Hi Lealea,

Guys don’t think too deeply about these things. For women though, everything is fraught with meaning.

As long as he doesn’t forget where he put the ring, that’s all that matters. If you move the picture and letter to another location it would be admittedly interesting to see if he ever notices or what his reaction would be.

There is a box of moldy pictures and letters from my husband’s ex’s in our basement. Mine are covered in bat dung in the attic. That’s how we solved that one.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by Inky.

Hi Crawford,

People do what they are going to do anyway. Just because you help them and give them the wisdom of the universe doesn’t mean that they’ll internalize it. Maybe years later if you say something profound they will truly appreciate it because they will have been there themselves. And if they regurgitate something that comes from you, others will soon realize that their wisdom only goes so far.

Best,

Inky

Hi Hennessy,

In our twenties (I’m assuming that’s your ages) everyone is young and beautiful. You yourself are probably more beautiful than you give yourself credit for.

The thing with modelling is that it only lasts for a few years. Most people peak. And I’ve known plenty of gorgeous boys develop into average looking men overnight. His cheekbones won’t be as high, he’ll grow a brow ridge with lines on his face, the dad bod will happen…

There is a danger down the line that people won’t flock around him like they did back in the day. THAT’S when he’ll be more likely to stray.

For right now, clearly he chose you for a REASON, and I would enjoy it.

Best,

Inky

Hi Anette,

If you come back to this thread..

He has a drinking problem. He is a functioning alcoholic. He’d rather get blackout drunk than drink in moderation when you’re around. Throwing up is more important to him than your comfort. Read that again.

There is one way to get him to stop drinking. He has to go through a series of  “little hurts” before he finally becomes well. People will stop inviting him to weddings. He won’t seem to hold onto relationships long term. His friends will be “busy”. If he does get invited anywhere it will be to church pot lucks or the movies.

I double dog dare you to dump him to save him. If you really loved him, you would do anything to save his life. I’m not being dramatic. Frat boys get sick and black out drunk. Once. Maybe twice. Not full grown men. Full grown men will have a whisky and drive their ladies home because they can handle their alcohol, not the other way around.

Give him a little hurt,

Inky

P.S. My husband had to give an old girlfriend that little hurt. She is still single, but hopefully doing WELL.

• This reply was modified 5 years ago by Inky.

Hi Mackenzie,

Your dog is literally on his last legs.

Since your parents get defensive, just quietly do what needs to be doing. When they are asleep put the dog in the kitchen. Crank that thermostat up to a blistering 68 degrees. Your mom will yell about the kitchen. Your dad will yell about the money flying out the window.

The next night get a dog bed for the computer room but re-crank that thermostat back up. Maybe just to a tropical 67.

Just do things for the dog without saying a word and leave your parents out of it.

Then guess what you’ll be back in school. Around Junior year expect to get a tearful phone call about your dog and how wonderful you were to him.

Keep in mind that next year’s wonderful is today’s annoying.

Best,

Inky

Hi Kaylon,

I would take the mother at face value. I think it really was the bathroom. If it wasn’t, you don’t need that kind of older friend.

My daughter has Celiac. We know how hard it is. However, she would take on the responsibility of finding a restaurant onto herself. And she would eat beforehand or have gluten free food in the car and purse (as I taught her).

Friendships get harder the farther distance away they are. There is all this pressure to get together when you’re in the area and have it go perfectly perfect. Let this one go.

Best,

Inky

Hi K,

Life is not The Hallmark Channel. Which is why so many people love The Hallmark Channel. Life is maybe 1% Hallmark. We have to Act As If, though. It’s funny, all their movies are so formulaic, and yet multitudes of my friends have confessed to me that they love it.

Love IS out there. It is like a unicorn. When you experience it, you’re never quite sure what you saw.

Lessons from Hallmark:

Dress festive!

Become obsessed with your work only to…

Begrudgingly come home to take care of a sick aunt or save the Christmas pageant.

Give the nice guy, the guy from long ago, and the guy with kids a chance.

My point? When you are busy with work AND play (ice skating, caroling, sledding, saying yes to invitations) love will stumble upon you.

It happened to me,

Inky

• This reply was modified 5 years ago by Inky.

Hi Bun,

Welcome to Yoga! *side serving of sarcasm*

Well who generally takes up yoga as a career? White, thin, vegan women who assume they are spiritual.

I’ve been in yoga classes where the women were crazily competitive (I live in a SUBURB not NYC *eyeroll*) and one where a teacher tried to call me out in front of the class, essentially saying I didn’t belong there. I was all, “I have children in pre-school. This is the only time I have for exercise before I pick them up. Would you rather I didn’t move my body at all? So I will keep going to this EASY Intermediate class.” (Inky does headstand and crow pose to gasps, claps and verbal thumbs up.)

Think of this as training for when you TEACH these types of women. They will be all “What does this brown (assumed) lesbian woman know that we don’t?” It will be like my experience in reverse. They will be HUGELY threatened by you. Again, this is training. It’s not just the yoga poses, you know.

Groups: Forget, just forget about alone time. It’s not going to happen. Learn to meld with the energy of the group. Pay attention ONLY to the three girls you get along with. The others just Don’t Exist, OK?

Good Luck!

Inky