Dear RedDress,

Despite being in so much pain, you are here, offering your support to others who are suffering, trying to make them feel better. I think that is amazing.

I probably speak for all others who have responded to you here; we definitely want you to be around for a long period of time. I do want to see you pick yourself and surge through life.

As far as suggestions go, I really don’t have anything new. Letting your past affect you is like trying to walk on a tight rope with a heavy load on your head. Let it go. Live the life that you want. Be physically active like you used to be. Say what you feel like. Be brutally honest. Be there for people that you care about irrespective of the response that you get because it is not about them.

It is about who you really are.

Take care

Hi I wanted to post more on some of the things that you wrote about. But I needed some time as some of those feelings were closer to home and still raw for me.

The one where you wanted the life that others have. For a long time I have grappled with that issue and continue to do so. Thought I would give it some time on the best way in which I can handle it and maybe you could use some of it too.

It does sometime hurt to see someone else live the life that I want, but then do I really know the life that they are living. I can never know what actually goes on in someone else’s lives, I don’t and can never know what battles they are facing. So it helps to remind myself that my life is my life and that is the only life that I really know about and can do something about. 

There seems to be a bit of confusion in your mind now – you wrote that you love being alone yet you long for somebody to come home to.  It is probably just better to give yourself some time now and wait for more clarity as what you really want.

You are not alone.

Take care

Hi Hayley,

Congrats on getting your dream job. I am sure you will progress well in your job with your refreshing attitude of learning and more so your sensitive and empathetic nature. Wish you the very best.

how you deal with off days?

Off days are generally days of learning for me. When I try to understand where I have gone wrong and learn from what I did wrong, I know I am progressing. Factors outside of me I try not to get overwhelmed by it and focus on applying my abilities in the best way I can.

How do you deal with negative feedback

Negative feedback can definitely be discouraging and at times I do go hard on myself when I receive it. But again I try and make it into a learning exercise as to how I can do better. I generally find it better to keep being involved but I also let go when things are beyond my control.

What’s your way of dealing with the anxiety of a ‘possible’ bad outcome in the future from something you did in the past?

Acceptance and understanding that the past cannot be undone. The future is something that I can influence more so if I utilize my energies focusing on solutions rather than on regret over what has already happened.

Thank you for your questions, Hayley. Helped me clear some muddle in my own mind too.

Specifically for your job, establishing a rapport with the patient prior to the procedure would go a long way in helping you with the procedure itself. Don’t let complaints or bad reviews get in the way of your dreams; I am certain the appreciations and positive reviews will be much more.

Take care

Hi Jennifer,

These are absolutely normal emotions. From what you have written, it can be easily made out that you have been a wonderful daughter who has been with her mom in her time of need. If I may say so, the concern that you have for her is probably one of the reasons she has been able to beat the odds and continues to do so.

You mentioned that she is currently doing very well and that is probably the reason that you have taken up this travel assignment. There is still time till your assignment starts. Take care of yourself. Be with your mom whenever you can. As the date for your assignment approaches you can reassess how the situation is and take a call at that time.

Your primary focus now seems to be your mom and the best way you can do it is by taking care of yourself first. There is no selfishness to that.

Take care

Hi Amelia,

So nice to read what you have posted. There is so much of practical wisdom there. Hope Sarawyn is able to read and make good use of what you have written.

Some ideas that I use:

• Deep breathing
• Reminding myself how important my peace is to me
• Assess the importance of the person to me – if the person is not important for me I would remind myself not to waste my time and emotions on the person
• Overcome my inferiority by focusing on my strengths
• Visualize the turbulence that anger causes as waves in a storm and visualize the still waters underneath the waves to restore the feeling of calm

Hope this helps

Regards

Hi Robert,

Let me begin by noting the positive side of you. Anyone who wants to be happy is inherently heading in the right direction. You do want your relationship with your wife and family to work. Maybe the ways in which you are trying is probably not working.

Your true feelings should never be hidden because that is just never possible to act discordant from it. if you have someone to talk to about the way you truly feel take their help. Preferably this should be someone who will not judge you and who really cares about you. even if someone like that is not there, journalling your thoughts will help you find the direction.

Trying to get something that was in the past is sometimes futile rather focusing on whatever small thing is working for you now should be the way forward. Do things that make you feel good about yourself and keep building on it.

Take care

Everyone has their shades of black and white. That is the beauty of being human. The question is do you want to remain in the black or do you want to take steps towards the white. The purpose of living I believe is to do that – to discover the beauty in us. Essentially we are all wonderful. Think of how you feel when you see a newborn. That is us – many years back. It is the vicissitudes of life and its circumstances that makes us stand where we are today.

Sorry to digress, Lily but I felt this background was essential. Love yourself one baby step a time. focus on the good in you and develop on it. In the process remember that the people you love are also just like you. Take the journey together. Forgive yourself for any faults that you perceive in yourself.