Change happens slowly then all at once. Meaning that we aren’t usually conscious of all the small little causes behind the effect that we notice.

Come across the following “Past, present, future, all co-existing, in different dimensions, with different rates of vibration. No that that has anything to do with your situation.

Anyway I think or feel that our experience of love occurs on different planes of dimensions, each with a different “vibration”….

When I hear someone in a relationship uses the words “I don’t love you anymore” I’m never sure what they mean. I suspect if you ask your wife what she means she might not be able to tell you.

My observation has been that even for two people who really love each other, and all the “vibrating” planes, mentally, spiritually, physically (life’s demands, taking out the garbage, shelter, security…) LOVE sometimes require that the relationship end. The Calling to Become requiring separation in order to be realized.

We can’t usually articulate that calling and so use the words “I don’t love”

Likewise when love in the relationship becomes one dimensional, perhaps physical life demands of taking out the garbage, providing a home, security, paying the bills we lose ourselves. In such a case the statement “I don’t love you anymore” is really the statement “I don’t see myself anymore”.

That probably not helpful… what am I saying…
I think before you separate both of you need to take ownership of what it means when you use the word love, your relationship to the word love.

Sadly sometimes painful separation is required in order for us to Become and become more conscious of our relationship to relationship and love.

Sorry.

It is true such madness is not new but I think we are intuitively experiencing that something different is happening.

I think we are witnessing a paradigm shift due in personal communication styles and privacy expectations that we don’t yet understand or are conscious of.

Social technology allows us to share everything about ourselves while the 24 hour news/entertainment outlets allow nearly real time witnessing happenings around the globe. At the same time information that we might think is private isn’t and were not yet sure if we should care.

Anything you say can and will be used against you.

With regards to the 24 news/entertainment outlets and that includes the internet is the ability to discern news from editorial and entertainment.

Add to this the change in how we view privacy. No one is outraged that people hacking others people information and many people will freely share everything about themselves.

It is a paradigm change and we haven’t become fully conscious of how easily we can be manipulated once people gather this information about who we are and what that might mean.

We like to think we are unique, and we are, but we are also very much the same especially when it comes to communication. Just look at how accurate auto correct can be. With just a few words what we are going to say can be pretty accurattly predicted.

There appears to be two reactions to this. If privacy doesn’t matter what we say no longer matters or disconnect from communication into isolation.

Maybe it’s like the experiment were the dog is locked in the cage and shocked so that they move to one side of the cage to the other. Eventfully stopping all movement and just accepting the shocks. Even when the door to the cage opens the dog continues to just lie there.

I don’t know but something is changing and this madness we may be intuiting is coming from a place of uncertainty. I don’t think we are fully conscious of how technology is changing us.

World War One is a good example of the leaders not understanding the new weapon technology. Lets hope we don’t repeat the same mistakes.

I’m pretty sure we will

I found ‘Boundaries’ By Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend helpful

It does have religious content which I know some people might reject out of hand however the authors do a good job explaining how and when to set boundaries and its not preachy.

Actually it is often the religious or spiritual minded person that wishes to be loving and unselfish that are more likely to forget to set their own limits and limitations.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Peter.

My experience with the “letting universe handle things” practice had often left me feeling peaceful yet listless… that’s not the right word… I found taping into the energy to change or start something new became more difficult.

I could feel great about myself and life when I was alone doing my own thing, calm, at peace… but interacting with the necessities of life (relationships, shelter, need to eat…) that calm quickly dissipated.
I wondered if like Gautama (or most spiritual masters), the only way to achieve this ‘letting go’ was to leave ones family and avoid life’s interactions.

As my nature/destiny/fate/doom was unlikely to avoid the necessity of dealing with the necessity of life I felt I was in a rock and a hard place. Worse as indicated above with each cycle as I found I could accept life as it is I found less and less energy for action.

It seemed to me the practice of “letting universe handle things” was more nuanced then I had been practicing it.

Today my understanding of letting the universe handle things is that it is not about being passive but about learning how to say YES to life as it is, LOVE life as it is, the good the bad and the ugly, while living out and pursuing your truth as you know it in the moment. Easier said than done.

Could I say YES to a person and or experience, while still living and pursuing my truth as I understand it in that moment even if that meant standing up against the situation, experience or person?

The question sounded paradoxical to me and I knew this wasn’t a ‘love the person hate the sin’ kind of thing as I knew that saying yes was saying yes to the ‘sin’ as well. (I define sin as missing the mark in becoming) How could I say yes when I was also saying no.

I came across a story of a Japanese Samurai whose master was murdered. His truth as he understood his duty required that he find the murderer and kill him. In the moment he is about to kill the man the murderer spits at him at which point angered the Samurai sheaths his sword and walks away.

Had the Samurai killed the man form a place of anger and hate would have been saying No to life as it is, No to who he was, No to the murderer as he was… and so walked away. Saying YES to life as it is and living out his truth in that moment that required that he walk away.

Killing the murder and not killing the murder because he was angry where both acts of LOVE.

LOVE it seemed to me means saying YES to LIFE as it IS with Life requiring that I live it.

It’s a work in progress but my gut says this is the right path for me as it helps me tap into the energy I need to live my truth. One can live ones truth without hate, vengeance, judgments, labels, pursuit of some this thing we call justice…..

Wow how far off track did I go.

It only a mistake if you don’t learn from the experience.

The “mistakes” you mentioned seem to come from a place of trying to do too much too quickly with an underling fear of not being perfect. I am a firm believer, having personal experiences that we create what we fear. Slow down, breath, create some space and you will find that you will become even more proficient at your job.

The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes ah, that is where the art resides. Artur Schnabel

“The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between them”. – Claude Debussy

Allow life to be music

Recommend the following book.
‘Stopping: How to Be Still When You Have to Keep Going’ by David Kundtz

Perfectionist – holding yourself to standards that you don’t hold others to… (some might experience that as arrogance) … we love others as we love ourselves… what are you saying about yourselves when you apply the label of perfectionist as a part of our being.

The One Thing You Need to Know to Overcome Perfectionism

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Peter.

We experience guilt when we know we did, or feel we have done, something wrong. When we are unsure we have done something wrong we experience something else. Discerning what that something else is, requires a great deal of discernment.

Guilt and shame sometimes go hand in hand; the same action may give rise to feelings of both shame and guilt, where the former reflects how we feel about ourselves and the latter involves an awareness that our actions have injured someone else. In other words, shame relates to self, guilt to others.

Sometimes I find it difficult to discern the difference to the feeling of guilt and shame. Often I think that undeserved feelings of quilt are really experienced as undeserved shame, and that the difference is important.

From what you wrote I think you may be experiencing undeserved shame.

Maybe it’s all semantics… however it seems to me you have taken on the responsibility of your father’s feelings and state of mind which has left you feeling bad (equating feeling bad with quilt) about who you are as a daughter and person. As this relates to how you feel about yourself that would be shame. An undeserved shame.

Anyway

I found the fallowing book helpful
‘Shame and Grace: Healing the Shame We Don’t Deserve’ by Lewis B. Smedes

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Peter.

sorry the guy is playing a game. Hes creating the continuations to force you to make the decision so that he can think of himself as the wronged misunderstood party. If life if a stage this is not the play you want to have a staring role in.

From what you wrote it is unlikely this guy will make your relationship a priority. Such men have to experience the pain of loss before they are ready for relationship.

That does not mean you should wait for him to learn as we teach people how to treat us. If he learns the lesson and you startup the relationship again he will back slid. This is the nature of Love, sometimes it requires we move on in order to learn the lessons it has for us.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Peter.