Ola Tee,

I have to shift my attention from that pain (and the entire narrative that it evokes) to something constructive, where I can actually change things, where I don’t need to feel stuck. So that’s been my battle, and I still haven’t won it 🙁

How’s that battle going? Feeling any better?

I guess that’s why he needs to take the antibiotics over the period of 6 months?

Yeah, and now he’s doing better, but even though he can, he doesn’t do much physical activity to recover faster. He’s just on the phone all day, which is irritating. Watching short content also has a bad effect on the brain… but no, he won’t understand.

I do hope you’ll find a suitable job ASAP. Please try not to lose self-confidence, because you’re a very capable young man. The current situation, with you supporting your family even without being employed, speaks to that. I like what you said here:

*I also know deep down that no matter what, I’ll figure things out if I just get the opportunity.*

Yes, definitely! You’re very capable, and you’ll figure things out. Just don’t start doubting yourself!

Thanks for your encouraging words! But because it was taking a toll on my mental health, I went to Vipassana Meditation Centres (they’re all over the world) and omg, what an actually serene experience. I went there for a 10-day course — no electronics, no talking. You have to take noble silence there. You just meditate for 8–10 hours every single day, with a one-hour discourse in the evening. So good and so eye-opening.

They put a lot of weight on equanimity, and it’s based on Buddha’s way of meditation. I think you should check it out. It definitely helped me a lot with many things. My attention span is better, and for the last few days, I’ve been applying for a lot of suitable roles. Let’s see.

So he was working for himself and wasn’t paying anything towards his retirement? And hasn’t set anything aside as a savings fund?

Nope. Just the house and food expenses. And when there’s some saving, they spend it on some big thing, like a vehicle or renovation and stuff. So, although from the start, I knew that I’d have to handle and take care of the family financially.

I hear you, because I know it very well — when the old narrative starts creeping in. Mine is the narrative of hopelessness, yours is of no self-worth. Worthlessness. But it’s such a huge, monumental lie, SereneWolf. It’s the old program creeping in, but you know how to switch it off. You can repeat to yourself something like: *I am worthy always, even when I don’t have a job.*

You’ve been raised with the narrative that your worth is measured by how much money you make, right? By how financially successful you are… and that’s such a cruel stance.

Yes, I agree. That’s why I scheduled a counselling meeting for next week. Hopefully this therapist will be good. In the last few months, I booked two therapists but both were very generic, so I didn’t continue.

Something just occurred to me: it could be that parents were saying this to their children because they expected to be taken care of in their old age. If the children aren’t successful, the parents won’t be properly taken care of. So perhaps this entire culture of measuring a child’s worth through material success is based on that selfish premise — of worrying about their own old age and trying to ensure they’d be properly cared for.

I don’t want to speak badly of your parents, but perhaps the culture in India is a bit cruel towards children in general. You were raised in such a culture, and it’s very hard to extricate yourself from that conditioning.

Yes, it’s not their fault. It’s generally the culture here. So yeah, it’s their old wiring. And not only that, but it makes me think — their love, is it genuine? Or is it because I’m fulfilling their expectations? Maybe that’s why I have trust issues in relationships, like, why would you love me without a reason? It’s hard to believe in selfless love.

Still, I do hope you find a job soon, and something you like as well. Are you still looking for remote positions exclusively?

Thanks. Yes, remote roles exclusively.

What about bike riding and other activities that you said you love?

Since I’m in another city, I don’t have my bike here, so I can’t do bike rides. But here I do spend more time watching sunsets.

I hope your situation changes soon… but you know, perhaps what should change first is the inner situation — your self-image — where you’re telling yourself that you’re worthless without a job. If that’s what you’re telling yourself, or are tempted to, please change it. Please rewrite this false narrative. And then perhaps even your outer situation will change all of a sudden.

Wishing you luck and rooting for you, SereneWolf!

Thanks, that’s what I’m trying. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed I don’t even know where to start. Especially when it comes to self image I don’t know how to work on it properly.
That reminds me.. since you know my patterns well (honestly more than I do), can you tell me what exact points I should raise with the therapist?

Hola Tee!
Good plans for the weekend?

**Sorry to hear you lost your job though 🙁 I know you were really happy about it and proud of yourself. And you did deserve it! But it seems the IT sector is nowadays hit hard by the developments in AI. And you say Trump policies as well – has he imposed tariffs on Indian IT goods as well? Or you’re feeling it more indirectly?**

Yes, both. The job market is quite tough right now. But you know I’m pretty resilient, so I’m trying to network and apply for the roles I like, mostly remote ones.

