Hi Ray,

May I just add that it is SO common for Millennials to live with their parents! Don’t beat yourself up for it. In my day people would joke of the thirty year old guy still living with his parents. Now it’s not funny. It’s reality.

Best,

Inky

Hi aalii,

Go to the library and online and look up “Reparenting”.

You do need to reparent yourself. That is, give yourself the love, attention, kind words, things and experiences that your own parents never gave you.

You can also do “Ancestral Healing” (another thing to look up).

As we heal ourselves, we also heal our ancestral lines so your own children don’t carry that energy. It sounds like you’re doing a beautiful job raising them, but it’s important to clear away any generational psychic debris left by your very own parents.

Best,

Inky

Hi Again,

If you delete his number he can always call you, right? Maybe write it down and throw it in a drawer just in case.

This sounds crazy, but getting a reading or doing a workshop at a metaphysical center can help “clear” any unforgiveness you have for yourself.

Also, the fact that you told him that you essentially thought he was surface-y in the friendship MIGHT have been the wake up call he needed. Even if it was on New Years.

Inky

Hi jack,

What I would do is start a study group. Or a movie group. Whatever would work best. Collect numbers in front of her. She should then give you hers, no question.

After that, ONLY text her about the study group or club get togethers. This will make her trust you. Then later this spring, text/call her about personal stuff.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Janine,

Is it possible you are on the Asperger’s Spectrum? My nephew and his wife are, and it’s a nightmare, especially for girls, to navigate socially.

I totally understand your anger. The ONE time you dared to say “Hi” this guy was rude to you. The ONE time you dared to stand up for yourself the same guy thought you were “hilarious” that you thought anyone “owed” you basic politeness. Please take it to heart that: YOU WON. The fact that HE got defensive and blocked you means that you HIT A NERVE. That yes, EVEN HE, Mr. Popularity, isn’t that cool! It doesn’t matter that anyone else thinks you shouldn’t have said it in that time, the way you did, YOU honestly thought you were fine. Your vote counts and you used your voice. You stood up. Right or wrong, for that I, Inky, for what it’s worth, am proud of you! Don’t be fooled: He did NOT get away with it!!!! Post THAT on FaceBook!

In fact, the next time you see him if he hasn’t graduated, say, in passing, “You’re not that cool.” And YOU keep walking!!!

Now, as for all the other social stuff: Look at other girls. What are they wearing? How are their hair/makeup? How are they talking? What are they talking about? What are their micro-movements? What are they doing with their hands? Copy the most normal girl and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by Inky.

Hi happyme1,

Weddings are notoriously charged events. That is what Ushers are for. In a good ceremony the Ushers will show people to their seats and be the buffer in certain situations. One Usher can be in charge of “handling” the stepmother. He goes over, tells her she looks great, introduces her to new people, leads her away from noxious relatives, etc.

During my wedding ceremony, there was plenty of drama, but none came from me. If my father left in a huff with my stepmother I honestly wouldn’t have noticed or have had time to care. A bride spends all her energy greeting people at the reception or getting her dress on in the backroom of the church.

What I would do is lead her down the aisle AND/OR show up and quietly sit in the back with your wife. Have the father daughter dance at the reception. Pay the minister. Slip the groom some cash for the honeymoon. All the traditional father stuff. Then quietly leave.

Don’t get in a battle with these emotionally charged women. Say to both: “Yes, dear”.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by Inky.

Hi Sarah,

It’s normal to be “crazy” and emotional when we’re young. I see it two ways:

1. Next time, don’t act “crazy”. Keep your cool.

2. On the other hand…If he can’t handle it when you’re “crazy”, at your worst, then he’s not relationship material either.

It’s super interesting you prophesied the demise of the relationship so much that you booked a solo trip from it! Do you REALLY want to go?? You don’t have to, you know. Yes, it could be a great adventure in a new place but it could also be you alone in a strange place grieving a breakup.

My advice is not to reach out to him. Let him reach out to you. Maybe the friendship can be salvaged, and if you play it cool maybe next year you BOTH will be ready for each other. Don’t mention the relationship fiasco again to him. Make him think HE’S “crazy”.

Best,

Inky

Hi Michelle,

I would hold off on the love declarations until after Valentine’s Day and AFTER you have met his friends. I’m sorry, but the friend thing is a bit of a red flag.

You can say, “Hey, let’s have some of your friends over!” He may hem. He may haw. That is all the information you need.

Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but friendship comes before love, right? Meet his freaking friends.

Best,

Inky