Hi!

That is an uncomfortable feeling to have, and far be it from me to give you advice on how you should feel or what you should do. Just know that you’re not alone.

I’m thirty and single, but sometimes i think about how many people are in unhappy marriages and are waking up as a 67 year old woman (or man) and thinking about how they wish they were still single! It’s depressing to think about, but the fact is that marriage isn’t the magic pill to our feelings of loneliness or unfullfillment.

Some people are definitely called to marriage, it’s a goal for them for whatever reason, and that’s awesome and totally something you should strive for, but maybe you can change your thought process. Just because you are single does not mean that there is something wrong with you. And if marriage is a goal that you want to work towards, don’t give yourself a deadline, just keep working towards it!

You’re only 28! You have years left of meeting new people, new friends, laughing, travel, and sky diving to look forward to 🙂

Peace,

Stephen

Hi!

Quickly about myself: I played high school soccer, I wasn’t very good. I was slow, and yes maybe a little un-athletic.

In college I was a couch potato, really had no passion, played video games and drank a bit and smoked weed.

I graduated, and then I didn’t have any goal to complete so I thought hmmm…maybe I can run a marathon.

THAT WAS THE SINGLE GREATEST THOUGHT I EVER HAD. My entire life has changed. I don’t smoke any more, and the drink, well, at least I don’t have a beer gut! There is a peace felt when running that is hard to describe. I am now 30, in the best shape of my life, and fitness has really become my passion, I’ve made some great friends because of it, and my activities include running, crossfit, and rock climbing.

So cut to the chase, my recommendation is RUN!

Peace

• This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Stephen.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Stephen.

54321…and this is why I read tinybuddah :/ BLAST!

Hi! You know that this is abusive behavior, and I think you know what you have to do, but are afraid to take the next step.
People can change, but it takes time. Are you willing to take that time, and risk a worst-case scenario?
Is he worth you putting your safety on the line to help him? From what you’ve said, I’m not convinced that he is.
Sometimes people fall into a habit where they think that what they say or do is said or done jokingly, or that it’s not that big of a deal, but they don’t realize how it affects other people.
It’s the way their minds work.
For some reason, your boyfriend thinks all of these things that he’s doing is acceptable, and they’re not. Imagine how long it will take for him to completely re-learn how to interact with someone.
Benefit of the doubt is a good policy, but you have to draw the line somewhere. I don’t think you can help him, and I think (I know you have no reason to listen to me, but think about it) you should consider leaving before it’s too late.
http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/08/living/inside-batterers-mind/
Peace 🙂

Peace, Dude

It sounds like it’s really difficult to be where you are. I haven’t been to the depth where you are coming from, but I’ve gotten my toes wet with depression before, and I know it is terrible, soul sucking, vampire of a disease, but I want to encourage you, because you are not alone.

I’ve been to the point where I’ve lost my passion. As a matter of fact I’m there now, but I’m slowly getting out of it. For me it’s running. I get home from work and I just think “what’s the point?” but, every now and then, I take a big breath, close my eyes, and run out the door. “I’m only going for ten minutes”, I say. “Okay, it’s been ten minutes, I can go for twenty.” Then I start to smile (thank you endorphins!). That’s where I find hope. I’ve never felt bad that I went for a run, but I have felt bad that I sometimes chose not to.

I know that depression is an obstacle, and sometimes we think it’s unconquerable and it tricks us into abandoning the things we love, but if you know that there’s something that never fails to cheer you up, I think that’s proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you can be happy doing one specific thing, then you can maybe be happy doing two things, and three things.

Goals don’t hurt, either. I haven’t visited your youtube site, but do you make music videos? Would you play in front of a crowd? Could that be something you would want to work on?

I hope this helps in some little way.

Peace, Dude.

Stephen

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Stephen.

You sound insane to me, but that’s not a bad thing ;). If you really feel a passion for it, keep at it! There will be times when you will feel like quitting, so you need to make sure you really want it. You will have to imagine during the hard times that things will not get better, and if you can live with that and push through it, that’s the sign that it was meant to be.

I’m sure you have done research and know all about med school and residency. I unfortunately just 2 days ago went through a breakup with a woman in residency. The emotional strain that residency has on her is indescribable, and I felt it vicariously, and I couldn’t handle it…but I digress. Maybe her situation is unique, and maybe you’ll be in a better position, but just be prepared. I’m not trying to dissuade you, I have a new found respect for doctors. They’re literally super heroes; up all night, saving peoples lives, responding to distress calls (also called pagers, you will come to despise them), and after you take into account med school debt, they get paid less than teachers. It’s awesome, but it’s rough, and not for the faint-of-heart.

I’m rooting for you!

Pax

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Stephen.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Stephen.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Stephen.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Stephen.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Stephen.

HI!

I can really sympathize with your situation. As a guy, I want you to know that we deal with the same fear of rejection, too. It stinks. The thing is, it’s hard at first, but your life can only get better after a rejection, because you’re not stuck wondering about it. If he accepts, then you just go out like you’re friends, but there will be more touching.

Warning: Rant will ensue
As someone who is a little older than you, I want you to know that comfort may seem nice now, but in seven years you may agree with me that COMFORT SUCKS! Comfort is fear. Fear sucks. When you see fear as excitement, that is awesome! What is the most exciting thing you’ve ever done? Sky dive? Climb a mountain? Fly to the moon? Go on a roller coaster? Guess what, none of those things are comfortable! Do you want comfort, or do you want awesome? Get uncomfortable!
End of rant. 🙂

If you just recently met and exchanged numbers, he gave it to you for a reason! Tell him about something you saw or heard that reminded you of him, ask him about something you know he’s interested in, or about something you would be interested in knowing about him, see if he likes the same things you do, and then ask him for a drink!

If you used to be close and then drifted apart, you might be able to go slower or faster, depending on how close you were. Coffee is less intimate then a dinner date, so if it’s been a while, that might be a good place to start. Or if you know him well enough to suggest an activity, you can start there.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Stephen.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Stephen.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Stephen.

HI!

I understand how you feel. I think that you are still determining your self worth based on someone else’s perception of you: you need her to forgive you so that you feel like you’re a good person again. I think this stems from your insecurities, and as you work on that, your self-worth will go up and you will realize that you can’t control what other people think of you, and then you won’t care so much! It may take a while, but your guilt should go away naturally with self-improvement.

Taking responsibility for what you did means that you realize what you did was wrong, and you vow to try and not do it again. It doesn’t mean that you need to keep beating yourself up about it. It’s easier said than done, I know: I understand all about having insecurities, but try and leave it in the past, and make a better future for yourself. You deserve to be happy, but you’re happiness shouldn’t be based on the actions of another person.

Peace 🙂