**I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself and exercising regularly. But it must be hard to financially support your family, even when you don’t have a job. I understand you didn’t want to tell them, and that’s why you need keep paying up. Do you think they’d judge you a lot if they knew you lost your job? Or they’d expect you to find another job ASAP and be “less picky”?**

Yes, it’s hard, but I’m trying not to overthink it so I can focus better on applications with a more relaxed mindset. And yes, they would definitely judge me, on top of the stress of being the only breadwinner not earning now. I don’t want them to feel that pressure. I’d rather take it on myself because I know I can handle it somehow. They wouldn’t understand, they’d panic and think “we’re doomed, what now?” and that would just make things worse.

**I’m glad you’re managing to rent your own flat and not live with your parents. Because yeah, I know the type of mental exhaustion that goes with that… BTW is your father’s health better now? Last time we spoke you said your grandfather was ill too. How is he now?**

Yes, it’s been a week since I moved into a new place. It’s really peaceful here, and since it’s a small city it’s not expensive. I’m also cooking my own meals, which is soothing for me.. It helps me put more time into being productive. My father was doing better for around two weeks, but then he started having issues again, so he went for a checkup today. And my grandfather passed away exactly a year ago. Those two months were really hard, but yeah…

**And so you’re starting another round of travels this Thursday, right? How was the last round of travels? Have you met anyone interesting? 😉**

It was really good, full of cultural learnings and food. I visited some art and music schools as well. As for meeting people haha, I didn’t really approach much. Maybe because unemployment knocked my confidence a bit. Like, if someone asked me what I do, I’d have to say I’m not working… So sometimes when I’m too bored I try online apps, but no luck so far. I did meet a Greek woman online though she had such an impressive personality. She built a successful business without her parents. We had some great conversations for a few days, but then she stopped responding, so I assumed she wasn’t interested anymore. I do miss her sometimes, but oh well… And now since I’m living in a small city, chances are even lower.

**I myself am kind of better, not necessarily physically better, but rather, having more mental resilience, I guess. I’m learning to hope, to think more positively, to not fall into depression when things get physically tough. And they do, but then they get better, and it’s a roller-coaster. But mentally/emotionally I can regulate myself better. So I guess that’s an achievement. I feel more stable now.**

Yes, even being in a better mental space helps a lot, so that’s definitely an achievement. What kind of habits are you trying to build physical or mental that you think could help even more?

**Today is the first day of my holidays, and I’m looking forward to do some swimming (which should do me good health-wise too). As far as bigger, career-wise projects, they’re still “in the making”. But I don’t feel they’re impossible any more. Still, more focused action is needed if I want to make things happen. So yeah, that’s the next big step for me…**

You just gave evidence of how much more resilient you’ve become. I’m really happy to see that you don’t feel things are impossible anymore and that you’re hopeful. and I was taking swimming classes too.. it was so much fun!

**I wish you all the best on your next round of travels! And yes, to keep putting one foot in front of the other, never losing hope, never giving up on your dreams…**

Thanks a lot, Tee! You too!

Hi Anita,
Yes, it’s me. I’m still healing, to be honest some things are taking their time, but I’m getting there. As you already know, I’ve always had a positive outlook, and that hasn’t really changed. I still believe in people, even when it’s hard. Time kinda made me a bit more accepting… maybe softened me a little more

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your kind and honest message, it truly means a lot. We’re all warriors in our own ways, navigating storms seen and unseen, carrying hopes, fears, and the weight of expectations. What matters is that we keep learning, growing, and showing up with honesty and care. I appreciate your words deeply, and I hold no hard feelings at all.

Hi Tee,
I hope you’re in good health?

Hi Tee,

thanks, yes, my knee is getting better, things are manageable again, and I am really grateful. (praying hands emoji 🙂)

That’s good! I’m happy to know that. 🙏

 

Cool! Wow, there will be a lot of traveling then. And all while you are working fully remotely, right?

Yes. At least for few years. I’m guessing around 3 years and maybe after that something like Slowmading. But I believe slowmading would be better with a good partner. or if I’m already satisfied than just settle down in a good country that we like.

 

People usually go on a self-discovery journey when they don’t know what they want in life, what their values are, what is really important to them, what path forward to take… If there is a major confusion about themselves and what they want from life. Do you feel you are in the similar position? Or you actually want to live your values – which you already know what they are: freedom, adventure, enjoying Mother Nature, being one with the universe?

