Hi Me, Myself and I,

I think Mark above has a point there.

You have been journaling and looking up solutions on your own….and you have ‘done it for years’. So it helps your peace of mind to do these things, but it’s not solving the root causes and issues for you. If you have done this for years and still have the same issues, then it’s not working that well.

I agree that you need outside help from a quality psychotherapist, as Anita suggested. Perhaps you could give it a try? After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained?

with best wishes,

Jay.

Dear Princess123

He throws you away, then wants you back, he calls you names, you are forever arguing… he blackmails you, and manipulates you.

You don’t need someone like that in your life.

now while writing this my bf video called me 5 time 2 misscals .because i m nt replying him and told him i m just sleeping.he is texting me if  i am okey? or dont hurt ur self ,i am getting tense .

i dont get this man seriously what he wants?

Like others have said, block him from your phone. Refuse to play his games anymore, because that’s what they are, psychological games. Drama games. He is manipulating you. Asking you if you are ok, asking you not to hurt yourself… all this is meant to remind you that you are the one with the problems. Either that or he wants to know that you are falling apart without him… it gives him control and satisfaction if you do.

What does he want? To treat you any way he wants. Disrespecting, blackmailing,  arguing over every little thing, turning things around to make it look like you are the one who is at fault….

Ask yourself – do you really want someone like this in your life?

Next time he calls, no excuses. Just simply say, ‘it’s over between us. Please do not call me again.’ And cut all contact.

Let your friends and relations know they might receive some calls/texts from him and that he is seeking revenge because you are trying to get him out of your life. They will understand.

Life is too short to let this person make you unhappy over and over again.

With best wishes,

Jay

I listen to all the advice about finding “me time”, a hobby, seeking counseling – all of which I KNOW is sound advice, but I can’t make the magic click happen….it just won’t. I want my daughter’s relationship fixed and “my idea” of that perfect life restored (I know that sounds awful, selfish and unrealistic….but I’m just being honest here).

I’m writing to see if anyone can offer something else for me to hear…who knows what the magic word will be to make me happy again.

Dear Joan,

I know it’s very hard. The advice above is all very good. But you find yourself not able to take that advice, because you are so focused (‘fixated ‘ is the therm you use) on fixing things for the other people in your life. Perhaps the story of my experience with this kind of situation might help.

You hate to see your children suffering.

I went through a similar situation some years ago with my son and his girlfriend. Although I wanted the same as you, (that things would return to normal, I guess) I realised it wasn’t something that I could fix, as it wasn’t about me. I had to accept that. I gave my son support through all the emotional upheaval, I was there for him. I let him spill out all the thoughts and the hurt that the breakup had caused. I listened. I resisted the urge to try and fix it for him. That’s all I could do.

My son and his partner were having lots of arguments and fighting all the time. It sounds like a similar situation with your daughter. Ask yourself, do you really want her to continue with a relationship where they are fighting all the time?

When our children are little, we fix all sorts of things for them. We bandage cut knees, we feed them when they are hungry, we cuddle them when they are upset.  It is part of a nurturing parent’s role. And although our children grow up, we still see them as little children we can fix.

When they grow up, they have their own opinions, thoughts, wants and needs. You help when you can, you listen, you can be upset for them… but you can’t fix things for them that they need to fix for themselves.

When it’s your daughter or your son, you can’t help but to be biased. What you want isn’t relevant here. It’s what your daughter wants, and what her SO want that’s important. You only need to support her decision and be there for her, whatever she decides to do.

That’s really all you can do. You can’t really fix someone else’s relationship. It’s up to the people involved to fix it for themselves – even if that involves coming to a decision that it can’t be fixed. All you can do is be there for them.

I wonder if the magic word(s) you seek are to give yourself permission to ‘Let Go’.

I hope that you resolve this for both yourself and your family.

Best wishes, Jay.