night, saving peoples lives, responding to distress calls (also called pagers, you will come to despise them), and after you take into account med school debt, they get paid less than teachers. It’s awesome, but it’s rough, and not for the faint-of-heart.
I’m rooting for you!
Pax
Everyone is meant for happiness and awesomeness :), but…
It’s like compounded interest, have you ever taken an economics course in college? Anyway, if you put a little in the bank now, it grows and grows and grows. If you wait five years or ten years, and then put a little in the bank, you’ll never have as much as you would if you started now.
So it will get harder, if you wait. If you start now, it will get easier.
Also, if I may be so bold: take all that love that you have and give it to people who really need it. Is there some perfect guy out there with rugged good looks who needs your love? Maybe; but there are millions of people and animals who are poor and lonely and sick who need that love too. Find an outlet for your love that doesn’t require a specific person. Volunteer with an organization, or visit with an elderly neighbor.
If you start sharing yourself with other people now, when a man falls in love with you because of what an awesome human you are, you will have practiced enough that it will just be effortless.
HI!
I can really sympathize with your situation. As a guy, I want you to know that we deal with the same fear of rejection, too. It stinks. The thing is, it’s hard at first, but your life can only get better after a rejection, because you’re not stuck wondering about it. If he accepts, then you just go out like you’re friends, but there will be more touching.
Warning: Rant will ensue
As someone who is a little older than you, I want you to know that comfort may seem nice now, but in seven years you may agree with me that COMFORT SUCKS! Comfort is fear. Fear sucks. When you see fear as excitement, that is awesome! What is the most exciting thing you’ve ever done? Sky dive? Climb a mountain? Fly to the moon? Go on a roller coaster? Guess what, none of those things are comfortable! Do you want comfort, or do you want awesome? Get uncomfortable!
End of rant. 🙂If you just recently met and exchanged numbers, he gave it to you for a reason! Tell him about something you saw or heard that reminded you of him, ask him about something you know he’s interested in, or about something you would be interested in knowing about him, see if he likes the same things you do, and then ask him for a drink!
If you used to be close and then drifted apart, you might be able to go slower or faster, depending on how close you were. Coffee is less intimate then a dinner date, so if it’s been a while, that might be a good place to start. Or if you know him well enough to suggest an activity, you can start there.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 