I believe it’d be more like living my values. And I think I’ll explore myself more while travelling and know my values on a deeper level.

So perhaps this is not a self-discovery journey for you, but a self-affirming journey? Affirming your True Self, and living from it?

Yes I think so.

In any case, if you want to live from from your True Self, I guess it would make sense to also work on removing obstacles on being your True Self in intimate relationships. Because that’s where the fear kicks in. Not in the jungle, in a close encounter with a lion, or on an unknown road, miles away from home… but in intimate relationships, with someone who should be so close and so familiar, and yet, they represent a threat…

You’re right indeed. Physically I’m not that scared. On a recent trip I just blindly follow group of friends because they approached me. But later on, at night lot of drinking and dancing happened. I did have some fun. But I know next time I’ll be more aware, my little friend scolded me for that a lot haha

Well, if you don’t sabotage the relationship (due to fear) but really give it a try, and then it turns out you two are not a good match, then of course, you don’t need to stay with her. You don’t need to force yourself to be with someone who isn’t your match.

And then gather energy to try again finding a new match? How?

 

I think it depends on your intention – whether you only wanted to fool around with the girl, or you had serious intentions but things didn’t work out. When I say “serious intentions”, I mean you want a committed relationship, you are not afraid of it. I don’t mean you need to marry the girl, but you’d need to be willing to be in a long-term, committed relationship.

If you haven’t healed your fear of intimacy, then I think you per definition can’t have “serious intentions”. And if you get involved with a girl, it would be primarily for fun and some short-term pleasure, in which case I think it could be called casual sex, yes.

Okay tell me after how long time normally I should tell her? Because we can’t tell someone directly that are you ready for the serious relationship? There’s a certain amount of time needs to be spent together. I’m asking how much time and after that asking for a serious thing is appropriate? Because I think being in hurry for that would even scare the good woman.

 

Yes, and this is a great insight: that you associate being attached to someone with giving them to right to hurt you. That’s a false belief, and probably one of your core false beliefs. Great job detecting it! 🙂

Thanks! Learning from you haha

Again, a great observation: that trust is needed to counter the fear. But also, you need one more thing: you need to be able to protect your own heart – should you need it. So you don’t give a free reign to your partner to hurt you. If you notice some hurtful behaviors on her part, you react, you let her know, you express that you don’t like it. You set some boundaries.

I totally agree! That’s the part I’m kinda working and again speaking up matters in that as well. Doesn’t matter friendship or romantic relationship. I was talking to one my friend and then she be like don’t you miss me why you being left me on seen messages. And I simply told her that I have texting manners and I simply don’t like reply 2 text every 24 hours. That’s not how conversation works for me. I don’t mind if you’re busy and don’t talk it’s okay for me. But if you do want to talk have some texting manners first. I guess I did build a boundary there?

But good thing is that she understood. But I guess in romantic relationship I’d have the fear like what if she doesn’t understand that and take it wrong entirely?

 

In other words, you are not helpless in a relationship. You can protect yourself – should you need it.  But you enter the relationship trusting that the person has good intentions and doesn’t want to hurt you.

Of course, you don’t enter a relationship blindly, you do use your discernment (like you did now, with this latest girl). But you also trust, if things feel right. You are not so guarded that at the first sign of disagreement, you pull up your walls and go into a defense mode.

So you need a fine balance: to have discernment, but also to trust. And then if there are problems, you talk about it, you express your needs and concerns, rather than suppressing it and pretending that things are fine.

Yes that’s what I’ll try to do. I think I’m being more self-aware about it

If you do that, I think your fear will lessen. Because you 1) trust the girl that she doesn’t want to hurt you, and 2) trust yourself that you’ll be able to protect yourself should you need it. Which means that by staying in the relationship, you are not giving her permission to hurt you. So the control stays in your hands – because you can protect yourself from hurt if needed.

I think that’s my biggest priority as of now. Believing in myself. My self-worth. My self-esteem. Because that would help me try to change these some deeper beliefs that I need to change. It would help also protect myself when I need it and almost every areas in my life. And it would also help in the self-love that I really need. I’m finding ways to increase the self worth. Because what’s happening is sometimes I’m also not even approaching the woman that I’m getting the good vibes from and that’s mainly because self-esteem.

 

Yes, maybe her advice contributed to you playing games. But I guess your fear played a role too – you didn’t want to give an impression that you care too much…

Haha yeah that’s also true

 

So she is helping you stay in touch with the adventurous kid in you, who used to encounter lions while riding his bike, huh? 🙂

Haha yes. But the thing even from my older friends circle I think I’m the most adventurous and rebel kid

 

I think so, yes. But it’s a good feature – to not rush into things. If it’s meant to be, it will be, without rushing it.

That’s what I’m trying.

 

Yes! That requires vulnerability too, and it didn’t occur to me until recently. That vulnerability is not only to admit that you like or care about somebody, but also that something they do bothers you, that you are hurt or upset about it.

Yup hard for me because I don’t like making them feeling discomforted because of me. Even though I’m hurt. But I’m trying

The Courage to be disliked. I like the title. Yeah, you might fear expressing yourself in front of various audiences, not necessarily only in romantic relationships. I remember you said you sometimes feel strong anger when talking to some judgmental people, but you don’t dare to say anything. You don’t dare to express your opinion, for fear of being judged. Or disliked. So yes, we need courage in those situations to still express our opinion, even if someone might not like it.

Yes that’s right and I’m already enjoying the Good Vibes Good Life an even in that it’s mentioned about expressing about one self.

 

Yeah, when we name our emotions, we use our rational brain, which enables us to observe ourselves and not get “lost” in the emotion. Not get overwhelmed. In that sense, naming our emotions helps us to remain cool-headed and not get hijacked by our emotions. It not only gives us clarity, but I think it’s also good for emotion regulation.

Yes I think I’m getting better at emotional regulation but it’s journey since I didn’t learn how to emotionally regulate myself since childhood

 

So that would suggest pretty low likelihood of C-PTSD. I mean, pretty mild symptoms, right?

Oui madam, That’s why I’m thinking visiting a psychiatrist once, But my sister was like what if they make you start meds even with little to no symptoms. Because obviously it’s business for them. But those meds can have side effects.

 

What are those symptoms?

I don’t really know much about ADHD, but there is a video by Gabor Mate, a trauma and addiction expert, who talks about ADHD being more a developmental problem than a medical/genetic problem. It might have to do with impulse control and emotion regulation.

The title of the video, if you are interested, is: ADHD: The Misunderstood Condition (Eye-opening Insights on ADHD from Dr. Gabor Mate)

Actually, Gabor Mate talks about tuning out, as a coping mechanism for too much stress in childhood. When the child cannot either fight or flee, and the emotions are overwhelming, and there is no one to soothe/calm him down. And so the child tunes out and dissociates from their emotions.

And I think rationalization too can be a way to not feel, i.e. to dissociate. Because when we are thinking, our rational mind is active, and we are not in our limbic/feeling brain. So I imagine it can be a way to feel less.

 

One of the main symptoms for me is the very short focus span and low dopamine. He says about impulse regulation I think for me that part is good enough. But yeah tuning out is something more resonating like how I was ignoring my emotions for so long you know. and like you mentioned we’re not our limbic brain during that time

 

Yeah, because you were not allowed to feel your spontaneous emotions, specially anger and sadness. You needed to behave and be a good boy. So your automatic reaction is to try to suppress the unpleasant emotion – rather than let it out and show it.

That’s how you lost a part of your authenticity too – I mean authenticity in relationships. Because you always need to be on guard and kind of monitor yourself to show a “proper” emotion, i.e. not to let out anything “improper”, right?

Totally agree! I always tried being a “good boy” but no more of that sh*t!
I’m trynna be more authentic even if I have to be blunt

 

Yeah, it’s like the emotion needs to be acceptable to others, otherwise you don’t show it, and you perhaps try not to even feel it? For example, since your parents didn’t approve of your anger, you’ve learned to rationalize that it doesn’t make sense to feel angry, right? And why you shouldn’t feel angry in a particular situation. And I guess as you are trying to come up with the reasons why you shouldn’t feel angry, you start feeling the emotion less, i.e. dissociating from it.

Yeah! Like I would think what’s the point if there’s no result from my anger so I just suppressed my anger for so long

 

Yes, that’s a good advice. To feel it, not immediately try to suppress it and rationalize it. Allow yourself to feel it – you are not a bad person for it.

So give yourself the permission to feel all your feelings, without judging them. Of course, you will still know how to control yourself in public, because you don’t want to overreact and make a scene. But you can acknowledge your emotions and later journal about them. Give them space, let them flow, because they are a part of your authentic self.

 

Actually that’s hard for me because my immediate go to is like Calm down and supress. Doesn’t matter public or person. I’m trying to speak up more though. Like recently again I raised my voice at my father. So I’m back to my hometown because my grandpa is very sick. But I was travelling and it was more than 2 days journey back to home. Even my sister said he’s sick but no need to be in rush. But my father was like what people and relatives would say that your grandpa is sick and you were not with him? And directly I told him that are you worried about what people what say or worried about Grandpa. Silence again.

 

Salute Tee,

I hope your health is getting better?

Does it mean you’re planning your trips and explorations outside of India as well? Or the bucket list includes India only, and then you plan to settle somewhere abroad?

Obviously bucket list includes the Worldwide places. Mainly Europe and Southeast Asia though. Some South America and few places in USA.

 

What you are describing is a very beautiful idea: to find your true self on your travels, and be one with mother nature and the universe. And if in that state of Being, you find someone who clicks with you and can Be (herself) alongside of you, that’s what you’re actually hoping for, right?

I just want to juxtapose this idealistic, romantic view with the idea of casual sex and “see ya senorita”, which you mentioned as a preferred approach during your travels. You cannot meet “the one” – who might be written for you in the stars – if you engage in casual sex with random girls you meet on your travels. You also cannot meet “the one” while in deadly fear of intimacy.

So you would have to choose which path to take. The path of trust (in the universe, to bring you closer to “the one”), or the path of fear, where you opt for casual sex and no strings attached.

Yes like I said intentions matters. And I’m not travelling just for casual sex. But let me give you an example what I mean, Like if I met some girl during my journey we hit it off at first, We kinda start dating and explore places together might even physically involved. But after sometime I’d find out that I’m still not feeling that connection & warmth with her as I’d like in a relationship even If I don’t let my fear of intimacy come in between. In that case what I’d do? Force the connection? Or just appreciate moments with her and move on?
and In that case physical involvement would described as casual sex? Again, It’s not a need but I noticed that these things happens in the moment. Because it happened with me in the past.

 

In fact, when you meet “the one”, you’ll want to be attached to her with as many strings as possible, and for as long as possible… so actually, to be attached and bonded to the right person is a good and beneficial state of Being. It is called true love. But it cannot happen if you are afraid of those “strings”, i.e. of attachment to someone who deserves your love.

Yes that’s what I’m thinking! Like I believe she will make attached to her yet it would feel so natural. It wouldn’t feel like I’m giving her the control to hurt. But more like here’s my lil heart I trust you to take care of it and there would be no fear. Just thinking about making me go full of joy haha

 

In this case, your being on guard was justified because you saw the behaviors you don’t like (some of what you mentioned is: childish, angry, drinking, smoking, sending confusing vibes). So there was a reason to be on guard and not follow your emotions, even if she seemed exciting and mysterious at first.

So that’s cool that you didn’t throw away your rational mind but included it in the decision making. Because we need both the heart and the mind when deciding about important matters, including matters of the heart.

 

Thanks, and I’m not regretting it. Because I want to be around the woman who make me feel like yeah good woman do exist.
Although it’s same for woman though, I keep hearing from my female friends that there hardly good man left on earth lol

What I was warning you about is not to stuff down your emotions in general, even if you meet a girl that you like and whose behavior doesn’t raise red flags. When things are fine, and she seems fine, but then the fear in you awakens, and you start pretending like you don’t care.

I remember that with the doctor, you failed to write to her during your entire stay at your parents’ place, which was for more than a week, if I remember well? She was upset about it, and I’d say rightfully – because you were officially in a relationship.

I don’t know what you felt about her, but if you failed to write because you didn’t want to seem needy and like you cared too much – that’s a defense mechanism. That’s when your avoidance stems not from proper discernment, but from fear.

So I just wanted to make that difference.

Yeah you’re right about that that was my mistake and I guess at that time I unconsciously just played around relationship game listening to one of my female friend. But I won’t make that mistake again. Clear communication is very important in every relationship. Romantic or Friendship. But to update you on that one nowadays I reduced my communication with friends a lot. And I only talk to one of my female friends who is quite younger than me so it kind of also helps because she make me remember my teenage days and what silly and fun things we used to do.

 

Yes, you can allow yourself to feel, but you also don’t need to switch off your rational mind. Like, you are not completely swept off your feet that you throw away all common sense through the window. But I guess there is a little probability for the latter, since being careful, rational and on guard is your default “setting” 🙂

Haha that’s what you think for my current “setting”? But yeah something similar I guess

So I am encouraging you to keep using your common sense, also when it comes to romantic relationships. But also not to give in to fear if there is no real objection to the girl, but you suddenly start feeling trapped and you want out. Because that’s the fear speaking, not common sense.

Also, I think it would be important to express if something is bothering you about the girl. For example, if she is always late, you can say “I don’t like that you are always late. I’d appreciate if you arrived on time.”

Yes exactly instead just being angry or using the silent treatment. Like I need to express what’s really bothering me.

Because if I understood you correctly, you have difficulty with expressing when something bothers you. You rather take it a danger signal and start withdrawing immediately, and shutting down vulnerability (as a part of your fearful avoidant attachment), rather than talking to the girl and expressing what is bothering you.

Because she might not be doing it on purpose, but because she isn’t aware that it bothers you. And she would be willing to change that behavior if she knew it bothers you.

But if you don’t say anything but start feeling resentful, you sort of circumvent vulnerability, because admitting that something bothers us is vulnerable. Because we might be rejected or ridiculed or told that we are too sensitive. We might be accused to being weak if we admit that something bothers us.

Something very important! So does that mean even though I feel like I don’t need that person, Unconsciously just the fear of rejection or want for the acceptance makes me stop being vulnerable?

I actually stumbled upon a book because of the YT called Courage to be disliked it’s already on my reading list.

So I guess expressing our boundaries makes us vulnerable in a way. But it’s a must for communicating clearly and remaining emotionally intimate – remaining both true to ourselves (authentic) and open towards the other person.

So we don’t betray ourselves (and our needs), but we also don’t withdraw from the person. We express what we need. That’s how emotional intimacy is maintained.

Definitely and that balance is something I’m struggling with

 

So I guess a part of the exercise of allowing yourself to feel your emotions, is not only allowing yourself to feel excitement about a girl, but also to feel angry and hurt about something that she is doing, that you don’t like.

Agree and those bad emotions what I was trying to reject but it was there

You don’t suppress your anger and pretend it’s not there (because that’s what you were doing in your first LDR), but you express what is bothering you. And then if you see they keep doing it again and again, with no regard for your feelings, and it’s something that is important to you, you may want to consider whether you want to be with that girl or not.

Understood.

So in general, allowing yourself to feel all emotions, not stuffing them down, is the way to go (of course, you don’t need to show your raw emotions to everyone. But feel them and acknowledge them – for yourself).

BTW feeling all emotions is the way to decide what we want. Without being in touch with our emotions we cannot make good decisions.

That was even scientifically proven by a neuroscientist Antonio Damasio. He discovered that in patients who had a specific brain injury, due to which their neocortex wasn’t receiving signals from their limbic and reptilian brains (our emotional brain), the person lost interpersonal skills, the ability to read social cues, as well as the ability to make decisions. Which means that we need emotions to know what is good and bad for us – we cannot rely only on our rational mind.

 

That’s very interesting and I think that’s also has to do something with naming our emotions? Because lot of times I would be feeling lot of different things at the same time so journaling and naming and then acknowledging those emotions?

 

If you go to youtube and search for “Crappy Childhood Fairy Daily Practice”, you’ll get several useful videos, including the one titled “FREE Course: The “Daily Practice” for Healing Childhood PTSD and CPTSD“. In the description of that video is the link to the free “Daily Practice” course. Which is basically the way to journal about your emotions. You write about things that you are afraid of and things that you are resentful about. So basically you journal about your fear and anger. And lots of good stuff comes out of it 🙂

 

Thanks for sharing! I checked it out and I think I did try that before as well but I didn’t sticked to this habit. Now I’ll try to. And it does work very well I remember that. I also took an online CPTSD test again and the score is 38/80
0-32 = None-low
33-80 = Likelihood of CPTSD
also checked again for ADHD test. It says Mild ADHD but I feel some of ADHD symptoms are quite bothersome

And because of that I’m thinking about starting Bullet Journaling

BTW I hope I am not burdening you with these “tractates” (because I see this ended up being a looong post again). I sometimes tend to go overboard in trying to explain my point 🙂 Anyway, let me know if I should cut down a little 🙂

It’s fine as long as you’re okay with it. Just take care of your eyes and back too haha